Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Break Your Little Heart
Suicide Season
1 reviewSorry it's been so long, but this chapter is more depressing than usual so just be aware. Yeah.
0Unrated
Okay so here goes another chapter. Yes, I know it's been a year and 3 months. Yes, I know I left it as a crappy ending. That is why I am continuing it. Well, also the plot was sort of based on real life events and some pretty dramatic stuff happened that can translate easily into fan fiction so I was just gonna get it off my chest now, as that's what the story was originally for. I know that doesn't make any sense. I just feel like I need to write it down to a non-judgmental community. Anyway, here it is. I hope you (sort of) enjoy it :)
Juliet x
Frank's heart was pounding as he treaded carefully down the stairs, legs shaking and tears falling down his face, dripping off the end of his nose. It was the sort of crying that didn't make any noise, like when you literally can't help it. He paused just before he reached the bottom and wiped his face clear of any emotion, including tears, before stepping down and walking past the living room where his mum and dad were sitting watching TV.
Without any more sniffles, he padded into the kitchen, wearing just his pyjamas and a black dressing gown. As he remembered what he was here to do, and why, salty tears began to run down his pale face again.
"Frank, why are you always miserable all the time? You're never any fun."
"Frank, what's up with you copying my room? You know I'm the one with all the posters.
"Frank, why can't you just grow up? Just fucking get over it and learn to deal with your problems without dragging me into it?"
"Frank? Why are you ignoring me? You're so rude."
He couldn't remember what he had done exactly to make Gerard act this horribly to Frank. They were getting on fine, and then suddenly out of nowhere when Frank told Gerard of his problems dealing with anxiety and depression, Gerard had convinced Frank that they were in fact Gerard's problems and it was all the smaller's fault.
As in, the fact that Frank was feeling awful meant that Gerard had to make it his problem.
Frank reached the medicine cabinet and with trembling hands, opened and pulled out a pack of paracetamol. Reaching further, he found a long strip of sleeping pills. Satisfied (for lack of a better word) with what he had found, he slowly filled up a bottle of water. A part of him considered using his parent's liquor that was 60% alcohol but after smelling it and nearly throwing up, he decided he couldn't face using it.
He stowed the pills away in the pocket in his dressing gown, and held the bottle in his hand as if he was just thirsty and wanted to drink it upstairs.
BUZZZZZ
The vibrating surprised him as he stumbled into his bedroom. Looking down, he found Mikey had texted him:
Hey Frankie, how you doing? Hey, how about going to see Deaf Havana in November? Xxx
Frank sighed. Deaf Havana were one of his favourite bands and he had seen them just a month ago in ____. They were absolutely amazing and it was extra special because it had been Chris, the lead guitarist's birthday and they had made a cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday. He desperately wanted to see them again and Mikey and Ray were also getting into them, so it wasn't as if he didn't have anyone to go with this time.
However, Gerard and Brendon didn't like them yet still berated Frank constantly because he hasn't invited them. Oh yeah, the other thing. Brendon had started hanging around with them again. Just as Frank had thought he was in the clear with him, he fucking reappeared. Although, he wasn't taking Gerard's side as much now. He started to be quieter and for this Frank was grateful.
Frank hastily texted back a reply, which was something along the lines of "EEEEKKKKK ASDFGHJKL YES YES YES I AM SO THERE", after slipping the pills into a hidden drawer in his desk.
Frank didn't forget about the pills. They were always at the back of his mind. Sometimes, after a particularly awful day at school, he would be drawn to them. He never quite got to the stage of taking them, though. Something stopped him. Maybe it was the faces covering his walls, his love of music, maybe it was Mikey and Ray.
One day, that changed. He and Gerard were chatting on Facebook.
Gerard: Hey :)
Frank: Hey, how are you?
Gerard: alright, you?
Frank: meh, I've been better. But anyways, can I ask you a question?
Gerard: Sure, I don't know why you need to ask xD
Frank: Um okay, well you know how we're supposed to be dating?
Gerard: Yeah...
Frank: It just seems like you don't want to any more. Like, you're giving Brendon and Alex far more attention than me and I'm supposed to be your boyfriend!
Gerard: Oh my god, you really think that? You know why I talk to them more? It's because they're not pathetic and they actually have enough confidence to fucking talk!
Frank: You don't know anything about me, do you? Because if you did, you wouldn't have said that.
Gerard: Yeah, well I'm glad I said it coz it's the truth and you need to stop living in your own little world all the time!
Frank: And you wouldn't have said that. Do you know why?
Gerard: No, because you're so weird no one knows what you're thinking and I don't want to know either.
Frank: This is exactly why you don't know about me cutting myself.
Gerard: Oh come on, everyone does that at some point in their lives.
Frank: So have you then?
Gerard: No, but if you keep on going I might.
