FicWad

The breaks screeched and the car came to an abrupt stop just as I recognized the first familiar street signs that indicated we were back in Newark.

A surprised silence filled the tiny space and for the first time in several minutes I had the chance to properly swallow and clear my throat, which by now was starting to get a little sore. Gerard and I had been screaming at each other for the better part of the ride for no particular reason, but I'll stand my ground on the fact that he started it. I don't recall what it was exactly that he said but it had worked magic on my nerves.

I think it had something to do with him having to spend the night at his Mom's once again cause apparently I was a bad housekeeper. And that I should be glad I get to earn my keep by doing his laundry because he was pretty sure Mikey paid the greater deal of the rent, and I hadn't been even able to cover half of what I was supposed to be paying.

He had had a point, but I couldn't see how he fit in the picture and what his dirty boxers that I wasn't touching even to save my life had to do with any of it. Yeah, something like that, and then shit just got carried away.

Ray stopping the car had interrupted us yelling unholy things at each other, and I'd been just about scream out the big G word for the world to hear.

"Right. That's it. You two - out!" Raymond breathed out calmly but sternly. Neither of us moved. A moment passed filled with confused silence, you could almost hear us blink as we stared at each other not quite understanding Ray's command no matter how simple it was.

"I mean it. I can't stand another second of this, it's like there's a day off on mental ward and I've been called to babysit." He shook his head, making his frizzy hair bounce. I stiffled a giggle.
We both stayed put. A silent protest, I thought.

"Look, it's only three blocks to go, so.." He smiled at Gerard kind of apologetically which gave me the feeling I was the problem here, but after closer inspection I came to the conclusion that we were being forced to make this man a giant favor. The way he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and kept glancing at Grace through the mirror, I was pretty sure this guy just wanted Grace alone. I looked at her and thought I saw a tiny nod.

I was still staring at Ray's hair wondering if they were seriously going to make me fucking walk when Gerard hopped out of the car and slammed the door with more strenght than I ever thought he was capable of. An awkward silence claimed us, and that's when I thought it best I followed him. I grabbed my bag and stepped out, also slamming the door as hard as I could but came nowhere near to leaving the entire car trembling like Gerard had. This pissed me off greatly.

The engine revved and the car rolled away, speeding toward Kinney. I stood there lost in thought, wondering whether I really did see Grace nod at the idea of us leaving or if I'd just left a friend in the backseat of a car, being driven around by a stranger with a boner. I thought about this for a moment, almost gettigng second thoughts, but decided finally that Grace could take care of herself and if she'd wanted, she'd followed our example and exited the car herself.

When I finally snapped out of my thoughts and turned to look at where we were stranded, I saw Gerard walking away from me, increasing his pace on every step.

"Hey!" I yelled "Wait up!"

I ran to catch up on him, congratulating myself for being smart for wearing my combat boots as always instead of some unpractical, ankle-braking high heels.
I grabbed his arm, irritated by the way he refused to stop and wait or acknowledge my presens in any way.

"Geez, ow, I got a rock in my shoe.. Ow, wait.." I whined and bounced forward using my left foot only.
Finally, he stopped.
"I don't really have a rock in my shoe, though," I confessed. "But thanks for stopping"

"I really don't wanna miss the gig now, Em, so hurry the fuck up or stay behind. You already got us kicked out of the car so you might as well try and co-operate at this point"

"You got us kicked out of the car" I muttered. I saw his mouth twitch a little, but I couldn't tell if it was a sign of a smile being smothered or was it another sign of tremendous anger, kind of like the way his jaw was set in a way that made him look a lot older due to his facial muscles being tighter than what fit his features.
His eyes narrowed just a bit, so I pulled out a sickly sweet smile though not succeeding in my attempt to help the smile I thought I saw on his lips resurface. No, the dude was all about anger now.

"Let's just walk" He finally sighed and -oh dear lord- placed his hand in the small of my back, pushing and leading me forward.

I did as he told, unable to protest for the moment. And again, I really did want to be on time, too. My thoughts were just fast to get redirected, and half of the time I didn't even remember where I was going and why was I in such a hurry. My good friend whiskey had a way of doing that to me.

Our feet tapping on the pavement were the only sound in the deserted street. Suddenly the feeling I'd had around Gerard since that one specific night, the unsureness and possibly one-sided awkwardness returned. I was painfully aware of his hand touching my back, even though it wasn't a gentle kind of touch but a rather a constant violent nature shoving against my leather jacket. But then, that was the kind of touch I wanted from it.
That was the kind of touch I'd already gotten a taste of..

After a moment of wordless walking, a light bulp lighted up in my head and the idea that I had started to make me even more nervous. I was alone with Gerard. On neutral ground. Trapped in each other's company for the moment. Had I not wanted to confront Gerard about the whole him being gay thing? Had it not bothered me that he didn't know that I knew? Had it not driven me crazy not knowing if it really was true or not, I mean yes the whole school knew him as the crossdresser homo dude but his peculiarly normal and seemingly heterosexual relatonship with Kat made me doubt.

