FicWad

Enjoy, guys. I have a long-winded explanation for my absence, but you can all probably guess most of it. Thanks for sticking around, for those of you that have.

BETWEEN SHEETS-Imogen Heap

Brendon was really impressed. Ryan’s house was extremely nice and he had to wonder if the boy had indeed gotten some of his dad’s money after all. It wasn’t like it mattered, though, Ryan seemed content, even borderline happy, and Brendon was glad for that.

They were sitting on Ryan’s couch, turned toward each other, talking. That was all. The two of them were just talking about everything that they’d done and how things had been going for them in the last three years. They weren’t only talking about things that happened, though, they were talking about their own thoughts over the whole time period that was their separation.

The comfort that Ryan caused immediately seeped back in. Brendon felt like he could sit there and he could trust Ryan with anything. It occurred to him that it might be odd that he felt like this—still or already he couldn’t quite tell—or it could be a sign that this was how things were supposed to be. Brendon felt like that was diving into a territory that he wasn’t quite as comfortable with and he stopped thinking about it.

As the conversation went on, Brendon just realized that this was exactly where he wanted to be and it was exactly what he wanted to be doing. He smiled at the sarcastic political comment that Ryan had just made and leaned forward, putting his hand on the back of Ryan’s head and pulling the other boy closer so that their lips were connected again.

They’d also been doing this all night. At random moments in the conversation either one of them would lean over and kiss the other one, and Brendon knew that he did it as reassurance that they were really back together and that Ryan was still right there and still in favor of the idea. So far he was pretty sure that Ryan was.

“God, I missed you.” Ryan almost groaned. Their foreheads were pressed together and Ryan leaned in to kiss him again. Brendon slipped his arm around the other’s waist and pulled him closer. He knew exactly what Ryan meant. Now that he was feeling it again, he had a hard time believing that he’d gone so long without Ryan’s lips against his own.

“It’s all better now, though,” Brendon whispered back when he let Ryan go so they were simply sitting near each other again. It was impossible to miss the smile that graced Ryan’s face at the comment and Brendon smiled back. Ryan leaned into him to kiss him again and Brendon gave into it, leaning back as Ryan continued leaning forward.

They parted again and Ryan smiled gently before kissing him on the cheek and moving away. “Shall I get some wine?” Brendon almost nodded, but then he put his hands on the back of Ryan’s head and pulled the other man back down to him instead. Wine would be great, but Brendon would much rather continue without alcohol because he was pretty sure that he knew in what direction the rest of the night would be going. He was pretty sure that Ryan knew it as well and that he agreed because he responded easily to Brendon’s urging.

Brendon moved his hands down to Ryan’s back and pulled him tighter, and then he turned them over so he was on top of Ryan and they’d shifted down to the cushions of the couch. Immediately, the kiss deepened and Ryan tilted his head back, allowing Brendon to get even closer. As Brendon was reaching downwards, though, Ryan flipped them over again.

Ryan grinned down at Brendon almost wickedly and bent down to kiss, or rather suck, on his neck. Brendon closed his eyes and let out a low sigh. Ryan pulled away and Brendon’s eyes fluttered open again to look up into the intent, almost-black eyes. “Let’s relocate somewhere with more space.” The other man rolled away so he was on his knees and Brendon sat up as soon as he was able to. They slipped off the couch together and Ryan grabbed onto Brendon’s arm.

Ryan’s grip was insistent and they stumbled as they made their way around the couch. Ryan pulled and Brendon followed toward the other boy’s bedroom. The room that they rushed into was mostly dark and Brendon couldn’t make much out of the gloom, but it didn’t much matter because he was much more focused on Ryan. They fell to the bed together, resuming their fevered kissing.

All of the heat was still there and Brendon felt a shiver fly up his spine at the feeling of it. He put his hands up on Ryan’s sides and turned them over so he was kneeling over the other man. Ryan reached up, putting his hands on the sides of Brendon’s head and pulled him down so their mouths were connected again. This time when Brendon reached down toward the hem of the other boy’s shirt he wasn’t stopped. He had to break the contact between their bodies by a few inches and Ryan lifted his arms over his head so the soft shirt could be removed.

As soon as it was gone, though, they were connected again. Again, Ryan rolled so Brendon was trapped underneath him, but Ryan pulled up on Brendon’s shoulders to bring him into a sitting position. He wrestled with the button-down white shirt that Brendon was wearing and soon had it pushed off his shoulders.

Ryan ran one had down Brendon’s chest and pushed him back into the mattress, bending down to connect his lips to Brendon’s smooth skin. Brendon sighed at the sensation and curled his fingers into the hair at the back of Ryan’s head. He didn’t care about being on top anymore. He just wanted more of Ryan. Luckily for him, that was what he got.

As he moved down, Ryan’s kisses ignited fireworks in every place the soft lips touched. When he was right above Brendon’s waistband, he licked along the skin there, fingers already working to undo the button and the zipper, mouth venturing lower as more skin was revealed.

Brendon squirmed a little and grabbed onto Ryan’s shoulders as the other boy’s lips began moving further down under the edge of Brendon’s black pants and toward his boxers. He pulled Ryan back up to him, kissing him heatedly as the skinny man started pushing the pants and boxers off together. Brendon fumbled with Ryan’s buttons and Ryan sat up to pull off the pants that he was wearing, leaving his boxers clinging stubbornly to his hips.

Growling impatiently, Brendon pushed them down and surged upward to bury his face in the warm space between the edge of Ryan’s chin and his shoulder. He moved his lips down over Ryan’s collarbone and to his equally smooth chest. Ryan resettled on his lap and Brendon gasped when their cocks brushed. He responded to Ryan pushing him back without any resistance, pulling Ryan down with him and pushing their lips together.