Frank: It's also why I didn't tell you about the pills in my desk. Mikey knows, and Ray, but there was a reason you don't know.
Gerard: You know what? I can't be dealing with this right now.
Frank: I guess it doesn't matter to you if I'm alive or dead then.
Gerard: You're just being stupid now.
Frank: Am I?
Gerard: Yeah
Frank: Yeah, stupid must be the reason why I just swallowed 12 of those little tablets.
«Gerard has logged off»
Frank just sat there. His boyfriend wanted him dead. His boyfriend didn't care. The bottle was half empty by the time Frank had taken all that paracetamol, and three quarters empty when he took the row of sleeping tablets. He supposed he didn't really want to be conscious when he was facing the consequences.
Linda was alarmed when she heard exactly what Donna Way was saying. She slammed the phone down and rushed up to Frank's bedroom to find him lying on his bed.
"Frank, is there anything you want to tell me?" She cautiously ventured.
"Not particularly."
"Come on honey, Donna just phoned me."
"As in Gerard's mum? Right."
"Gerard's worried about you."
"Yeah right."
"Frank, I know what you did."
Silence.
"Shall we get you to hospital?"
At that, Frank collapsed in his mother's arms, chest heaving as he released all the emotion he had been feeling over the past hour.
"Sshhh," Linda stroked her son's chocolate brown tufts, trying to calm him down.
"Frank, you know we have to go to the hospital?" He nodded.
"I'd put on a shirt and hoodie and jeans." Linda found a Motionless In White shirt lying on the floor, and handed it to her son along with a Pierce The Veil hoodie and some black skinny jeans.
Frank reluctantly pulled them on and they headed downstairs, with Linda going into the living room to tell Frank senior where they were going in a hushed tone while Frank slipped on some black and white Converses.
In the car, Linda let her son sit in silence, although she turned on some music. All Time Low came on, and she looked at the title; Therapy. Probably not the best choice. She skipped that song and Six Feet Under The Stars started playing. That should help, she thought.
They pulled into the car park after driving for half an hour in pitch blackness and got out, Frank acting like a puppet, limp and lifeless. They walked up to the entrance of the ER, entered reception, gave the nurse on reception duty their name and details and said reluctantly what was the problem. Frank stayed silent all this time. The nurse directed them to sit in the waiting room and so they sat there until another nurse called out their name.
So, this isn't it, I'm not done by far but that was the difficult part. I think you can guess how this is taken from real life but I'm not going to go into too much detail about that. Anyway, I haven't been able to move on from that sort of part of my life and I think continuing this story can sort of help me to let go. So sorry if it's shit, or you can't understand it, but I'm gonna keep writing it. Please rate or review, it doesn't take much, just 30 seconds of your life :)
Juliet x
Juliet x
Frank's heart was pounding as he treaded carefully down the stairs, legs shaking and tears falling down his face, dripping off the end of his nose. It was the sort of crying that didn't make any noise, like when you literally can't help it. He paused just before he reached the bottom and wiped his face clear of any emotion, including tears, before stepping down and walking past the living room where his mum and dad were sitting watching TV.
Without any more sniffles, he padded into the kitchen, wearing just his pyjamas and a black dressing gown. As he remembered what he was here to do, and why, salty tears began to run down his pale face again.
"Frank, why are you always miserable all the time? You're never any fun."
"Frank, what's up with you copying my room? You know I'm the one with all the posters.
"Frank, why can't you just grow up? Just fucking get over it and learn to deal with your problems without dragging me into it?"
"Frank? Why are you ignoring me? You're so rude."
He couldn't remember what he had done exactly to make Gerard act this horribly to Frank. They were getting on fine, and then suddenly out of nowhere when Frank told Gerard of his problems dealing with anxiety and depression, Gerard had convinced Frank that they were in fact Gerard's problems and it was all the smaller's fault.
As in, the fact that Frank was feeling awful meant that Gerard had to make it his problem.
Frank reached the medicine cabinet and with trembling hands, opened and pulled out a pack of paracetamol. Reaching further, he found a long strip of sleeping pills. Satisfied (for lack of a better word) with what he had found, he slowly filled up a bottle of water. A part of him considered using his parent's liquor that was 60% alcohol but after smelling it and nearly throwing up, he decided he couldn't face using it.
He stowed the pills away in the pocket in his dressing gown, and held the bottle in his hand as if he was just thirsty and wanted to drink it upstairs.
BUZZZZZ
The vibrating surprised him as he stumbled into his bedroom. Looking down, he found Mikey had texted him:
Hey Frankie, how you doing? Hey, how about going to see Deaf Havana in November? Xxx
Frank sighed. Deaf Havana were one of his favourite bands and he had seen them just a month ago in ____. They were absolutely amazing and it was extra special because it had been Chris, the lead guitarist's birthday and they had made a cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday. He desperately wanted to see them again and Mikey and Ray were also getting into them, so it wasn't as if he didn't have anyone to go with this time.
