FicWad

CHAPTER 30: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
March 24, 2009
Anchorage, Alaska

D had witnessed Seth disappearing into one of the stadium bathrooms with some groupie after the show had ended. D thought her name was Nina or Tina or Gina, Lena, Mena, Dena, Zena...you get the point, it didnt matter, they were all the same. This particular one was skinny, sickly skinny. D assumed she was some dope head who never ate. She always looked really out of it like she was drunk or on pills. Actually, she looked alot like Seth was looking these days.
D had been with the rest of the guys at the backstage gathering, but it was becoming a bit much for the only female there that wasnt a groupie. All of the guys were starting to hook up with girls. Privacy was something they had disregarded these days, so things were starting to get hot and heavy. D would rather be alone anyway. She could brood over Seth and the dope whore he had in the bathroom. She had taken enough Xanax to be calm about it. But there was an ach deep inside that the Xanax never took away.
D wandered out into the stadiums front row of seats. She sat down and watched the roadies as they were hard at work taking down the lights and the platforms of the stage. It was kind of funny to think of Devin as their boss. She remembered when he and the guys did it, on nowhere the same scale however. now the stage was so massive. It took an entire 18 wheeler just to carry its pieces. It took a second one for all the lights, cords, the ever growing collection of instruments, and Devin's pryo stuff. Back in the club days it had been two vans and whatever they could cram into them along with themselves. Everything had gotten so much bigger. She knew it would, but all this by far exceeded her expectations. Who knew people would react to them this way? She smiled remembering the first time she ever heard Seth sing. It gave her chills. Still to this day it did.
Her thoughts broke off as she began watching the roadies again. Devin and the guys used to spend hours doing this. Devin was always so meticulous about everything. She could see how he had tried to influence all of his workers the same way. Every cord was wrapped just as Devin would do it. A lot of the roadies faces were familiar to her. No named however were coming to mind. A few would glance in her direction and nod. She may have slept with them, but she really couldnt remember them all. They were nothing to her, just as she and Seth had promised. They were merely extended fantasies of him.
Seth walked out of the stadium bathroom zipping his pants. The groupie he had spent the last 20 minutes with was still in there doing whatever. He didnt care. She had scored him a few balloons of heroin so he was happy. Sure he had to screw her for it, but so what? His Dexedrene were still working in full effect. The heroin would soon fix that. His eyes caught D off in the distance. She looked like her usual beautiful and distantly sedated self. She seemed so sad all of the time. He knew that was his fault.
He stood there in the shadows and watched her for some time. He could see roadies pointing, whispering, and laughing among themselves. Seth, being a guy, knew exactly what they were talking about. They were talking about having D. He knew she had probably been with at least half of them. He didnt want tonight to be one of those nights. He wanted tonight to be his night.
He strolled down the aisle, watching her from behind. He sat down in a row of seats behind her and stared at the back of her head for an eternity. He hope he wasnt interrupting some roadie selection process or anything. No wait...yes he did. He leaned forward slightly and rested his folded arms on the back of her seat. He drew in the apple sweet smell of her hair. He glanced at the curve in her neck, the smooth structure of her jawline, and the lobes of her ears. She was so beautiful.
His lips parted as he gently whispered in her ear, "Lookin for somebody?"
She jumpped slightly and spun around to be face to face with him. She smiled slightly, "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged, "Oh...I's...yeah..." he motioned to the bathrooms over his shoulder.
"And do we remember her name? Or did you even bother to get it?" She sarcastically asked.
Seth climbed over the back of the seat and plopped down next to her. "Wuznt worth gettin," he smiled. "S'a...wuz up? Why ya's 'ere alls by yaself?"
"I just grew tired of Martin and Danny's libidos and Brian ass kissing Havoc execs."
Seth nodded.
D smiled and looked to the stage again. "You remember when it was just the six of us? We worked every night and day...but at our own pace and in our own way. Now its all just about the money." She paused with a slight chuckle, "Now we have someone to tell us what we have to do that day, somebody to market us to the press, people who buy our clothes, people who do our hair...people to tell us how to act and who to be with..."