Brendon could barely hear Ryan’s heightened breathing over his own, but when they separated to breathe, he saw that the other’s face was flushed as he was sure his was, too. Ryan’s head ducked down again to cover Brendon’s torso with hot kisses and sharp little bites, hands stroking Brendon’s sides as he made his way down. Brendon tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “God yes,” he breathed, feeling Ryan’s smile against his skin as soon as the whisper was released to the room.

Every place that Ryan touched burned, and Brendon knew that he wanted this more than anything else at the moment. He also knew that this was going to be incredible if he was so painfully hard from just kissing and touching.

He breathed a shaky sigh again as Ryan ran a hand down his chest, massaging Brendon’s belly as his lips slowed and eventually stopped, right above the place that Brendon most wanted touched. Brendon looked up to see what had stopped Ryan.

Their eyes met and he felt like he was sinking into the inky pools that were Ryan’s eyes. Instantly, he knew what Ryan was silently asking him. He nodded and shivered at the seductive grin that curved across Ryan’s face. Ryan bent his head down and Brendon felt the shaky, hot breath on his cock, followed immediately by the feeling of Ryan’s lips as the other boy took Brendon into his mouth.

Brendon propped himself up on his elbows and became entranced by watching Ryan’s lips slide lower over his erection. Then, Ryan lifted until only the head was still in his mouth. Brendon groaned, loudly, at the feeling of Ryan’s tongue swirling around the shaft as he lowered his head again to move back down. There was a muffled sound from Ryan that Brendon assumed was a moan and he felt the other man’s body shudder as well. Then Ryan moved down again, taking Brendon’s cock even deeper. He moved up halfway, teeth gliding over the sensitive flesh. Brendon hissed and grabbed at the hair on Ryan’s head. A new sensation blossomed as he felt Ryan open his throat, moving all the way down Brendon’s length and letting Brendon’s cock slip further. Brendon moaned as Ryan’s tongue began working again and the vibrations of Ryan’s answering sound only made Brendon’s moan louder.

Ryan moved slowly back up, granting more pleasure on his way, and let off with a light kiss to the very tip of Brendon’s cock. Brendon dragged the other boy back up to him, sitting up to meet him. He could taste himself on Ryan’s tongue, but it didn’t bother him. All he cared about was Ryan’s mouth and the soft skin that he was slowly stroking. Ryan broke the kiss, breathing hard. Looking into the boy’s eyes, Brendon could tell that Ryan was feeling the same as him and he decided that it was his turn to do something for Ryan.

Once again, Brendon moved his hand down and he wasn’t deterred from his goal of taking Ryan into his hand. Instantly, Ryan stilled and Brendon could picture the other’s eyes widening ever so slightly. He smiled a little and moved his hand slowly, feeling Ryan’s cock twitch in his hand. Ryan leaned into him, resting his forehead against Brendon’s shoulder, hot breath moving against Brendon’s skin. Brendon distracted himself by speeding up the movement of his hand. Ryan shuddered again and let out a shaky cross between a moan and a sigh. “Yeah…Brendon…”

Brendon squeezed lightly, still pumping his hand and shivered at the dirty groan that Ryan emitted. The other man’s head was gone from his shoulder, then, as Ryan grabbed his head and crashed their lips together again. Brendon moaned and his rhythm faltered a little when Ryan bit down hard on his bottom lip, then sucked on it and slipped his tongue against Brendon’s. He kept moving his hand, going a little faster, and Ryan shuddered again.

A hand closed around Brendon’s and he stopped moving. Ryan pulled away, removing Brendon’s hand from his cock and pushed Brendon back down onto the mattress. He raised himself up and leaned over Brendon to reach into the bedside table. Brendon knew what was happening and as Ryan shuffled around in the drawer, he put his hands on the other boy’s sides, moving his lips along Ryan’s chest. He didn’t miss the sound of things falling to the ground and he only smiled a little bit, happy that he was able to make Ryan feel this good.

Ryan moved back so he was kneeling between Brendon’s legs. There was a condom and a small tube of lubricant in his hand that he set to the side. Brendon spread his legs a little bit more and drew his knees up. A sound of approval came from Ryan’s throat and Brendon felt the other man’s hands move to the underside of his knees.

The mattress shifted as Ryan moved backwards and bent down. Brendon gasped when he felt Ryan lick over his entrance. It happened again and he moaned, closing his eyes at the onslaught of pleasure. The sensation, and Brendon’s moan, only magnified when Ryan’s tongue actually pushed inside. Slowly, he pushed deeper and Brendon swore loudly. He moved away too soon, but Brendon knew that there would be more—better—things coming. It didn’t stop him from whining a little bit at the loss of contact.

“Shhh,” Ryan soothed softly, opening the lube that he held in his hands. Brendon shuddered in anticipation. He watched as Ryan squeezed the clear liquid onto his fingers and spread it around. Then he bent down so only the top of his head was visible again.

Brendon let out a shaky breath at the feeling of Ryan’s finger pushing into him as Ryan leaned over him so their chests almost touched. Brendon wanted to taste Ryan again, but he knew that it wasn’t possible until Ryan was done with this. It seemed that Ryan was able to sense that, though, because as he worked his finger deeper, he bent over Brendon’s stomach and left ghost kisses across it. “Hurry up,” Brendon grunted through quickened breaths.

Ryan laughed a little bit and added another finger, making Brendon tense up a little. “Come on, Bren, this is nothing,” Ryan said quietly. Brendon lifted his head up so he was able to see Ryan better and he took in the other’s cock again. Ryan was very right about his bony fingers being nothing. Brendon swallowed and breathed.

The fingers didn’t really hurt, they were just startling and foreign and they felt strange. Brendon didn’t bother telling him that everything was fine and that they could move on because he knew that Ryan wouldn’t listen and would finish whenever he pleased. Brendon just wanted Ryan to finish so they could get to the point that both of them really wanted. Luckily for him, that time came as soon as Ryan was done stretching Brendon as thoroughly as he could.

