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It's been 5 weeks since Pete left for the European tour. I've never felt so lonely in my life. The only thing that has been bringing me joy is the fact that my belly is just now starting to grow. I'm 16 weeks along right now, so almost halfway through the pregnancy! I have been doing my best to hide my growing belly because Pete and I haven't announced it yet. Rumors of our impending divorce are still circling the celebrity gossip pages and television shows. Pete had our publicist release a statement saying that we weren't getting divorced, but hinted at separation. I've been followed by more paparazzi these past few weeks than we have since the new FOB CD came out. In order to conceal the pregnancy, I've had to wear lots of hoodies and baggy shirts.

I got back from my doctor's appointment and texted Pete. I wasn't sure if he was awake or not still. It was late on Germany.

Kiley: just got back from the doctor. baby is healthy!

I set my phone down on the nightstand in the guest room. I've been sleeping in here the past few weeks. The bedroom that Pete and I used to share is just too depressing. My anger towards Pete about the whole Meagan issue and separating from me just to get my attention is gone. The whole Meagan thing still makes me question how much Pete really wants me. I know he's been dying to have a baby for so long. That desire makes me afraid that he wants to make it work because of the baby alone, not because he still wants me. I truly wonder what he would have done if there was no baby.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I picked it up.

Pete: :):):):) hows the mommy?

I couldn't help but smile about that. Lately he's been asking more about me than the baby. Probably because I only tell him about the baby.

Kiley: gained 10 pounds, all belly, but healthy

Pete: send me a pic i want to see

I stood in front of the tall mirror in the guest room and took off my hoodie. I was wearing a tight tank top underneath, which completely showed the shape of my growing belly. I turned to the side and took a picture of my belly. I sent it to Pete immediately. My phone rang within 2 minutes of sending the picture.

"Hey," I said.

"You look so beautiful," he said softly. The tone of his voice warmed my heart.

"Thanks."

"I come back in 6 days," he reminded me.

"I know."

"Can I come see you when I get back?" He sounded nervous.

"Yeah... sure."

"Good," he said softly. I heard him sigh. "Kiley, I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too, Pete."

"I want to come home," Pete said, sounding incredibly sad. I wasn't ready for this conversation yet. He keeps trying to talk about getting back together.

"Pete..." I said and I heard him sigh.

"Can we please talk when I get home?" He asked and I was glad he didn't push the issue.

"Sure."

"Thank you." We were silent for a moment before he spoke again. "It's late here, I need to get some sleep. Call me tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"I love you."

"I love you, too," I said and we got off the phone.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next night there was a knock on my door. I wasn't expecting any company, so I was kind of nervous. I quietly walked to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Gabe.

"Gabe, hey," I said after I opened the door to let him in. "What's going on?" He was holding some Red Box movies and a paper bag.

"Chinese and movies?" He asked me with a smile after he walked in.

"Erin out of town again?" I asked and he smiled, giving me my answer. "Why not." I shut the front door and locked it.

"I grabbed 'This Is The End' and 'The Great Gatsby'."

"I haven't seen the new Gatsby movie. Pete took me to the other this past summer." I said and plopped down on the couch. Gabe put the movie in and handed me my Chinese food. We watched the movie, sitting close on the couch and not really saying much. All I could think about is how Daisy cheats on her husband with Gatsby. It just got me thinking about Gabe and I's past. I've been thinking about it way too much lately.

"That was actually pretty good," Gabe said when the movie was over. I nodded, my head still in the past. Gabe has been spending an awful lot of time with me these past few weeks, maybe that's why it's got me thinking. Has he been thinking about us too?

"Gabe, can I ask you something?" I had to know. Of course I knew no good would come from it, but I had to know.

"Anything," he said and turned towards me on the couch.

"I've seen more of you this last month and a half than I have in the last year. Why is that?" I asked and he shifted in his seat, looking away from me.

"Remember how you asked me a few weeks ago if I ever thought about what would have happened if we stayed together?"

"Yes," I said, feeling anxious.

"Well, I can't stop thinking about it." He looked up to see my expression. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say now. "I just keep thinking, that it's fucking ironic, you know? I get married and your marriage starts falling apart." He gives my hand a squeeze.

"Gabe," I say, not sure what I wanted to say.

"I know. And I love Erin too much to do anything about these thoughts. I've just been thinking too much. That's all," he said with a smile and stood up. "I should probably go."

"Yeah," I said and stood too. Gabe looked down at me and I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to kiss me. I wanted him to as well, but I had way to much going on to complicate things for myself even more. I turned and walked to the TV, taking the DVD out of the player and putting it back in the case. I handed Gabe his movies and he leaned down, kissing my forehead before hugging me and leaving without a word.

I walked into the guest room after I locked the front door and climbed into bed. I stared at the clock for about an hour, just trying to get tired, but nothing was working. I laid on my back and rested my hands over my belly, thinking about the baby. Pete's baby. Our baby. Do I want to make this work? Pete will be here in 4 short days. I should probably come up with an answer by then.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I stood in the airport, trying to stand without letting my stomach jut out too much. Pete's plane had just landed and I was waiting for him to get off. I knew a couple of paparazzi were in the airport, I saw them when I came in. They always seemed to know where Pete was going to be, and me too lately. My pregnancy was still a secret because I had been concealing it well. And hibernating in the apartment. Mainly the latter point.

People started filing off of the plane and I searched the group for Pete. Finally I spotted him. He was wearing a black beanie, a long sleeve flannel button up, jeans and a black leather jacket. It was pretty cold here in New York now, so he dressed appropriately. He spotted me and rushed over to me, hugging me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him back.

"God I missed you," Pete said and he pulled back, cupping my cheek. He leaned in slowly, waiting for my response. When I leaned in with him, he kissed me passionately. After a few seconds, he pulled away. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He took my hand and we went to baggage claim to get his bags, paparazzi following us the whole time. At least they kept a little bit of a distance from us. When we got to the apartment and were finally alone, Pete placed his hand on my belly.

"Has the baby kicked yet?" He asked.

"Not yet. Doctor said I should feel it any time now, since I'm so tiny." I said and Pete nodded. I removed my jacket and dropped my purse on the coffee table. Pete carried his bags from the entry way into the bedroom.

"Kiley, where's your stuff?" He asked, walking out of the bedroom.

"Oh," I said, feeling embarrassed. "I've been sleeping in the guest room."

"Why?" He seemed really confused.

"It um, made me too sad to sleep in our bed alone."

"Baby," he said softly, obviously feeling pain because of my pain. "What have I done?" He asked softly. His question was rhetorical, so I said nothing. He walked over to me and hugged me. "I will do anything to fix this. Anything," he vowed. With the direction this conversation was going, I figured now was a good time to discuss my decision.

"I um, I've made my decision about us." I said softly and Pete looked at me nervously. I guided us to the couch and we sat down. "Please let me talk and get out what I want to say without interrupting." I asked and waited for him to nod before continuing. "I'm having a really hard time getting over the whole Meagan thing. I'm not mad at you anymore about it. I just need time to have my trust rebuilt. I know you didn't cheat. I even know you shut her down when she tried to kiss you, but the fact is that you did have feelings for her. I want to take things slowly and I want to go to counseling." I waited for Pete's response.

"I understand why you feel that way and I'm so sorry. I'll totally do counseling. I'd do anything not to lose you." Pete seemed extremely happy and he kissed me romantically. "Can I move back in?"

"That's another thing I want to discuss. With this baby coming, we should get a better place."

"Where?" He asked, confused.

"Well, where do you want to live?"