Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Just Playing Dead
He sat in the waiting room, staring ahead of himself as a million different thoughts came plaguing in his mind. There was too much to be feared at the moment. He'd gone through too much, seen too much to be knocked down by hope now. It had to be something to do with her medication, her being startled by someone being so near to her. It couldn't have been what it seemed to be. Why would Harlow ever be afraid of him? He'd done nothing at all but love her, protect her. She couldn't be so upset about him killing that man that had nearly killed them both. That would just not make any sense at all.
He swallowed down harshly, looking up when the door opened. It was a nurse, her eyes softened towards him and full of sympathy. She had seen the display of Harlow's panic, had been there when her screams began to echo down the hall. That's what was reflected in her eyes now. Something soft and full of a warm concern.
But Jared wasn't sure if that's what he wanted. He wasn't sure if being pitied was something he could deal with. He loved Harlow. He didn't need anyone telling him that she wasn't herself because that was clearly obvious. How could she be herself when she sat there frantically pleading with him to leave? That wasn't like her at all.
"Mr.Leto, Harlow is sedated, she'll be up in the morning." The nurse softly told him.
Jared nodded, tucking fallen strands of his hair behind his ear as he let out a small sigh. He got the image of her laying unconscious in that bed again and he wasn't sure if he could see her that way again. She always had her eyes opened, watching the world pass her by and become solely hers for the taking. She was never one to close her eyes to anything. She was who the world revolved around, her sweetness.
The nurse didn't turn around and leave though. She stared at him for a couple of silent moments before entering further into the room. She hesitated behind him and then took the seat beside him. After a few silent seconds she turned her eyes to his, an unmoving gaze that looked like she wanted to probe into whatever was flickering through his mind.
"Mr. Leto....Jared." She spoke softly and with such familiarity Jared was shocked. She pressed her lips together before softly sighing. "Everything will be alright. She's just, with the medicine, she's not herself."
And there it was. That same old and tired medical term for every outburst a patient gave. They were never themselves. How was Jared supposed to believe that now? She had been so afraid. What if she hated him for killing that man? What if things were going to change now that the darkness had reappeared? Could he really stand there, believing in a nurses word.
"And if this happens tomorrow?" He questioned, his brows lightly knitting together as he met the nurses searching gaze. What exactly was she looking at? What was she trying to figure out? If it was him then she had a completely different outcome ahead. He didn't open up. He couldn't bear to.
She sighed, pushing her blonde hair back as she lightly shook her head. "I don't know." She replied softly, not wanting to break the thin wire she had set out in deciding to come on in here to talk to him. "But, we should always have a bit of hope." She replied, a gentle and barely there smile spreading on her lips.
"Hope." Jared whispered, playing with the word as if it was the most foreign thing he had ever spoken. And really it was. He hadn't found true and actual hope in such a long time all it felt like was a broken and tried thing that he could no longer grasp onto. What was he expected to do? Promise everyone around that there was hope? He had nothing of this hope that everyone seemed to experience. Everyone but him.
She nodded, her eyes suddenly persistent in their gentleness. She reached out, her small hand taking hold of his gently. Her familiarity was almost off putting, those probing eyes that held his. "Don't lose hope." She whispered, showing no sign that she was going to let him go, that she would let this go until she was certain he hadn't 'lost hope'.
His brows tensed a little, looking down at her hand on his and then back into her eyes. "What do you know?" He questioned, staring closer to her, his own eyes searching hers desperately. What was her sudden interest? Had she been here before? Had she really been the one in the room with him and Harlow just now? Who was this woman?
She sighed softly and seemed to think about his question. Lightly she trailed her nails over the skin of his hand as she slowly shook her head. "Someone who cares." She whispered, leaning closer to him. If he wasn't in the deteriorated state he was in he would have thought she was going to kiss him. "Someone who you might belong with."
His eyes widened as he stared at her. She was moving, getting off where she was sitting. She moved down on her knees in front of where he was sitting. Her hands set on his thighs as she held his eyes.