“I’m done,” Ryan said mock-sweetly, holding himself over Brendon by his arms and smiling down at him before lowering himself and gently kissing Brendon’s lips. “Give me a sec and I can get started with what all of that was for.” Then Ryan slipped down Brendon’s front again, trailing his tongue over the skin. Brendon shivered at the contact and reveled in how sexy Ryan could be when he wanted.

He heard the sound of the condom ripping and he smiled at himself, ready to let Ryan have what he wanted while getting some himself. The popping sound of the lube container followed the condom a few seconds later and Brendon could practically feel how much Ryan was looking forward to what was going to happen next.

Brendon gave the other boy a few seconds before he reached down and grabbed Ryan’s head, gripping the soft brown hair. Ryan let out a cross between a startled yelp and a groan, but it was quickly silenced when Brendon pushed their lips together again. He let go a few moments later and spread his legs wider, looking Ryan directly in the eyes.

Ryan needed no further encouragement, it seemed, because he didn’t hesitate to shift back down. There was a moment’s pause in which both men took a deep breath. Then Ryan’s hands were gripping Brendon’s hips and he was lining up his cock with Brendon’s entrance.

There was no time between that moment and the next when Ryan was pushing forward and Brendon was letting out a groan/hiss. Ryan slowed a little bit, letting Brendon adjust and Brendon let his head fall back even further.

Ryan was big. Brendon had known that as soon as he’d seen the other man naked, but actually feeling Ryan’s cock inside of him was a lot different. The feeling burned, but in a way that left Brendon wanting more and more. Fortunately, Ryan decided to move again and another stab of burning pleasure burst into Brendon’s brain.

“You’re doing very well,” Ryan whispered approvingly against Brendon’s cheek. His voice was broken up so Brendon could tell that Ryan couldn’t talk any louder if he wanted to. Brendon turned his head and reached up for Ryan’s so he could have that much more of Ryan Ross.

It felt like they were connected. The two of them were as close as two people could be, and Brendon felt like he was almost on the same wavelength as Ryan. The thought occurred to him when they both moved at the same time.

Ryan began sliding out and Brendon tilted his hips up at the same time, giving both of them a jolt of pleasure. Brendon could read on Ryan’s face that it was equally felt. That only inspired Ryan to pull out slower, to prolong the feeling. Then he pushed back.

Ryan moved in long strokes that drew out the sensations to the point that Brendon thought they would break off. All Brendon could do was gasp and close his eyes every time Ryan hit that one spot deep inside of him. He arched into every touch, every thrust, and he rested his hands on Ryan’s sides so the smooth skin was providing another sensation.

After a while, Brendon could feel heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and he knew what that meant. He surged upward, uncaring that he was probably disrupting Ryan’s rhythm. Brendon grabbed Ryan and pulled him closer, falling back to the mattress with Ryan pressed against his chest. He couldn’t quite make the contact of their lips happen, so he was left to gasp against Ryan’s mouth, feeling Ryan’s short bursts of sound.

The heat in his belly reached a crescendo and Brendon stopped all movement. There was a bursting feeling and he threw back his head to moan Ryan’s name, loud and long. His back was arched and he felt Ryan’s slim fingers close around his cock to help prolong and intensify the most amazing orgasm he’d ever had.

It seemed that Ryan wasn’t quite done yet, but he was definitely close. Brendon fell back to the mattress and tilted his hips up again to receive each one of Ryan’s now-frantic thrusts. There was a sudden freezing of Ryan’s facial muscles and a second later Brendon could feel Ryan come inside of him. The other boy made no noise as he rode out his orgasm by rocking his hips with Brendon’s and Brendon wasn’t surprised at all that Ryan was the type to fall completely silent when he came.

They collapsed together, a sticky, sweaty, hard-breathing mess. Brendon had never felt better, though. He held Ryan against him, almost afraid to let go. Ryan shifted a little in his arms, though, and he had to loosen his hold so Ryan could pull out and make himself more comfortable.

As soon as Ryan was done taking care of the used up condom, he returned to Brendon’s side and Brendon felt a little bit of the emptiness fill in.

“I have no words for how absolutely amazing that was and how glad I am you’re here,” Ryan whispered, rolling into Brendon’s side and putting one arm over him.

Brendon knew that he was right about this meaning something huge when Ryan didn’t have words to describe it or express it. He just moved an arm up and laid it on Ryan’s back. “I’m glad that I’m here, too, and that I’m with you. That was incredible.” Brendon said into Ryan’s hair.

Ryan lifted himself up a little bit, propping himself on his elbows. He inched upward so their faces were level and Brendon was looking up at him. “I missed you,” Ryan said softly, sounding a little sad, undoubtedly flashing through their separation again. His eyes were soft, almost molten, but there was a little bit of light in them.

“I’m glad that I don’t have to anymore.” Brendon realized how dumb and cheesy that sounded the minute it was out of his mouth, but Ryan smiled so he didn’t feel completely stupid about saying it. “You know, you’re pretty good at this stuff.” Once again, it kind of came out of his mouth before he really knew it. It was mostly because Brendon could still feel the waves of pleasure through his body as a beautiful memory and he was a little distracted by it.

“Oh, really?” There was a grin on Ryan’s face that said things that Brendon didn’t necessarily need to know. If he had to guess, though, his would be that Ryan knew exactly what Brendon was thinking. Ryan ducked his head, placing light kisses across Brendon’s chest. Brendon sighed happily and rolled over so Ryan was underneath him.

Hazel eyes gazed up at him in surprise and content. There was a small, expectant smile on Ryan’s lips that made Brendon lower himself down to kiss them. It was slow and gentle, both of them still cooling down. There was no doubt in Brendon’s mind that they were going to go again, probably soon, but they didn’t have to do it yet. Then an idea occurred to him.

He pulled away from Ryan and looked down at him, taking in the relaxed expression on his face. Brendon moved away so they were side by side again. “You know what, we should take turns,” he announced, watching Ryan’s face for any change.

“With what?” Ryan asked innocently. The look in his eyes betrayed his actual understanding, but Brendon decided to present the idea anyway.

