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SEASONS OF LOVE-RENT

“Hey Kara, I have something extremely important to tell you,” Brendon started. He looked over at Ryan who got the job of telling all of their friends that they were engaged. Brendon would have helped with that, but he suspected that his conversation with his sister would take longer than it would for Ryan to call everyone by himself.

“Oh, really?” she asked. Ryan was currently talking to Alex and there was a large grin on his face and he was doing a lot of nodding and gesturing.

“Yeah, though I’ve been told that you already knew a little bit about it.”

“Just get on with it Brendon.”

“Ryan proposed and now we’re engaged,” he responded, bracing himself. That ended up being wise because of the shriek that his sister released. Ryan must have heard it because he looked over in concern before he smiled at Brendon holding the phone away from his ear. Brendon sent him a thumbs up and Ryan nodded, both of them going back to their conversations.

“Brendon! He told me that he’d bought a ring, but that he didn’t know how he wanted to do it. He even tried asking me for advice about what I thought you would like.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That all you needed was to be asked.”

“Well, he did it,” Brendon replied, looking at the ring again and waiting. He caught Ryan’s smile out of the corner of his eye as the other man re-dialed the phone to call another one of their friends. “Just this morning.”

“How?”

“Well, he made a long speech about loving me forever and knowing that I’m what he’s been looking for, then he kneeled down beside the bed and said he’d be honored if I said I would marry him.” Brendon smiled at the memory and looked up at Ryan, concentrating on the ringback tone of the next person that he was calling.

“Congratulations Brendon.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Now I have two questions for you.” She’d taken on her older sister tone, the one that meant business.

“Yes?” He wasn’t exactly sure that he wanted to hear these questions because her tone implied that they wouldn’t involve fun things.

“First, are you and Ryan finally going to come and visit? I want to see you and I want to meet him.” Brendon breathed a little easier and attempted to answer the question, but Kara continued. “Second, are you going to tell Mom and Dad? I would ask about telling the others, but I know that you probably won’t and that they’ll have to wait for me to do it or until you just invite them to the wedding.” Brendon opened his mouth again to protest. “So, answer in the order that I asked.”

“Yes, you know that we’ve been planning on visiting you. Our schedules have been really hectic. We’ll be up in a week or so, how about that?” Brendon looked over at Ryan and saw that the man was looking at him suspiciously. He didn’t think that either of them had anything going on in a week. There was a two month break between tours for Panic! and as far as he knew, Ryan’s music was still in the developing phase. “And I guess I hadn’t really thought about it,” he said about his parents.

“Brendon, are you going to be able to do it, or do you want me to do it?” she asked.

He looked down at the table and started tracing a pattern on it. “I don’t know. Do you think Mom and Dad would be okay with it?” Now Ryan was focusing completely on him with a semi-concerned expression on his face. “What the hell would I even tell them? ‘Hey guys, I’m getting married to the man that I’ve been dating for the past year and haven’t told you about. No, I know what I’m getting into because I’ve been in love with him for years and actually dated him for a while before our band split. Yeah he was part of that, too.’ You know that they’re going to freak out or, at the very least, make everything uncomfortable.”

“Brendon, come on, they’re not completely unreasonable. Just tell them about the relationship, tell them you love each other, say you’re going to get married, invite them to watch it happen. They’ll understand, and if not, invite them over to your place so they can see you guys together.”

“They don’t listen to me. They’ve never stopped thinking of me as their little baby, so they don’t take me seriously when I tell them about things like this.” He looked back at Ryan as he waited for the reply from his sister.

She was quiet for a little while, then she sighed. “Do you want me to talk to them?”

“Well, they do listen to you.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to them first. You need to talk to them eventually, though, especially about something this big. And Brendon, really, they aren’t going to disown you.”

“You also wouldn’t think that they would kick me out of the house for wanting to be happy.”

“Brendon.” She sighed. “I’ll do it, but you have to talk to them, too.”

“Thank you, sister dearest.” He smiled a little bit and let her hang up. Brendon turned to Ryan and smiled. “How are you doing?”

“I’m about halfway through the list. What were you two talking about just now?” Ryan moved closer and bumped Brendon with his shoulder.

“She wants me to tell my parents about all of this. You heard me tell her about them not listening to me, though, so she said that she would break the news to them, but I still have to talk to them. So, it looks like you’ll get to meet the in-laws before too long. I also told her that we would go visit her in a week or so because she really wants to see us.”

“That sounds fine.” Ryan looked at him a little bit closer. “Are you okay with all of it, though?”

“Yeah, I love visiting her and I’m sure you’ll get along with her fantastically. That part works for me, I just hope it works with your schedule. I’m not sure about my parents, though. I can talk to them and nothing’s too awkward anymore, but I can’t help feeling like this is going to be another ‘I’m going to be in a band’ thing only this time it’ll be, ‘I’m going to get married to another man’. Like I told you before, I’m not exactly sure how they’ll take that news.”