However, Gerard and Brendon didn't like them yet still berated Frank constantly because he hasn't invited them. Oh yeah, the other thing. Brendon had started hanging around with them again. Just as Frank had thought he was in the clear with him, he fucking reappeared. Although, he wasn't taking Gerard's side as much now. He started to be quieter and for this Frank was grateful.
Frank hastily texted back a reply, which was something along the lines of "EEEEKKKKK ASDFGHJKL YES YES YES I AM SO THERE", after slipping the pills into a hidden drawer in his desk.
Frank didn't forget about the pills. They were always at the back of his mind. Sometimes, after a particularly awful day at school, he would be drawn to them. He never quite got to the stage of taking them, though. Something stopped him. Maybe it was the faces covering his walls, his love of music, maybe it was Mikey and Ray.
One day, that changed. He and Gerard were chatting on Facebook.
Gerard: Hey :)
Frank: Hey, how are you?
Gerard: alright, you?
Frank: meh, I've been better. But anyways, can I ask you a question?
Gerard: Sure, I don't know why you need to ask xD
Frank: Um okay, well you know how we're supposed to be dating?
Gerard: Yeah...
Frank: It just seems like you don't want to any more. Like, you're giving Brendon and Alex far more attention than me and I'm supposed to be your boyfriend!
Gerard: Oh my god, you really think that? You know why I talk to them more? It's because they're not pathetic and they actually have enough confidence to fucking talk!
Frank: You don't know anything about me, do you? Because if you did, you wouldn't have said that.
Gerard: Yeah, well I'm glad I said it coz it's the truth and you need to stop living in your own little world all the time!
Frank: And you wouldn't have said that. Do you know why?
Gerard: No, because you're so weird no one knows what you're thinking and I don't want to know either.
Frank: This is exactly why you don't know about me cutting myself.
Gerard: Oh come on, everyone does that at some point in their lives.
Frank: So have you then?
Gerard: No, but if you keep on going I might.
Frank: It's also why I didn't tell you about the pills in my desk. Mikey knows, and Ray, but there was a reason you don't know.
Gerard: You know what? I can't be dealing with this right now.
Frank: I guess it doesn't matter to you if I'm alive or dead then.
Gerard: You're just being stupid now.
Frank: Am I?
Gerard: Yeah
Frank: Yeah, stupid must be the reason why I just swallowed 12 of those little tablets.
«Gerard has logged off»
Frank just sat there. His boyfriend wanted him dead. His boyfriend didn't care. The bottle was half empty by the time Frank had taken all that paracetamol, and three quarters empty when he took the row of sleeping tablets. He supposed he didn't really want to be conscious when he was facing the consequences.
Linda was alarmed when she heard exactly what Donna Way was saying. She slammed the phone down and rushed up to Frank's bedroom to find him lying on his bed.
"Frank, is there anything you want to tell me?" She cautiously ventured.
"Not particularly."
"Come on honey, Donna just phoned me."
"As in Gerard's mum? Right."
"Gerard's worried about you."
"Yeah right."
"Frank, I know what you did."
Silence.
"Shall we get you to hospital?"
At that, Frank collapsed in his mother's arms, chest heaving as he released all the emotion he had been feeling over the past hour.
"Sshhh," Linda stroked her son's chocolate brown tufts, trying to calm him down.
"Frank, you know we have to go to the hospital?" He nodded.
"I'd put on a shirt and hoodie and jeans." Linda found a Motionless In White shirt lying on the floor, and handed it to her son along with a Pierce The Veil hoodie and some black skinny jeans.
Frank reluctantly pulled them on and they headed downstairs, with Linda going into the living room to tell Frank senior where they were going in a hushed tone while Frank slipped on some black and white Converses.
In the car, Linda let her son sit in silence, although she turned on some music. All Time Low came on, and she looked at the title; Therapy. Probably not the best choice. She skipped that song and Six Feet Under The Stars started playing. That should help, she thought.
They pulled into the car park after driving for half an hour in pitch blackness and got out, Frank acting like a puppet, limp and lifeless. They walked up to the entrance of the ER, entered reception, gave the nurse on reception duty their name and details and said reluctantly what was the problem. Frank stayed silent all this time. The nurse directed them to sit in the waiting room and so they sat there until another nurse called out their name.
So, this isn't it, I'm not done by far but that was the difficult part. I think you can guess how this is taken from real life but I'm not going to go into too much detail about that. Anyway, I haven't been able to move on from that sort of part of my life and I think continuing this story can sort of help me to let go. So sorry if it's shit, or you can't understand it, but I'm gonna keep writing it. Please rate or review, it doesn't take much, just 30 seconds of your life :)
Juliet x
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