FicWad

Thank you a billion times to my twitter friend and fabulous BETA @tellmeimanangel!!!! follow her on twitter and say 'hi' (or don't say hi but you're missing out if you don't). So thank you Caitlin-number-one and sorry for making you cry with this, oh my. Also follow my twitters: @whereareyoucas and @plzdean or my tumblr i-am-the-ghost-of-you.tumblr.com for updates!! thanks!!

Castiel woke up the next morning due to hushed voices and the mention of his name. When he opened his eyes he found Balthazar and Sam sitting over him frowning with suspicion.
“What the hell are you guys doing? Seriously…why were you watching me sleep?” Castiel yawned. He sat up slowly and found that his body ached more than it had done yesterday.
“We weren’t watching you sleep.” Sam said.
“We were wondering where the hell that thing came from.” Balthazar sniggered.
“What ‘thing’?”
“That thing on your neck.” Balthazar said. He turned to Sam and the two frowned at each other. Castiel jumped from his sleeping bag and near-sprinted over to the mirror.

It took him a few seconds to work out what the guys had been talking about, but soon enough he saw the dark red mark sitting there on the side of his neck. He pulled the collar of his shirt down a little bit, and sure enough his skin was littered with smaller red marks, luckily hidden out of sight. Hickeys.

“Shit.” He hissed to himself as he turned back around. Sam and Balthazar were both sitting, staring at him with raised eyebrows.
“I’m sure as hell that wasn’t there yesterday.” Balthazar laughed.
Castiel felt his face flush. “It was.” He lied quickly. “It was just hard to see because of the jacket I was wearing.”
“Thank god. I was starting to think things got a bit heated between the three of us while we slept last night.” Balthazar laughed.
“Yeah, no, sorry about that.” Castiel frowned as he sat back down. He glanced over at Sam who was sat pale, frowning with a look of hilarity on his face; he’d definitely guessed what had happened when Castiel went to visit his older brother in his bedroom last night.
“So, what was it like?” Balthazar asked.
Sam and Castiel both frowned.
“What?” Castiel choked.
“You know…the sex with the girl who gave you that.”
Castiel frowned, “What gir-”
“Morning sunshines.” A voice cut Castiel off midsentence.

The three of them turned around to see Dean standing in the doorway. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms across his chest, but didn’t take his eyes off Castiel once. Castiel felt his face flush and he looked away.
“I was just wondering if you kids wanted any breakfast? Maybe Cas could help me make pancakes.”
“Pancakes sound good.” Sam said quickly, trying not to notice the fact his brother was continually staring his friend up and down. “Go on, Cas. Go make us some breakfast.”
Castiel nodded nervously and quickly got up. As he passed Dean he felt his breath tickle his ear, and it made his cheeks redden even more. Luckily, this time, there was nobody to see it.

* * *

Castiel followed Dean downstairs into the dimly-lit kitchen, and watched as he hurried around every cupboard looking for a mixing bowl and a frying pan, as well as all of the ingredients.
“Sleep well?” Dean asked as he poured the ingredients into the bowl.
“Mm hm.” Castiel mumbled shyly, not daring to look up at Dean for fear he’d blush uncontrollably.
“I dreamt about you, Cas. We were lying on a beach together somewhere along the west coast. The breeze was blowing through your hair and you looked so goddamn happy.”
Castiel grinned up at Dean. “Maybe we should do that sometime. You know, lie together on a beach somewhere west.”
“This summer.” Is all Dean replied as he poured the mixed mixture into the pan.

Castiel stepped forward and lifted the pan onto the hob, poking the raw mixture with a spatula. Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder near enough for him to give small kisses behind his ear. Castiel felt safe like that in Dean’s arms. He never wanted him to let go; not ever.

But the moment was ruined by the sound of a glass smashing on the linoleum floor.

