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A/n Make sure you know who Alex is http://johnny-bravado.livejournal.com/920.html

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Ryan wakes up the next morning, not feeling any pain until sits up and his head is pulsating. He groans, flopping back down without bothering to check the time.

It seems like it will be impossible even to get to school or pay attention with the pain, and Ryan hopes to god that the pain killers he has yet to take will work. Eventually his phone goes off, which was kept under his pillow. Kyle.

“Sup,” Ryan answers with a scratchy voice.

“Morning sunshine! Want to go for a smoke before school? We can pick you up.”

Ryan laughs shortly, his head throbbing. “I can't, man. I got this concussion yesterday and the doctor told me not to.”

Kyle just grunts. “How?”

“Hit my head, jackass. Can I go back to sleep?” Ryan utters, he knows he'll end up having to get up lightning speed, but at least a half hour more of sleep would be worth it.

“Okay, man! Fine, night,”

He can't help but not want to get out of bed today. It's unacceptable to miss school, he knows that, but he really doesn't care. Ryan didn't know when the doctor said intense nausea he actually meant it, or extreme dizziness for that matter. He knows he can just call in sick and they won't be able to figure out it's a kid speaking due to pretending to be his father so many times. His father would kill him if he knew all of the days Ryan has missed just because he couldn't find the will power to get out of bed, and he knows that his father is almost never home, especially during the day. Ryan's friends are aware that his dad isn't around often, and they praise the fact that Ryan has so much freedom.

The half hour is cut short with a knock on his bedroom door. It's obviously Brendon, Ryan can tell just by the knock.

“Heya sleepyhead,” Brendon keeps his voice quieter, careful not to irritate Ryan anymore. “Sorry to barge in, but I knew you would never get out of bed.”

“Hey,” Ryan turns so he's on his back, flinging his forearm over his eyes to cover the light for a second then surrendering. He only just realized that he was only in his jeans. Not wearing makeup. Fuck, Ryan thinks, repeating the swear over in his head. Not even his hair is straightened, revealing loose curls. He glares down at his bruised and cut chest, pulling the covers over him. It would be ridiculous to cover his face too, wouldn't it?

“I-um, have your pills, choke them down and we'll get to school,” Brendon looks a little awestruck from looking at Ryan, he actually has to look away at the floor.

Ryan nods and sits up from his bed, “Mm, can you leave for a minute so I can get changed?”

Brendon puts the pills on the dresser and steps out. Ryan is almost tempted to vomit from standing up too quickly, wishing he could just stay home. He makes it halfway to the dresser and almost falls before he places his hands on the wall. “Bren-” He calls out, “I need help.”

He breathes and closes his eyes until he hears steps coming towards him. “Ryan,” Brendon uses the tone of voice Ryan's too used to hearing, the empathetic and scared tone.

Ryan goes silent, thoughts racing about everything that has happened in the past week, Brendon's voice rings in his ears, the way it even almost sounds disappointed. Disappointed that he has to do this again. That he has never stopped having to watch over him in the past few days. “I can't do this,” He mouths to himself.

“I'm sorry,” Ryan slides his hands down the wall and sways. He turns, looking at Brendon with disconnected eyes, then down at his bruised body. “Sorry you have to see this.”

Brendon reaches out to Ryan, grabbing his hand to lead him over to the bed. Ryan curls into himself once he hits the bed. “I guess it's really important I take those every eight hours,” Ryan mumbles.

“It really is, you're going to have to sit up to take these,” Brendon hands him the pills and water, watching Ryan take them.

“You can go if you want,” He says after swallowing.

Brendon takes the glass from him, “Do you want me to?”

The question lingers for a moment before Ryan shakes his head and moves to make room on the bed. Both of them could use more sleep, it only being around seven. He feels the bed dip down, making him peer over to look at Brendon who is flat on his back. Brendon's natural look is unfair to him, the way his face is clear without any bruises or swolleness. Alex tried to make his mark by punching him, but it really didn't last. Maybe it's only him that finds it weird to be jealous of facial features, it being such a feminine thing to be jealous of. His long eyelashes are the last thing Ryan sees before he once again falls into a deep sleep.

-

Once Ryan wakes up, he feels distinctly better from when he woke up earlier. His head no longer hurts him as much as it did this morning, and Brendon is still next to him in the same position as before.

“Did you sleep?” Ryan asks, noticing he's awake.

“Yeah, had a bad dream,” he takes a deep breath.

Ryan yawns, “What happened?”

“It's hard to understand without some context,” Brendon says, “it's nothing I'm willing to share.”

“You'd think,” Ryan starts, “over the past two days, all the shit you've seen from me, you'd open up to me.”

“Time, Ryan, just.” He swallows. “I can't.”