“So that’s why you’re having Kara do it for you. You think they’ll listen to her before reacting because she isn’t you.”

“Exactly.”

Ryan looked at him in silence for a little bit. Then, “Do want to help with the rest of the list?” Brendon smiled and laughed a little, putting his arm around Ryan and pulling them closer together while he reached for the list of phone numbers.

******

“Okay, just to warn you, this is going to be an odd experience and you’ll be surrounded by so much Urie you may change your mind about marrying me. Kara is going to obsess over you a little and give you her undivided attention for some hours,” Brendon warned, looking over at Ryan sitting in the passenger seat of the car.

“I consider myself warned. Is there anything else I should know?” Ryan looked amused and Brendon could only feel sorry for him, not knowing what he was getting into. He was also mildly worried about how fantastically Kara and Ryan would get along and what that could mean for him.

“Nope, that’s it I think, let’s go.” Brendon got out of the car and heard Ryan doing the same on the other side. Brendon waited for him and Ryan came around the side of the car, stopping by Brendon so they stood side by side. They exchanged a look and Ryan nodded, so they crossed the street and made their way up the front sidewalk to the door.

The two stopped outside of the storm door, and Ryan held it open while Brendon reached out and knocked. There was noise on the other side of the door, then the sound of footsteps, then the door opened to his light-brown haired brother in law and his six year old nephew. “Uncle Brendon!” The boy had the signature Urie grin on his face and his dark, almost-black hair fell over his forehead, stopping right above the bright blue eyes that he got from his dad.

“Hey Aiden. Mark. This is Ryan.”

“Hey, come inside.” The two men of the house stepped aside and Brendon followed with Ryan directly behind him. “She’s been talking about you two, nonstop.” Mark said over his shoulder. Brendon shook his head a little bit.

“I’m not surprised. She told me that she was excited to see us and almost started on another guilt trip,” Brendon answered, letting Aiden grab his wrist, and looking behind him to see what Ryan was thinking. Ryan flashed him a small smile, but Brendon could see his uneasiness.

They walked into the living room and Brendon saw his sister. Aiden had to let go of him to make way for his mom crushing Brendon to her chest. “Brendon! It’s so good to see you!”

“You can’t really see me, Kar since you’re trying to fuse our bodies together or something,” he choked out, coughing a little. She pulled away from him and beamed, looking genuinely happy to see him. Then she looked over at Ryan, who was still hovering fairly close to Brendon.

“I know you,” she said, still smiling as she walked toward Ryan with her arms out like she was going to hug him. He returned her hug—one that was a bit gentler than the hug she’d given Brendon—and only looked mildly uncomfortable. “Ryan Ross, the man who’s stolen my brother’s heart. I can barely believe that we’ve never met in person before now.”

“I feel like I know enough about you to have known you for a long time,” Ryan responded, smiling a little bit. He looked more relaxed, but Brendon knew it would take a bit longer for him to be comfortable.

“Here, sit down. Mark, Rosie’s still in the kitchen in her high chair and so are the cookies. Would please bring both of them out here?” Kara sat down on the couch and Brendon sat on the other one across from her. Aiden scrambled up beside him and Ryan sat down on Brendon’s other side, still looking unsure of his thoughts about what he’d seen so far. Brendon leaned over so his shoulder was resting against Ryan’s, hoping that it helped.

Mark came back in with the baby and a plate of cookies that looked and smelled fairly fresh. Rosie was a few weeks old and she looked more like Mark than anyone else in the room. Brendon smiled at her and laughed a little when she grinned at him.

“So, did you have any trouble getting up here?” Kara asked, drawing Rosie into her lap while Mark settled down next to her.

“Nope, the trip was fine. It was kind of long, but I’m thinking that it was worth it,” Brendon answered, reaching out for a cookie and handing one to Ryan as well.

Kara was looking at both of them through narrowed eyes as if she were trying to figure something out. Her expression eased a second later, but it closed off a little bit. “You’re both wearing wedding bands.” Now she was looking at Brendon with an expression that started up a warning noise in his head, drowning out his thoughts.

Ryan was ready with an answer, though. “That was Brendon’s idea. We haven’t even talked about what to do when we get married. I’d be okay with the courthouse, but I think we all know that Brendon would be less than impressed. He didn’t like the idea of me not having anything to mark the engagement and once he explained I agreed with him, so we went to the same place I got his and he found one for me. I was waiting by the window and he came over and dropped down on his knee and asked me if I was sure that I wanted to marry him.” Ryan was smiling and he turned toward Brendon. Brendon smiled back and nudged his fiancé with his shoulder. “Amidst applause from the employees and fellow customers, I pulled him up and told him I was confident that I knew what I was getting into.” Ryan was now grinning and he leaned into Brendon.

Brendon looked at his sister and found that she was beaming with a look in her eyes like she didn’t quite know what to say to Ryan. It looked like she wanted to hug him for a long time. Kara restrained herself, though, and looked between the two of them before settling on Brendon. “I’m so glad that you didn’t give up, B.” She shifted her gaze to Ryan. “I’m so glad.”

