FicWad

As the men walked into the living room Ayasha closed the door while taking a deep breath. It was meant to calm but her mind was still racing. How would she answer the questions he would ask?

“Nice place.” Gerard said politely.

Ayasha turned, “Please, sit.” Since the break-in she’d only been able to purchase a few pieces at a thrift store to replace her furniture that had been destroyed. She forced herself to smile, “I’m in the process of remodeling.” She lied seeing no reason to explain why her home looked so sparse.

Without thinking Gerard spoke, “I’m really sorry about the break-in.”

Her smile immediately faded, “You know about that?”

He wondered why that seemed to bother her. “Uh, yeah. Tom told us.”

Ayasha was shocked by the fact Tom obviously had shared so much information with them, not only where she lived but what had happened to her home. She sat down across from the men. “I believe you were going to explain how you found me.”

Mikey waited a beat but when Gerard didn’t answer he took over. “Well like I said, I tried to call you first.”

Ayasha nodded.

“I wanted to thank you again for what you did for Gee.”

Ayasha was trying to keep her attention on Mikey. It was too painful to look at Gerard.

Gerard however was staring at Ayasha. Her long hair dark hair was lose but by the waves he could tell it had been recently released from braids. She wore jeans and a plain red tee shirt, on her ears were turquoise drop earrings. At first glance she was a beautiful woman but there was something in her eyes, her blue eyes, that caught his attention and wouldn’t let go. He just couldn’t figure out why.

“So we tired to Google your name.” Mikey went on with is explanation. He smiled, “But we finally figured out we were spelling it wrong.”

Silently Ayasha was berating herself. She should have used a fake name when she’d met with Mikey. Had she done that this wouldn’t be happening now.

“But then Alicia remembered something from the restaurant.”

Ayasha was trying to ignore the fact that Gerard was staring at her. She could feel his gaze. “Remembered something?”

“Yeah.” Mikey nodded, “She remembered seeing your key ring.”

“Oh” Ayasha said softly. “The rental car.”

“Right. And since she has a friend who works for the car rental agency at the airport she recognized the logo. So she called her friend and found out that Tom had rented the car for you. Once she did that we just Googled his name and Colorado Springs. That’s how we found the web site for the antique store in Old Colorado City.”

“That’s when they showed me a picture of you.” Gerard said suddenly wondering why it seemed the woman wouldn’t even look at him.

Nervously Ayasha clasped her hands in her lap. “I see. You could have just called the shop to talk to me.” She said trying to steady her voice while ignoring Gerard’s comment because she knew his words threatened to unravel their lie. Obviously he had realized when he saw her photo that they’d never met as she’d outlined in her story.

Gerard spoke hoping she’d finally turn her attention to him. “No, a phone call wouldn’t have been right.” Finally she turned her gaze to him and he smiled, “I knew once Mikey told me what happened the day I awoke from the coma that I needed to talk to you in person.”

Sitting here, realizing he had no memory of the love they shared was one of the hardest things Ayasha had ever done.

Again Gerard found himself wondering why she looked so upset. “See, the thing is…” He sighed, “I don’t have any memory of meeting with you.”

She nodded slowly trying to give herself time to think. “I see.”

Gerard sighed again. “And that really bothers me.”

Ayasha tried to play her part. “Do you doubt we met?”

“Oh no, that’s not it. Mikey told me some of what you talked about when you met with him. The stuff about the Pine Barrens and the Devil Raven, well that’s stuff I realize you would only have known about if I told you.”

She just wanted this to be over. “Correct. You did tell me those things.”

“I’m sure I did. What bothers me though is I don’t remember our meetings. I hate to think that I lost part of my memory because of the coma.”

Inside her head Ayasha’s mind was crying out…you have no idea how many memories you lost because of the coma.

Gerard went on. “So I was sorta hoping that you would tell me about our meetings and something might jog my memory.”