He moved again so he was crouching over Ryan, pushing him down into the mattress, holding onto his arms and settling onto Ryan’s stomach. “This,” Brendon said simply before bending down and nipping at Ryan’s neck. “I get to be on top and do what I want.”

“That’s actually a really good idea,” Ryan answered, sounding slightly affected by Brendon’s attention. Brendon jerked his head up, not expecting that response. Ryan sat up, displacing Brendon a little. “We can’t wrestle over the right every single time we have sex, since we’re both stubborn and will probably drag it out until we’re too tired to actually follow through.” Ryan said it all practically, then his gaze darkened a little and a smirk lit up his face. “Besides, it could make things a bit more interesting.”

Brendon shivered a little at the implications and nodded. Words still wouldn’t come to him and he unconsciously licked his lips. He heard a little laugh from Ryan and he had the other’s lips on his. Then Ryan moved out from under Brendon and settled them down so they were side by side, but he could still play with Brendon’s hair. “You know, that conversation that we had broke my heart,” Ryan said softly, fingertips running lightly over Brendon’s head.

Brendon knew what Ryan was talking about instantly and he pressed back into Ryan’s touch. “Mine, too. I’m not exactly sure if I ever really got over it.”

“Whenever I think back to it, I think that I was just stupid to let you slip away that easily. I’ve thought that for months actually. Let’s never be that stupid again, or don’t let me be that stupid again.” Ryan sounded absolutely serious and Brendon turned around to look at him.

“I promise and you have to do the same thing for me.” Brendon smiled a little, forgetting about all of the times that he hated himself for going along with the idea in favor of the present. “And now, I’m going to take my turn and show you that nothing like that is going to happen again.” Purposefully, Brendon let his voice drop and he shifted down to push Ryan over.

Ryan didn’t fight, but he did give Brendon a questioning look. Brendon turned Ryan onto his stomach and shifted so he was hovering over him. “I just want to see your tattoos,” Brendon murmured, looking at the question marks that rested on each shoulder blade. He smiled a little, remembering when Ryan had gotten them done, and moved down so his lips trailed over each one. Ryan shivered a little and Brendon smiled again, tracing each one with the tip of his tongue next.

At that, Ryan tried to roll over, but Brendon kept him in place, attaching his lips to Ryan’s back. He paused, though, at the sight and feeling of the first of many scars that laced all over Ryan’s back. They were all very thin and faint, only noticeable this close. Ryan tensed underneath him a little, undoubtedly knowing what Brendon had found.

“Just, don’t look at it,” Ryan muttered, sounding pained himself, like he was trying not to picture what came to his mind immediately. He rolled over again to face Brendon and his eyes were trying to be guarded but Brendon saw through it.

Brendon shook his head and leaned down to kiss Ryan on the lips. Slowly, Brendon turned the other man onto his stomach and broke away to gently kiss as much of Ryan’s back that he could. He lightly traced over the skin with his fingers, becoming used to the feeling of the raised lines. “It’s okay,” he breathed softly. “I don’t mind. In fact, I think they’re beautiful.” Judging by the sound of Ryan’s exhale, it was a good thing to say.

As he moved lower, though, and didn’t move Ryan onto his back, Ryan tensed again, probably figuring out what Brendon was planning to do. The reaction hurt a little, but Brendon understood and he knew that Ryan couldn’t help it, there was enough evidence on the boy’s back for proof.

Brendon moved back up, pressing more kisses to Ryan’s skin—trying not to feel bad about Ryan loosening again—thinking of what he could do to make it better. Then, Brendon’s eyes caught something that might help.

“Ry, I’m going to move you a little bit okay? I think that it’ll make things better.” Brendon leaned down and whispered in Ryan’s ear. The answering nod and little shiver was enough for him and he shifted them so they were both facing the mirror that Ryan had on one of his walls.

Ryan couldn’t handle not knowing what was happening—especially to himself—and it was understandable. Brendon didn’t necessarily want to watch until he actually caught sight of them together in the mirror. He was able to see Ryan’s face and his desire despite his apprehension and Brendon saw his own face with his eyes big and dark. They made eye contact and Ryan nodded, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Brendon nodded back as a ‘you’re welcome’ and smiled back, pressing a kiss to one of Ryan’s shoulders.

Brendon reached for the lube that was resting to one side and opened it, pulling Ryan up onto his hands and knees. Ryan complied easily, breathing coming faster already, not that Brendon was any different. He spread the lube over his fingers the way Ryan had earlier and set the tube to the side, readying his fingers at Ryan’s entrance.

He glanced into the mirror and began at Ryan’s nod. The other boy let out a shaky breath and shifted a little bit with an odd expression on his face. Brendon laughed a little, understanding the feeling and continued stretching and working. When his fingers brushed against something and Ryan literally shook each time, Brendon knew that he was able to move on.

“Condoms are in the drawer, over on the left side,” Ryan said, sounding breathless already. Brendon just nodded, not quite trusting his voice. He fumbled with the drawer a little, but his fingers finally closed around one little square packet and he ripped it open, not hesitating to roll it on.

Brendon moved back to kneel behind Ryan again and wrapped one arm around Ryan’s waist, using the other as a balance. Without any warning, Brendon wrapped his fingers around Ryan’s cock and started pumping to get Ryan even more ready than he already was.

It wasn’t long until Ryan was pressing back against Brendon gasping, “Bren, stop. Just, now, fuck me now.” The last part was said with all of the force and authority that a desperate Ryan Ross could conjure. Brendon just smiled a little, glancing up into the mirror to see the other man’s face flushed, hair already stuck fast to his forehead. Ryan’s eyes were dark and they looked up to meet Brendon’s eyes, much more forceful than his voice.