Seth glanced at the sadness coming back. "Sometimes I feel like I's home up there...like I's wanted an accepted by some family I aint neva had. Sometime when I's up there I's forget where I come from. Dis neva wuz my plan..."
"Maybe this is just where youre supposed to be."
"Maybe," he whispered, "jus strange where we's end up sometimes..."
"Yeah," she nodded. "We should probably split up before Havoc thinks were spending too much time together."
Seth sadly nodded in agreement, "But I's aint wants ta be witout you's tonite...jus wants ta wake up next ta ya."
D huffed remembering the groupie slut he was with not even minutes ago. "You think I want some groupies sloppy seconds?"
"Come on D...dont be like dat. I's aint trippin on you an half dem guys up there," he motioned to the roadies. "I be usin rubbas..."
"What about Havoc?"
He sighed audibly, "Come on baby...be wit me...I's miss ya."
How could she ever say no? "Ok...I'll meet you at the hotel."

Martin knocked on Maggie's hotel room door. He didnt even know why he was there. He had no good reason that he could think of. He felt he needed a reason of some sort to not look like a total idiot. What was he even thinking? He should just go. As he was turning to leave Maggie opened the door.
"Yes?" she asked. Her red hair was up in a pony tail and she wore pink sweatpants and a t-shirt.
Martin could seem to only stand and stare. He was trying desperately to think of something to say.
"Do you need something?" She sighed with rolling eyes.
Martin nodded out of pure reflex.
"Well?" Maggie impatiently shrugged.
"H...h...have a drink with me," he choked the words out.
"I dont drink," she said as she tried to close the door.
"Wait," Martin said holding it open. "Have some coffee with me. Do you drink coffee? Maybe some food? Whatever you want."
Maggie gave him an odd look as she clutched at the door. "Are you asking me out?"
"Im trying," he sighed.
Maggie could tell he was nervous. It was cute. He didnt act so unsure of himself when he was around groupies. "I dont date people I work for," she answered flatly.
"Ok then...not a date...just hang out...or we could make it business..." He almost sounded as if he were pleading.
She rolled her eyes and smiled, "Good night Martin," and forced the door shut.
Martin should have been discouraged, but he wasnt. He was only that much more determined. He had to get this girl to go out with him. She was just his type. He liked a dominating assertive woman. He liked Maggie.

Madison Lay sprawled out with Brian in his hotel room.
"Oh," Madison said jumping up, "I have a present for you." She darted over to her duffel bag and pulled out several boxes.
"What is all that?" He asked rolling over onto his stomach, watching her.
"Just wait," she said as she removed something from the first box and began unwrapping it. It was something that looked similar to a clay flower pot. It had a cord coming out of it. He watched as she plugged it in. Then she opened a second box that had black rubber sticks of some sort in it. She tossed them into the electric flower pot.
"What are you doing?" He impatiently asked.
"Give it a few minutes," she said taking a little eyedropper looking bottle and dropping several drops of a thick amber colored liquid onto the black sticks which seemed to be melting.
"Are you burning potpourri or something?" He curiously asked.
"No...it doesnt smell."
"You making a candle or something?"
"Would you just be patient and wait," she smiled sitting cross legged on the floor with the pot in front of her. After several more minutes she motioned for Brian to join her on the floor. "Come here."
"I have to get on the floor?"
"Yes...now come here. I promise, youre gonna love this," she smiled brightly.
Brian sighed and toppled out of the bed to join her Indian style on the floor. "What is this black shit?" He asked hovering over it.
"Give me your hand," she instructed.
"Is there a point to this?" He sighed.
"Just do it," she rolled her eyes.
Brian shook his head as he allowed her to dip the tips of his fingers into the warm black goo. "Ok...now what?" He asked not seeing the relevance.
"Now pull them out and let them dry," she said as she began blowing on his fingers to dry them faster.