Now the fear she felt was increasing. Slowly she spoke trying to form a believable lie. “I was in LA staying with friends. The first time we spoke it was brief. You simply wanted me to explain some of the Cherokee beliefs.”

“How did I find you?” He asked “And where we’re you staying?”

Oh God, she cried inwardly. Help me with this please. “I was staying in the hills outside LA.” She prayed that sounded right having no real idea about the location. “And I’m sorry but I’m not sure how you found me. I think at the time you mentioned a friend of yours was acquainted with one of my friends.” Before he could give that explanation too much thought she continued, “You seemed in a hurry. I explained a few of our beliefs and that was all.”

Gerard wondered if Mikey was picking up on the fact Ayasha seemed so anxious. He glanced over but saw he brother looked almost bored.

At this point Gerard was afraid she’d ask them to leave so he went on quickly. “And the second time we met?”

Ayasha remembered the story she’d told Mikey. “The second time you appeared you…you were not yourself.”

“I was fucked up” Gerard said sadly. “I’m really sorry about that.”

Ayasha’s heart went out to him. “Yes, you’d been drinking but when we spoke I was glad you had come. You were searching for answers.”

“And that was when I told you about the talisman?”

“Yes”

“Please” He begged, “I really need to hear this. Tell me what we talked about.”

There was no way she could deny him. “First you told me about the recurring memory you had about the camping trips from your youth. You told me how you’d made up a story about a Devil Raven to scare your little brother.”

Gerard nodded, “Right, but you believed it meant more. Something about a Raven Mocker?”

“Your soul was sick, Gerard. I could see that in your eyes, hear it in your voice. You knew that too. I told you about our legend of the Raven Mocker and it seemed to somehow touch you. Then you spoke of a gift you’d received years earlier. When you did I realized you were describing a very powerful talisman. One that had been created for you.”

He interrupted her, “How did you know that?”

She smiled sadly, “A talisman, like the one you described, are created then kept until its rightful owner is found.”

“So you’re saying the fan that gave it to me knew it was meant for me?”

She nodded.

“But how?”

It was impossible for Ayasha not to let her mind return to the day they’d first met. Her words were true, “The girl who gave it to you saw something in your eyes. Something that told her you were the rightful owner.”

He was staring deeply into Ayasha’s eyes. “Did I remember the girl?”

Her heart was breaking, “No, you told me you only remembered it was a girl. However you said that you remembered lying in your bunk that night looking at the talisman and feeling deep in your heart it was special.” She took a moment to swallow the lump of emotion in her throat. “That is why you kept it all those years.”

Gerard’s yes lit up. “I do remember that. I remember lying there and running my finger over the etching and just feeling it was special.”

“And it was. It was meant for you.”

“It brought me out of the long day of night.” Gerard whispered.

Ayasha tried to keep the emotion out of her voice. “It gave you the strength to choose your path.”

Again he found himself lost in her eyes. “My path…” Suddenly the dream he had last night filled his mind. “At the crossroads it gave me the strength to choose the light.”

Ayasha blinked, then blinked again.

Gerard saw the shock on her face. “What?”

She tried to cover her shock. “Crossroads…that’s an interesting way to describe the situation.”

He found himself wanting to tell her the truth but not truly understanding why. “Last night I dreamed about a crossroads. It was such a desolate place, it honestly scared the shit out of me.”

This time there was no way she could keep the deep emotion out of her voice. “It was at the crossroads you made your choice to return to life. You left the darkness behind.”

While her words made sense and should be comforting something seemed wrong. It was almost a feeling that he hadn’t just left darkness behind, he’d left something else. However, again fearing she might ask them to leave, he wanted to continue the conversation. “What else did we talk about?”

Ayasha forced herself back into her role. “What else? I’m sorry I don’t understand.”

“I’m just tying to remember and I figure maybe if we talked about something else it would help.”

In her heart she knew he wouldn’t remember, he’d never remember what he’d had to forget to continue on. Still, oh God, she wanted so badly for him to remember. Finally she allowed herself to repeat a memory he’d told her. “You did speak about your grandmother.”