The afternoon passed easily and it was clear to Brendon that Ryan and Kara were going to be as close as he feared. Ryan also apparently made a permanent impression on Brendon’s nephew that made the little boy drawn to him. After the first hour, the whole group moved out to the porch in the backyard and there was some serious bonding between Ryan and the six year old during a game of tag that made Brendon proud and amused the hell out of his sister and brother-in-law. He was originally in the game, too, but it quickly narrowed to Ryan and Aiden. Ryan hadn’t looked so sure about it at first, but he warmed up to it fairly quickly.

The game eventually ended when Ryan climbed up the steps of the porch, out of breath and with dirtied knees. Aiden was preoccupied with something else at the corner of the yard and when Ryan sat down, Brendon kissed him on the cheek. “Super uncle in training. I feel sorry for my other siblings as they will never measure up to the two of us.” Ryan grinned back and they high-fived, turning back to Kara and Mark. The other two just smiled back.

Later, after dinner, all of them were in the living room again catching up with each other. Aiden was sitting between Brendon and Ryan this time and there didn’t seem to be anyone else in the world so happy. He was interrogating Ryan about when he and Brendon would be back and what they would all do the next day. Ryan looked as if he was at ease and it was all Brendon had wanted from this trip.

“So, Aiden, Uncle Brendon’s getting married,” Kara said from across their little circle. Aiden bounced a little and focused on Brendon, who was smiling.

“Really? Who?” His eyes were wide and he looked exactly like a Urie, particularly Brendon. He was much calmer than a Urie, something he got from his dad undoubtedly, but there were moments. Brendon just smiled wider and ruffled the kid’s hair.

“Your new favorite person in the world,” Kara replied. Aiden stilled, obviously picking up on the sarcasm and its meaning, and looked slowly over at Ryan, then back at Brendon. His eyes were even wider now and Brendon nodded at him.

Aiden looked at the both of them again and grinned. “That’s awesome!” He started going off about how great it was that Brendon was marrying Ryan and that Ryan was going to be his new uncle. Throughout the six year old’s excited exclamations, Brendon looked up at Ryan and smiled, feeling the swelling in his chest when Ryan smiled back.

******

“Mom, Dad, you should see the two of them. When you see them in person, you won’t have another doubt about the two of them belonging together. For example, when Brendon’s explaining something, Ryan will look over at him a few times and get a smile on his face. Brendon does the same thing when Ryan talks. And when one is talking, they’ll occasionally look at one another and make eye contact, then they’ll look back out again. I don’t know if my describing it even does their connection justice. I mean, they’re connected, you can tell that they’ve been through a lot together and that they trust each other absolutely.

“And Ryan is so good for Brendon. He doesn’t get drunk or even really drink nearly as much anymore and he seems more centered. You know how he used to be a little bit of a jerk sometimes, especially when he was drunk? That’s gone now that Ryan’s back in his life. I’m serious, that man gives Brendon something that I don’t think he can live without. Every time Brendon looks at Ryan, you can see just how much he loves him.

“You need to visit him because when you see them together, any doubts that you have will disappear. I know that you two loved Sarah and what she did for Brendon and I’m telling you that you’ll love Ryan even more, for a lot of the same reasons. I know that you guys aren’t the biggest supporters of homosexuality, but I think that most of your reservations will be gone when you see your son and the man that he loves.” Kara silently hoped that her parents would take in every word that she said, and then tell her that they would go out to see her brother and soon-to-be brother-in-law.

It was silent on the other end for a while and she held her breath. Finally she heard her mom’s voice. “Alright, we’ll go visit them and see about this for ourselves.” At her dad’s grunt of agreement, she exhaled and smiled.

“I’ll tell them for you.”

******

“Alright, so, they’re going to be here soon and everything’s cleaned up and we have food. They’ll probably want coffee at some point and…shit! We haven’t started brewing that.” Brendon turned and almost collided with Ryan. Ryan grabbed his elbows, stopping him.

“Calm down, breathe, I’ll go do that. You stay out here and calm yourself.” Ryan patted him on the shoulder and went to the kitchen. Brendon nodded to himself and took a breath, glancing at the door. He turned back to the rest of the room, checking that everything was in place. Kara had talked to his parents and convinced them to visit so they could meet Ryan and—hopefully—give their blessing.

There was a knock at the door and Brendon jumped. Ryan was still in the kitchen and Brendon looked at the doorway for a moment before turning to the door, walking toward it with what he hoped was an even step.

Brendon opened the door to his parents, looking the same as they had only a few months earlier. Instantly, it was clear that they were treading careful ground and that they were all holding themselves stiffly to keep from slipping.

“Hi Mom, Dad,” Brendon greeted, smiling somehow.