It's hard to process just how fast everything has happened, the way time has suddenly started to move slower once Brendon came along. “You're right, I'm sorry.”

“It's cool.”

“So, I don't think we'll get in trouble with the school.” Ryan smiles, thinking about the poor attendance system.

Brendon grins back at him. “Me either. How many times have you ditched?”

“Uh, a few. You know Papa J?”

“The security guard?”

“Close family friend. He gets me out of everything. I can text him and tell him to help me out- help you out, really.”

“Thanks, I would've been fucked if I got caught.” Brendon thinks about the time his brother ditched school once and how he was grounded for weeks. His parents don't need another bad kid, or at least they don't need to know about it.

“Mhm,” Ryan hums, rubbing his eyes. “This sucks, I mean, it'd suck less if I did it to myself. This was preventable.”

Brendon studies Ryan and brushes his hand through his curls, “You'll be fine in no time.”

“Two weeks at least, he said.” Ryan tilts his head closer to Brendon, “Why do we have to have wooden stairs?”

Brendon sighs, “Starting to regret the house, hm?” He moves his hand off of Ryan, just resting.

“Have you ever had a concussion before?” Ryan asks, picking at the pieces in the corner of his eye.

Brendon swallows, “Uh, yeah. Last year actually, got in a bit of a fight.” Which was not exactly a fight, more like an attack, “I was with this guy, older guy, by like, five years. And we did some stuff.” He admits, Ryan is stunned but can't manage to show it, “But he... he's straight? Like, in the closet but is afraid to admit it. So I threatened to tell someone, and he pushes me into a brick wall and I hit my head.” Brendon regrets telling him right after he said it, “So it was my fault, I guess.”

“Who was the guy?”

Brendon shakes his head, lips peeking into a smile. That would be a bad idea. “Nobody of importance.”

“One time I got pushed around so much and almost collapsed at a concert, you'd think me, being this tall, could defend himself, but I fell. And this huge guy, who was in his fifties, came and picked me up and took me to the back.” Ryan remembers, the night being so clear to him. He was with Spencer, but he doesn't mention that because of the small fight they ended up getting in.

“Oh god, I don't want to know where this is going.”

“No, listen. The guy knew my dad, right? Cause my dad worked at some venues a while back and he recognized me. Doug, that's his name. He took me backstage and I got to meet the band.”

“It's weird you know so many security people.” Brendon comments. “What band?”

“Jet,” Ryan smiles sheepishly. “So I met Chris Cester, the drummer, and he's Australian and really nice looking at the time. He didn't have that weird beard.” Brendon shakes his head. “Stubble. It was great.”

“Oh God, what did you do?” Brendon questions, stunned.

“I didn't do anything. He was the one who-”

“Ryan, really though! Enough!” Brendon laughs. “What's the point of this story?”

“Sometimes getting hurt can be a good thing.” Ryan counters, “One of the best nights of my life, in fact.”

“You're so ridiculous.”

“You and Spencer are the only ones who know this.” Ryan stretches.

Hearing about this is weird to Brendon, he never really was sure if Ryan liked guys, actually he was convinced he didn't until he actually started hanging out with him. To hear stories about him doing these things is shocking, something that he would expect to never hear about from him.

“The entire school knows about me by now, but my parents don't, surprisingly.”

“How do your parents not know? Sorry, but you're not exactly, well,” Ryan looks Brendon up and down, looking at his tight jeans that grip around the ass and thighs.

“Well, maybe they do know, but they're too scared that it's true. It's best if they don't know. Best for me.”

“Why?” Ryan bites his tongue, knowing it was a stupid question. “Sorry,”

“You know Mormons and their ways. I'd be gone.” Ryan opens his mouth to speak but Brendon stops him, “I guess I still dress like this just to push it to the limit I guess, maybe I secretly want them to know.” Brendon looks up at the ceiling and back at Ryan, “I'm sorry for dumping that all on you.”

“I like knowing,” Ryan admits and takes a breath, “knowing more about you.”

“Anything else you're dying to know?” Brendon scratches the back of his neck.

“Yeah, the story behind the dream. But you said we can't talk 'bout it till later. So.” Ryan looks up, thinking for a moment. “Are you in the mood for breakfast?”

Brendon rolls his eyes, keeping the same smile he's been wearing for the past few minutes. “Sure.”

“Sitting up sounds like an effort.”

“Well I'm not picking you up again. You're killing me,” Brendon pats Ryan on the shoulder and stands, “lets go.”

Ryan groans, “Dude, come on. We can make breakfast and everything. It'll be delicious.”

“I can't cook.”

“I can, I make dinner for my family all the time. There's seven of us.”

Ryan winces. He's always been the only child, and his house has always been practically empty. “I can't get over how big your family is,” Ryan says while putting on a shirt.

