Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
Chapter 31: The Greatest Escape
0 reviewsafter seths confession d remembers nothing. it breaks his heart
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CHAPTER 31: THE GREATEST ESCAPE
March 27, 2009
Salt Lake City, Utah
The next day Seth talked to D to see what she may have retained in her memory of his confession of love for her. Not entirely to his surprise he didnt remember a damn thing. Discovering that had been the culmination of his entire existence. He had even accepted the fact that he had developed a drug problem. He discovered his number one trigger in his drug use was D. If things between them were better he would have no need to numb himself with drugs. She had said she loved him too, but was it only a coincidence...a dream? Today it was all back to business as usual. She had no memory of their heart to heart, that was plain to see. In fact she had no memory of talking to him at all. That cut Seth deep.
It was a very momentous moment for him to discover he was in love with her. Love was something that had ever been shown to him. D was truly the first who ever had. She had always been there for him. She cared when no one else did. She made him laugh. She made him cry. He thought of her every day, no matter how long or how far apart. It all seemed so simple now. Finally he had found the black and white under all those layers of grey. What had taken him so long? And finally when he tells her he loves her...she cant remember any of it. Why? It felt like a nightmare. Why couldnt he wake up? Awake to D in his arms, together in every sense. How could she not remember any of it?
Later that night after the show Seth had to watch some roadie and D. That was excruciating for him to watch, sheer agony. It took him 6 years to discover how he felt about her. It had been so difficult to tell her he loved her. But now it meant nothing. He may as well have never said it. It had all been for nothing and he was left hurting. He couldnt take the pain. He didnt know how to process it or what to do with it. He felt lost. He felt stupid for loving her.
That was a very bad day for Seth. Over the course of the day he must have taken 30 Dexedrine. The Dexedrine didnt do much these days unless it was enhancing other drugs, by itself he just felt sober. When he drank he really drank. That night alone almost a half gallon of Jack. He snorted rail after rail of coke off naked groupies. He tried his best to make this all a dream. None of it erased anything. Seth knew only one way to end this sort of pain. He called Marla and had her fly in with some heroin. He needed to be numb now more than ever. Why couldnt D remember?
Marla's flight arrived around 3:15 am. Seth and Javier wait on her at the curb in a limo. Seth sniffled deeply. His nose had been running all evening. He didnt feel so great. He felt on the verge of throwing up. Maybe it was the whiskey. He had thrown up several times a day for so long that it was pretty much just routine procedure. He kept sweating and getting chills then hot again. He soon saw her trotting towards the limo with a trail of paparazzi behind her. Seth sighed. He wished one of the groupies would have been able to get him some smack. He hated having to pretend to be with Marla. He hated laying next to her and waking up with her all on him. He rarely ever slept with her. It usually only happened when she wouldnt give him the dope until he did. He hoped this wasnt one of those times. He was in no mood.
"Vete," Seth said to Javier as he gave him a sarcastic wave goodbye, "Ale`jate."
Javier gave Seth a displeased look, like he would hit him if only he could. So he got out of the limo and held the door for Marla.
Marla climbed in with a big, yet sedated smile. "Hello gorgeous." She seemed so happy to see him. Then she noticed the way he looked. The sweating, runny nose, and shaky hands...she knew what those things meant. She knew he needed a hit.
All Seth could really think about was D. He wanted it to stop. A tiny fix would fix it all. He sniffled and attempted something like a smile. He glanced down at her legs. They could feel just like Ds if he could concentrate enough. He extended his hand over to her thigh and slid it up. He could hear Marla giving one of her sedated moans. Then he felt her hand unbuttoning his fly. He didnt want her...but he wanted those drugs. He had to think of D...but he was trying not to think of D. What was he doing? Probably nothing different than D was doing to that roadie. As Marla climbed onto his lap he closed his eyes and did his best to imagine D. He wanted to cry. He was literally feeling physical pain. This felt so wrong. Why was he doing this to himself?
"Hey where you going?" Marla said as she began kissing his neck.
Seth tried his best to focus. As much as he didnt want to do this he had to.
