Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Life is Like T-Rex
Life is Like T-Rex
by: slincoln
Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.
"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs
Chapter One: Hey Beautiful
****
It was a rainy day the week before my eldest son James left for his final year at Hogwarts and the kids and I were alone in the house while my wife Ginny was covering a Quidditch match for the Daily Prophet.A loud crash accompanied by accusatorial shouting suggested to me that my darling children were in need of a distraction.
"Kids!" I called out, "Would you please join me in the study?" Dutifully James, Albus and Lily tromped into the study as only teenagers can.
"Whatever you think you heard dad?" James said. "I swear it was an accident."
"Have a seat, I want to tell you a story," I motioned for them to sit down on the sofa.
"What about" Lily asked as she perched herself on the sofa in between her older brothers. "Does it have to do with Lord Voldemort or Dumbledore?"
"Or Grandpa Potter and the Maruaders?" James suggested.
I shook my head, "No, seeing as James is about to start his last year of school I thought I'd tell you a story about your mum and dad."
"But you already told us how you met," Albus protested.
"And fell in love," Lily added.
"That might be true, but I haven't told you the story of how I married your mother."
"You asked, she said yes, can I go now?" James asked.
"Quiet smart arse," I chided. "You see kids, it's a bit more complicated than that. It all started back in the year 2002, around the middle August to be precise..."
****
At that point your Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione and I were living together at 12 Grimmauld Place. Uncle Ron and I were still Junior Aurors, and Aunt Hermione was just getting started on her campaign for magical creature rights. However work isn't really important to the start of this story. No, this story starts with a proposal.
"Hermione Jean Granger. I love you now and always, will you marry me?" Uncle Ron asked and held out an engagement ring to your aunt. He was standing in front of Hermione in the front hallway of Grimmauld Place, having caught her as she walked in the door after a long day at the Ministry.
"Honestly Ronald, you're asking me this now?" Hermione replied with a laugh, unable to process what Ron was asking her.
"Will you answer the question?"
"You're serious?"
"Of course I'm serious, you think I'd buy a ring like this if I wasn't?"
"Why do you even have to ask? Yes of course I'll marry you," she answered before throwing her arms Ron and kissing him fiercely.
It was at this point that I came home and found your aunt and uncle snogging madly in the front hallway. "What have I told you two about that?" I scolded them good naturedly.
"Harry, she said yes!" Ron said excitedly.
"Did you ask if she thought you were a pillock because I'd say yes to that too." Hermione then showed me her hand and the brand new ring on it, and I finally caught on. "Oh that's bloody brilliant, congratulations you two."
"You had no idea he was going to do this?" Hermione asked me.
"None at all, in this one instance your Ron operated in complete secrecy," I said honestly.
"It was a little spur of the moment," Ron admitted. "I was walking home, saw the ring in a shop window, and just knew."
"Well if nothing else your mum will be pleased," I told Ron. "Another wedding to plan."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that for a while," Hermione said. "We're all entirely too busy to have a wedding anytime soon, and besides Ginny won't be free for any amount of time until the after season's over."
"You'll be my best man right mate?" Ron asked me.
"Like you even have to ask," I told Ron before pulling him into a hug. "And I'm so happy for you Hermione, though I don't understand what you see in this git." I said to your aunt as I hugged her as well.
"Prat," Ron said then punched me in the arm.
It was at that moment that I realised I was a little jealous of your Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione. It wasn't that I was interested in your aunt, or uncle, that way. Or even their relationship, but they had each other, and that was something I didn't have at the time. However, none of that took away from the fact that I was ecstatic for both of them.
"So how are we going to celebrate?" I asked Ron and Hermione.
As was often the case in those days we wound up at the Leaky Cauldron. I wasn't fond of the attention I got there on occasion, but after having to Obliviate the customers at several Muggle pubs after your uncle had a few too many pints – and don't listen to him if he says otherwise – we decided to stick with wizarding pubs. At the Cauldron we ran into a lot of people we knew from school and work. We were already many firewhisky shots into the night when she walked into the room.