“Me either sometimes, you should see Thanksgiving. Everyone comes over and you never hear the end of 'wow you've gotten so big!' which I am aware of.”

Ryan holds his breath for a second and releases it. He then looks down at his hands.“You're so sassy. So what are we cooking today Chef Urie?”

Ryan finds himself enjoying his time more and more with Brendon. The way he can be so casual with him and actually be himself is nothing he has ever experienced before- even with Spencer he has to be careful. He can joke around, not be covered in makeup- it's new.

“I was thinking pancakes,” Brendon says, “Do you have any batter?”

“Yeah, I can make those. It's in here,” He pulls the box out of the cabinet, putting the mix onto the counter.

They get to work, pulling out the pans, milk, and mixing it together. Brendon starts whistling, shaking his head to the beat.

“With your lightnin' bolts a glowin' I can see where I'm goin' to be,” Ryan sings, looking over Brendon's shoulder.

“You like Arcade Fire?”

Ryan shrugs, “I do, they're really new aren't they?”

“Oh yeah,” Brendon flips a few of the pancakes. “They're playing here aren't they?”

“I was thinking about going actually, would you like to come?” Ryan nudges him accidentally while passing with the bowl of leftover batter.

“Easy there,” He turns around and looks at Ryan, eyes having to refocus and accept the fact that he's this bruised. “I almost burned myself.” Ryan just pouts jokingly at Brendon's words. “But I would love to go. I actually never go to concerts.”

Ryan puts the bowl in the sink and gapes at him. “You play music, and love it this much and you never go to concerts?!”

“My parents are scared okay!” Brendon puts the pancakes on the plate and hands one to the taller boy.

“BRENDON!”

“Someone's feeling better.”

“You need to rebel more.”

“And being gay isn't rebelling enough?!” Brendon and Ryan both laugh, eating the countless amount of pancakes.

“But would you come with me?” Ryan asks after a bit, in complete seriousness.

“Sure,”

“Will you tell your parents?”

“Hell no,” Brendon shakes his head, shoving more food into his mouth.

“Awesome, I'm already rubbing off on you.”

“May be not such a good thing.” Brendon jokes.

They finish eating within a few minutes, both of the guys feeling stuffed. After they clean up, they decide to just watch a movie, because Ryan's head started hurting a bit.

“This movie makes no fucking sense. It never will.” Ryan says, referring to "Donnie Darko".

“He's pretty hot,” Brendon mentions.

Ryan flinches when he says that, well, because, he doesn't know why. “Yeah, I like the dark shaggy hair.”

“Dark shaggy hair, hm?” Brendon nudges him in the side.

“... With those blue eyes,” Ryan drones on, studying Brendon's expression, “getting jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous?” Brendon raises his eyebrows and sticks his chin out.

Big mistake, Ryan thinks. “I can totally agree with the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal is hotter than me.” Brendon finishes. He nudges Ryan playfully, and Ryan shifts. He knows that he could make a move or do something.

“I like brown eyes more,” Ryan shifts closer to him.

It's Brendon who just places his hand on top of his and squeezes. “I prefer whatever the fuck color yours are.”

-

A few weeks later after several headaches and even more awkward run ins with his father, who just scoffed and ignored him, Ryan finally is healed from his concussion. The doctor said take it easy, not that he'd actually listen.

The end of the school year is extremely close, only about a week away and then finals.

Brendon has been around a lot, hanging out every other night and texting the others. They've been talking about a range of things, personal to just fooling around. Ryan learned about the way Brendon likes to bite the tips of his straw and scratch his head. Brendon learned Ryan and Spencer are extremely possessive of each other. At lunch Spencer would sometimes just stare at Brendon, just for a second. As if he would hurt Ryan in any way. They have gotten closer, physically also. They stand a little closer to each other, brushing against pretending to be accidental. They both no it isn't and just laugh it off.

Their relationship is weird, Ryan becoming more and more reliant on him just for when he feels alone. Nobody else would let him open up.

Spencer feels somewhat replaced from being sick for so long, so the first chance he could he dragged him to a party. Brendon said he couldn't go, clearly lying, just so they would be able to hang out.

“Ry! Finally back at the party scene.” Amanda is gleaming, running up to Ryan and hugging him. He accepts it, wrapping an arm around her.

Ryan huffs, “Haven't missed much have I?”

“He needed a night out,” Spencer chimes, “he's been secluded in dark rooms and no noise.”

“Well. We'll have noise.” Amanda laughs, “See ya round,” she says once her boyfriend walks around.

“What kind of trouble do you wanna get into tonight?” A voice says behind him, nudging him lightly.

Anna wraps an arm around him, “I've missed you.” Her tone is flirtatious, everything about her is. Her hair is straight and blonde, eyes lined with dark eyeliner accenting her brown eyes.