“Hi Sweetie. This is a beautiful house.” His mom was less awkward, but Brendon couldn’t remember her ever being awkward. Brendon stepped aside so they could enter and he looked back toward the kitchen where Ryan had appeared in the doorway, looking wary. Brendon nodded and put a look on his face that would hopefully signal Ryan to help him. His dad noticed.

“You must be Ryan.” Ryan hesitated midstep, then shifted his weight so he was standing evenly and a small, polite smile appeared on his face.

“I am.” His eyes flicked over to Brendon, asking for help. Brendon was glad they were in the same boat even if he’d rather not be in the boat at all. Still, he came to Ryan’s rescue.

“Sorry, yes, this is Ryan.” Brendon walked to him and put an arm around his shoulders. Ryan was standing solidly, but he did shift a little into Brendon’s touch.

Brendon’s dad stepped forward first, reaching out to shake Ryan’s hand. His left hand was extended and Brendon could see Ryan brace himself before he smiled and met it with his own left hand, the ring obvious on his fourth finger. The handshake was firm but friendly and Brendon breathed a silent sigh of relief when he confirmed the smile on his dad’s face to be genuine.

His mom was next with a hug for each of them and the tension in the air seemed to ease. When Brendon was released, he stepped back and watched his mom hug Ryan, smiling at the apparent affection in the way she did it.

When Ryan was able to step back, his smile was more natural and his shoulders looked relaxed. “Would you like some coffee? It’s fresh.”

By the end of the night, Ryan had won over his parents and Brendon was happy, relieved, and proud all at the same time because it took talent to completely change his parents’ views. Brendon decided that his fiancé was magical and that he was a lucky man.

******

“Alright, Brendon your family’s here, all of them, and all of the other invited guests are here as well as the Northern Downpour people.” Brendon turned to Alex in disbelief.

“Really? All of my family is here and they don’t even know why? Things like that never happen.” Brendon sat down on the couch and laced up his boots. Even though they weren’t the same, they felt similar and a smile rose to his face.

“That probably means that this is either going to be a huge success or a miserable failure,” Ryan replied, standing at the mirror in a position as familiar to Brendon as his own reflection.

“Way to look on the bright side, Ross,” Dallon said from the other side of the room, trying on yet another coat.

“One of the sides was bright,” Spencer responded, leaning against the wall and picking at the stitching on the sleeve of his own jacket.

Brendon smiled and straightened, putting his hands on his knees and looking around at the scene in front of him, feeling a deep sense of nostalgia. Unfortunately Jon couldn’t make it back because he was on tour, but Brendon was pretty sure that a video would be made.

“Are you guys ready?” Zack asked, looking into the room. “Everyone else says that they’re all set.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, not bothering to turn around. Zack smiled a little bit.

“Looking good, Ross.” Brendon grabbed the jacket that he was going to wear and left the room, trusting that the others would follow behind him.

Ryan walked up beside him and reached down to thread their fingers together. Neither spoke, they just continued to the backstage, shoulders brushing. Everything was quiet and still in the dark backstage area and Brendon watched the people moving around, checking equipment and bringing it out to the sides for later. There was a cooler of water and Brendon knew on the other side was a similar set up with one extra table set with “props”.

“This show is going to be a lot of fun,” Spencer said, coming up beside them and grinning. “And loud. It will be very, very loud.”

Brendon smiled back and put a hand on Spencer’s shoulder, removing his hand from Ryan’s and moving it up to his shoulder. “It’s going to kick all ass.”

They got the signal from the lighting guys then and Ryan pulled his cap down further over his face and they all filed out onstage. Brendon took his place behind the microphone, ducking under the strap of one of his guitars and watched Ryan doing the same thing on the other side. Thinking about the show they were about to put on made him grin and he absorbed the badly contained sounds of excitement from the crowd.

When the lights came back up—the lighting guys were a crucial element to what they were trying to do—Brendon looked up and grabbed the microphone. When the fans were able to see what the band was wearing, they didn’t do anything to contain their happiness and all of the screams were released.

“Well hello there. As you know, this is a special show and that obviously involves,” he gestured at the clothing, “special circumstances. There are a few more special surprises mixed in to this performance, but they will reveal themselves in time. Until those times, sit back and enjoy.” Brendon let go of the microphone and stepped back, starting an intro on the guitar. Ryan joined in and picked it up as Brendon branched off to play the rhythm with the same smoothness. Dallon and Spencer played their parts to perfection and Brendon only smiled as he stepped back up to the microphone and started singing.

The show went on under the illusion that it took place in some parallel, bizarre world with the bright, odd costumes and the way the backdrop had been constructed. A lot of it resembled their first tour, but there was something about it that seemed sharper and more complex. It was almost like a theater production.

It didn’t take too long for people to figure out that the guitarist was Ryan. By the time Brendon sauntered over to him and tilted his hat up to reveal his face, most everyone knew, but it didn’t stop them from cheering uproariously.