Now kids, before I go any further, there's something I need to explain. As you might have guessed your mum and I weren't together at this point. After the battle with Voldemort I fully intended on resuming the relationship your mum and I had for a while during my last year at Hogwarts. However, between my joining the Aurors, your mum's last year at school, rebuilding after the war, it just never happened and we had slowly drifted apart. We would run into each other at family gatherings at the Burrow, but that was the extent of our social interactions. And whenever we did run into each other there was a tremendous awkwardness between us. It was something I regretted, but had learned to deal with.
I'm telling you all this because when I saw your mum enter the Leaky Cauldron that night none of it mattered. It was as if everyone in the pub vanished and it was just the two of us standing there. At that moment I was absolutely convinced then and there she was the woman for me. Was I influenced by Uncle Ron's actions? Absolutely, but sometimes kids you need the universe to give you a shove in the right direction.
However, before I had a chance to talk to her she made a beeline for your aunt. "Alright Hermione, what did my idiot brother do this time? Your owl wasn't very clear." In response Hermione showed Ginny her ring, who uncharacteristically squealed her approval. The pair then descended into discussions of wedding arcana that at the time I was completely unaware of.
Instead of intruding on that, I settled into a booth where Ron and Neville were sitting. "What's Ginny doing here?" I asked Ron, trying my best to sound as casual as possible.
Ron shrugged, "She's only Hermione's best friend. I know things between the two of you are strained, but..."
"No that's not it at all," I said quickly. "I just remember Hermione saying she didn't have a lot of free time right now."
"They work hard at the Harpies, but she can make time for this. I know she's not around a lot, but blimey Harry, I'd think you of all people would understand a person dedicated to her job. You spend more time at the Ministry than me and Hermione combined."
"It's not that," Neville announced, looking up from his drink. "Harry's still hung up on Ginny."
I glared at Neville, "It's not..."
Neville waved me off, "Don't deny it, we all know Ginny's not the sort of witch you easily forget...er, sorry Ron." He suddenly found his glass very interesting.
"Speaking from experience Nev?" Ron asked before he elbowed Neville in the ribs.
Neville's ears turned pink, "Ginny was always very popular at school, and a good friend to me, especially that last year, but Hannah's more my speed. Ginny needs someone who can keep up with her, like Harry here."
"Mum certainly would approve," Ron said as he rubbed his chin.
"Merlin, I think this proposal has addled your brain," I groused. "Just because the two of you are settled doesn't mean I have to be." I might have agreed with them, but I wasn't going to let those prats know that.
****
"Dad, did you just called Professor Longbottom a prat?" Lily interjected, her voice aghast.
"I've known 'Professor' Longbottom for almost thirty years," I told my daughter. "I'm allowed, you lot however," I warned them, focusing my glare at my oldest son, who did his best to look innocent.
****
At any rate the conversation drifted back to safer topics, like work and Quidditch. I half-heartedly followed along with the conversation, but spent most of my time tracking your mum as she made her way around the pub. For the rest of the night people would come up to congratulate your uncle and buy him a drink to celebrate. It was the drunkest I've ever seen your Uncle Ron get, no second drunkest, but we'll get to that. When he started to detail his plans for turning around the Cannons I excused myself under the pretense of needing the loo.
As I mingled through the room I saw your mum standing by herself at the bar. Recognizing an opening when I saw one I sidled up next to her and ordered another drink from Hannah. She gave me a wink and handed me two firewhiskies. "Er, Hannah," I protested. "I only wanted one."
"Well then, I guess you'll just have to find someone to give the other to," Hannah replied in a too loud voice that attracted Ginny's attention. I gave her an apologetic smile and held up the second glass in offering.
Ginny rolled her eyes, but took the glass from me. "You know what George says, never let good firewhisky go to waste, and you always get the good stuff Harry. No matter if it's from a meddlesome barmaid." She glared at Hannah who was obliviously serving drinks to Seamus Finnegan.
"This is all pretty crazy isn't it?" I asked Ginny as I pointed at Hermione and Ron. At that moment Hermione was trying to coax an extremely drunk Ron out of the booth he was sitting in.
