FicWad

A/n: I wasn't sure whether I was going to upload this chapter or not...But I did it! It was strange writing it from Gerard's point of view for a change, I missed it. It seemed like I was bringing out my inner-Gerard while I was writing this...Yeah so, comment me what you thought, that would help a lot :3 -xo

"Stop your crying, helpless feeling,
Dry your eyes and start believing,
There’s one thing they’ll never take from you..." - The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

-----------------TRIGGER WARNING-----------------------

Chapter 25: You'll Never Fight Alone

Frank:

When I opened my eyes the last thing I expected to see was Gerard, he jumped a little when he saw my eyes open. I closed them again, not wanting to see him. He never stood up for me when Mikey had made bold claims at me, so what was the point?

He quickly placed a hand on mine which I pushed away, instantly being able to see the hurt that I had inflicted upon him. I closed my eyes again, already feeling too guilty for me to handle, I attempted to blink back the tears that threatened to fall.

I was in this mess because of his brother – who was just being a punk. But, did that honestly mean that Gerard should be punished because of this? No...He didn't. I shouldn't have to put him through any more pain should I?

“F-Frank..?” Gerard spoke quietly and clearly. Trying to communicate with me as easily as he could. By the look on his face you would think that he hadn't seen he for days. It seemed like I had been invisible and I had just come back...

Maybe that was the case? I mean, how often does your best friend and potential boyfriend end up in hospital? I opened my eyes again and met his gaze firmly, trying to hold it together. “You've been in here for days, Frank.”

My eyes widened at that and I shook my head, letting out a quiet laugh. “You're joking me, right?” Gerard shook his head slowly, looking down and away from me.

“I wish I were, Frank. But no, I'm not kidding.” He spat angrily and pushed away from me to stand up, running a hand through his hair and turning away from me in the opposite direction. “You've been in here for days.” Gerard repeated and he quickly turned towards me and spat through gritted teeth.

“-While I've been through hell.” Gerard sniffled the tears away and he shook his head quickly before walking out of the ward while nurses tried to run to him and calm him down, he pushed a few away and started running down the hall. Only glancing back towards me once before he left me completely. Leaving me alone. Why did everything have to be my fault?

Gerard:

Nothing made sense any more. For the past few days all I have wanted was for Frank to wake up – and now? I can't even look at him in the eye properly. It's his fault that he was in there, I should have said something and stopped him from leaving. That way he wouldn't have ended up in this mess.

All I wanted was for him to be back in our dorm, with my drawings, his clothes, my clothes...Our everything was there...Our whole entire relationship revolved around the dorm; we lived there and it was home to us.

Always would be.


*

I can't even begin to explain the pain that I have put upon myself. It's my fault that Frank's in there...All my fault...I threw open the window in our dorm as far as it would go and grunted in annoyance when it only opened slightly. I really did need to keep reminding myself to fix that.

I took out a cigarette and a lighter and quickly lit it up before placing it to my lips and taking a deep breath. Taking a seat on a cupboard next to the window, I leaned against the window pane and looked out of it, watching a few tiny animals as they went about their business.

Little did they know about the world's mess around them. Why couldn't life be as simple as a squirrel's?

Frank would hate it if and when he found out I had been smoking – I didn't exactly think much of it. It wasn't as if it had become a new thing to me, I was thirteen when I started, Mikey even younger at ten.

That was my fault.

Why was everything suddenly flooding back to me? Every bad thing that I had ever done suddenly hit me like a tsunami and all I wanted was Frank; because of me.

I put out the cigarette and jumped off the counter, smiling at Frank's guitar that was leaning against the bed. For some reason it felt comforting to know that a part of Frank was here with me.

“Frank...” I whined quietly whilst running a hand through my hair that had grown thicker, not to mention the fact that it was such a horrible length now, going just past my jaw.

I sat down on the bed and turned to face his guitar, blushing a little at how stupid I was when I smiled sincerely at it, almost like I was talking to Frank himself. “Hey Frankie...” I found myself saying. “You're like a part of Frank, aren't you?” I paused, thinking of the words that somehow, for some reason meant so much to me.

“You've been with him for years, he says...” I licked my lips, “you've had the chance to witness song after song that he belts out – been able to cherish every memory when he was depressed or happy, you got to watch it all. Do you realize how important that is? Do you realize how much I wish I was there to help him through it?”

I laughed a little as I spoke to it, I was actually expecting a response but it didn't take me long to realize that it wouldn't reply. To my dismay, it didn't reply and I rolled my eyes at it, thinking that it was stupid for not. “Tell Frank that I miss him?” I croaked out through tears that were beginning to form behind my eyes.

I went into the bathroom and shut the door, sinking down to the floor and pulling my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes against them and felt tears roll down my cheeks. It had been weeks since I had been alone like this, since I had felt like this. I had always told myself that in my life there was never just a good streak.

Rarely, there even was good times when I was growing up. But whenever something good happened – like when Mikey got a bike for his birthday – Mikey ended up with bruises for months and he no longer had a bike days afterwards. - It ended with it being destroyed.