"Its cold when you blow on them."
She smiled and continued until they were dry. "Ok," she eventually spoke, "theyre dry, now look.
Brian pulled them to him and looked.
"Move your finger," she suggested.
He did. It was flexible, sort of like a thin rubber glove, but it felt far stronger and more durable.
"Ok...and the point to this is?" He questioned.
"Go try to play your guitar," she motioned to it.
Then Brian finally got it. "Oh! I get it! This is so my fingers dont get sliced all to shit when I play!"
Madison smiled with a nod. "And its also full of aloe, vitamin E, and eucalyptus...all kinds of good stuff. Its not only protecting you from new cuts, but its healing your old ones."
"Wow," Brian said seeming amazed. "Thanks...this just may be the most beneficial gifts anyone has ever given me."
Madison smiled with delight.

Seth showed up to D's room about half an hour after she did. He had apparently stopped by his room and showered. D smiled at his gesture of not wanting to give her groupie cooties or something. He was dressed in his typical loose fitting 'Seth' clothes. They exchanged no words. Seth simply smiled and walked inside. His chest was pounding from the various assortments of speed. He went straight over to the mini bar and pulled out a baloon with heroin in it. He didnt even think about it. He didnt think about D seeing it. All that was on his mind was snorting that line of sunshine.
"Whats that?" D asked him.
Seth realized what he was doing. He shouldnt have done this. Now he was caught. Oh well, wasnt much he could do about it now. He pulled the knot out with his teeth.
"What are you doing?" She questioned. "I thought you wanted to sleep."
"Yeah...I's do...I's jus...comin down," he said hesitantly as he poured some of the powder out onto the counter top.
"What is that?" She asked again knowing more speed wasnt going to bring him down.
He made out a line and wished wh would have done this before he got to her room. He sighed knowing he had no choice but to come clean to her. He knew she would probably freak out because she was worried. She might even kick him out. However, right now his need for this drug was overriding his concern. His eyes glanced up at her and fluttered back down to the line. "Heroin," he said softly.
"Heroin! What do you mean heroin? Are you serious?" She asked in shock. She could see he was dead serious. "I knew that damn junkie Marla was gonna..." She paused watching Seth inhale a line up each side of his nostril. Tears wanted to form in her eyes but the Xanax prevented them. "Youre a junkie too?"
He shook his head and tilted his head back sniffling. "I's aint doin much. Aint like I be shootin it. Its jus a lil 'ere an there ta come down...I's aint stupid D."
She walked closer to the bar and looked down at the dope. If it could bring Seth down from all the speed it must have been very powerful. "Can I try some?" She asked reaching for the dollar.
Seth quickly grabbed her hand, stopping her. He couldnt let her do heroin. "No D...dont," he shook his head. "You's gots Xanax in ya system. You's crazy? You's wants ta die? Ya aint need it." He slowly let her hand go.
D could see his eyes starting to droop. He pulled his shirt over his head and draped it over a chair. He pushed his pants off his hips to reveal royal blue boxers. He could see D staring at him.
"You's comin?" He lightly slurred as he crawled into the bed. He fought to hold his eyes open as D lie down, face to face with him. His movements seemed slow. His eyes looked upon her for a long while. He could see the look of genuine concern on her face. "I's a'ite," he tried to assure her. He inched closer and snuggled with her. He lay his head on her chest and listened to the beating of her heart.
D glanced at his black hair catching blue glints of light From the strange Alaskan dusk like night. The sun supposedly didnt set for six months of the year there. It would be difficult to get used to something like that. She could hear Seth breathing in, slow and deep. She really needed to know he was alright, like he claimed to be.
Seth lay there half in a dream and half out. His emotions were now numbed by the heroin but his thoughts of D werent stopping. Perhaps because she was in such close proximity. He felt so perfect content there in her arms. She wasnt some groupie to pass time with. He really cared about her. He didnt understand any of it but it felt too right to be wrong.