"I was just surprised he worked up the nerve to ask her," she replied as she took a sip of her drink.
"Who won the bet?" Your uncles, as is their way, had all placed bets on when your Uncle Ron would propose to Aunt Hermione, I think it was Uncle George's idea. They banned me from participating because George said I was too close to Hermione and Ron and could influence the result.
"I'm not sure, I think Charlie."
I took a pull from my glass and let the firewhisky burn its way down my throat. "Ginny, what happened to us?"
Ginny chuckled, "Merlin you do not beat around the bush do you Harry?" She paused for a moment. "As I recall what happened is that you dumped me before vanishing for a year."
"It wasn't a full year," I protested, "but I see your point. Still, what about after?"
"After what? After you and my brother went off to be Aurors? After I finished with Hogwarts? After you started working the insane hours you do? After I started to play for the Harpies? Look I don't blame you for any of that stuff. Goodness knows I got caught up in making a go of this Quidditch thing. We had our moment then moved on, it happens." To this day your mum insists she never meant any of this. "We weren't even together for all that long."
"Even so, you can't deny things are awkward between us," I pointed out.
"Well of course they are. We are exes after all, you don't see me palling around with Michael or Dean now do you?"
"But we were mates before that weren't we?"
Ginny nodded, "Yeah, we were."
"Well can't we go back to that at least?"
"Harry Potter, are you trying to woo me back?" Your mum asked lightly. She had an amused, yet at the same time dangerous glint in her eye.
What I thought was "Yes, of course!" What I said was, "No, of course not, have you ever seen me woo, ever?"
"You always were rubbish at romance," Ginny agreed.
"Harry, Ginny There you are," Hermione said quickly as she walked up to the bar. "Wait, you two talking? What's going on?" Neither of us missed the change in tone that crept into Hermione's voice.
"We are talking Hermione, that's what old friends do, they talk," Ginny said sternly.
"Yes, but, oh never mind, I'm taking your drunken lout of a brother," she started to say to your mum.
"And your fiancé," Ginny interrupted.
Hermione grimaced, "Yes, I am taking my drunken lout of a fiancé, home before embarrasses himself any further. At this rate he'll be too pissed for me to properly thank him for this gorgeous ring."
"That was more than I needed to hear Hermione," I told your aunt. I reached out and hugged her. "Congratulations again. I know you two are going to be very happy together, just be sure to use a silencing charm if he isn't too pissed, ok?"
Your uncle stumbled up behind Hermione and grabbed her in an entirely too inappropriate way. "Don't worry mate, there's no way I'm that pissed."
Your mother and I held back our laughter as Aunt Hermione worked her way out of Uncle Ron's embrace. "Steady on mate," I told Ron. "I think your new fiancé has some choice words for you."
Hermione grabbed Ron by the arm and started to drag him out of the Cauldron. "Honestly Ron, I don't know why you'd do this to yourself, tonight of all nights."
"But Hermione, they kept offering me drinks," Ron feebly began to explain as they walked out of earshot.
"So where were we?" I asked your mum.
"You were about to take me out to a Muggle cafe I know," Ginny said.
"I was?"
"Yes you were, I came here straight from practice and meetings and I've barely had anything to eat all day."
"In that case it will be my treat Miss Weasley."
"I hate to break it to you Harry, but you're also rubbish at being charming," Ginny said with a laugh before slipping away from the bar.
"Is there anything I am good at?" I called out after her.
She turned and stared at me appraisingly. "Well you're not half bad to look at, I'll give you that." She continued to sashay out of the pub. I chuckled to myself and followed her out onto the street.
****
The next morning I made my way down to the kitchen in Grimmauld Place where I found Hermione trying to get Ron to eat some breakfast.
"I am never doing that again," Ron moaned as he held his head in his hands. He did.
"Well it serves you right," Aunt Hermione scolded. "What on earth possessed you to get that drunk?"
"People kept giving me drinks, what was I supposed to do?" Ron protested.