"Who the hell are you?' He questioned, nearly immobile as he tried to understand what the hell she was doing. he didn't even know who this woman was, what she was doing sitting here with him in the waiting room.
"I already told you." She replied, reaching out and lightly brushing his hair back that had fallen from the mussed tie it was held back in.
He hissed at her touch and shook his head. "Get the hell away from me." He ordered, a glare heavy in his eyes.
She didn't make a move to leave and he sat there, watching her with a million thoughts rushing through his head. What if she was the one he was looking for? What if she was the one that had been doing this whole thing all along? But no, he had killed that man, he had killed him. There could've been two. There could always be two.
He stared at the nurse wide eyed as he watched her lips move but he didn't listen to anything that she said. He had a heavy and glaring fear roaming inside of him that seemed to be a permanent part of him suddenly.
Her lips brushed to his and he let out a near yell. Her lips tasted of poison, death, fear, months and months of traumatic agony. He shook his head, another yell escaping his lips as her lips moved against his.
He let out another yell and nearly jumped up. She watched him, her expression impassive and her eyes suddenly cold. It was her! It'd always been her! Two or not, this was her.
He shook his head, tears springing burning to his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He'd been in that hospital room with Harlow the whole time while she was standing here all along. What if she had told Harlow something and that was the reason for her reaction? He couldn't deny that that would make a lot of sense, especially with her sitting there before him, questioning him silently.
Finally the door shot open and Shannon rushed in, worry written on his features. His eyes scanned the room until he looked at Jared and rushed to him. "What's wrong?' he softly asked, his hands closing over Jared's shoulders carefully.
Jared's panic stricken eyes blazed into Shannon's as tears flooded his face. "She...it's her! The nurse! She's after me" He cried out, his finger pointing in the direction of the nurse who was still sitting there blankly staring, coldly.
He broke free from Shannon and rushed from the room, letting out a cry as he ran.
Shannon cursed under his breath and took out his phone. He waited while it rang and then sighed with relief when someone picked up. "He ran again..." He said sadly, pushing his hand back through his hair. "He said there was a nurse...Yeah..." He sighed and looked around the empty room. "...there isn't anyone here."
He swallowed down harshly, looking up when the door opened. It was a nurse, her eyes softened towards him and full of sympathy. She had seen the display of Harlow's panic, had been there when her screams began to echo down the hall. That's what was reflected in her eyes now. Something soft and full of a warm concern.
But Jared wasn't sure if that's what he wanted. He wasn't sure if being pitied was something he could deal with. He loved Harlow. He didn't need anyone telling him that she wasn't herself because that was clearly obvious. How could she be herself when she sat there frantically pleading with him to leave? That wasn't like her at all.
"Mr.Leto, Harlow is sedated, she'll be up in the morning." The nurse softly told him.
Jared nodded, tucking fallen strands of his hair behind his ear as he let out a small sigh. He got the image of her laying unconscious in that bed again and he wasn't sure if he could see her that way again. She always had her eyes opened, watching the world pass her by and become solely hers for the taking. She was never one to close her eyes to anything. She was who the world revolved around, her sweetness.
The nurse didn't turn around and leave though. She stared at him for a couple of silent moments before entering further into the room. She hesitated behind him and then took the seat beside him. After a few silent seconds she turned her eyes to his, an unmoving gaze that looked like she wanted to probe into whatever was flickering through his mind.
"Mr. Leto....Jared." She spoke softly and with such familiarity Jared was shocked. She pressed her lips together before softly sighing. "Everything will be alright. She's just, with the medicine, she's not herself."
And there it was. That same old and tired medical term for every outburst a patient gave. They were never themselves. How was Jared supposed to believe that now? She had been so afraid. What if she hated him for killing that man? What if things were going to change now that the darkness had reappeared? Could he really stand there, believing in a nurses word.