Seth wished he was a better man. D was too good to him. He didnt like the person he saw in the mirror anymore. He deeded drugs just to get through his days. He just couldnt function without them anymore. He needed something to wake him up, something to feel happy, something to have fun, something to help him forget, something to level him out, somrthing to take away the jitters, and something for the pain. The drugs never stopped coming. They were given by producers, road crew, Havoc, groupies, even thrown to him onstage. They were more abundant than air.
Heroin was different than all the rest of the drugs. The heroin could just make the worst day fade away. It melted away all of your problems and blanketed you with a warm safe feeling. Nothing was better than Heroin. Nothing except maybe D. The thing with heroin was you slept, but lightly. You faded in and out like a day dream in spurts. He found himself fading in and out several times that night. When he awoke his eyes would fall on D. All but one.
He blinked his eyes and rubbed them as he tried to focus. He ran his hand across D's side of the bed but she wasnt there. He lift his head to see if she were in the bathroom, but the door was open. He rested his weight up on his elbows and scanned the room. "D..." he muttered. But his call was met with utter silence. Then, in the dusky atmosphere of the room his eyes fell on D. She was lying face down on the floor near the mini bar. A rolled dollar was on the floor near her hand. Seth knew she tried the heroin.
He threw the covers back and leaped across the room in a single bound to her side. "D, he said as he shook her vigerously. There was no response except the jarring of her limp body. "D! Baby!" He screamed but she didnt respond. He grabbed her arm and rolled her over. Memories of a long gone past flashed in his mind of his mothers lifeless body. He scooped her sholders and held her to him sobbing. He skin was chalky whit and her lips were blue. Thankfully she was still warm. "What have I done?" He wailed. His eyes scanned the bar top. The heroin was gone with just a trace of residue to prove it had even been there. "Baby no...no. why baby?" He sobbed as he rocked her.
"Fuck!" he yelled trying to pull it together. He had to think. He rushed to the bed and called Dr. Gibbons. "Doc...you"s gots to come ta D's room...hurry please!" He rushed back to D's side cradling her in his arms, straining to hear a heart beat. It was hard to decipher hers from his own. Finally he was able to distinguish between the two. Her heart was beating but it was so faint and the beats seemed an eternity apart. "No no no...baby please wake up...dont leave me," he rocked her flacid body in his arm. "Why D...why you's do dis..." He cried. "Please baby dont die...please open your eyes."
A bout that time he could hear her shallow breathing stop. "No No baby...stay with me!!!" He lie her flay on her back on the floor. He pinched her nose and blew deeply into her mouth. He then placed his hands interlocked, palms down on her chest and began pumping it. "Come on baby...breath!" He blew deeply into her purple lips again. "Dont leave me!"
Moments later Dr. Gibbons flew into the room. "What happened?" He asked rushing to her side.
Seth could only shake his head with a shocked expression. "I...I's toles 'er ta stay outta it..."
"To stay out of what? Seth you have to tell me everything," he said digging in his bag.
Seth shamefully uttered the word, "...Heroin..."
"How much" he asked Seth pulling a syringe from his bag.
"A...a...line," Seth stammered, "but she be on dem Xanax...an...an Is aint know how many she..." His eyes flooded with tears.
"Pull it together Seth! I need you to call 911 and get an ambulance here. NOW!" He said as he quickly injected her with a drug that would hopefully counteract the heroin. In the background he babbled to the 91 operator. Dr. Gibbons stuck a stethescope to her chest for a listen. "Get the dope out of here Seth!"
Seth jumped up with the stealth of a cat and flushed everything but the legual prescriptions of Dexedrine and Xanax.
"Seth get over her," Dr. Gibbons called for him as he filled another syringe. Seth rushed over without hesitation and knelt next to D. "I need you to hold her down tight. Im giving her a shot of Epinephrine. Shes going to come to fast and start fighting. So hold her good. Got it?!"
Seth nodded and leaned his weigh across her chest and pinned her arms above her head. He looked to her face and was reminded of Vera. "Please dont Ya's quit me like dis baby...Open dem beautiful eyes...I aint neva seent nobody wit dem eyes...I rememba thankin theys s'a beautiful dat first day we's eva met..."