Mikey nodded, “Yeah, the donuts.”

“The fried donuts.” Gerard smiled, “Mikey told me you said I’d mentioned them.”

“Yes” Ayasha smiled even though her heart was shattered. “You also told me about a story she would tell you both.”

“A story?”

“Yes, a story about a pancake.” She was watching Gerard closely.

Mikey suddenly sat forward in his chair. “Oh shit, the Runaway Pancake.” He looked over at his brother, “Gee, you remember.”

Gerard was smiling. “Hell yeah. Mikey and me loved that book so much so Grandma would tell us the story when we were camping. Shit, she even did the different voices.”

Ayasha was touched she had been able to give him such a good memory.

“I haven’t thought of that in years.” Mikey laughed.

“Me either.” Gerard nodded, “Damn, I need to find a copy of that book so I can read it to Bandit.” He was surprised when Ayasha suddenly stood.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Both men watched her walk down the hallway. When she returned a moment later she was carrying a small book. Handing it over to Gerard she said, “I believe this is it?”

“Holy shit.” Gerard muttered holding the book in his hand. “How…?”

Ayasha sat back down then explained, “A week ago we got a box of old children’s book at the shop. When I was going through it I found that. I realized it must be the book you’d been talking about.” There was no way she could tell him the truth, at how shocked she’d been when she’d seen it. “I thought it so strange that I’d find a copy of the book you’d told me about that I brought it home.”

Gerard was leafing through the book looking at the illustrations. “Wow”

“Please” Ayasha said softly, “Accept it as a gift. Read it to your little girl.”

“I’ll pay you for it.” He said finally looking up.

“No, it’s a gift.”

Gerard frowned, “But you’ve done so much for me. Shit, you went all the way to LA and you’re house got broken into. I can’t accept any more.”

“I went to LA because of a promise.” Ayasha said softly. “You asked me to contact your brother if anything happened and I did.”

“But still… I feel I need to repay you somehow.”

Would this pain in her heart ever lessen? “Please, just accept the book as a gift.”

“Thank you.” Gerard whispered. “For so many things.”

“Oh and I’m supposed to thank you for the bracelet you gave Alicia.” Mikey said suddenly. “She wanted me to tell you that whenever she’s worried or afraid she touches the beads and it make her feel at peace.”

Hearing this brought a smile to Ayasha’s face. “I am glad.”

While he couldn’t explain it Gerard still felt something wasn’t right. “Uh, Tom told us he saw you making the bracelet before you went to LA.”

Immediately Ayasha realized this presented a problem. “He was mistaken. I often make bracelets.”

While that explanation should have explained their questions Gerard found her words didn’t ring true. “So the bracelet he saw you making wasn’t for Alicia?”

She hated to lie but knew it was necessary. “I had never met her before, had no idea she was expecting.”

“But you knew when you were in LA without her telling you.” Mikey said also trying to make sense of things.

“Yes” Ayasha said softly. “I saw the truth in her eyes.”

“You can do that?” Mikey asked.

The lies were becoming too much. “Yes.” She nodded then stood. “I’m sorry but I was on my way out.” Please, let them leave now, her mind cried. I can’t take much more of this.

Gerard wanted to plead with her not to make them leave. There were still so many unanswered questions in his mind but he could see the determination in her face. Grabbing his cane he rose slowly as did his brother.

“I’m sorry nothing I said seemed to jar any of your memories.” Ayasha said as she walked them to the door.

Gerard’s mind was racing. “Uh, so you still don’t have a phone?”

The idea of speaking to him again was too painful. “No”

“Would it be okay if I called the store if I have any more questions?” Gerard asked.

The thought of receiving a phone call from Gerard at the store frightened her. If he called and Dawn found out there would be too many questions. Thinking quickly she formed another lie. “I won’t be working there much longer. I’ve decided to leave the area.”

