Categories > TV > Criminal Minds > Saving Spencer Reid
The first thing Spencer did was take a week off. He knew that was an unexpected move and a lot of people would question it and probably freak out. When the request came across her desk. Erin Strauss didn't even blink; she gave it to him without so much as a second thought.
He took the time to clean his apartment, go grocery shopping and attempt to re-evaluate what he wanted out of his life. He knew that leaving the BAU wasn't an option, they were his family and right now they were the only support network that he had. He knew that despite the way he acted and everything that he'd been though they were all rooting for him and waiting for him to pull through. Being that as it was there were some things that he needed to work through.
So he sat down and wrote everything out that had happened to him over the past year; the good, the bad; all the things that he wanted to change even though he knew that he couldn't. After deciding that there was nothing that he could do, he realized that there was only one thing left that he had to do.
He dressed in his best (the way that his father had always said that you should dress when you were paying your respects to the dead). Once he got to the cemetery and perched crossed-legged in front of Jason's tombstone, the letter that Jason had written in one hand and a bouquet of pink, red, white and yellow Zinnia's, as a token of remembrance to Gideon. He could still remember trying to explain to Jason why he liked some flowers better than others; it had all been the meaning of the flower (or the combination of flowers) not the colours.
He carefully placed the flowers on top of the tombstone. "I don't understand it, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. I'm not sure what hope any of us have in lasting very long in this profession. They keep telling me that you were unwell and that it has nothing to do with me and my failure to keep my head. I don't know if there is any truth to that. I find it too coincidental that both you and my father left me. Both Hotch and Morgan have tried reassuring me that it has nothing to do with me but I think that they are wrong. I think that in the long run it has everything to do with me and I am just that unwanted and easily ditched."
He shook his head, causing his hair to fall into his eyes, making him look that much younger. He felt ridiculous talking to a tombstone but his therapist, Strauss, Hotch, Morgan, J.J, Garcia and just about everyone else that talked to him, seemed to think that it was a really good idea. He failed to see how it would help and right now it really didn't seem to be doing anything. He was just about to chalk it up as another failure when an elderly woman walked over to where he was sitting.
She had been watching him since he had stepped into the graveyard. She could tell by the way he walked, the slow pace, the way he looked at the ground, the tears that shone in his eyes, which for one reason or another he would not allow to fall, that he was visiting someone special, she had mistakenly thought it was his father. She knew that in times of need, or trouble sometimes all people needed was a friendly shoulder or a reminder of happier times. "I'm sure that you were a wonderful son and that he loved you." She patted his shoulder and walked away.
He smiled as he put the letter back in his pocket; it was odd how much people just assumed. He had already figured that she thought that he was visiting a relative, the majority of people who visited cemeteries were. "Thank you." He said to both the woman and the tombstone. He reached over and let his fingers graze over the lettering. "I know now what needs to be done. I know that I need to continue on with the BAU, it is what you would want me to do. For a long time I blamed myself but now I get it. You wanted me to have a sounding board, you tried to be that for me but the things inside your head were just too much. Now I have a sounding board. You gave me the greatest thing that you could, even if you didn't know it. Thank you."
He stood up, straightened out his clothes and walked out of the graveyard. He wasn't sure if he had gotten it right. He wasn't foolish enough to believe that Gideon had ended his own life just for him but he knew that this was the only way that he would be able to cope. He knew now that he was ready to go back to work. He would go back to the BAU the next day with a spring in his step and a smile on his face.
THE END
He took the time to clean his apartment, go grocery shopping and attempt to re-evaluate what he wanted out of his life. He knew that leaving the BAU wasn't an option, they were his family and right now they were the only support network that he had. He knew that despite the way he acted and everything that he'd been though they were all rooting for him and waiting for him to pull through. Being that as it was there were some things that he needed to work through.
So he sat down and wrote everything out that had happened to him over the past year; the good, the bad; all the things that he wanted to change even though he knew that he couldn't. After deciding that there was nothing that he could do, he realized that there was only one thing left that he had to do.
He dressed in his best (the way that his father had always said that you should dress when you were paying your respects to the dead). Once he got to the cemetery and perched crossed-legged in front of Jason's tombstone, the letter that Jason had written in one hand and a bouquet of pink, red, white and yellow Zinnia's, as a token of remembrance to Gideon. He could still remember trying to explain to Jason why he liked some flowers better than others; it had all been the meaning of the flower (or the combination of flowers) not the colours.
He carefully placed the flowers on top of the tombstone. "I don't understand it, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. I'm not sure what hope any of us have in lasting very long in this profession. They keep telling me that you were unwell and that it has nothing to do with me and my failure to keep my head. I don't know if there is any truth to that. I find it too coincidental that both you and my father left me. Both Hotch and Morgan have tried reassuring me that it has nothing to do with me but I think that they are wrong. I think that in the long run it has everything to do with me and I am just that unwanted and easily ditched."
He shook his head, causing his hair to fall into his eyes, making him look that much younger. He felt ridiculous talking to a tombstone but his therapist, Strauss, Hotch, Morgan, J.J, Garcia and just about everyone else that talked to him, seemed to think that it was a really good idea. He failed to see how it would help and right now it really didn't seem to be doing anything. He was just about to chalk it up as another failure when an elderly woman walked over to where he was sitting.
She had been watching him since he had stepped into the graveyard. She could tell by the way he walked, the slow pace, the way he looked at the ground, the tears that shone in his eyes, which for one reason or another he would not allow to fall, that he was visiting someone special, she had mistakenly thought it was his father. She knew that in times of need, or trouble sometimes all people needed was a friendly shoulder or a reminder of happier times. "I'm sure that you were a wonderful son and that he loved you." She patted his shoulder and walked away.
He smiled as he put the letter back in his pocket; it was odd how much people just assumed. He had already figured that she thought that he was visiting a relative, the majority of people who visited cemeteries were. "Thank you." He said to both the woman and the tombstone. He reached over and let his fingers graze over the lettering. "I know now what needs to be done. I know that I need to continue on with the BAU, it is what you would want me to do. For a long time I blamed myself but now I get it. You wanted me to have a sounding board, you tried to be that for me but the things inside your head were just too much. Now I have a sounding board. You gave me the greatest thing that you could, even if you didn't know it. Thank you."
He stood up, straightened out his clothes and walked out of the graveyard. He wasn't sure if he had gotten it right. He wasn't foolish enough to believe that Gideon had ended his own life just for him but he knew that this was the only way that he would be able to cope. He knew now that he was ready to go back to work. He would go back to the BAU the next day with a spring in his step and a smile on his face.
THE END
Sign up to rate and review this story