FicWad

Everyone knows of Gerard's drug taking habit. Less people know the impact that the habit led to the breakdown of one of his relationships. What even fewer people know about is Frank Iero's habit. The exact same habit in which he saw his best friend suffer through, the exact same habit that caused his best friend to become suicidal, that habit is one that a selected few had managed to perfect the techniques and excuses to hide Frank's life destructing habit. It was that habit, them excuses that got him to this moment of his life. It was because of that habit that got me to this point in my life. I should explain who exactly your hearing this tale from, whose side of the story this is. I'm Nina, Frank's childhood sweetheart, or so I thought. Those few people who knew of our situation have constantly asked me why I haven't left him after all I deserved more than what it was he gave me. What none of those people knew was that deep down the man I fell in love with is still in that cave of a chest, the shell of the man from my school years.

"I want love!" I screamed in his face, my suitcases in my firm grasp, "I need to feel loved Frank! Not scared and hurt!" I continued, we had never fought to the point where I'd actually packed my bags. "You don't even know what you want!" I searched his face for any hint of regret, but there was nothing; no emotions just the same blank stare. I shook my head before turning towards the door. Turning my back on the man I'd loved for 13 years. We had met during school, we were both 13 and we had stuck it out only breaking up for one year when I had left for law school. I had never stopped loving him, though he quickly replaced me and from what I had been told from the likes of Gerard, he break up was brutal on him, undoubtedly a contributing factor toward his habit.
"I want love." He whispered, causing me to stop with a glimmer of hope, "but it's impossible." I heard him sing softly. I've always loved his singing voice, it was soft and soothing, always a comfort in a difficult time. When I lost my dad, he would sing to me whilst I cried and cried in his chest. Back when Frank was Frank. He continued to sing the Elton John song, knowing it was one of my favourites, never once taking his eyes away from my face. "That song is perfect for how I feel." He spoke quietly once he had finished the song.
"But it's no longer perfect for me. I've lived that song now for 6 years, after that long it gets boring and monotonous. That kind of sums us up though." I looked at him, tears openly welling now. "Goodbye Frank." I picked up my cases before setting off towards the waiting car that was parked at the end of our garden, never once turning back.
"Where to Nina?" Our best friend, Gerard, asked softly.
"Anywhere away from here." I whispered as I looked back at what used to be my front door.

I don't know when I fell asleep in Gerard's spare room, but that's where I awoke.
"Hey I didn't drive her away remember that." I heard the owner's raised voice coming from downstairs.
"Yeah well you’re supposed to be my best friend but it seems you're willing to drop that at the drop of a hat." I quickly recognised Frank's voice. "Why's that hey? Something going on between you both?"
"You're being a real jerk Frank. I'm married with a child, remember?" Gerard warned him calmly, "Nina needs someone to turn to when you are like this. She knows me and Lindsey will always be here for her."
"Whatever. Just let me see her." Frank spoke again.
"No." Gerard's tone taking a change from calm to firm.
"Don't be an ass Gee. She's my girlfriend." I decided I'd heard enough. I walked downstairs slowly, prepping myself for the gushing bullshit that would have once fooled me into believing.
"Go home Frank." He looked up at me slowly as I reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Babe," He looked at me with a soft expression covering his face., "I'm so -" He started.
"Sorry? Stupid? Ridiculous? Regretful?" I throw the words at him, like they burnt. "What's next? I love you so much? I'm going to change? Come home?" I shook my head. "But you don't love me, you don't change, you just hurt me." I spoke crying again. "If losing me is what will make you see what you're doing to yourself and everyone who cares about you. Then so be it." I told him never moving from my spot on the stairs.
"Please don't do this. I can't lose you." He whispered, his own tears flowing fiercely.
"It's too late for that Frank, you already have." I looked him dead in the eye, before turning to walk back up the stairs as Gerard got the younger man to go home.