"At least you have the day off today. Robards would have a fit if you showed up in this state." Hermione then took note my presence. "And how was your night Harry? You and Ginny sure seemed chummy."
I slid into a chair at the table. "I am a colossal idiot."
"Well that's a given," Ron said reflexively. "Wait, you and Ginny?"
I nodded, "I tried to clear the air between us last night."
Ron sucked in his breath, "And are all your bits still in one place?"
I glared at Ron, "Yes, I'm fine." I told him.
"Well what happened?" Hermione demanded before sitting down next to Ron.
"It went something like this," I said. "After you two left Ginny and I took a taxi from the Leaky Cauldron to an all night cafe Ginny knew."
****
"The food isn't brilliant, but they're open all night," Ginny explained as we entered the cafe.
"I didn't think professional Quidditch would have you keeping odd hours," I replied. We slid into opposite sides of an empty booth and a waitress came up and handed us menus.
"Anything to drink for you two?" She asked us.
"Just tea thanks," I told her.
"Most of the time yes, but there are a lot of late nights when we have to travel to matches," Ginny explained.
"So what you do recommend?" I asked as I opened the menu.
****
"Uh Harry?" Hermione asked. "Could you get to the point.
"Er right, so we spent what felt like hours at the cafe, talking. About playing professional Quidditch, being an Auror, just stuff, and it felt like the old days."
"Well that's not so bad," Ron said.
"Then I took her back to her flat..."
****
"Have a seat on the couch, I'll go get us some wine," Ginny told me before disappearing into her kitchen.
"Nice place," I said as I surveyed her flat.
"That's right, you've never been here before," Ginny said from the kitchen. "I could have a flat closer to Holyhead, but I like being in the big city too much." She returned with a bottle of wine and some glasses.
"You should stop by Grimmauld Place sometime," I said.
"I expect I will be there quite a lot helping Hermione out with wedding plans," Ginny replied as she sat next to me on the couch. She offered me a glass of wine. "Cheers," We clinked out glasses. Ginny took a long drink from her glass and stared at me. "Harry, whatever am I going to do about you?"
Now to this day I have no idea what possessed me to say what I did. "Marry me."
****
"What?" Ron and Hermione exclaimed in simultaneous surprise.
"What?" My three children also cried out.
"Yes, that's what your mother said too."
****
"What did you just say?" Ginny demanded.
I cleared me throat, "Er, marry me? Now hear me out, we get along well, you're brilliant, beautiful, and by your own admission your fancy the way I look. Why not?" I surreptitiously reached for my wand to defend myself from any incoming hexes.
Your mum leaned back further on the sofa as she contemplated my sudden proposal. "Ok, I've thought it over," she announced. "My answer is no."
****
"What?" My children erupted again.
I chuckled at them. "I told you it was a long story."
****
Author's Notes: And we're off. I've been working on Life is Like T-Rex (the title comes from the Jenny Owen Youngs song "Last Person") for well over a year now and I'm both delighted and terrified to finally be pushing the publish button. This story came about because of a discussion I was having with some people about something Potter related and it occurred to me that if you squint just right you can map the characters from How I Met Your Mother onto the central cast of Harry Potter. Harry is of course Ted. Ron and Hermione are Marshall and Lily. Ginny is a combination of the Mother and Robin. The show and the books both generally take place between September and May, and so on. All the pieces fell into place from there and here we are. Now I will say that I didn't even try to write a Barney-style character into this, I know my limits. Also, a lot of the concepts that pop up in HIMYM (lemon law, sexless innkeepers, "sandwiches" etc), well I'm nowhere near as clever as Carter Bays and Craig Thomas so I didn't even bother trying to figure out what the wizard equivalents would be. Instead what we have here is twenty-nine chapters that borrow plot ideas from the show, but at the same time hopefully put a Harry Potter spin onto them. A few other pieces of miscellany, the title of this chapter comes from the song of the same name by the band The Solids, it's better known as the theme song to How I Met Your Mother, and felt like a good choice for the first chapter, and yes it does have words. So with that out of the way, sit back and enjoy Life is Like T-Rex, and please feel free to leave a review.