Dr. Gibbons jammed the needle into her jugular and her eyes flew open. Her body became rigid as she began to struggle. "Baby It's a'ite...e'rthang straight..." D looked at him as if he were a stranger. He wrapped her in his embrace. "I aint know what I'sd do wit out you's...Thought I killed da only girl dat eva meant shit ta me..."
D still struggled and lashed about. She could make no responses. Nothing made any sense. Nothing or no one looked familiar, not even Seth. Everything felt like a nightmare. She couldnt concentrate. She began slipping out of consciousness. The next thing she knew a light was being shined in her eyes by guys in uniforms.
"Can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?
But D couldnt answer.

Seth was right by D's side in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Paparazzi were everywhere, but he didnt even care. All he could think about was losing D. Their publicist could deal with the press. They would probably make Seth into some sort of a hero when he was anything but. This was all his fault. He almost got the one girl who mattered to him killed. His forehead wrinkle in though as he held her heand. Losing her would kill him. He could never stop thinking about her. He took massive quantites of drugs to try to do just that. Not even heroin could erase her completely.
Was this love? It had to be. D was love. Seth loved her. He loved her when he danced with her. He loved her when they were apart. He loved her when she was in his arms. He even loved her when she hurt him. This had to be love. Seth couldnt fathom living without her. His happiest times were with her. His worst times were when he wasnt. It had been right in his face all along. He was in love with D. He always had been. Why couldnt he see it before now? Why did he almost have to lose her to figure out something so simple?
When she finally awoke in the hospital she noticed an IV in her arm. She could feel an oxygen tube lightly blowing in her nose. Light was coming through the window. She could feel her right hand being pinned by something. She glanced down and saw the top of Seth's head. He was holding her hand. He was resting his head on the side of the bed and appeared to be asleep. She cleared her throat and his eyes popped open. He looked completely sober and quite relieved to see her awake.
"D..." he sighed in relief. "You's a'ite?" His concern seemed so genuine as he gripped tighter at her hand. He had been so scared of losing her.
D nodded as she started to remember what happened. She could see tears in his eyes as she began kissing her hand over and over.
"Why you's do dat D?" He asked with tears dropping from his lashes. A thin layer of sweat glinted on his forehead. "I's tole ya not ta...Dat wuz so stupid D. Why ya's aint listen ta me?" He plead.
D sighed with a shrug. "I just wanted to...feel what it did to you...so I could understand why you wanted it," she tried to explain her reasoning.
Seth kissed her hand again, his tears refusing to stop. "Dis all my fuckin fault...I's shoulda neva brang dat shit ta ya room...I...I's shoulda..."
D cut him off, "I did this to myself. You tried warning me...I just didnt listen...dont blame yourself."
Seth would have never been able to forgive himself if she died. He loved her, and now he knew it without a doubt. All those unexplained feelings over the years, the sadness, the anger, the longing, the desire, the jealousy, the nervousness, the ache in his chest, the craving of that apple smell...it was all love. It always had been, he was just to inexperienxced and unloved to get it. Now he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, he was madly in love with her.
"Iffin somethin happen ta yous..." he looked down shaking his head, "I's woulda neva forgives myself..."
"Im fine," she reassured him. "But you gotta leave that shit alone...this could just as easily have been you."
Seth made no response as he stared at her hand gripped firmly in his. He knew she was right. Yet he wanted to justify it by telling himself he wasnt as naieve as D and a man and could take more. He told himself he knew what he was doing. He tried to convince himself that he wasnt hooked, that he didnt crave it. He tried telling himself that it was only medicine. But who was he really fooling?
"Seth?" D asked, unsure if he had even heard her.