I sat back and remembered all we had been through together whilst he continued to drink and do drugs. I allowed myself to remember when I first found out he had tried drugs, something I never let myself do, the memory being to painful.

At first it was a social activity for him, for me I hated every moment of it. It was coming up to the end of the My Chemical Romance world tour; the now older band had seen many countries that beforehand they could only have imagined. Along with making a substantial dedicated fan base they also had made many friends in the industry. We had been invited to one of those "friends" parties when some guy offered Frank his first packet of powder. Of course I knew Frank had smoked pott, he came home stinking of the god forsaken stuff. The effect of that was he would come home laugh to himself then flake out on the sofa, his body slowly becoming immune to the drug and when he wasn't getting the 'buzz' he paid for he finally stopped. After seeing how bad Gerard was his decision to quit seemed to have been reinforced.
"Babe what's that?" I asked when we were at home, the packet falling out of his jeans pocket as we got ready for bed.
"Oh it's nothing interesting, just something one of the guys gave me." He answered nonchalantly before slipping into bed next to me.
"You're not going to take it are you?" I rolled over to face him quickly, inside I was panicking.
"No I don't think." He said, again in a carefree manner that at the moment I didn't care for.
"You don't think? Frank I cannot go through this again. Can you not remember how it nearly broke us up last time? How it made me feel when I was terrified you would overdose or something? Can you not remember how you felt when Gerard was on the stuff?" I threw everything at him.
"Babe I know calm down, I'm not going to end up like last time. If I do use it, it would only be to try it anyway." He tried to enclose me in his arms.
"Are you being serious right now?" I exploded, "you'll only be doing it to 'try it'. Do you not realise that that's what you did last time? And look at how that ended." I had sat up by now.
“Frank you take that and I'll walk out from this house, from you, from us." I stared hard at him.
"Ok I'm sorry." He whispered pulling me into his embrace, "I'll get rid of it in the morning." He whispered in my hair as I gripped onto his arms. Little did I know that his idea of ridding the contents of the small bag was to take it.

I can still recall walking out of the house that morning to go Christmas present shopping, him kissing me and telling me he loved me like he did every morning. I had little thought towards the powdered substance, after all I trusted him. When I walked in later that night I noticed the darkness of the house, the faintest of light seeping through from the garage. When we first moved into the house we decided that would be his space for when he got creative ideas and decided to thrash it out on his guitar. The general unspoken rule was that I wouldn't go in there and he wouldn't go into my study. After ten or fifteen minutes I'd still heard no noise coming from his space and tea was about to be cooked so I decided to poke my head around the door. He usually fell asleep after working intensely in order to get his idea to his high standard of perfection.
"Hey you, I'm back. Tea is going to be ready soon yeah? Do you want me to leave it in the oven until you're finished?" I noticed him hunched over an old amp he had from one of their first tours. As I neared him, thinking he was asleep, I noticed his shoulders moving up and down slightly. It was at that point I saw white powered lines and the discarded plastic packet next to the trash. "What the hell?" I screamed next to him as he looked up at me with a dazed expression.
"Oh hey babe this is good shit you should try." He smiled lazily at me as he tried to stand, holding on to whatever he could to support him. I quickly dodged the kiss causing him to stumble. "Babe?" He asked clearly confused.
"Don't babe me! You promised me!" I moved away as I screamed at him, fury taking over, unwanted tears threatening to spill. "You told me you would get rid of it Frank!" Those tears now falling freely.
"And I did didn’t I?" He smiled and pointed to the amp, "see." He smiled proudly as I shook my head walking to the door.
"Don't bother coming in the house tonight, you want to do things like that you can stay in here." I spoke slamming the door closed before storming out of the house to the only person I knew could help.

The next day, he tried desperately to apologies but instead of listening I simply gathered my work files, laptop and car keys before walking out without so much as a 'bye' in his direction. When I got home he cooked me my favourite meal, his mum's macaroni cheese, I simply went straight upstairs getting changed and into bed leaving him sat there alone. Simply not ready to face him just yet.