-sam, 2013-03-22
by: slincoln
Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.
"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs
Chapter One: Hey Beautiful
****
It was a rainy day the week before my eldest son James left for his final year at Hogwarts and the kids and I were alone in the house while my wife Ginny was covering a Quidditch match for the Daily Prophet.A loud crash accompanied by accusatorial shouting suggested to me that my darling children were in need of a distraction.
"Kids!" I called out, "Would you please join me in the study?" Dutifully James, Albus and Lily tromped into the study as only teenagers can.
"Whatever you think you heard dad?" James said. "I swear it was an accident."
"Have a seat, I want to tell you a story," I motioned for them to sit down on the sofa.
"What about" Lily asked as she perched herself on the sofa in between her older brothers. "Does it have to do with Lord Voldemort or Dumbledore?"
"Or Grandpa Potter and the Maruaders?" James suggested.
I shook my head, "No, seeing as James is about to start his last year of school I thought I'd tell you a story about your mum and dad."
"But you already told us how you met," Albus protested.
"And fell in love," Lily added.
"That might be true, but I haven't told you the story of how I married your mother."
"You asked, she said yes, can I go now?" James asked.
"Quiet smart arse," I chided. "You see kids, it's a bit more complicated than that. It all started back in the year 2002, around the middle August to be precise..."
****
At that point your Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione and I were living together at 12 Grimmauld Place. Uncle Ron and I were still Junior Aurors, and Aunt Hermione was just getting started on her campaign for magical creature rights. However work isn't really important to the start of this story. No, this story starts with a proposal.
"Hermione Jean Granger. I love you now and always, will you marry me?" Uncle Ron asked and held out an engagement ring to your aunt. He was standing in front of Hermione in the front hallway of Grimmauld Place, having caught her as she walked in the door after a long day at the Ministry.
"Honestly Ronald, you're asking me this now?" Hermione replied with a laugh, unable to process what Ron was asking her.
"Will you answer the question?"
"You're serious?"
"Of course I'm serious, you think I'd buy a ring like this if I wasn't?"
"Why do you even have to ask? Yes of course I'll marry you," she answered before throwing her arms Ron and kissing him fiercely.
It was at this point that I came home and found your aunt and uncle snogging madly in the front hallway. "What have I told you two about that?" I scolded them good naturedly.
"Harry, she said yes!" Ron said excitedly.
"Did you ask if she thought you were a pillock because I'd say yes to that too." Hermione then showed me her hand and the brand new ring on it, and I finally caught on. "Oh that's bloody brilliant, congratulations you two."
"You had no idea he was going to do this?" Hermione asked me.
"None at all, in this one instance your Ron operated in complete secrecy," I said honestly.
"It was a little spur of the moment," Ron admitted. "I was walking home, saw the ring in a shop window, and just knew."
"Well if nothing else your mum will be pleased," I told Ron. "Another wedding to plan."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that for a while," Hermione said. "We're all entirely too busy to have a wedding anytime soon, and besides Ginny won't be free for any amount of time until the after season's over."
"You'll be my best man right mate?" Ron asked me.
"Like you even have to ask," I told Ron before pulling him into a hug. "And I'm so happy for you Hermione, though I don't understand what you see in this git." I said to your aunt as I hugged her as well.
"Prat," Ron said then punched me in the arm.
It was at that moment that I realised I was a little jealous of your Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione. It wasn't that I was interested in your aunt, or uncle, that way. Or even their relationship, but they had each other, and that was something I didn't have at the time. However, none of that took away from the fact that I was ecstatic for both of them.
"So how are we going to celebrate?" I asked Ron and Hermione.
As was often the case in those days we wound up at the Leaky Cauldron. I wasn't fond of the attention I got there on occasion, but after having to Obliviate the customers at several Muggle pubs after your uncle had a few too many pints – and don't listen to him if he says otherwise – we decided to stick with wizarding pubs. At the Cauldron we ran into a lot of people we knew from school and work. We were already many firewhisky shots into the night when she walked into the room.