Both boys quickly looked over to see Dean’s father, John, standing in the archway, fists clenched down by his side, face burning red.
“What in god’s name is going on here?” He breathed angrily. “IN MY OWN HOME?”
John’s raised voice frightened Castiel, and he found himself turning away to bury his face in Dean’s chest. He held onto Dean’s shirt with sweaty palms and closes his eyes so tight he began to see stars.
“Dad…” was all Dean could bare to say before he was cut off by the sound of a second glass smashing – a bottle this time.
“Don’t you dare say a word, boy.” John hissed. “You have no right to speak in this house. You know the rules…yet you still insist on bringing your little faggot home? It’s disgusting, Dean. I’ve warned you that I would not allow him to set foot in this house or I would punish him as I punished you.”
“You won’t touch him. I won’t let you.” Dean said, holding Castiel’s head close to his chest. “I won’t let you lay a goddamn finger on him.”
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY A WORD.”
Castiel began to cry.
“If mom was here, she’d let me love him.” Dean said coldly. “She would’ve let me invite him home for dinner with the family…perhaps even taken us out to a restaurant someplace fancy. She wouldn’t have cared if I was in love with a guy or a girl…she would’ve just cared that I was in love.”
“Firstly, you’re a seventeen year old boy, Dean - you’re not in love. Secondly your mother’s dead. Don’t you dare bring her into this, you know she-”
“Would’ve supported me like any decent parent should? Yeah, I know that, Dad.” Dean spat. “She’d be turning in her grave if she knew some of the things you’ve said to me…or the many times you’ve beaten me.”
“I told you, boy,” John growled, “don’t you dare bring her into this.”
“I mean, I was fine with it when you first hit me, you know? I’m the oldest, right? I’m more responsible and I should get punished when I’m wrong. But then you went and brought Sammy into it. You hit my little brother. Who knows? Maybe if mom was still here, you would’ve hit her too. Mom never be able to even look you in the eye if she-”
“ENOUGH!” John yelled.

He lunged forward and grabbed Castiel by the hair, but Dean reacted by grasping his father’s throat in return. Dean squeezed his throat ever so slightly with one hand, as he continued to hold a somewhat distraught Castiel’s waist with the other. Castiel looked up at Dean with pleading eyes as his father refused to let go of his hair.
“Let go of him, you sick bastard. He’s been through enough abuse in his life…and he doesn’t need it from you too.” Dean said straight, looking his father dead in the eyes. “I told you to let go of him.”
“You think…you’re oh-so-powerful,” John coughed, “but you’re nothing more…than a pathetic…repulsive…sickening piece of shit. You’re not my son, Dean.”
Dean tried to hide his trembling lip. “Well you were never a father to me. You should be grateful Sammy doesn’t see the real you. You should be grateful none of your friends know how much of a coward you really are, drinking away the pain you still feel for mom every night, because you can’t bare to face the fact that she’s gone, buried six feet under the ground in a wooden box, and she’s never coming back. She was foolish to have ever loved a man like you. She deserved so much better.”
“You’ve gone too far…this time, boy. I want you to leave…this house and…never…come back.” He choked under Dean’s grasp.
“Gladly, you self-obsessed, sick-in-the-head bastard. I’ll leave, if you let go of my boyfriend’s hair and I’ll leave if you swear to god you’ll never touch the kid ever again.” Dean hissed.
John’s face began to grow purple, and he let go of Cas. Dean pulled Castiel close again and slowly let go of his father’s throat. Just as Dean leaned down to kiss Castiel’s tear stained cheek, he received a blow across the jaw. But Dean didn’t react to the punch; he just straightened his head and looked directly at John with a look of such hatred that he could barely contain it.
“Go to hell.” Dean muttered as he shook his head slowly. “Go. To. Hell.”

* * *

“What are you going to do, Dean? You can’t just leave…you have nowhere to go! I mean, I’d offer you to come live with me but I don’t think my foster family would particularly warm to that idea and there’s also the fact we’re dating and I-”
“It’s fine.” Dean said distractedly, shutting his bedroom door loudly. He dived straight for a bag hanging on the back of his door and hurriedly began to shove essentials into it; some shirts, underwear, jeans, his money…
“Just stop a second, okay?” Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm but he just shook him off.
“Leave it, Cas. Just leave it, okay? I can figure this out…it will be okay.”
“It’s not going to be okay! You have nowhere to go! I’m not just going to let you go off on your own to god-knows-where! You’ll get hurt…you’ll get sick…you’ll-”
“JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU?” Dean yelled. It startled Castiel and he flinched, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.
“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel said quietly, slightly taken aback from Dean’s outburst.
“No.” Dean said quickly. “Don’t say sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.”
“It’s fine.”