They played a bit of an evolution, too, by starting with Fever songs and working into Pretty. Odd. and so forth. While they played and Brendon sang, there were people moving across the stage dressed in various ways, acting as all of the people that the band had interacted with from the beginning. Brendon was pleased with the outcome and glanced at Ryan to see the brown eyes looking back at him. He flashed a smile quickly returned, feeling his heart pounding at the thought of what was coming next.

Of course, the show—even following the band’s history—was still set in another world and they played the part of the underground club players, leading unrest and debauchery with their music. Brendon had, throughout the show, been doing with Ryan what he always did when they were on stage together.

At the close of Time to Dance Brendon put his microphone back into its place, a signal for the light people to prepare the next effect and the one directly after that. Brendon moved over to Ryan, laying his head on his shoulder and looking up at him with a twisted smile that he’d perfected simply for this. Ryan’s head was bent and he was playing what was presumably the introduction into another song.

Brendon grabbed his shoulder and straightened, pulling Ryan toward the center of the stage. He leaned over and made a show of whispering something into Ryan’s ear, but in reality all he could bring himself to do was grin against it. Ryan’s playing never faltered.

Then, from the other side of the stage, the corrupt priest appeared with his arms raised, a prostitute hanging from one. Brendon kissed Ryan on the cheek and took his wrist in one hand, cutting of the guitar. The priest had a microphone and he boomed into it, “Brothers and sisters, let us gather together.”

Spencer continued to beat a rhythm out of the drums and Dallon was playing a bass line. The priest moved forward, shaking off the prostitute, and advanced in Ryan and Brendon’s direction. While girls danced on the rest of the stage, he circled behind them, saying into the microphone, “We are gathered here to witness a turn in course, an intertwining. These men before us are dedicated to their path. You are determining to work through difficulty of any kind, together, as long as mortally possible. Is this true?” The question was asked right by Brendon’s ear, with the microphone picking it up for everyone in the crowd. Brendon looked toward Ryan as he responded.

“Yes.”

“And you?” The hot breath moved from Brendon’s ear to Ryan’s.

“Yes.”

The lights began to flash slowly then. “Then by the power I’ve been given in this wondrous land in which we live, I declare your paths one. You may act, now.” The priest stepped back then and Brendon and Ryan turned in to one another.

Brendon put one hand behind Ryan’s head and leaned in for that perfect, passionate kiss and the screams from the audience rose. Just as their lips met, the stage went black and the screams changed tone, intermixed now with protests. The kiss itself continued for a few more seconds as everyone else left the stage. When it ended, Brendon pulled back and imagined that he could see Ryan’s soft smile. Ryan grabbed his hand and began to pull him offstage as the show was now over.

As soon as they were technically offstage, though, Ryan pushed Brendon up against the wall and kissed him deeper and harder, so Brendon gasped when it broke. Ryan leaned in to his ear and whispered. “I love you,” leaving it with a kiss on Brendon’s cheek. He moved away then, continuing backstage. Brendon put a hand to his cheek and smiled, following after his husband who was waiting in the doorway for him.

They entered the dressing room together and raised their arms to the shouts of congratulations from everyone else. All of their friends and Brendon’s family were in the back and he and Ryan were ambushed both by his mother, his two sisters, and Sarah.

When everyone moved away there was a toast of champagne that someone had brought and many congratulations and speeches. The “priest” that married them was actually an actor friend who volunteered to become ordained just for the occasion and all of the “prostitutes” were simply dancers that agreed to participate in the fun.

Once the venue was cleared out, everyone moved back into the main room for the reception. Pete was put in charge of the music and he wasted no time in putting on a slow song after the initial round of congratulations went through. A few people laughed and there was suddenly a spotlight on Ryan and Brendon. Brendon smiled a little bit and offered his hand to Ryan, knowing that this was supposed to be the couple’s first dance.

Ryan smiled back and grasped Brendon’s hand, pulling them to the center of the room. The spotlight followed them and all of the guests made space. They turned toward each other and Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck, feeling the familiar pressure of Ryan’s hands at his hips. He smiled softly and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Ryan’s. They left their eyes open so they were looking directly at one another as they began to move to the music that Brendon vaguely recognized but didn’t bother focusing on, too occupied with Ryan.

Time passed more quickly than Brendon liked as, all of a sudden, he was hearing the end of the song and the beginning of applause and cheering. Somehow Brendon detached himself from Ryan’s eyes and looked around. Everyone was smiling and a few of the women, and Spencer, looked as if they were trying not to cry. Ryan’s hand was touching his cheek then, pulling him back so they were looking at each other again. With another small smile, Ryan kissed him lightly and was accompanied by the sound of “aww’s” from everyone gathered, sincere in some cases, lightly mocking in others.

“I love you,” Brendon whispered as Ryan pulled away, catching his head and pushing them back together. There were a few laughs from everyone else, but Ryan’s smile against his lips was the reaction that Brendon was searching for.

“I love you, too.”

