FicWad

I remember my first day of high school. Freshman orentation. It sucked, but at least I found some if my old friends.

Just wish I would have realized how much drama they'd drag me into. Isis knows how much better my grades would have been if I didn't have to deal with all their bs.

But, they were and some still are my friends. I still talk to them now and then, but misty of the girls have kids (sad huh?" And the guys are all douchbags now except for like three.

But then I got a huge crush on one of my best friends in my Sophomore year. I had no idea she liked me too.

I wasn't sure what I was back then, so I went with bi. But now I realize I gravitated more to girls than guys.

That's when I started dating her. The girl who held my heart like nobody else had before her. She would kiss me in the hall and hold my hands whenever she could and I - being taller than most the people I dated - would let her lay on me during lunch our at the assembly our school forced us to go to.

She even got a tattoo for me. It was of our initials over crossed. It was an A anda L, so the bottom of the L was the base in the A.

And then, about a month together, I found out she was cheating on me. So we broke up and I tried to move on. But even now, it's hard for me to open up to people.

I made new friends when I joined my school's Anime Club. People I could connect with. Then I got further into music and got even more friends. I know for sure one of them is on here.

But I haven't talked to her in a while. And then I started to feel really bad all the time. I just now realize that it was depression.

I guess it doesn't matter now. Sometimes I get really deep still, but my girlfriend helps me back out. So it's not really important.

So when I started Junior year, things got crazy. The summer before, I'd met my perfect someone. Instantly fell in love with her.

But at that point, she was straight. And I didn't think I had a chance with her. So, I tried to replace her with a bunch of other people.

And none of them lasted. I broke up with everyone after about a week or two. I know I hurt a lot of people.

I would hang out with my new cosplayer friends whenever I could, because she was one of them. I just wanted to be close to her.

And after one girl's night at one of our friends, I asked her if she wanted to stay the night at my house.

We went on like that for a few months before I finally told her I was in love with her over facebook. Sure stayed the night a few more times after that, and I finally got the nerve to kiss her. I remember it like it was yesterday.

We were playing truth or dare in the dark. That was back even I had my smiley pierced. If you don't know what a smiley is, google 'smiley piercing' and chick on images.

But our first kiss went like this. She asked me the question 'Why do you like piercings so much?'

I told her that people with piercings are funner. And when she took truth, I asked her if she' d ever kissed someone with a piecing before.

She said no. Then she asked me why I asked that and I told her I was just curious. Then she took dare.

I dared het to kiss someone with a piercing. She said 'But I don't know someone with a piercing.' So I took her hand and put her finger on my lip over where it was bumped from my smiley.

And that's all you get about that. But anyway, that was last April.

And now I'm a Senoir in my last semester of high school. I'm not behind, but I'm not top of my class either.

I joined three more clubs on top of anime, then I had to quit one. Not to mention I'm in concert choir and in two cosplay groups, and the leader of one.

So I basically but off more than I could chew. But I deal with it the best I can. And, if you don't know of the group my friends and I started, check us out on fb and youtube at ThrowingStonesProductions. We haven't really done much as far as that goes, but when it's just me writing the scripts and coming up with ideas, it's a little harder than you'd think.

So, all that stress aside, I tend to be busy every weekend. Spring Break starts in a week from tomorrow and all my plans are for filming, editing, and hopefully spending time with my girlfriend and maybe a few friends in the process of filming.

Even if I plan to do something, I almkst always end up on youtube trying to find songs that speak to me for CMV ideas (Cosplay Music Video).

I mean yeah, I love what I do, but sometimes it's just.....too much. And, as for me and my girlfriend, we just got over a break (I think...?) and I love her even more than I ever thought I could after the girl who cheated on me.

And I just can't stop loving her. She's too good for me, but I'm too selfish to let her go. She thinks that whole idea is reversed.

So does that mean we're perfect for each other in that sense that neither of us wants to let go? I hope it does.

I don't know what I'd do without her. Like I said, selfish.

But I love her. And she loves me. But I don't want her to have to deal with all the hate that brings. I've had a cup thrown at me and an exgirlfriend by a total stranger who was just driving by us.

I really don't want to be the one who keeps her in all of that drama. And she has the chance at a normal life with some guy, but she still stays with me.

I don't know why. But I'm happy for it. Does that make me a bad person?

I should be figuring myself out by now. But the older I get, the less I really know about myself.







-Lala