The room was painfully silent as Dean packed his bag and Castiel just watched. He wished there was just something he could do to ease Dean of some of his stress, but there was nothing that came to mind. He knew that speaking wouldn’t help anything and Dean was too angry to stand still long enough for Castiel to hug him. Besides, the last thing he probably wants around after everything that had just happened was his pathetic little boyfriend. This was all Castiel’s fault. Everything was always Castiel’s fault, wasn’t it?

Castiel decided that the best thing to do would be to leave the room, so he headed back to Sam’s room and found that Balthazar had gone home already.
“Is everything okay?” Sam asked as Castiel hid his face in his hands.
“Dean’s leaving. Your father doesn’t want him here anymore.” Castiel said carefully. He looked up slowly and found that Sam was frowning at him.
“What do you mean he’s ‘leaving’?”
“What else do you want me to say, Sam? He’s leaving and I have no idea what he’s gonna do. He’s angry. Your father’s angry too.”
Sam shook his head. “No…no…he can’t leave. I’ll talk to dad! I’ll talk to both of them! I can make this better…I can make him stay!” Sam said quickly.
“There’s no point, Sam. He’s made up his mind.”
“I can fix this.” Sam muttered.

He half-sprinted into Dean’s room and pushed his big brother down onto the bed.
“What the hell are you doing, Dean?” Sam yelled.
Castiel watched fearfully from the doorway, hidden out of sight.
“I’m doing what I should’ve done a long time ago.”
“Where are you gonna go?! We have no one.” Sam spat. “What would mom say if she knew you were trying to take off like this?”
“Well mom’s not here.”
“Just stop.” Sam sighed.
“I can make my own choices, Sammy. I’m going to South Dakota to stay with Bobby.” He said finally, standing up.
“Hold on a second,” Sam said, raising a hand in utter disbelief, “You are not leaving Kansas.”
“Well, bad news, I am.”
“You’re just going to leave Castiel here while you go turn into some angsty runaway?”
Castiel gripped the door frame so hard that the paint began to crumble beneath his fingertips.
“It’s my only option. Like you said, we have nobody. But we have Bobby.”
“I won’t let you leave Cas behind.”
“WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE?”
“You have the option of staying in the goddamned state! Even better, you could stay here in Lawrence! I thought you loved him.” Sam said bitterly. “It doesn’t make sense…you’re getting kicked out of our home for loving him, so what’s the point of leaving if you’re not going to be with him?”
“He can find somebody else. I got him into this shit…he didn’t even like guys before I told him I loved him. I don’t want him to live a shit-filled life where he’s judged for who he loves, okay? If I go, he can be normal again. I’ve caused so much trouble for him already…it’s best he just moves on.”

Castiel stepped into the room. His whole body was trembling and his eyes were red-raw. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to look either of them in the eye.
“I’m coming with you.”
“NO.” Both brothers said in unison.
Dean stepped forward. “I need to get out of this place, Cas.”
“Don’t leave me, Dean. Please don’t leave me.”
“I…I’m sorry, okay? It’s for the best.” Dean tried to blink the tears away, but nothing could stop him from feeling the pain in the bottom of his chest as he stood inches from the one person he’s ever truly loved and told him that he was leaving him behind.
“No…no it’s not for the best!” Castiel said angrily. He finally looked up at Dean with so much fury in his eyes that it nearly shocked Dean. “What part of your fucked-up plan is for the best? You always do what you want, Dean. I’ve given up everything for you because you wanted it.” Castiel began to cry harder. “What about me?”
“Cas, I-”
“WHAT ABOUT ME?” he near-screamed. “You can lie and say you loved me all this time, Dean, but it’s clear to me now that you didn’t. If you loved me as much as you said you did, you would find it harder to leave. Maybe you wouldn’t want to leave? You made me love you, Dean. Why did you make me do that? An ego boost? A test? Well, fuck you. You made me fall in love with you for nothing…and I hate you for that. I hate you so much.”