“And now it would be time for the bride’s dance with her father, but as these are different circumstances, we’ll have to change it a little,” Pete said, up at the music stand. “Typically the groom dances with his mom, so Brendon you know what you have to do. Ryan-”

“I’ll dance with Ryan.” Kara was smiling as she walked out into the empty area. She held her hand out and Ryan took it, smiling back at her.

“Well, that was easy. Brendon, get a move on.” Brendon sent a dirty look toward Pete, but he reached out to his mom, standing on the edge of the circle. She smiled at him as they got into position and the music began, rising out of the speakers around them.

“My baby boy, finally married. Granted, it’s not what I expected or specifically wished for, but Ryan loves you and that’s all I can ask for,” she said, smiling and glancing over to where Ryan and Kara were dancing, also talking.

“Thank you, Mom, for understanding.”

“I made the mistake of not trying to understand you before, I’m not going to do it again. Besides, my disapproval wouldn’t prevent anything anyway, and I like that boy. He does good things for you, and you for him.”

“I’m glad you can see that,” Brendon glanced at Ryan and watched him as he continued speaking. “We need each other, almost to the point where it’s pathetic.”

“There’s nothing pathetic about love, Brendon Urie,” his mom said sternly, causing him to turn back to her in surprise. There was a serious look in her eyes and her mouth was set. He blinked once and tried to think of something to say in response but she smiled at him again and simply hugged him, eliminating the need for a reply.

The night progressed from there. There was more dancing that both Brendon and Ryan were forced into participating in, even if they only wanted to sit and talk. Everyone was having fun and it was exactly what Brendon wanted out of the night.

Eventually, of course, it ended and people parted to go out to their various forms of transportation. Brendon, Ryan, Spencer, and Kara were the last to leave, saying goodbye to everyone and thanking them. Spencer turned to them and smiled a little bit.

“I’m going to head out now. I’m glad for both of you. Jon and I saw this working out in the very beginning and it’s nice to know that we weren’t wrong.”

“I’m so happy that we could contribute to that,” Ryan responded, adding something else in their secret, silent language. Spencer just laughed and patted Ryan on the shoulder, leaving the room.

Kara sighed happily. “Well, Mark’s waiting with the kids. It was a great show and a very unique wedding. I’m so happy for the two of you. You’re going to come up again before you have to go out on tour, right?” Brendon nodded and she smiled, kissing him on the cheek. She turned to Ryan then and gave him a hug. “Alright, I’ll see you two then.”

“Bye Kara.” She turned around and flashed them a smile as she left through the doorway. Brendon grinned and put an arm around Ryan’s waist, leaning against him. He could tell that Ryan was smiling as the man put his hand on the other side of Brendon’s head and pushed his face into Brendon’s hair. “Holy shit, Bren,” he whispered, turning into Brendon and putting his other arm around his side. Brendon grinned, returning the hug.

“I know.” Ryan moved his face away then and looked at Brendon. His smile was still there and he leaned in, kissing Brendon firmly. Brendon leaned into it, returning the kiss measure for measure. Ryan reached down and took hold of his hand.

“Let’s go home.”

******

A week later, they were back in Seattle at Kara’s place.

“Momma, I’m hungry,” Aiden said. It was getting late and he was in his pajamas with fifteen minutes before he had to go to bed.

“Sure you are, you just want to stall having to go to sleep,” Kara responded, smiling at him.

“Please? Daddy? Uncle Brendon? Uncle Ryan?” Aiden had evidently inherited the tendency to appeal to everyone for a favor as well. His bright blue eyes were pleading and Mark smiled a little, getting up from the couch and meeting the six year old at the edge of the couch. Ryan had already been partially standing, responding to Brendon nudging him.

Kara noticed and something in her eyes flashed. “Ryan, why don’t you go with them?” Ryan pushed himself to standing, and looked back at Brendon, obviously noticing the change in his sister-in-law’s expression. Brendon shrugged and Ryan followed Mark and Aiden to the kitchen.

Once everyone else was gone, Kara looked back at Brendon with an urgent look on her face, betraying that she had a question. “I’ve been trying to ask all night, but I couldn’t think of a way to bring it up.”

“What is it, Kar?”

“Are you and Ryan going to have kids?”

Brendon blinked and opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again. He wasn’t sure exactly how to answer the question. He and Ryan hadn’t talked about the topic, but he was pretty sure where they stood on the matter. “Um, we aren’t planning on it.”

At that answer, his sister gave him pleading-puppy dog eyes. “Why not? You would be such a good dad, Brendon, and I think Ryan would be, too.”

Brendon moved to answer again, but Ryan walked into the room then. “Well, there’s nothing I can help with in there.” He took his place on the couch next to Brendon and seemed to realize that something important was happening. He gave Brendon a questioning look.

“Why aren’t you two going to have kids?” Kara asked, turning her eyes to Ryan.

From Ryan’s reaction, Brendon could tell that he’d made the correct assumption in his initial answer. Ryan glanced at Brendon while he answered. “Well, it would be kind of irresponsible for us to do so.”

