Categories > TV > Criminal Minds > Saving Spencer Reid

Chapter 12

by Nuada 0 reviews

Please refer to chapter 1.

Category: Criminal Minds - Rating: G - Genres:  - Published: 2013-08-09 - 1355 words - Complete

As Reid had predicted the ride was silent. Spencer was trying so hard to stay awake but he felt safe. When you combine that with the warm air inside the car, the steady vibrations of the motor as well as the constant movement and it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out why he had fallen asleep so quickly.

Hotch had noticed Reid's breathing had evened out and although every fiber of his being was telling him to just take him home, he drove him to his apartment. He knew that he'd told Reid what he'd needed to hear; not necessarily what he'd been ready to hear. So he drove him home, knowing that for the most part all Reid needed was some descent sleep.

He parked near the entrance to the building and walked over to the passenger side door. He'd attempted to wake Reid up but shaking his shoulder and calling his name did nothing. He bent down and picked the young man up. Hotch was unsure as to how well that plan would work; he wasn't built like Derek and yes he could pick up Haley. Picking up your wife was a lot different from picking up your tall, male co-worker. Sadly, he found that he could pick him up with little to no problems. He deduced that Reid had lost more weight then what he'd previously thought.

Once inside his apartment he gently laid him on the couch, removed the doctor's shoes and covered him with the blanket that had been draped over the arm of the couch. He took a look around the apartment and knew that Reid was in trouble. Not only was Reid not dealing with Gideon's suicide very well but also he didn't seem to be keeping his apartment in its usual level of cleanliness.

There were books all over the place; as well as empty alcohol bottles all over the place. To satisfy his own curiosity he opened Reid's fridge; it was empty. As he opened one kitchen cupboard after another and found more of the same thing (they were empty).
Aaron debated on whether he should stay or if Spencer would be okay on his own. There was a lot that he wanted to discuss with the young genius but he also knew that most of that would have to wait.

He called Morgan to find out if he thought that leaving Spencer would be a good idea. Just as he was dialing his phone Reid started to whimper in his sleep. He shut his phone off and knelt beside the sleeping man. "It's okay Reid." He gently rubbed the other man's back as he realized that he was sobbing so hard that his entire body was shaking. If this is what it was like every time he tried to sleep it was no wonder the young man always looked tired.

Hotch got an idea, he knew that it would be seen as unprofessional but they weren't at work and if it worked maybe he would get some decent sleep. Hotch sat on the couch and picked the younger man up, with one hand under his neck and the other under his knees. This allowed him to cradle him like he had done with Jack when he was small and had had a nightmare.

He sat on the couch, cradling Reid and gently rocking back and forth. He was a bit surprised, knowing what he did about Spencer's childhood. He knew that as a general rule Spencer wasn't one for physical contact that was why he was surprised that Reid had let himself be picked up in the first place. He had been further surprised when the doctor seemed to be completely relaxed and how easily he seemed to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

Aaron sat there for three hours while the young man slept. Aaron would smile every once in awhile as the genius would mumble in his sleep. Aaron would have continued to sit there until Reid had decided to wake up but his back had started to go numb and that was when he realized that he had to move. The minute he put Spencer down so that he was laying on the couch, the younger man started to move in his sleep. Hotch went to pick him back up; thinking that he could cradle him again and get him back to sleep. As soon as he touched the doctor, Spencer yelped and sat up. His eyes were side and frightened, with tears already making their way down his face. He angrily wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry. I seem to be doing this a lot lately."

Hotch put his hand on Reid's shoulder. "It'll be okay. And you don't need to keep apologizing; you've done nothing wrong. You've been having a hard time dealing with this and you've turned to a coping mechanism that hundreds, if not thousands of other people have done."

"Statistically only…"

Hotch put his hand up to silence Reid, he really wasn't interested in statistics and knew that Spencer was using that as a way to change the subject. "Reid, you are not a statistic. And you can't keep hiding your feelings; sooner or later you're going break. When you finally do it won't be pretty."

Spencer shook his head. "You're wrong Hotch."

Hotch raised an eyebrow in surprise and gestured to the mess that seemed to have accumulated everywhere. "Normally this place is so clean and neat that the landlord doubts there is someone living here. I took the liberty of looking in your cupboards, when was the last time you went grocery shopping?" Although his words were clearly accusing Spencer of self-neglect, his tone was gentle. He needed Spencer to realize that the way he was handling things was wrong but that he'd expected him to have done that and that he was willing to help him fix the damage.

"I know you don't believe me but I will be fine. I've just let a few things slip." Reid knew that he was taking a long shot; lying to Hotch. They were all profilers. They had told Garcia time and time again that it was pointless lying to them, they would find out the truth one way or another.

"Reid…" Hotch shook his head.

Reid closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do. I thought I did, I really thought that I could beat this. I thought that after everything that had happened, after reading his letter, going to the funeral and seeing for myself that Gideon was actually gone, I would be able to rationalize it, I could get over it and continue on with my life. But I can't get it out of my head. Every time I close my eyes he is there, in my head, trying to either tell me something or he's yelling at me; telling me to smarten up and pull it together. I'm so lost. He was my mentor; if I had known that Gideon would just up and leave, I don't know if I would have bothered with joining the BAU or even the FBI." As he spoke his crying got worse. He knew that what Spencer had just told him, was private. It was obvious that that was something that he probably hadn't told another soul.

"There is no harm in feeling that way, we all do at one point in time or another. That comes with any job; you do it long enough and it becomes tedious. But those feelings aside, try imagining what your life would be like if you weren't getting up and doing this everyday."

Reid tilted his head. "I never thought of doing anything else. It was always this."

Aaron smiled. That was exactly the answer he'd hoped for. "And that was nothing to do with Jason Gideon, that is all you."

Reid reached over and squeezed Hotch's hand. "Thank you." All Hotch did was offer and a smile as he gently squeezed Reid’s hand in return.
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