Now kids, before I go any further, there's something I need to explain. As you might have guessed your mum and I weren't together at this point. After the battle with Voldemort I fully intended on resuming the relationship your mum and I had for a while during my last year at Hogwarts. However, between my joining the Aurors, your mum's last year at school, rebuilding after the war, it just never happened and we had slowly drifted apart. We would run into each other at family gatherings at the Burrow, but that was the extent of our social interactions. And whenever we did run into each other there was a tremendous awkwardness between us. It was something I regretted, but had learned to deal with.
I'm telling you all this because when I saw your mum enter the Leaky Cauldron that night none of it mattered. It was as if everyone in the pub vanished and it was just the two of us standing there. At that moment I was absolutely convinced then and there she was the woman for me. Was I influenced by Uncle Ron's actions? Absolutely, but sometimes kids you need the universe to give you a shove in the right direction.
However, before I had a chance to talk to her she made a beeline for your aunt. "Alright Hermione, what did my idiot brother do this time? Your owl wasn't very clear." In response Hermione showed Ginny her ring, who uncharacteristically squealed her approval. The pair then descended into discussions of wedding arcana that at the time I was completely unaware of.
Instead of intruding on that, I settled into a booth where Ron and Neville were sitting. "What's Ginny doing here?" I asked Ron, trying my best to sound as casual as possible.
Ron shrugged, "She's only Hermione's best friend. I know things between the two of you are strained, but..."
"No that's not it at all," I said quickly. "I just remember Hermione saying she didn't have a lot of free time right now."
"They work hard at the Harpies, but she can make time for this. I know she's not around a lot, but blimey Harry, I'd think you of all people would understand a person dedicated to her job. You spend more time at the Ministry than me and Hermione combined."
"It's not that," Neville announced, looking up from his drink. "Harry's still hung up on Ginny."
I glared at Neville, "It's not..."
Neville waved me off, "Don't deny it, we all know Ginny's not the sort of witch you easily forget...er, sorry Ron." He suddenly found his glass very interesting.
"Speaking from experience Nev?" Ron asked before he elbowed Neville in the ribs.
Neville's ears turned pink, "Ginny was always very popular at school, and a good friend to me, especially that last year, but Hannah's more my speed. Ginny needs someone who can keep up with her, like Harry here."
"Mum certainly would approve," Ron said as he rubbed his chin.
"Merlin, I think this proposal has addled your brain," I groused. "Just because the two of you are settled doesn't mean I have to be." I might have agreed with them, but I wasn't going to let those prats know that.
****
"Dad, did you just called Professor Longbottom a prat?" Lily interjected, her voice aghast.
"I've known 'Professor' Longbottom for almost thirty years," I told my daughter. "I'm allowed, you lot however," I warned them, focusing my glare at my oldest son, who did his best to look innocent.
****
At any rate the conversation drifted back to safer topics, like work and Quidditch. I half-heartedly followed along with the conversation, but spent most of my time tracking your mum as she made her way around the pub. For the rest of the night people would come up to congratulate your uncle and buy him a drink to celebrate. It was the drunkest I've ever seen your Uncle Ron get, no second drunkest, but we'll get to that. When he started to detail his plans for turning around the Cannons I excused myself under the pretense of needing the loo.
As I mingled through the room I saw your mum standing by herself at the bar. Recognizing an opening when I saw one I sidled up next to her and ordered another drink from Hannah. She gave me a wink and handed me two firewhiskies. "Er, Hannah," I protested. "I only wanted one."
"Well then, I guess you'll just have to find someone to give the other to," Hannah replied in a too loud voice that attracted Ginny's attention. I gave her an apologetic smile and held up the second glass in offering.
Ginny rolled her eyes, but took the glass from me. "You know what George says, never let good firewhisky go to waste, and you always get the good stuff Harry. No matter if it's from a meddlesome barmaid." She glared at Hannah who was obliviously serving drinks to Seamus Finnegan.
"This is all pretty crazy isn't it?" I asked Ginny as I pointed at Hermione and Ron. At that moment Hermione was trying to coax an extremely drunk Ron out of the booth he was sitting in.