So what was the point in me being happy when all I was going to get was...disappointment?

Whilst my mind continued to argue with itself – while it continued to torture me from the inside out. I didn't deserve to be happy any more, I deserved the pain that I had already mentally inflicted upon myself. The only other thing that needed to be done now was the physical pain. -

My hands were busy doing their own thing. I hadn't even realized what I was doing and that was an incredibly bad thing. Before my mind had the chance to register what I had done I uttered out Frank's name through the whimpers and shakes that my body made in restraint.

Unsuccessfully, my mind failed to register the pain that was radiating through me. The pain...That was slowly taking over me and making sense of it all. Maybe my emotions and my mind had separated themselves completely, after all this time had I finally got what I wanted?

When my eyes opened I let out a painful cry of realization. Hesitantly, I forced myself to look down at my left forearm and I squeezed my eyes shut again after I looked. The most clearest message that was going to be forever stuck in my head kept flashing at me, loud and clear –

Blood.

My right hand again sliced a thin but deep line alone my wrist and in a split second, my mind and emotions reconnected and I threw the razor across the room and panicked.

Why...

Why had I done that, I kept asking myself. I forced myself to open the door open and I crawled to grab my phone, I rang Mikey and said a few words that he instantly understood.

“T-thank you for the v-venom...” I choked out and he hung up.

That was always our code when we were younger, whenever we were in trouble we said those words. If we weren't in our normal location then we would then say where we were afterwards. But luckily for me, I was in the dorm and Mikey would come. He would come and save me from myself. I grabbed a random shirt from my desk and pressed it down against the cuts, the cuts that I had inflicted on myself.

After everything that was going through my head, one thing still stood out...

I deserved it.

*

It didn't take long for Mikey to get here but when he did, he barged in through the door and switched on the dim light before shutting the door again. When he saw me in the corner of the room he frowned and hesitantly walked towards me. “G-Gee?” He asked, kneeling down in front of me, I smiled a little at him.

“H-hey Mikes...Missed you,” I mumbled, he placed a hand on my knee and I attacked him with a one-armed-hug, using my right arm to wrap around him. His arms went around my waist and he slowly lifted me up to stand, supporting me carefully.

“What's going on, Gerard? You made me leave a very intense game of monopoly with Ray.” Mikey complained, smiling a little at me teasingly. I smiled faintly back, almost feeling like myself but not quite. When I didn't answer Mikey frowned again and looked me up and down.

“Well you've been smoking again...No alcohol, I see...” Mikey lifted up my arms and he carefully lifted up the sleeve of my left arm. “Gerard...” He whispered, shaking his head and leading me to the bed, he made me sit like a child as he stared knowingly at me.

“Stay,” he warned before he went to the bathroom and raided the cupboards. He came back with a damp flannel, a pot of cold water and tape that they used to try to bring wounds back together.

I shook my head and instantly moved back on the bed, he shook his head at me. “Gerard.” Mikey said sternly, “if you're not going to tell me why then let me help you at least.”

Mikey said honestly, taking off his beanie and messing up his light brown-almost-now-blonde hair so that it fell over his left eye. I sighed and Mikey held out his right hand, smiling sincerely at me.

“Come on, Gee...” Mikey urged me on. It was strange – it should be the other way around. I should be the one taking care of him, right?

“It's the least I can do...It's my fault that Frank's in hospital.” Mikey whispered, carefully cleaning the cuts which I winced and whimpered at, gripping the bed sheets in pain. I shook my head slowly, how could Mikey think that?

“Mikes, no. It was me. - Can't you see that? So, A plus B, equals, C.” I gestured to my wrist and Mikey again shook his head just like I had moments ago.

“Shut up, Gerard. If I hadn't have said anything to Frank then it would be fine – I should apologize to him big time. To make up for it, I shall help you. Also, Frank will be happy to know that I've figured out the bass parts for the songs that he's composed.”

Mikey smiled to himself in achievement and I smiled wide back at him, wincing again when he put the tape on one of the cuts. Jeez, I didn't realize they were that deep. I guessed that I hadn't known how deep my mental scars were either. Now it added up.

“Why is it you always end up taking care of me?” I asked him sadly, trying to change the topic of Frank. I couldn't even think about him without crying right now so I didn't want to relish in those thoughts for a while.

“Because you need taking care of and that isn't your fault. You just think too lowly of yourself, Gerard – always have done and you know it. Frank has showed you that you are worth it and even though it feels like you've made such a big mistake, he will forgive you – both of us. It's Frank, Gerard...”

Mikey explained, finishing up with his project on my wrist, he pulled down my sleeve again and he pulled me into his arms, letting me lay on his chest as we lay in mine and Frank's bed.

“Frank loves you, Gerard...Remember that...Always...” His voice slowly faded out as my eyes closed and sleep took over me, letting me escape from reality. Something that I had wanted for hours but hadn't been given the privilege to experience it yet.

But now I could. With Mikey...

With my little brother.

Just like when we were younger.