He knew in his gut she was lying but why? “Oh”

“Thanks for seeing us.” Mikey said pulling open the door. He could see his brother was upset and felt it best for them to leave.

“Ayasha I didn’t say anything that upset you when we met did I?” Gerard asked, his voice full of concern.

“What?” The question caught her off guard.

“Well, I know that second time I was fucked up. I realize now how many people I hurt during that time with my words and actions. I’m just hoping I didn’t do that with you.”

“No, Gee. You didn’t.” She whispered. “You didn’t say or do anything that upset me.”

Hearing her call him Gee instead of Gerard stunned him. While people knew he was called by the nickname usually it was only those close to him that used it. Yet somehow hearing her call him Gee sounded right. Suddenly he wondered if they had been closer than she was letting on. But no, that couldn’t be right. During that time in his life he was having trouble letting even his family get close to him. And Ayasha certainly didn’t seem like the kind of woman who would have wanted to have anything to do with a man who was fucked up on drugs and alcohol.

Ayasha knew by the look on his face she’d made a mistake. Quickly she tried to gloss over what she’d done. “During that second meeting you had been drinking but you remained respectful. We spoke just as I told you then you left after giving me your brother’s phone number.”

“Thank God I did that.” He now realized he totally believed her actions and the talisman had led him out of the coma.

“Be happy.” Ayasha said softly from the bottom of her heart. “You’ve been given a second chance at life.”

“Yes” He nodded slowly, “One I cherish.”

“Well…” Mikey pushed open the screen door. “Thanks again.” He reached out to take Gerard’s arm then led him through the door.

Ayasha watched as they walked slowly down the pathway to the car parked on the street, A fresh wave of pain crashed over her whole body as she watched him leave. It was too much…she turned away.


They were almost to the end of the sidewalk when Gerard suddenly stopped.

“What now?” Mikey sighed.

He wasn’t ready to leave. Thinking quickly he spotted her newspaper. “Uh, just thought I’d take her paper to her.” Slowly he bent down, grabbed the paper then used his cane to help himself stand again.

“I can do that.” Mikey said trying to grab the paper but Gerard was too fast, he pulled away, “Be right back.” He left his brother staring in his wake.

Gerard reached the screen door and was about to knock when he saw that Ayasha was standing with her back to the door, her whole body was shaking.

“Stop this.” She whispered to herself. “He returned home, it’s what you wanted for him more than anything,” Her tears, while impossible to stop, angered her.

Quietly Gerard pulled open the door then walked slowly into the room. Why was she crying? Had the visit upset her for some reason?

Ayasha felt his presence before she heard him.

“Ayasha?” He reached out for her arm forcing her to face him.

“Oh” She raised her hand to wipe away her tears but before she could he gently reached out and using his fingertip brushed her cheek.

“Uh, Gee?” Mikey walked back inside shattering the moment. Ayasha turned away embarrassed by her display of emotion while Gerard sucked in his breath, closed his eyes.

Mikey wasn’t sure what was happening but he saw Gerard suddenly sway. His arm shot out to grab his brother. “Gee, what is it? Are you okay?”

The memories, the emotions washed over him. For a moment he was unable to breathe.

“Gee?”

He could barely hear his brother’s voice over the roar in his head, it was the sound of the wind at the crossroads.

Fearing Gerard who had gone pale was about to pass out Mikey tightened his hold.

“She lied.” Gerard ground out slowly.

Ayasha’s shoulders slumped. Somehow he’s realized they’d never met in LA. Now he would hate her.

“What?” Mikey glanced at Ayasha who had slowly turned to face them.

“She lied.” Gerard whispered roughly. “Why, Ayasha? You promised to send the letter.”

“Oh” Her hand flew up to cover her mouth.

Seconds ticked by. Finally Ayasha whispered, fear making the words come out slowly, hesitantly, “You remember?”

Gerard held up his fingertips still wet with her tears, “Not from your eyes but your soul.”