He nodded and resumed kissing her hand. He tried giving a reassuring smile but it came out the fakest of fake. D could feel his hands trembling. He looked awful. His eyes were sunken in and bloodshot. Bags hung from underneath them. The black rings around them were so prominent he appeared to have raccoon eyes. His skin was pale, and covered with oil and sweat. He had become so skinny. His hair was a mess and he hadnt shaved in days. Was all this the heroin making itself known?
"How long have I been here?" She asked.
"Since bout 3 am," he answered softly, lips still adhered to her hand.
"What time is it now?"
"Lil past 11."
"How long have you been here?"
"Da whole time," his hand flexed tightly around hers, "You's had me s'a scared baby."
"Thank god you heard me call your name."
He gave her a confused look. "When?"
"Just after I did the line...I started not being able to breathe. I felt myself trying to faint...so I called your name...then I went down and everything started getting fuzzy.
Seth sighed. He hadnt heard her call for him. "Iffin I aint wake up...you'sd be dead." More tears trued to surface.
"But you saved me..." She smiled to him. "Does the press know?"
"Dean wuz able ta fix shit. He toles em somebody slipped somethin in ya drink."
She seemed relieved. "Where are my pills? Ive gotta get out of here."

That night The boarded the bus that would take them to a private airstrip in Nome, Alaska to catch a private jet to Salt Lake City, Utah. Seth had seemed very distant since leaving the hospital. D knew why. So she scored enough Xanax to just make it melt away. She gave little concern to having overdosed the nigh before. A hand full of pills probably wasnt the wisest thing to be doing, but she did it anyway.
Seth moved to the front of the bus where she sat staring blankly out the window. He was swept by the emotions he now knew was love. Why did it take him so long to realize it? His mind broke off to Vera's voice. "Mama loves ya." That phrase had confused him his whole life. Perhaps it wasnt so inconcievable to see why it took him 24 years to understand what love was.
He wanted to tell D He wanted to tell her he was ready to have a relationship with her He didnt care if Havoc approved or not. This was his life and his heart. They couldnt stop him from loving her. Nothing could stop him. He looked to the slack eyes expression on her face. She had almost dies last nigh, and now her system was full of Xanax again. It scared him. She needed time to heal, but wasnt allowing herself.
"Yous straight" He softly asked.
She looked to his with red lazy Xanax'd out eyes. "Mmmm...fine...bout to sleep," she softly slurred.
His forehead wrinkled in concern. He hated seeing her this way. She made herself so vulnerable when she got like this. A man could do anything to her in this state and she would be none the wiser.. He feared fo her safety. She was staying more and more wasted. Was he to blame? True his had sa well, but he was a man and could take more. is drug use was all in the name of love. He fought loving her so hard. He had failed miserably.he had to tell her. But the though of actually saying those words made him queazy. It was the single most difficult thing he had ever contemplated saying.
"How many you's take" He asked studying her lost expression. A day on Xanax was like looking at your life through a picture album. Your memory was left full if gaps you has to fill in the next day. You would forget thing. You would misplace things. Sometimes you could appear wide awake and not even be there at all. This was exactly how D was these days.
"I forget," she smirked.
"It look like alot for havin ODd las nite," he said softly wuth concern.
D rolled her eyes, " how are you going to talk to me about too much. It was your heroin," she huffed.
Seth looked down in disappointment. Her saying that meant she subconsciously blamed him too. He already felt bad about it. Knowing she blamed him too was like pouring salt on an open wound...it stung. "I's worried bout You's D..." he softly whispered.
"Don you thin...I worry bout to you?" She slurred, so messed up her words werent even remotely right. He barely understood what she meant. "Youuu ta more pills ina day...than me. You take everthinnn those whores give you..."
Seth noticed she seemed hostile all of the sudden. That too was the effects of the Xanax. True Xanax calmed you, but if you got worked up while on them it was a fight. "D...I'sa guy...my body can jus takes mo." He paused knowing his words were falling on deaf ears. "Iffin anythang eva happen ta you's...I...I's..." he couldnt even get the words out for the emotions he felt bridled by.
