Categories > Celebrities > Metallica > Ripe

Part 20

by Cerilla 0 reviews

Category: Metallica - Rating: PG-13 - Genres:  - Published: 2013-12-07 - 1758 words - Complete

I was sitting in the hotel bar with the other guys from the road crew, sipping drinks and shoving small sandwiches down our throats. That night it had taken us longer than usual to load the trailer because of a stupid but time consuming mistake; we had to rearrange all the cases and now we were tired, sore and hungry. Most of us were, at least.
“So, no one of you wants to go anywhere tonight, right?” asked Todd.
“Of course not, how can you be so energetic? I just want to take a shower and crawl into my bed.” I said; the other guys all nodded.
“Oh, c’mon dudes! Her, I understand, but you?”
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“No offense, you’ve been doing a great job as a roadie, but you are not one of us at heart. You are a musician, so used at having everything done for you. You don’t have our thick skin.” He was clearly joking, but I still felt the need to correct him, just to set things straight.
“Well my man, I’ll let you know that being a roadie for Metallica is still more restful than being a musician in Geryon.”
“Not at all. For my former band, having two rooms in a cheap hotel was a real luxury; sometimes we couldn’t even afford one and, depending on the tour, we even had to do without the roadies. I’ll tell you, sleeping on the floor of a stinky van is something I certainly don’t miss.”
“All right, I forgot what a shabby band you used to play in.” He grinned.
“And now, if you excuse me, I’ll retire to my room.”

A young woman in a short, white, tight dress walked into the room as I was getting out. She smiled when she saw me and said, “Oh my God, you are April! You are Kirk’s girlfriend!”
“Uh, yes, that’s me.” I frowned. Usually Metallica fans didn’t approach me unless they were fans of my former band too, even though they recognized me.
“You know, Kirk is my favorite Metallica member, I’ve always wanted to meet him.”
“And you would like me… to introduce you?”
“No, no.” she laughed, flipping her long hair. “I’ve already met him. Everybody says that he’s a sweet guy. Do you agree?”
“Yeah…” I felt slightly uncomfortable talking to that girl, it was like there was something odd in her.
“Mh, but I beg to differ, I would say he’s more… bittersweet, yes.” She said, licking her lips slowly. My eyes widened as I realized what she really meant. I was dumbstruck and had no idea how to react. The woman looked at me with mild amusement, waiting for my reaction.
“Where is he?” I finally asked. My voice was cold and unemotional. I didn’t feel any anger or desperation, I was just numb.
The girl seemed a bit put off by my tone and didn’t answer immediately. Maybe she was hoping for me to crack up and cry. What other reason would she have for saying that, other than humiliate me? I looked at her straight in the eyes and she gave in.
“Lars’s room.”

I walked away without another word; I had nothing to tell her, not even insults. I didn’t give two shits about her. I moved along the hallway and into the elevator, heading automatically to Lars’s room.
I reached it and raised my hand to knock on the door, but stopped mid-motion. A part of me only wanted to back off and pretend that nothing happened, try to rationalize and find an acceptable, reassuring explanation. But the other part pushed me to face reality, face the ugly truth I already knew deep inside of me and finally put an end to all that shit. It’s been too long, you’ve skirted the issue as much as you could in hope it would solve itself, since you found yourself to be unable to do anything. You were afraid of getting hurt, but you cannot lie to yourself anymore. In that moment, my stomach started churning an a feeling of nausea gripped me. God, I thought, this is happening, this is really happening. I sobbed and knocked.