They rented a room at a cheap motel. In the morning Seth would take a flight to meet the band in Boise, Idaho. Marla had a few days before she was due in New York for a performance. So she came prepared for a binge. Seth watched as Marla laid him a few lines down on the countertop. She then wasted no time in prepping her a fix. Seth watched as she poured the powder into the metal of a tea light candle holder. She then searched for her plastic lemon of juice. Once done she drew it up into the needle. She plopped down on the bed with a sigh.
Seth reached over and gently took the needle from her hand. He examined it closely. "I's wants ta try it..."
Marla looked at him strangely. "I thought you didnt shoot?"
"I aint before," he shrugged, "I's ready ta try it...shows me how."
She nodded apprehensively and sat up on the bed. "You want me to do you...or do you wanna try to do it?
"I gots it," he said further examining the needle in his hand. He then glanced down to his arm. "What I's do?"
"Use your belt to tie off your arm."
Seth pulled it off and looped it around his arm.
"You can hold it with your teeth...now flex your fist until a vein bulges out."
"Do it matta where?" He asked clenching the belt in his teeth.
"No," she smiled, "just as long as it goes in.
Seth looked down and could see a large vein bulging out on his arm. He carefully placed the needle over it. What was he doing? Did he really want to do this Would this make him a true junkie now He knew he shouldnt be doing this, but he had to make the pain stop. He had to make D go away for a while in order to stop it. It was worth it if he didnt obsess over the whole failed 'I love you' attempt. Yes, he had to do this. He had to make it stop.
Ok, now push it in gently," Marla coached, " But not too far, and point it upward or downward, almost parallel with your skin. You dont wanna go through one and come out the other side. Itll bruise you for weeks."
Seth pressed downward feeling the pinch of the needle entering his skin.
"Ok, now pull back on the plunger. If you see blood youre there, if not you missed and have to try again."
Seth drew his breath in and held it as he slowly pulled back on the plunger. He saw a cloud of red entering the brown liquid.
"Bingo baby," she smiled, "now slowly push it in."
Seth hesitated slightly and then began pushing gently inward on the plunger, injecting the dope into his vein. It was an instant high. He rested his head on the wall and continued to push it in nice and slow. His teeth invoulentarily let go of the belt clenched by his teeth. His lips began puckering. His eyes felt a ton. Marla was right, this was like heaven compared to snorting it. It was so much stronger and faster acting. Now he understood all the hype. There was even still more in the syringe but he couldnt hold his eyes open as a nod overcame him.
Marla reached over and placed her hand on his to keep him from injecting the rest and over doing it. Thats enough. Youre nodding out and the belt isnt even off yet." She moved his limp hand from the needle and pulled it from his arm. She then loosened the belt. "See baby," she said, her voice sounding like an echo to him, " its just like heaven."
Seth could form no words. He couldnt lasso one single thought. It was hitting him much harder than he expected. It was so incredibly strong. It swept through him in hot waves. He felt every though and feeling slipping away. He suddenly felt the urge to fomit and struggled to make it to the toilet. He almost made it but lost control about 3 feet shy of it.
"Its ok," Marla said prepping herself another shot, "that happens the first few times."
April 4, 2009
Boise, Idaho
D lift her hear to see some guy passed out next to her. She studied the surroundings of her enclosure. She saw it was a bus with nothing but bunks. They all appeared empty except for the one she and the nameless guy were crammed into. This was the roadie bus. She had been here several times. She looked to the guy over her shoulder as she sat up. She studied his face trying to see which of Seths features he had to make her choose him. She didnt think it was his eyes. She looked at the featured of his jaw and face...that wasnt it. Then she caught sight of his lips. Thats what it was.
She reached for her bra and put it on. Her top was just under the guys hip. She slowly and gently tugged it out from under him. He stirred a bit but thankfully didnt wake up. She surely didnt wake him. Relieved she finished getting dressed. She picked up her shoes and quietly crept down the aisle and off the bus. Jim Jay was patiently waiting at the door. She must not have been out too long. She started for their bus. Jim Jay was right beside her in case she stumbled. She was so messed up he was surprised she could even stand.
