Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Just Playing Dead
He had yelled at Shannon to get out, had told him that he was tired of everyone playing ridiculous jokes on him. He’d been through too much already, hadn’t he? To fall for all of this without him starting to ask questions. Was all of this a game? A joke? Was all of this just one big web of lies thrown on him? He was scared, he was unnerved by the idea that all this was created by someone he knew. Tortured by the hands of someone close.
He shook his head at the thought. That was insane. Absolutely and entirely insane. No one would do something like that. No one would purposely make him unwind in a whirlwind of near insanity. Who would do that? The people in his life were people he cared about, why would they do things that were so horrible? The things he had suffered through were more than just jokes and games. The things he had witnessed, suffered through were agonizing torments of the mind.
Lifting his eyes he took Harlow’s form into his gaze again and swallowed down harshly. When was she going to wake up? When would those soothing eyes of hers open so he could look into them again? When would she be able to take her into his arms again and feel the warmth of comfort he’d been apart from for so long? He hoped soon. He needed her here with him. And with her awake that would mean there would be another witness to the man who had done this.
They hadn’t found anything! How could that be? That was simply impossible. He had been in that house and he would never mistake it for some other place. That house was burned into his memory, the only thing he saw when he opened his eyes. The only thing that met his gaze when he drifted. It was in his nightmares, it was the ghost that walked alongside him. He had almost died there, how could he possibly forget it?
And they hadn’t found the man. How hadn’t they found his body? He had twisted the knife in him, he had killed him, he’d made damn sure of it. He had twisted the blade of his knife into his stomach, had watched all life drain from his features. He still bore the wounds that marked his body, could still feel the sticky way that the blood had clung to him. How could anyone say that the body couldn’t be found?
He leaned forward with a heavy sigh, rubbing at his face and pushing his hand back through his hair. This entire thing was enough to drive him crazy. His hand was throbbing as he looked down at the heavy bandage. He hadn’t remembered the wound again, how could he forget. Unless it had happened when he had been in that house. No, no it had happened before then, when he’d been admitted into the psychiatric ward.
He nearly clawed at his hair when his thoughts became incoherent. He wasn’t sure what the hell was happening to him but the incoherent way his mind was throwing different thoughts out was becoming violent and he couldn’t suppress it. He’d heard the doctor telling him when he’d arrived that he was in shock, that sometimes one lost track of themselves when things like this happened. He’d killed someone, enemy or not, and that was a heavy burned for anyone to carry. The doctor had suggested a psychiatrist but he was fine, he wasn’t crazy. He was going to be just fine.
He leaned forward, setting his bandaged hand over Harlow’s an blinked several tears onto his skin. “Things are going to be alright.” He whispered to her, to himself, to anyone in his life that felt incredibly hopeless about this entire situation. He wanted to pray but there weren’t any words coming to his mind. Where were they? Why couldn’t he conjure any up? “Things are going to be alright.” He repeated, tightening his hand on Harlow’s as a short breath escaped his lips.
The door opened and Jared immediately pulled his hand away from Harlow’s. He recognized the clicking sound of the nurses shoes. She glanced at him and instead of a usual flirtatious smile that he would have gotten at any time before he got one full of sympathy. She was silently telling him that he didn’t have to move from Harlow but he stayed withdrawn, suddenly having crawled into himself again.
He watched the nurse check Harlow, probing her unconscious body before he let his eyes close. He wouldn’t move, that had been the rule going around the hospital about him. He wasn’t going to leave her laying in that bed on his own. They let him sit there, having already tended to his injuries. He wouldn’t move until she woke up.
He slipped into sleep, a thin one. He couldn’t even grasp onto any images that had flickered their way into his unconsciousness. He was asleep though, his body could feel just a bit of rest passing over him. He didn’t want dreams. He never had them anymore, the medication he was on deprived him of that. Even when he wanted to dream about Harlow, her sweet comfort. He never got it. All he dreamed of was darkness and that’s all he could grasp onto now.
After awhile his eyes opened and he looked around the hospital room. It was sun lit and bright suddenly. He had actually slept through the night. He slowly stood up, trying to stretch as his body had become a figure of aches all over from the position he had been sitting in. He let out a yawn and mussed his fingers in the length of his hair. He was still tired but he would be able to catch up on all that sleep, wherever it had gone, whenever he had the time to.
He looked down at Harlow and suddenly her eyes were open and on him. He startled, backing away a little before it registered in his mind that she was finally awake. He almost couldn’t believe it. His eyes widened and he rushed to the bed. But something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She seemed to be trying desperately to get away from him despite her limited movement. She reached for the button to call the nurse frantically.
"Harlow baby, what’s the matter?" He asked, still keeping his distance from her. But she didn’t answer and suddenly the nurses were in the room, frantically checking her, asking her questions.