Brendon felt his cock twitch and he moved to line himself up with that spot between Ryan’s thighs. He clutched Ryan’s hipbones as hard as he dared and began to push in, stubbornly fighting the tight ring of muscle that immediately welcomed him. The moan that came from Ryan and the sight of his face with his eyes half-closed in pleasure inspired Brendon to push harder and the head of his cock pushed through. Both he and Ryan groaned.

He pushed in slowly, so Ryan was able to adjust as he went, but the other boy did so remarkably quickly and grunted in impatience if Brendon paused for too long. Brendon smirked to himself and complied, pushing the rest of the way in in one thrust. Ryan groaned again and his head dropped forward.

The next pause was more for Brendon’s benefit than Ryan’s. He had to breathe and gather his bearings and just take a moment to marvel at the feeling of Ryan. It didn’t take too long, though, because Brendon found himself wanting, needing, to move.

He curled over Ryan so his chest was in contact with the other’s back and he pulled backwards, trailing his lips over Ryan’s skin as he went. When Brendon was halfway, he thrust back in, hard, and he felt Ryan shake underneath him, letting out a small moan on a breath of air.

Brendon moved back out again and thrust back in, looking for a rhythm, and he looked into the mirror to see Ryan’s face a perfect picture of pleasure while his own face suggested he was in nirvana. Both of them were sweating and he noticed that they both were trembling the smallest bit. Still, Brendon’s eyes continued to be drawn to Ryan as he found and slipped into a comfortable rhythm.

“God you’re beautiful,” he groaned close to the other’s ear after he’d thrust back inside again and Ryan’s face had twisted in the sexiest expression Brendon had ever seen. He pressed sloppy kisses to the area that made up Ryan’s shoulders, knowing that he wouldn’t last too much longer. Ryan just continued breathing heavily, but he looked up so their eyes met again in the mirror. All Brendon saw was need and affection.

Then Ryan fell to his elbows with a choked groan, not in pain, Brendon checked. The change of position also changed the angle, though, so Brendon hit deeper and Ryan clenched around his cock, swearing at the same time. “Fuck,” Brendon gasped, closing his eyes and throwing his head back at the feeling.

A few more thrusts at that angle and Ryan tightening around him a few more times burst the pool of heat in Brendon’s lower belly again. He came again, jerking inside of Ryan and swearing loudly. Ryan was completely silent, but still moving back against Brendon, obviously on his way.

Brendon reached around Ryan again to help out and he’d barely touched the other man’s cock when Ryan came, tilting his head back so it rested against Brendon’s shoulder and opening his mouth in a silent moan.

Ryan collapsed on his belly and Brendon fell on top of him, catching himself so he didn’t crash into the other boy. Brendon breathed hard, unable to work up the energy to pull out yet. He just moved his arms around Ryan so he was hugging him from behind and he nuzzled the damp, salty skin of Ryan’s shoulders, brushing a kiss across it.

“Holy fuck, Bren,” the other boy breathed weakly and Brendon just nodded against Ryan’s back. Their breathing calmed together and Brendon moved up so he could pull out. Ryan flipped around as soon as the condom hit the bottom of the trash can and pulled Brendon close, kissing him hard.

They pulled away from each other and Brendon grinned at Ryan before ducking down again and licking up all of the effects of Ryan’s coming. He smiled even more at the taste and sucked lightly at the pale skin when the visible traces were gone. Ryan breathed underneath him, and Brendon loved the feeling of the other’s flat belly moving under him.

Brendon knew, without a doubt, that sex with Ryan, no matter which of them was doing what, was one of the most incredible things that he would ever do and he was always going to love it. He moved back up to Ryan’s face and kissed him again, loving the feeling of Ryan’s lips moving against his own. “You’re amazing,” he whispered, when they parted again and he settled down on top of Ryan so their chests were pressed together.

Ryan’s eyes reflected the statement along with an emotion that Brendon could only describe as adoring. Brendon only knew that because he knew that it was what the expression on his own face meant. Ryan smiled a little and pulled Brendon closer, kissing him and pulling the blankets up around the two of them. He broke away and concealed a yawn, positioning them so they were lying side by side instead.

“And now it’s time for sleep,” he murmured, already closing his eyes and burrowing into the mattress. Brendon smiled and tried to settle down as well, even though he didn’t feel tired.

He tried, he really did, but after a few minutes it was clear that he couldn’t get comfortable and sleep wasn’t cooperating with him. Brendon shifted yet again into a new position and Ryan grunted in mild annoyance, already half asleep. “Can’t we stay up and you can show me around your house?” Brendon asked.

“No, sleep now,” Ryan mumbled, pulling the blanket higher up so it was almost over his head. Brendon bit his lip, still unable to settle down, trying not to fidget but failing. Ryan made another annoyed sound after another minute or so and drew his arm back from where it was around Brendon. “Go, snoop around my house. I’m going to stay here.” Ryan nudged him a little and Brendon grinned, slipping out of the bed and back into his boxers.

“You’re such an old man, Ross,” he whispered, leaning over the bed to kiss Ryan on the hair that was visible. Ryan just waved him away and repositioned himself. Brendon smiled again and left the room to do what Ryan said and explore the other man’s house.

The house was just as Brendon could have guessed. It was clean enough and there were all the necessities. Well, Ryan’s necessities. There were book cases everywhere, lining almost every wall, with stacks of books sitting beside them as well as completely filling them. There was very little food in the kitchen that could actually be made into a meal, but there was a lot of other food, showing that Ryan still ate all the time, but he only ate a little bit at a time. There were even more types of coffee than there was food.

Ryan had a weird relationship with furniture ever since he sold the house that he’d been living in and moved all of the stuff he actually owned in storage when he graduated. It had driven Ryan crazy to have all of that stuff that wasn’t really his just handed to him, and it all went together since it was all from some fancy designer’s collection. As soon as he’d gotten his first apartment, all of the furniture that he bought was mismatched in size, shape and color, most bought from second-hand stores since it was all he could afford. Ryan explained that he wanted control over what he had in his house and where it went and how it looked.