She boarded the bus and collapsed in a seat. She was too high to make it any further. She noticed the door to the back room was shut. She assumed Seth was back there, but her brain was too tired to think about it. She was to out of it to have any concerns in the matter. Her brain was pretty much on auto pilot. It didnt take long for her to pass out slouched in the seat with her head rested on the window.
Inside the back room Seth sat with Tina. His right arm was extended out to her. His belt was looped tightly around it. Tina ran her hand over his life or death tattoo. From her angle it read death.
"Its kinda weird hitting you on a tattoo that says death," she said feeling for the vein raised under the black tattoo ink.
"From my angle it say life," he said getting impatient. He soon saw her placing the tip of the needle over his vein. "Dats clean...right?" he asked as it slid effortless into his vein. He wasnt interested in sharing whatever diseases she may have had.
"Yeah," she nodded, "got a whole box of em," she said as she saw his blood filter into the syringe. "You ready?" she smiled up at him.
Seth quickly nodded. He watched as she began pushing down on the syringe. He began feeling it fast. She removed the needle and the belt as he sat there pretty much comatose. She then moved and began preparing some for herself. Seths head slowly fell over and down with his chin on his chest. Now D gone with a roadie didbt hurt. Now he could barely even picture her face. He wasnt worried about the time. He gave no thought to tomorrows show. He didnt care where he was, nor D for that fact. Nothing was crossing his mind. It was completely blank and he loved it. Null and void.
This was almost like that place he found when he tried to kill himself. The only difference was it had been such a bright place. This place was dark. Put it was pain free and he really loved it here. It was beyond peaceful. He wished he could stay locked away here forever. Only a near death experience could even cpare to it. Dying had felt similar. Maybe he was dying. If he was he didnt care. He would gladly go with it.
April 29, 2009
Back to Fargo to honor tickets.
Seth glanced to his left as he lay in Marlas hotel room. She was passed out. She had shot up far more than he had. Was she even alive? He didnt really care enough to check. There was more heroin to do but seth didnt want to pass out just yer. Tonight he had other desires in mind. It had been over a month now since he had stolen a moment with D.
He knew the 8 Dexedrine and the Freebase of a little meth was the only reason for his sudden libido. His mind raced, missing D. He needed her. He quietly got dressed and thought of places D might be. He just needed her now. He sighed and got out of the bed. He walked over to the window and looked at the snow that blanketed everything.
He glanced back over his shoulder at Marla. Even in the dark he could see all the bruises on her. He ran his habd down his arm wondering if it looked the same. He tried to be less ovbious about his shooting up than Marla did. He would try to disguise it by shooting into his inner bicep. He would twist his skin over a vein. When he released it the injection would be several inches away from the vein. The only time his track marks were visible was if he outstretched his arms with no shirt on.
He crossed over to his suitcase and picked out some clean clothes...or at least he hoped they were clean. He then went to the bathroom to shower. He couldnt really remember when he had had one last. Several days surly. He always tried to make it a point to shave most days. Tonight he wanted to be with D. He needed her so muc. This called for a shower. In the last month he had been avoiding feeling anything. Tonight he didnt want to be numb. Tonight he just wanted to feel D in his arms.
When he got out of the shower and dressed he quietly exited the room without giving Marla a second glance. He pulled out his cell and called Jennifer.
"Seth are you ok?!" She instantly answered. It was unlike him to call so late.
"Yeah...I's straight...listen...You's thank ya's could finds me a place up in da woods for da night?"
"Is there something wrong with the hotel?" She yawned.
"Yeah," he sighed, "No privacy."
"Are you trying to sneak off with D again?" She asked skeptically. "You remember what happened the last time, dont you? Havoc went nuts."
"It jus one night Jen. They's aint even gone find out."
Jennifer let out a drawn out sigh. "Give me half an hour...Ill find something."
"A'ite...straight." He hung it up and called Kasey. It took her four rings to answer. "Kasey it Seth..."
"Seth?" She asked a bit befuddled as to why he would be calling her.
"You's gots D's room numba?"
Kasey sighed, "118."
"Thanks," Seth said and hung up.