Jared backed away a little, his heart racing rapidly as confusion spiraled its way inside of him. He felt himself being taken from the room as Harlow’s cries, pleas for him to leave echoed in his ears.
He shook his head at the thought. That was insane. Absolutely and entirely insane. No one would do something like that. No one would purposely make him unwind in a whirlwind of near insanity. Who would do that? The people in his life were people he cared about, why would they do things that were so horrible? The things he had suffered through were more than just jokes and games. The things he had witnessed, suffered through were agonizing torments of the mind.
Lifting his eyes he took Harlow’s form into his gaze again and swallowed down harshly. When was she going to wake up? When would those soothing eyes of hers open so he could look into them again? When would she be able to take her into his arms again and feel the warmth of comfort he’d been apart from for so long? He hoped soon. He needed her here with him. And with her awake that would mean there would be another witness to the man who had done this.
They hadn’t found anything! How could that be? That was simply impossible. He had been in that house and he would never mistake it for some other place. That house was burned into his memory, the only thing he saw when he opened his eyes. The only thing that met his gaze when he drifted. It was in his nightmares, it was the ghost that walked alongside him. He had almost died there, how could he possibly forget it?
And they hadn’t found the man. How hadn’t they found his body? He had twisted the knife in him, he had killed him, he’d made damn sure of it. He had twisted the blade of his knife into his stomach, had watched all life drain from his features. He still bore the wounds that marked his body, could still feel the sticky way that the blood had clung to him. How could anyone say that the body couldn’t be found?
He leaned forward with a heavy sigh, rubbing at his face and pushing his hand back through his hair. This entire thing was enough to drive him crazy. His hand was throbbing as he looked down at the heavy bandage. He hadn’t remembered the wound again, how could he forget. Unless it had happened when he had been in that house. No, no it had happened before then, when he’d been admitted into the psychiatric ward.
He nearly clawed at his hair when his thoughts became incoherent. He wasn’t sure what the hell was happening to him but the incoherent way his mind was throwing different thoughts out was becoming violent and he couldn’t suppress it. He’d heard the doctor telling him when he’d arrived that he was in shock, that sometimes one lost track of themselves when things like this happened. He’d killed someone, enemy or not, and that was a heavy burned for anyone to carry. The doctor had suggested a psychiatrist but he was fine, he wasn’t crazy. He was going to be just fine.
He leaned forward, setting his bandaged hand over Harlow’s an blinked several tears onto his skin. “Things are going to be alright.” He whispered to her, to himself, to anyone in his life that felt incredibly hopeless about this entire situation. He wanted to pray but there weren’t any words coming to his mind. Where were they? Why couldn’t he conjure any up? “Things are going to be alright.” He repeated, tightening his hand on Harlow’s as a short breath escaped his lips.
The door opened and Jared immediately pulled his hand away from Harlow’s. He recognized the clicking sound of the nurses shoes. She glanced at him and instead of a usual flirtatious smile that he would have gotten at any time before he got one full of sympathy. She was silently telling him that he didn’t have to move from Harlow but he stayed withdrawn, suddenly having crawled into himself again.
He watched the nurse check Harlow, probing her unconscious body before he let his eyes close. He wouldn’t move, that had been the rule going around the hospital about him. He wasn’t going to leave her laying in that bed on his own. They let him sit there, having already tended to his injuries. He wouldn’t move until she woke up.
He slipped into sleep, a thin one. He couldn’t even grasp onto any images that had flickered their way into his unconsciousness. He was asleep though, his body could feel just a bit of rest passing over him. He didn’t want dreams. He never had them anymore, the medication he was on deprived him of that. Even when he wanted to dream about Harlow, her sweet comfort. He never got it. All he dreamed of was darkness and that’s all he could grasp onto now.
After awhile his eyes opened and he looked around the hospital room. It was sun lit and bright suddenly. He had actually slept through the night. He slowly stood up, trying to stretch as his body had become a figure of aches all over from the position he had been sitting in. He let out a yawn and mussed his fingers in the length of his hair. He was still tired but he would be able to catch up on all that sleep, wherever it had gone, whenever he had the time to.
He looked down at Harlow and suddenly her eyes were open and on him. He startled, backing away a little before it registered in his mind that she was finally awake. He almost couldn’t believe it. His eyes widened and he rushed to the bed. But something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She seemed to be trying desperately to get away from him despite her limited movement. She reached for the button to call the nurse frantically.
"Harlow baby, what’s the matter?" He asked, still keeping his distance from her. But she didn’t answer and suddenly the nurses were in the room, frantically checking her, asking her questions.
Jared backed away a little, his heart racing rapidly as confusion spiraled its way inside of him. He felt himself being taken from the room as Harlow’s cries, pleas for him to leave echoed in his ears.
Sign up to rate and review this story