With that in mind, Brendon had barely noticed the large, blue couch that sat across from a medium sized, black and gray armchair, or the dark purple footstool that was apparently supposed to go with it. He didn’t notice any of it, really. The furniture never specifically matched, but Brendon always thought that it went together somehow.

Brendon found what he was really looking for very quickly. The music room was big, it had good acoustics, and Ryan’s instrument collection—that had grown since they were in high school—was proudly displayed along the walls and in the middle of the floor. There were two levels to the room and Brendon smiled as he stepped down and approached the grand piano, brushing his fingers across electric and bass guitars that he remembered.

He sat down at the piano and lifted the glossy black cover to reveal the keys. Brendon smiled a little bit before putting his fingers to the keys and slipping into a song that he knew by heart. Without any thought, the song morphed into something of Brendon’s own creation. The sound wasn’t loud so much as it was powerful. The music built up to a glorious crescendo that Brendon could barely control. Brendon didn’t even really know what he was doing, that was how caught up he was in it.

Eventually, Brendon let go of the sound, knowing that the improvised song could have gone on for a lot longer. He took a breath and smiled, letting his hands drop into his lap. Brendon dropped his head back and laughed, holding his head back for a few moments. He wasn’t quite able to believe how everything had changed so fast, yet again. It was amazing.

He looked back down at the piano and placed his hands lightly above the black and white keys. Brendon started playing something that spilled out of his mind again. It was completely disconnected from the other, this one being quiet and in a minor key, but it was coming from the same place and expressing the same thing.

Then, Brendon felt two hands lightly fall onto his shoulders. The skin was cool and the fingers were callused and he smiled a little, tipping his head back to see Ryan watching his fingers as they continued to move over the keyboard.

Ryan glanced down at him and shifted forward so his upper arms were braced against Brendon’s bare shoulders and his hands reached up to lay on Brendon’s head, looking back at the keyboard. He wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers either and Brendon smiled at the idea that he probably just got out of bed because of the piano.

Brendon could feel the soft kiss that was placed on the top of his head and he smiled again. Ryan’s arms came down over Brendon’s so his hands were on top of Brendon’s. Brendon cut off a few of the notes so he could hold onto Ryan’s fingers and lift one hand to his lips.

In response, Ryan nuzzled the top of his head with his cheek. “Brendon,” Ryan whispered quietly. Brendon hummed in response and Ryan kissed the top of his head again, shifting his raised left hand so he was actually clutching Brendon’s hand. “I love you.”

Brendon stopped playing and leaned back into Ryan’s chest. The other boy stood solidly there, one thumb rubbing calmly on the back of Brendon’s hand. For some reason, now Brendon could feel Ryan’s breath on the top of his head along with his subtly warm skin and Brendon was able to feel his own heart beating hard. He couldn’t move for a few seconds, and then he snapped out of it and whirled around, almost knocking the piano bench over.

Brendon’s hands flew to the sides of Ryan’s head and Brendon kissed the other boy for all he was worth. When it had to end, he knocked his forehead lightly against Ryan’s, smiling out of sheer happiness and the look of surprise on Ryan’s face. “I love you, too, and you wouldn’t believe how good it is to say.”

Ryan’s surprise disappeared in favor of a huge grin. “I think I can imagine.” He tilted his head forward a little to softly kiss Brendon.

“Really, though, I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Brendon said, putting his arms on Ryan’s shoulders and lacing his fingers together behind Ryan’s head. He touched their foreheads together again and started rocking them side to side. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you before now.”

“Mmm, I can’t say why I didn’t either. Isn’t it enough that we’re saying it now, though, maybe even better?” Ryan asked. His eyes were shining and there was a slight smile on his face. Brendon grinned and leaned in to kiss Ryan again.

“Let’s go back to the bed,” Brendon whispered, dropping his hands to Ryan’s, holding loosely and walking backwards, toward the door.

Ryan followed with a small smile on his face. When they were in the room again, Brendon sat down on the bed, only to have Ryan take him by the shoulders and move him up to the headboard. Brendon parted his knees and Ryan settled between his legs, leaning in to kiss him slowly.

Brendon was already getting hard again and it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Ryan was slowly running his hands down Brendon’s arms and chest, moving his fingers deliberately. Brendon pushed back into the headboard a little, spreading his legs wider.

Ryan smiled into the kiss, pressing even closer, and tangled his fingers in the waistband of Brendon’s boxers, pulling down slowly. Brendon shuddered when Ryan’s fingers brushed his skin and he leaned into the kiss, raising his hips at the same time. Ryan was also hard and Brendon made quick work of his boxers.

The kiss broke and Ryan moved his mouth down to lick stripes up Brendon’s neck and suck on the skin whenever he seemed to want to. Brendon only gasped, trying to get air back into his lungs, and he rested his head back on the wall, giving Ryan more access to his neck.

It wasn’t long before they were rocking together, Ryan thrusting rhythmically. Brendon’s back was steadily hitting the wall with Ryan’s gasping breaths on his lips. Brendon clutched the other boy as close as he could with his gradually weakening grip and kissed Ryan as if he were the air.

Eventually, Brendon arched, groaning loudly and almost touching his chest to Ryan’s. Ryan had fallen completely silent and he was only moving his hips with Brendon’s as if his life depended on it at this point. They collapsed at the same time and Brendon clutched Ryan to his chest, wishing that they never had to be further away from each other. Ryan braced himself against the mattress and shifted a little so he pulled out. Once he’d disposed of the condom he returned, pressing himself as close as he’d been before.

“I really love you,” Brendon whispered into Ryan’s hair, breathing as if he’d just run a mile. Ryan nestled closer, reaching down to pull the blankets up at the same time.

“I love you, too, Brendon,” he said quietly, nuzzling Brendon’s shoulder and shifting a little, obviously getting ready to sleep. This time, Brendon made no protest, settling down right beside Ryan and making sure they were still in contact with one another.