"I was just surprised he worked up the nerve to ask her," she replied as she took a sip of her drink.
"Who won the bet?" Your uncles, as is their way, had all placed bets on when your Uncle Ron would propose to Aunt Hermione, I think it was Uncle George's idea. They banned me from participating because George said I was too close to Hermione and Ron and could influence the result.
"I'm not sure, I think Charlie."
I took a pull from my glass and let the firewhisky burn its way down my throat. "Ginny, what happened to us?"
Ginny chuckled, "Merlin you do not beat around the bush do you Harry?" She paused for a moment. "As I recall what happened is that you dumped me before vanishing for a year."
"It wasn't a full year," I protested, "but I see your point. Still, what about after?"
"After what? After you and my brother went off to be Aurors? After I finished with Hogwarts? After you started working the insane hours you do? After I started to play for the Harpies? Look I don't blame you for any of that stuff. Goodness knows I got caught up in making a go of this Quidditch thing. We had our moment then moved on, it happens." To this day your mum insists she never meant any of this. "We weren't even together for all that long."
"Even so, you can't deny things are awkward between us," I pointed out.
"Well of course they are. We are exes after all, you don't see me palling around with Michael or Dean now do you?"
"But we were mates before that weren't we?"
Ginny nodded, "Yeah, we were."
"Well can't we go back to that at least?"
"Harry Potter, are you trying to woo me back?" Your mum asked lightly. She had an amused, yet at the same time dangerous glint in her eye.
What I thought was "Yes, of course!" What I said was, "No, of course not, have you ever seen me woo, ever?"
"You always were rubbish at romance," Ginny agreed.
"Harry, Ginny There you are," Hermione said quickly as she walked up to the bar. "Wait, you two talking? What's going on?" Neither of us missed the change in tone that crept into Hermione's voice.
"We are talking Hermione, that's what old friends do, they talk," Ginny said sternly.
"Yes, but, oh never mind, I'm taking your drunken lout of a brother," she started to say to your mum.
"And your fiancé," Ginny interrupted.
Hermione grimaced, "Yes, I am taking my drunken lout of a fiancé, home before embarrasses himself any further. At this rate he'll be too pissed for me to properly thank him for this gorgeous ring."
"That was more than I needed to hear Hermione," I told your aunt. I reached out and hugged her. "Congratulations again. I know you two are going to be very happy together, just be sure to use a silencing charm if he isn't too pissed, ok?"
Your uncle stumbled up behind Hermione and grabbed her in an entirely too inappropriate way. "Don't worry mate, there's no way I'm that pissed."
Your mother and I held back our laughter as Aunt Hermione worked her way out of Uncle Ron's embrace. "Steady on mate," I told Ron. "I think your new fiancé has some choice words for you."
Hermione grabbed Ron by the arm and started to drag him out of the Cauldron. "Honestly Ron, I don't know why you'd do this to yourself, tonight of all nights."
"But Hermione, they kept offering me drinks," Ron feebly began to explain as they walked out of earshot.
"So where were we?" I asked your mum.
"You were about to take me out to a Muggle cafe I know," Ginny said.
"I was?"
"Yes you were, I came here straight from practice and meetings and I've barely had anything to eat all day."
"In that case it will be my treat Miss Weasley."
"I hate to break it to you Harry, but you're also rubbish at being charming," Ginny said with a laugh before slipping away from the bar.
"Is there anything I am good at?" I called out after her.
She turned and stared at me appraisingly. "Well you're not half bad to look at, I'll give you that." She continued to sashay out of the pub. I chuckled to myself and followed her out onto the street.
****
The next morning I made my way down to the kitchen in Grimmauld Place where I found Hermione trying to get Ron to eat some breakfast.
"I am never doing that again," Ron moaned as he held his head in his hands. He did.
"Well it serves you right," Aunt Hermione scolded. "What on earth possessed you to get that drunk?"
"People kept giving me drinks, what was I supposed to do?" Ron protested.
"At least you have the day off today. Robards would have a fit if you showed up in this state." Hermione then took note my presence. "And how was your night Harry? You and Ginny sure seemed chummy."