"Dont you thin...feel that I do too?" Tears were starting to cloud her eyes. She tried her best to regain control of her words. "You get sooo gone...before you even come back." she began crying.
Seth could only look at the tears on her face. He new in that moment she must have loved him just as much as he did her.
"And what are you on now?" She snapped, "Speed? Heroin? Drunk?"
Seth simply shook his head as he concentrated on a tear rolling down her cheek. "I's aint had no Dexedrine since 4 dis aftanoon. I's aint drank nothin...I's pretty soba..."
"Youre never sober," she continued sniffling.
Seth wrapped his arms around her hoping to comfort her. She buried her face into his chest sobbing loudly. "I's tryin D," he answered softly, "las nite hit home...ya know? Yous wuz right when ya said it coulda been me."
"But it wasnt," D wailed looking up at him with a red tear soaked face, "It was me! I almost died!"
"Baby," he sighed, "I's aint needin no playback...I's there...rememba?"
"Why cant you just stop?" She muttered.
"Is you's really gone give me a anti drug speech while you's fucked up on Xanax?" He asked rather amused.
D shook her head still crying, "I...I...I cant do this anymore Seth. I cant take it anymore!" Her tears only increased. Seth tried to hold and comfort her as she continued babbling. I cant take care of you and worry about you anymore...I cant watch you with those sluts..I cant. Im so tired of wondering if youre going to talk to me...or try to fuck me, or just plain ignore me. Im sick and tired of this ache in my chest!" she shouted out gripping at her chest in agony.
He pulled her tightly to him as a tear slid out of his own eye. He knew now that they had both loved one another all along. He should have told Havoc to go to hell and see where his feelings could have taken him. "I's sorry D," he whispered in her ear, "I's neva meant ta hurt ya's. I neva wanted none a dis." He soothingly spoke.
He held her in silence for a while until her cries had subsided. His own thoughts ran rampant. He just wanted to make her feel better. He wanted to make everything all better. He wished to god he had said and done so many things differently. He knew that if he simply told her he loved her that there was a chance things could be better. His stomach turned at the thought of uttering those words. He felt his hands tremble. He didnt know if it was detox or nerves. There was an ache deep in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat and breathed in the aroma of her apple essence. "I love you," he whispered.
He waited for a reaction but there was none. D didnt even flinch. Seth glanced down at her on his chest. Her eyes were shut and she seemed to be resting comfortably. Her lips were slightly parted and she appeared to be sound asleep. "D?" he softly shook her.
"Hummm?" She mumbled never opening her eyes. She repositioned a bit on his chest.
Seth sighed and ran his hand over her blonde hair. He gently slid out from under her. He stood up and reached out for her arms. He pulled her forward and lay her across his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He carried her to the back lounge where he normally slept. He lay her down with a slight thud. D only drew in a breath but never woke. Seth stood there a moment, just watching her sleep.
Being in love wasnt at all how Seth imagined it would be. He thought it would be different, something more carefree that left you smiling all the time. He never knew that love and pain were intertwined. At that moment he hurt so much, but he so loved the person who was causing his agony. He had just confessed his six year love for her, and she missed the whole thing. Yet, standing there looking at her, nothing mattered but that love he felt. How could it hurt so bad? Having grown up unwanted and unloved Seth had a very good perspective on what he was feeling for D. His love for her was etched in stone. She was it. She was the one.
Seth sighed and reached for one of her shoes to take it off. He wanted to make beautiful babies with D some day. He wanted a family. It was something all orphans longed for, whether they wished to admit it or not. He tossed her shoe onto the floor and glanced at her shaking his head. "Did yas have ta pass out?" He reached for the other shoe knowing he was simply talking to himself. "I's tryin ta tells ya I love you's."
"I love you too," he heard her lightly mumble.
"D?" He asked studying her closely. There wasnt a reply. She was still asleep. He sighed running a hand over his face and neck He wished so much she would have been awake for his huge epiphany. He never dreamed three little words would be so difficult to say. He always thought love wasnt real. Now he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was. Why couldnt she just be awake?