Brendon was surprised to find out how exhausted he was and he fell asleep almost instantly, feeling Ryan’s warmth right beside him.

******

Brendon woke up to a soft kiss and a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see Ryan’s face hovering over his own. The other boy’s eyes were warm and smiling and he just looked at Brendon for a moment before saying, “Come with me.” He held his hand out and Brendon took it, not even thinking to question.

Ryan led him into the bathroom where it was warm and steamy and shiny. There was one counter lining the wall and a shower in one corner with a little door leading to the toilet across from it. In the other corner was a large bathtub filled with water, presumably where the steam was coming from. Brendon smiled a little bit and Ryan must have seen it in the foggy mirror because he leaned forward to place a light kiss on Brendon’s shoulder, also smiling.

The other man took hold of Brendon’s hand again and moved from behind him, walking toward the tub. Ryan let go and stepped in, settling in against the far side and motioning for Brendon to join him. Without much hesitation, Brendon did.

He stepped in and felt Ryan steady him as he sat, right between the other boy’s legs. With a small smile, he settled back into Ryan’s chest and closed his eyes, embracing how the warm water came all the way up to his upper chest. Brendon found Ryan’s hand under the water and laced their fingers together, feeling closer to Ryan than before.

“I’m never letting go of you again,” Ryan whispered, seemingly to himself. He slipped his arm with the free hand tight around Brendon’s torso to emphasize the point. Another kiss was brushed across Brendon’s shoulder and he dropped his head back so he could look at the other boy, tightening his grip on Ryan’s hand at the same time.

Eye contact seemed to be all they needed. Brendon didn’t say anything and Ryan just breathed against his damp shoulder, but Brendon still felt an understanding pass between them. A moment later, their lips pressed together, softly and sweetly. Brendon knew then—better than before, it seemed—that he had never stopped being in love with Ryan Ross. He also knew that he wasn’t going to ever leave.

“You don’t have to worry about it, I won’t let you,” he whispered back. Brendon didn’t care about how sappy it was, or if it was cheesy, it was true and he was going to have Ryan know it.

Ryan let out a breath that could have been a laugh and he tightened his fingers around Brendon’s. “Looks like we’re in the same boat, then,” he paused and Brendon could picture the contemplative look materializing on Ryan’s face. “I like that idea.” Brendon smiled and tangled one hand in the back of Ryan’s hair, pulling him down for another kiss.

After soaking and talking quietly for a while longer, Brendon reached for a sponge and the soap that smelled the most like Ryan. Ryan seemed willing to let Brendon wash him—or as much as Brendon could reach, being in front of Ryan—and he took it well, but he definitely seemed more comfortable when Brendon handed him the sponge. Brendon smiled a little, knowing that it would take time for Ryan to get used to Brendon’s need for intimate, physical contact that he initiated.

It didn’t seem to be too strange for Ryan, though. He ran the sponge up and down Brendon’s arms and chest confidently, with a firm yet gentle hand. Brendon realized as Ryan gently scrubbed his neck, shoulders, and upper back that this was the kind of thing that Ryan had always needed, someone he could trust to be so intimate with. They both knew that the other would never betray this trust that they were investing in each other, and it was exactly what both of them seemed to need.

Not much more time passed before they were getting out of the water that had somehow gotten cold and toweling off. Brendon’s stomach growled loudly and Ryan grinned at him, leading the way back to the bedroom to get new clothes. Once dressed, they went to the kitchen and Ryan started a pot of coffee as Brendon started hunting through the cupboards.

There was a loud ringing sound coming from across the kitchen where Ryan was. “Holy fuck,” Brendon heard him start. He turned to see Ryan picking up his phone and putting it to his ear. “What the fuck do you want?” Ryan looked just a little irritated and he crossed his arms, leaning against the counter and saying, “Yes, in fact, I did.”

Brendon could tell that whatever conversation it was, it was going to take a while. Then he remembered his own cellphone, turned off as soon as he and Ryan had settled onto the couch last night because he didn’t want to be bothered. He’d disappeared from the show and it had been hours since he’d talked to anyone but the one person who knew where he was and that he was safe, the one in the kitchen. Shit.

The phone was still on the couch and Brendon cautiously turned it on. As soon as the start-up screen faded, his phone came alive, alerting him to voicemails and missed calls and text messages. Then a call came in from Spencer. Brendon picked up hesitantly, anticipating the yelling.

“Where the fuck are you and why the fuck are you just now picking up your fucking phone? Do you know how close I was to calling the fucking police? I was only holding out because I know that wander off and forget to tell anyone about it. You had better start fucking explaining.” Brendon winced, just picturing Spencer’s face and how tightly he was probably clutching the phone.

“You didn’t have to worry,” Brendon said with more calm and surety than he was feeling. “I’m with Ryan. I have been, and I’m completely safe. Didn’t Zack tell you about seeing him?”

It sounded like Spencer was stumbling over his words before his voice came back. “Yes, he did tell us about that, but he didn’t say anything about you. And, Ryan? Ryan Ross? Why are you with Ryan?”

“Um…” Brendon wondered if he wanted to disclose the fact that he and Ryan were back together. He glanced back into the kitchen and saw Ryan pacing back and forth, still talking to whomever it was that called him. “He came by and we talked a little bit before the show. Then, afterwards, we left together and we’re at his house now. We had a lot to talk about…” Brendon trailed off on the last part, letting his voice drop.

Spencer was silent for a little bit and when he spoke again, his voice was calmer and not quite so loud. “What were you talking about?” It sounded like he already knew, but he was going to make Brendon answer his question.

“Us, three years ago, right now, the future.”

“Sounds like a lot to get in between the sex,” Spencer observed.

Brendon stopped, feeling his jaw drop and his eyes widen. He coughed a little. “What?”

Spencer actually laughed a little bit. “Please, there’s no way you can convince me that you two haven’t had sex. I know both of you better than that. I thought that your distraction last night had something to do with another person, but it didn’t click that it would still be Ryan. Sarah did tell us last night when we asked her about you that you two weren’t engaged anymore. I probably should have connected the dots.”