For a second Brendon was as confused as Kara appeared to be, then he realized what Ryan meant and he took the answer from there. “It really would be. We’d only get to spend a year at a time with the kid and even then we’d be busy writing. Taking it on tour wouldn’t be a good idea, either because it would still only see or be with one of us at a time.”

Ryan continued. “And adoption takes a long time and would be difficult in our case. The surrogacy thing is expensive. We’re really better uncles than-” Ryan stumbled on the last word, “you know.”

Kara looked doubtful, but just then Aiden called for Uncle Ryan and Ryan got up off the couch to see what was going on, putting a hand on Brendon’s shoulder in passing. Once he was gone from the room Brendon continued with the answer. “I don’t really want to have kids anyway, but Ryan didn’t have the easiest or the best childhood. Now that I think about it, I wonder if having a little kid around might bring back bad memories for him.” He paused for a moment to think about that, and then he looked back at his sister. “It’s just not a good idea for us.”

“Alright, you probably know what you’re doing, you’ve always seemed to, though I would like to have a niece or nephew.”

“You have multiple nieces and nephews.”

“I know, but I want one from you two. That kid would be so great.” The look on her face was more contemplative than it was disappointed and Brendon smiled a little.

Ryan came back into the room and sat down again. He obviously noticed Kara’s question and said, “Mark took Aiden to bed. He seems like he’ll go down pretty easily now.”

Kara yawned and stretched. “It’s a good thing, it’s midnight, about time for us all to get to sleep.” Mark came into the room and stood behind her on the couch. She looked up at him and smiled, “What do you say?”

“Rosie still needs to be put to bed,” he observed, looking into the swing cradle beside the couch. The little girl was asleep and her room was on the way to the guest room Ryan and Brendon were staying in.
“
I’ll take her down so you two can go up to sleep,” Brendon volunteered.

“That would be great, Bren,” Kara replied, standing up and stretching her back. “Here, Ry, come with me and I’ll get you guys some blankets. Goodnight Rosaline.” She and Ryan left for the closet that the sheets and blankets were in and Mark waved to Brendon as he ascended the stairs. Brendon moved over to the swinging crib and picked up his niece, cradling her against his chest and looking down at her face as she moved restlessly in her sleep.

He rocked Rosie a little as he carried her down the hallway leading to her room, singing quietly. The room was dark but he left the door open so he could see around the room. She snuffled a little and turned in his arms. He smiled and set her down in the crib, pushing the mobile above it and watching the plush animals spin around over the bed. Brendon continued to sing, noticing that she was still restless.

Eventually she settled down and he leaned back a little bit, ceasing his singing and simply looking at his niece.

“You really don’t want kids?” Brendon turned to see Ryan standing in the doorway, backlit by the hall light. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the doorjamb. Brendon could picture the look on his husband’s face.

“What?”

Ryan moved into the room to stand by Brendon, looking into the crib. “You’re sure that you don’t want to have kids? I’ve seen you with Aiden and Rosie and you’re great with them.”

Brendon looked to Ryan in disbelief. “Are you telling me that you would have kids if I wanted to?”

Ryan looked back at him and said quietly, “I would consider it. Look, I don’t want to have kids, but if you really did…I would probably do it.”

Brendon almost felt his jaw drop. He didn’t know what else to do, so he cupped Ryan’s face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him. “I love you so much,” he whispered when he broke it and rested their foreheads together.

Ryan simply smiled back but it was obvious he was expecting an answer to his question.

“No, no Ryan I don’t want any kids. No matter how fond I am of my nieces and nephews, I don’t want kids of our own. What you said to Kara earlier was true. We make better uncles than we do dads. I just want to focus on being the favorite uncle by your side. And all of that other stuff we said was true. Tour, adoption, and surrogacy are all obstacles. I was also thinking about you, and how having a little kid around might affect you.”

Ryan smiled a little and reached down for Brendon’s hands. “Thank you. I think that I would be alright, but thank you.”

Brendon smiled again and moved closer, putting his arms around Ryan and resting his head on his shoulder. Ryan returned the hug with a happy sigh.

******

“Alright, we’re back with Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross.” The interviewer turned to them again. “Or should I say, Brendon Urie-Ross and Ryan Ross-Urie. Your big show earlier this month demonstrated a marriage-type theme and the show closed with the implication that the two of you were married. I’ve seen rumors flying around online and I’d like to ask you guys for clarification. So, are you two married?”

They’d talked with the interviewer, Chris, earlier and the man was actually competent and one interviewer Brendon liked. It seemed that Ryan was alright with him, too.

“You’re right about the implication being marriage. The lights cutting out at the end had a point, though, keep people guessing,” Brendon answered, glancing at Ryan to see his nod.

Chris was smiling and he nodded, consulting the cards that he had in his hand again. “That’s really awesome guys.” Brendon and Ryan nodded. “Okay, so, I’ve also seen the question of when would you have gotten together if you did, in fact, get married.” He looked back up at them.