Ryan smiles, not showing his teeth, “What am I going to do with you?”

“Well,” She hums, “whatever you want.” She's such a slut, Ryan thinks.

Spencer winks at him as he grabs a drink, Ryan taking two shots before starting to dance. The music is loud enough to not think about the people rubbing against him, all the alcohol taking it's effect. “Head back on straight, Ross?” He hears Alex say behind him.

He turns his head halfway, looking through the corner of his eye, “Yeah,” He says. Alex isn't one of the people he was looking to talk to, but when he tries to turn around again Alex grabs his shoulder.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” He asks.

“Ryan just nods, something he wouldn't have done if he wasn't intoxicated. He's quite the lightweight.

Ryan and Alex sit outside, where a couple was but fled once they walked out. “You used to talk to me more. I was wondering what I did? Gabe heard a lot from you. Text wise, yknow? You didn't chat me back.”

“I figured I wouldn't talk to you because you were beating the shit out of one of my friends.”

“Urie? I did that once,” Alex defends, “He deserved it.”

“Why, exactly?” Ryan asks, not holding back.

“He threatened me,” Alex says.

“Brendon wouldn't hurt a fly,” Ryan deadpans, “if you're making fun of him being gay of course he'll fight back though. So don't.”

“I wasn't making fun of him for being gay!” Alex speaks faster, sounding exasperated. “Just hear me out. And I swear to God if you tell anybody this.”

“You're gay?”

Alex takes a deep breath, almost scoff-like. “We were at Landon's party.” Ryan remembers it, being only a few months ago. "To be honest, I was barely drunk. Brendon and I were chatting, casually. He was really friendly, not weird like some people say,” he takes another deep breath, like he's about to die from lack of oxygen, “I kissed him, that's it, but after that we kept hanging out. I started falling for him at we got along, and we did more stuff.”

Ryan's head is practically spinning. He'd never think Brendon would associate with a guy like Alex and vice versa, let alone hook up. “He's great really, it was initially my fault. I couldn't tell people what we were doing.” Alex pauses, “He left me in the middle of a hallway. I started to tear up, I snapped. I punched him.”

“Wow,” Ryan says, feeling the body already wear off. “That was a few weeks ago right?”

“Yeah. I had to tell you, I know you've been hanging out with him and think I'm a total dick. I'm not that bad.” Alex pleads. “It's kinda still a fresh wound.”

“I think I would've done the same.” Ryan shrugs, trying to hide his anger towards Brendon, “So you are gay?”

“Yeah. Can't even be bi anymore.” They haven't made eye contact the whole time, so when Ryan looks at him and he looks back he can really see the pain Alex feels. It's genuine. “Coming out really wasn't the smartest idea to get you to not hate me, but I hoped it worked. Us group of guys have fun together, yeah?”

“Yeah, dude, I totally understand. It's cool.” Ryan reassures. “I won't tell anybody. We can hang sometime.” Ryan just feels like he needs to leave. He feels almost sick to his stomach that something like that happened behind his back, and that he was friends with one of them and acquaintances with another. “I'll see you 'round.” He gets up and waves him off, collecting Spencer quickly saying he just feels nauseous. Spencer showed a large amount of concern but Ryan just shrugged in the passenger seat while looking out the window.

“Get some real sleep tonight, okay?” Spencer orders, sounding worried.

“Night, Spence.” Ryan says, going to his room.

Ryan was starting to actually learn to like Brendon, until he heard about what he did and how it may just happen to him. Everything was easy- natural until now. The fact that Alex ruined his good spirits- the story practically broke him. It didn't take time to actually start to like him, three days at most, and after weeks of building something Alex ruined it in a five minute talk. He didn't want to believe Alex, but once they looked at each other everything was clear. Brendon Urie won't be able stand Ryan. He's trapped. He can't just talk to Brendon like they have nothing. He can't just kiss Brendon and be okay with everyone knowing about it.

He's questioning all his sanity at this point. Brendon is such a confusing person, the way he is to others and the way he can hide himself. He can't handle people knowing about his dad, but he can't just assume Brendon would tell people. Brendon's a good person; that could mean him telling someone that would take him away. Ryan has a life to maintain, and even though his dad is as shitty as he is, he still needs him in his life. Simply because he's his father.

Ryan brushes his teeth, trying to get the taste of alcohol off his tongue. Later, he slams his head on the pillow once he tries to wash away the day in the shower, the dark circles under his eyes having no time to disappear but only get worse throughout the night.


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A/N FEEL FREE TO MURDER ME. I'm SO sorry I haven't updated! School's been terrible, I've been on trips and person issues. I- I- I'M SORRY D:

I owe you guys my life for that many reviews! Please keep them coming. It's the main reason this chapters up.