"And if this happens tomorrow?" He questioned, his brows lightly knitting together as he met the nurses searching gaze. What exactly was she looking at? What was she trying to figure out? If it was him then she had a completely different outcome ahead. He didn't open up. He couldn't bear to.
She sighed, pushing her blonde hair back as she lightly shook her head. "I don't know." She replied softly, not wanting to break the thin wire she had set out in deciding to come on in here to talk to him. "But, we should always have a bit of hope." She replied, a gentle and barely there smile spreading on her lips.
"Hope." Jared whispered, playing with the word as if it was the most foreign thing he had ever spoken. And really it was. He hadn't found true and actual hope in such a long time all it felt like was a broken and tried thing that he could no longer grasp onto. What was he expected to do? Promise everyone around that there was hope? He had nothing of this hope that everyone seemed to experience. Everyone but him.
She nodded, her eyes suddenly persistent in their gentleness. She reached out, her small hand taking hold of his gently. Her familiarity was almost off putting, those probing eyes that held his. "Don't lose hope." She whispered, showing no sign that she was going to let him go, that she would let this go until she was certain he hadn't 'lost hope'.
His brows tensed a little, looking down at her hand on his and then back into her eyes. "What do you know?" He questioned, staring closer to her, his own eyes searching hers desperately. What was her sudden interest? Had she been here before? Had she really been the one in the room with him and Harlow just now? Who was this woman?
She sighed softly and seemed to think about his question. Lightly she trailed her nails over the skin of his hand as she slowly shook her head. "Someone who cares." She whispered, leaning closer to him. If he wasn't in the deteriorated state he was in he would have thought she was going to kiss him. "Someone who you might belong with."
His eyes widened as he stared at her. She was moving, getting off where she was sitting. She moved down on her knees in front of where he was sitting. Her hands set on his thighs as she held his eyes.
"Who the hell are you?' He questioned, nearly immobile as he tried to understand what the hell she was doing. he didn't even know who this woman was, what she was doing sitting here with him in the waiting room.
"I already told you." She replied, reaching out and lightly brushing his hair back that had fallen from the mussed tie it was held back in.
He hissed at her touch and shook his head. "Get the hell away from me." He ordered, a glare heavy in his eyes.
She didn't make a move to leave and he sat there, watching her with a million thoughts rushing through his head. What if she was the one he was looking for? What if she was the one that had been doing this whole thing all along? But no, he had killed that man, he had killed him. There could've been two. There could always be two.
He stared at the nurse wide eyed as he watched her lips move but he didn't listen to anything that she said. He had a heavy and glaring fear roaming inside of him that seemed to be a permanent part of him suddenly.
Her lips brushed to his and he let out a near yell. Her lips tasted of poison, death, fear, months and months of traumatic agony. He shook his head, another yell escaping his lips as her lips moved against his.
He let out another yell and nearly jumped up. She watched him, her expression impassive and her eyes suddenly cold. It was her! It'd always been her! Two or not, this was her.
He shook his head, tears springing burning to his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He'd been in that hospital room with Harlow the whole time while she was standing here all along. What if she had told Harlow something and that was the reason for her reaction? He couldn't deny that that would make a lot of sense, especially with her sitting there before him, questioning him silently.
Finally the door shot open and Shannon rushed in, worry written on his features. His eyes scanned the room until he looked at Jared and rushed to him. "What's wrong?' he softly asked, his hands closing over Jared's shoulders carefully.
Jared's panic stricken eyes blazed into Shannon's as tears flooded his face. "She...it's her! The nurse! She's after me" He cried out, his finger pointing in the direction of the nurse who was still sitting there blankly staring, coldly.
He broke free from Shannon and rushed from the room, letting out a cry as he ran.
Shannon cursed under his breath and took out his phone. He waited while it rang and then sighed with relief when someone picked up. "He ran again..." He said sadly, pushing his hand back through his hair. "He said there was a nurse...Yeah..." He sighed and looked around the empty room. "...there isn't anyone here."
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