Ryan took this question. “Well, that would be when I was still in Panic!, a few months after we released Pretty. Odd.”

“And I’ve seen rumors online that you, Ryan, are going to be back in the band. Any truth to that statement?”

Ryan laughed. He and Brendon had seen the same things and gotten the same questions. “No. No I’m not. I have my own project that’ll be going out on tour this summer. I fully support Brendon and all of the other guys in the band, but Panic’s part of my past.”

“And there go the hearts of all the hopeful fan girls,” Chris commented, reshuffling his note cards. Brendon laughed a leaned a little into Ryan as he did.

“Alright, this has been Brendon “Urie-Ross” from Panic! At The Disco and Ryan “Ross-Urie” from whatever project of his that he’s been working on. Thanks for watching, I’ll see you guys next week when I’m interviewing Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz, known widely for Fall Out Boy,” Chris said, turning back to the camera. Once the person behind the camera gave the signal, Chris turned back to them and smiled.

“Thanks guys, for doing this interview.” He leaned forward, hand extended. Brendon shook first, then Ryan.

“Yeah, no problem, this was fun. You’re actually one of the only interviewers I’ve recently been able to stand,” Ryan said, sitting forward and stretching out a bit.

“Well I’m honored, and congratulations both of you.” The smile on his face betrayed the fact that he knew the truth of what they’d been discussing.

“Thanks,” Brendon replied, smiling. s

A few minutes later he and Ryan were walking out of the studio back to the car. Tours started in the next two days—Panic’s first, then Ryan’s band—and they both had to get back to the house to pack and make sure the cat was taken care of.

“You really liked that interview?” Brendon asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, some of the interviews have been focused completely on the wedding and the marriage rumor, but Chris just touched on it and moved on. Anyone else who had just gotten married would have answered one question about it and that would have been it. It was just a normal interview, and Chris was a respectful, competent interviewer,” Ryan answered. “That was an interview that I was comfortable with and that I enjoyed.” He sounded satisfied and Brendon looked toward him to see the small smile on Ryan’s face that suggested he was finally vindicated. The expression made Brendon smile.

******

Tour was long and Brendon soon found himself counting minutes, subsequently driving Spencer and Dallon—but particularly Spencer—crazy.

Texting was a wonderful development in the options of communicating and Brendon wanted to thank those that came up with it, but it wasn’t enough. He experienced the same problem with Skype. No matter what he used to keep in touch with Ryan, there was nothing that beat being in the same vicinity as the other man. Despite their frequent text messaging, phone calls every other day, and the Skype chats that they fit in whenever possible, Brendon still found himself wanting to actually be with Ryan.

His desire for this wasn’t as dramatic as Spencer claiming Brendon was going to die without being by Ryan. Brendon simply felt a constant nagging at the back of his mind and a small pull when he was talking to the other. Still, he was fine and he knew that he was going to live, regardless of what Spencer sarcastically claimed.

Dallon was a bit more understanding because the other man himself was married and had kids. He was talking to his family almost as much as Brendon talked to Ryan. In their opinion, Spencer should have cared more about being away from his fiancé, and Brendon suspected that he did but that Spencer hid it.

Ignoring the thoughts of his band mates, Brendon grabbed his bags and stumbled off the bus when it stopped at the studio. Brendon hurried to his car and shoved all of his things in the back, shouting a goodbye to his band mates over his shoulder as he got into the front seat. Spencer and Dallon just grinned at him from the bus steps.

The drive wasn’t a terribly long one, but LA was as big, busy city and the house wasn’t as close to the studio as Brendon would have liked.

******

He opened the door quietly, withdrawing the key from the lock and putting it back into his pocket. “Ryan, I’m home,” he called softly, knowing that the other may very well be asleep. Ryan had gotten home the day before and Brendon wasn’t sure exactly how late or early.

“Brendon!” and then Brendon was catching/falling into Ryan, who had apparently been just around the corner. They clutched at each other’s shoulders and Brendon was aware of laughter, though whose he didn’t quite know. He tightened his arms around Ryan and buried his face in the man’s neck, grinning like a maniac. Then his face was being pulled away and Ryan looked at him a moment before drawing Brendon closer and crashing their lips together.

Brendon could feel the other man’s smile against his own and he laughed softly in his throat, bringing his hand to the side of Ryan’s face and pushing them closer to one another. Their lips parted, but their eyes stayed closed and their foreheads rested together.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered, holding onto Brendon’s hands. Brendon could hear all the other words underneath those three and he smiled softly, to himself considering that Ryan couldn’t see it.

“I love you, too.” He tilted his face forward, touching his lips to the other’s forehead. Brendon pulled slightly away to look into the brown eyes opposite his, filled with affection. After returning Ryan’s smile, Brendon stepped closer, resetting their foreheads, closing his eyes, and tightening his grip on Ryan’s hands.

At that moment, there was no place he would rather be and nothing else that he wanted.

Happy New Year, guys. And for the last time: YouTube: http://dft.ba/-7BOK