But just how the fuck was I supposed to start a conversation like that? Uhm, so did Kat know you were gay when you started dating or was that why you two broke up? -Even I, the queen of tactlessness, knew better than that.

Then, out of nowhere, my drunken mind came up with a gameplan.
I cleared my throat twice before getting the words out.

"Is it ok if I try this one thing?" I asked innocently, pausing just at the opening of an alleyway.

He eyed at my suspiciously. "Like what?"

"I just wanna try something"

Likely exepecting something possibly entertaining like me trying to make a backwards flip and landing on my face, he placed himself back against the wall and waited.
"Like how many customers you'll get if you open your shirt an inch more? Hun, don't have your hopes up"
I chuckled impatiently even though I really didn't find his hint funny. It's strange how you can chuckle away the most unfunniest things when you're nervous.

He stared at me with quiz in his eyes and and I was only halfway done building up the guts to act on what I had in mind. This was going to be the most idiotic thing I've ever done, I thought, and with that I took a step closer, leaned in and surprised him with a light kiss, our lips barely touching.

I leaned back an inch, feeling his cold breath on my moist lips and waiting for a response. It never came. I decided my experiement had been too careful, and closed the gap between us again, this time tugging on his lips hungrily, trying my best to snap him out of that ridig, unresponsive state.

He wasn't kissing me back, but the sad realization only made me try that much harder, pushing his body with mine, molding into his figure, forcing my thirsty lips on his. He never pushed me back, never pulled away, but left a hollow feeling inside my stomach like I'd just given away something I could never have back, something unreplaceable.

The rejection felt like a slap against my cheek and bitter tears of pure anger trickled in the corners of my eyes. I retreated, my lips swollen and burning from want, my breath ragged, cheeks flushed and my mind a turmoil of anticipation and regret.

"Are you done?" He asked slowly after gazing into my desperately defiant eyes for what felt like an eternity packed into five seconds.

"So it's true then, huh?" I mocked, vulnerability in disguise. "You are gay"

I waited for the shock I'd been prepared for, but Gerard kept me waiting.
When he finally opened his mouth, the words dripped venom and I was taken back by the cold disdain of his tone, as if I hadn't already gotten used to the spiteful attitude that wallowed between us.

"Just because I don't enjoy having your slutty mouth all over my face doesn't mean I'm gay"
He spoke from the corner of his strained mouth and his lips twitched as they formed the words.

"So you aren't?" I coughed. I needed a confirmation.

He switched his weight from one foot to another and avoided my blank stare. I had a feeling he was the vulnerable one now. It would seem he was perfectly capable of shrugging my comment off by some various insult but was unable to downright lie, to answer a straight question untruthfully.

My lips trembled and my palms were starting to sweat. I didn't know why this had such a great impact on me, and quite frankly, I prefered not knowing.

"I don't know" He finally sighed.

The words that ended the suspension were ridiuclous enough to make me want to laugh out loud, what did he mean he didn't know? He either was or wasn't, right?
A chuckle escaped my pursed lips and that, at last, was enough to trigger what I'd been holding out for.

In a matter or seconds, his hands were tightly gripping my arms, pushing me away and pulling back. I felt like a ragdoll on crack, the forceful movement was more than enough to make my head spin added to the fact that I was still feeling high as hell and drunk as fuck. He turned over to press me against the wall. I lost my breath somewhere in the process and had propblems keeping up with the present.

I almost fainted as I realized his mouth was now on mine, rough and greedy, filled with emotions many of which didn't feel like positive ones. The lust felt like a gun against my head, a throbbing and burning, aching desire of finally getting what I'd wanted for so long now, finally seeing and feeling the Gerard I'd been deprived from, the one who visited my dreams in the night, whispering the same line into my ear over and over again - you feel it?

And heaven help me I did feel it. Soon enough I felt something hard rub against my thigh, something that indicated I wasn't alone in this. I grinned devilishly while Gerard's mouth moved to suck on my neck, leaving hot, wet trails on my skin wherever he touched it. His tongue twirled and his sharp teeth teased with quick, angry bites. I was so ready.

He pressed his body against mine even further, until I found it hard to inhale, and then he simply froze, the kisses he'd left on my skin hung in the air.

"Is this what you want?" He barked and shoved me against the wall with all the power in his upper body and an involuntary squeak escaped my lips as the pressure grew unstandable. Oh yes..
He grabbed my face violently and his fierce eyes met mine. I couldn't help the smug smile that spread across my face and I could only imagine how satisfied I looked. There. Got ya.
He let go of my face and much to my disappointment, pulled away until he almost fell off the curb.

"Let's just go" He shook his head and started towards the club again.

For the first time since that first kiss, I properly exhaled, caught my breath and stood there collecting myself for a while. I don't know what I'd gained from all this exactly, I didn't have a better idea of his sexual preferences than I did an hour ago, we definitely didn't seem to be on better terms after this, but somehow...
I felt like a goddamned winner.







Sorry, it's kind of short, but I promise to update real soon again and maybe this time they'll actually make it to the gig already, ehem...