Brendon sighed, knowing that if he let this go on much longer, Spencer was going to ask an inappropriate and personal question. There were times when he broke out of that responsible grown up that he was and returned to the immature teenager that he’d been in high school, even if his immaturity in high school could be considered fairly grown up.

“So what was it like? It must have been weird, and did it hurt at all? Of course, I’m only assuming that Ryan was topping because his stubbornness totally wins out over yours.”

“And, that’s that. Goodbye Spencer.” Brendon pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call, knowing that Spencer was cracking up and that he wasn’t going to call back. Brendon shook his head and looked at the some of the text messages and missed calls that he’d gotten.

A lot of them were from Spencer and Dallon, so Brendon didn’t bother responding to those. Spencer would tell Dallon that all of the drama was over, probably giving more detail than he needed to and paraphrasing everything that Brendon had said. Surprisingly, there were a lot of attempts from Sarah to contact him. Brendon figured that Spencer would fill her in, too, so he skipped over those messages. Zack’s messages were also skipped.

Shane had tried to get a hold of him and he sent a quick message letting him know that he was just fine and that Spencer had probably been exaggerating anyway when he said whatever he said. The reply came a few seconds later, simply telling Brendon that the message was received and Shane was glad that he wasn’t dead in a Dumpster somewhere.

Then there was Kara. Brendon bit his lip as he waited for her to pick up.

“Brendon Boyd Urie,” she said warningly as soon as she picked up. It wasn’t loud or harsh, it was just stern and Brendon had a hard time trying not to wince.

“Kara, as unhappy as you are right now, you’re going to be thrilled when I tell you where I am and who I’m with and what’s going on,” Brendon said quickly, wanting to get rid of the disapproval from his sister’s voice and face—even though he couldn’t see it, he knew that it was there—as soon as possible.

“Okay… explain.” Aiden was a great kid and it was clear why. Kara was a fantastic mother and she was pregnant again, so her hormones were making her act even more like his second mom than she already did.

“I’m with and have been with Ryan Ross. I’ve been at his house with him since the end of the show last night. And the best part that you’re going to really love,” he hadn’t failed to notice her intake of breath at Ryan’s name, “is that we’re back together.”

“Brendon! Really, are you sure because it’s been a while and you have to be sure that the two of you are ready and okay to get back together.”

“Really Kara, after last night and this morning it’s hard to believe that we’re anything other than back together.” Brendon was largely referring to the sex, but not just that.

“Did you tell him that you love him?” Brendon blinked. It was weird how Kara picked up on stuff like that, especially through the phone.

“Yes, I did and so did he.”

“Alright, alright, you’re completely forgiven for scaring everyone and not returning my messages until now.” Brendon could practically see her grin. Then the line disconnected and Brendon took his phone from his ear, looking back into the kitchen and beaming at Ryan.

He got up and went back to rejoin the other boy. Ryan was shaking his head, still on the phone with someone and Brendon got on the counter, pouring a cup of coffee and watching. Midway through one cycle of the pacing, Ryan glanced over and caught Brendon’s eye, smiling a little in apology. Brendon shrugged and held out another cup of coffee. Ryan smiled wider and nodded in thanks, taking the cup from Brendon’s hand.

Eventually, Ryan was freed and he moved over to sit on the counter by Brendon. “My friends are assholes, sorry about that.”

“It was probably better than Spencer yelling and swearing at me then asking about how sex with you felt,” Brendon responded, smiling at the look on Ryan’s face in response to that comment. The other boy didn’t even look surprised, he just shook his head in resignation. It was that strange mix of exasperation and affection that always existed between Ryan and Spencer.

“I don’t know. First Danny went on about how he was so happy I was repairing things with my significant other. He’s the one who convinced me to talk to you in person. Then he went on to ask me about if you were a boy or a girl and how things ended up working out. After I answered those questions, he asked me for details and I gave him the rough outline of how the night and early morning worked out.

“Alex was the next to call and he’s the one that talked the longest. The conversation went along the same thread, but with more details demanded. It was all very exasperating, but it was nice that they were mildly concerned about me since they hadn’t heard anything before now.”

Brendon smiled and moved closer so their sides were touching. He leaned his head in so it was touching Ryan’s and his smile grew bigger when Ryan turned his face slightly to kiss the top of Brendon’s head.

“At least that’s over now and we can have the rest of today and tomorrow alone,” Brendon pointed out.

“That’s very true. And you’ll probably be living here, right? So we’ll have all of that time, too.” Brendon thought about that and supposed Ryan was right.

For one thing Ryan had a house that was better by far than an apartment. Besides that, Brendon and Sarah were both living in the apartment and she probably didn’t have another place to live just yet, so it would make sense that she would live there.

“Yeah, I’ll have to go and get my stuff from the apartment soon. It’s not a problem, right? And you’re sure you want to do this?”

Ryan pulled away and gave him a look. “We’re not doing this again. No it’s not a problem. There’s plenty of space in this house and plenty of room for you here. Yes I’m sure. It’s not like this is the first time that we’ve lived together. I took you in when you were kicked out and we lived on the bus together for months on end and everyone was fine. Now, I love you and I want to have you here with me all the time. Besides, it’s not like you have anyplace else to live.”

Brendon smiled. “That reminds me. I talked to Kara and told her that we’re back together.”

Ryan smiled, too. “I thought I heard you talking to her. What did she say?”

“She’s really happy about it, Ry.” Brendon leaned forward so their foreheads were touching and he put a hand on the back of Ryan’s neck.

“Maybe you’ll get to introduce us in person this time around,” Ryan responded, smiling.

“Maybe I will,” Brendon mused. He moved forward to kiss Ryan and he smiled a little when Ryan responded readily. This was different, Brendon could feel it. They’d caught each other at the perfect time and things were going to be different this time.

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