I slid into a chair at the table. "I am a colossal idiot."
"Well that's a given," Ron said reflexively. "Wait, you and Ginny?"
I nodded, "I tried to clear the air between us last night."
Ron sucked in his breath, "And are all your bits still in one place?"
I glared at Ron, "Yes, I'm fine." I told him.
"Well what happened?" Hermione demanded before sitting down next to Ron.
"It went something like this," I said. "After you two left Ginny and I took a taxi from the Leaky Cauldron to an all night cafe Ginny knew."
****
"The food isn't brilliant, but they're open all night," Ginny explained as we entered the cafe.
"I didn't think professional Quidditch would have you keeping odd hours," I replied. We slid into opposite sides of an empty booth and a waitress came up and handed us menus.
"Anything to drink for you two?" She asked us.
"Just tea thanks," I told her.
"Most of the time yes, but there are a lot of late nights when we have to travel to matches," Ginny explained.
"So what you do recommend?" I asked as I opened the menu.
****
"Uh Harry?" Hermione asked. "Could you get to the point.
"Er right, so we spent what felt like hours at the cafe, talking. About playing professional Quidditch, being an Auror, just stuff, and it felt like the old days."
"Well that's not so bad," Ron said.
"Then I took her back to her flat..."
****
"Have a seat on the couch, I'll go get us some wine," Ginny told me before disappearing into her kitchen.
"Nice place," I said as I surveyed her flat.
"That's right, you've never been here before," Ginny said from the kitchen. "I could have a flat closer to Holyhead, but I like being in the big city too much." She returned with a bottle of wine and some glasses.
"You should stop by Grimmauld Place sometime," I said.
"I expect I will be there quite a lot helping Hermione out with wedding plans," Ginny replied as she sat next to me on the couch. She offered me a glass of wine. "Cheers," We clinked out glasses. Ginny took a long drink from her glass and stared at me. "Harry, whatever am I going to do about you?"
Now to this day I have no idea what possessed me to say what I did. "Marry me."
****
"What?" Ron and Hermione exclaimed in simultaneous surprise.
"What?" My three children also cried out.
"Yes, that's what your mother said too."
****
"What did you just say?" Ginny demanded.
I cleared me throat, "Er, marry me? Now hear me out, we get along well, you're brilliant, beautiful, and by your own admission your fancy the way I look. Why not?" I surreptitiously reached for my wand to defend myself from any incoming hexes.
Your mum leaned back further on the sofa as she contemplated my sudden proposal. "Ok, I've thought it over," she announced. "My answer is no."
****
"What?" My children erupted again.
I chuckled at them. "I told you it was a long story."
****
Author's Notes: And we're off. I've been working on Life is Like T-Rex (the title comes from the Jenny Owen Youngs song "Last Person") for well over a year now and I'm both delighted and terrified to finally be pushing the publish button. This story came about because of a discussion I was having with some people about something Potter related and it occurred to me that if you squint just right you can map the characters from How I Met Your Mother onto the central cast of Harry Potter. Harry is of course Ted. Ron and Hermione are Marshall and Lily. Ginny is a combination of the Mother and Robin. The show and the books both generally take place between September and May, and so on. All the pieces fell into place from there and here we are. Now I will say that I didn't even try to write a Barney-style character into this, I know my limits. Also, a lot of the concepts that pop up in HIMYM (lemon law, sexless innkeepers, "sandwiches" etc), well I'm nowhere near as clever as Carter Bays and Craig Thomas so I didn't even bother trying to figure out what the wizard equivalents would be. Instead what we have here is twenty-nine chapters that borrow plot ideas from the show, but at the same time hopefully put a Harry Potter spin onto them. A few other pieces of miscellany, the title of this chapter comes from the song of the same name by the band The Solids, it's better known as the theme song to How I Met Your Mother, and felt like a good choice for the first chapter, and yes it does have words. So with that out of the way, sit back and enjoy Life is Like T-Rex, and please feel free to leave a review.
-sam, 2013-03-22
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