A girl in a leather dress opened the door and frowned at my sight. “You’re not Shirley.” She said. I pushed her aside and entered.
In front of me there were Lars sitting on a couch, a bare-chested woman sitting next to him, a table with a small pile of white powder on it and Kirk, slouched in an armchair nearby, with a stupid grin on his face.
I called Kirk’s name and my voice cracked, all my raw emotions awoke from the harsh impact with the reality in front of me. They all raised their heads to me, Kirk inhaled sharply and paled, quickly reaching for is fly to zip it up.
“I’ve met a friend of yours at the bar; white dress, very long hair, that’s Shirley, right?” I pretended to ask the girl in leather, as a strong rage started growing in me. “Lovely lady. Quite a big mouth too, if you know what I mean.” Kirk opened and closed his mouth stuttering, unable to respond.
“Fuck, April, leave the man alone!” Lars intervened. “He’s got more than enough of your shitty mother hen attitude.”
“Shut that fucking mouth, you little Danish troll, nobody cares about what you think!” I was livid. What does he want, it’s none of his business!
“Hey bitch, I’m just telling the truth; usually you are fine and everything, but here on tour you have been just a pain in the ass.”
“What did you say?” I growled.
“You heard me, I’m talking about your constant nagging. Did you really need to tag along and play the guard dog with us while we were just trying to have fun?”
“I came with you because I was worried!”
“I got news for you, we are full grown adults; I don’t need, Kirk doesn’t need a babysitter, you are just a nuisance. We even had to spell you to let us be to have a break.”
“Considering what I’m seeing right now, I can tell you that in no way you can be right in this argument.” My fists were clenched and I was shaking in anger.
“Hello, we are fucking rockstars on tour, do you expect us to behave? Are you really that dumb?”
“Actually, yes, I expected my boyfriend not to shun me out in favour of groupies and drugs.”
“And don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, you got on his nerves and pushed him away? You don’t realize how fucking annoying you can be.”
I wept away my tears, blinded by rage and humiliation. “Get. Out.”
“What? This is my room!”
“I don’t give a shit, get the fuck out or, I swear to God, I’ll throw you out of the window! And bring these two chicks with you!” I cried. “I need to talk to my man. Alone.”
Lars grumbled but grabbed the girls and exited. Kirk had been looking at the table all the time, not a word had come out of him.

“Kirk, please, talk to me.” I said, sad and exhausted, kneeling in front of him. “You know how I feel, I’ve tried to save our relationship any way I could. Nothing worked, you moved away from me more and more. Now I need you to tell me,” I grabbed his face. “tell me what you want, how you really feel. Kirk, I’m willing to give us another try and I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong, but make me understand. I really don’t know what to do.”
He looked sick, his eyes were full of tears, just staring at me; I was afraid he would either pass out or throw up, but in the end he spoke. “April, I love you, but…” Oh, great, here’s the ‘but’. “Here on tour it’s all so different from everyday life. It’s so wild, it’s so demanding.”
“It’s not only on tour, you brought this behavior at home too, we would have been affected in any case.” I sighed. “You often asked me to come with you because touring kept us separated for months, and now that I’m here you don’t want me anymore.”
He closed his eyes and withdrew from my touch. “I know, but once things didn’t use to be like this. This tour is… different.”
“There’s a very specific reason for that.”
“Yeah, but when I started taking cocaine, it felt right, it felt good. And it still does, that’s why I’ve always refused to quit, even if I knew it was ruining our relationship.”
“You wanted me to accept the whole thing, but you’ve changed in a way I don’t like at all.”
“That’s why I’ve been resenting you.” Those words felt like a stab in the heart. “You tried so hard to do the right thing, yet, everything you did just irked me more and more; I didn’t want to have you around anymore. When you stopped trying, it felt so liberating.”
I sat on the low table, staring at the floor. We stayed silent for a while.
“I guess we cannot simply push the reset button, right?” He asked.
“No, we can’t.” Something between us was irremediably broken and there was nothing we could do to fix it.
“I still love you, you know.” He whispered.
“But there’s no place for me in your life anymore.” I touched the Claddagh ring, which had been the symbol of our love, and took it off. It was a strange sensation, not feeling the ring around my finger anymore. I placed it on the table, slowly rose on my feet and made it to the door. “In a couple of weeks we’ll be back at home. I won’t come to South America to finish the tour.” Those were the last words Kirk and I would exchange for the rest of the tour.

Author’s note: So, shit has finally hit the fan. Nothing you couldn’t see coming, I bet. Stay tuned for the ending.
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