He walked down the hall in the direction of her room. He approached her door and knocked. He got no response after a moment so he knocked louder. Still no response. So he began beating on the door with the side of his fist like the police. He soon heard the door unlocking. He was met by D's red squinted eyes.
"What are you doing here?" She mumbled.
His eyes nervously float down to his hands. " I's jus wanted ta be wit you's..."
"I thought Marla was here with you," she said rubbing her eyes.
He nodded, "she passed out."
"Sooo What?" D shrugged, "You thought you would just come by my room and get a little on the side before she wakes up?" Seth could hear the disdain in her voice.
"We aint do nothin but get high," he said softly justifying his actions.
"Like I wanna know the damn details," she barked.
"Come on baby," he sighed, "I gots Jen findin us a a place up in da woods where there aint nobody round."
"Seth..." she uttered not knowing how to feel anymore.
"Come on baby," he spoke pulling his half grin, or what was left of it to hos face. It had changed. Now his skin and lips were pale. His face was thinner. His entire body was skinnier. "Ya's know you's be missin me..." His phone began ringing. "It Jen...so what da answa is?"
It was a no brainer. "I have to get my things," she rolled her eyes.
Martin glanced down to the bouquet of red short stemmed roses in his hand. He had gotten them for Maggie. Maybe buying her flowers would loosen her up enough to at least sit down with him in public. He looked at the outside of her door and drew his breath in. He raised hos fist and knocked on the door.When she answered her eyes couldnt help but fall on the roses in his hand.
"Whats this?" she asked with skepticism.
"...I..." Martin swallowed, "I saw them and thought of you..." his unsure eyes fell to the hotels carpet.
"So," she said folding her arms across her chest with a displeased look, "you thought a bouquet of roses would what Get me to go out with you?"
He nervously shrugged, "Yeah...kinda."
She shook her head and looked at him like he was stupid, "Not working."
"Come on Maggie," he sighed almost sounding like a bonafide spoiled brat. "Just one date. Ill be on my best behavior. Im really not at all like what you see backstage...I..."
"Im so sure," she rolled her eyes.
"Well how do you even know if you wont give me a shot?" He complained.
"Im not going out with you!" She loudly exclaimed. "Youve asked me a dozen times and the answer IS and will ALWAYS will be NO! So...just save your time in asking," she yelled just before slamming the door in his face.
Martin growled, sounding truly pissed as he hit the door repeatedly with the roses. Petals and leaves flew everywhere. Why was she playing so hard to get? Why wouldnt she just go out with him? He didnt see himself as the worst fish in the sea by any means. What was her problem with him?
An hour later Seth and D were walking into a tiny cabin in the woods just outside Fargo. It had a fireplace so Seth went over to it and began stacking logs into it to build a fire.
"Its quiet here," she said as she watched him.
"Kinda da point aint it?" He asked pulling a cigarette lighter from his pocket.
D surveyed the room. "I dont think Ive ever spent the night somewhere without a TV before."
He forced a smile to his lips. "Ya's wouldnt be watchin it no way."
D lightly chuckled as she watched the blaze catch up under the logs. Seth got up and crossed over to her. He tugged at her lips and brought her closer for a kiss. He drew in the smell of her. He pushed her coat from her shoulders and let it tumble to the floor. He wanted to be as loving to her tonight as possible. If he couldnt muster up the courage to tell her he loved her again, he at least wanted to make her feel it. She was everything to him. He had to show her that.
He motioned to the floor which was covered with a real bear skin rug. D lay on it and looked up at Seth. The look on her wace was making him feel strange. It was happy, but yet somehow still sad. There she lay, the beautiful girl she loved, and though he had her, she still wasnt his. It wasnt fair to love her. She deserved so much more. He imagined love being so much different. It should have been happier than this. It shouldnt have been about lying to millions of people. It shouldnt have been about having to steal moments together. It wasnt about screwing groupies, roadies, or other celebrities. There should have been more to it than this. It broke his heart that he couldnt give her more. He so desperately wanted to. But he just couldnt let her go so she could have more. He just couldnt help but cling to any little piece of her he could.
"You's beautiful," he smiled down at her.
She smiled back and motioned for him to join her there on the floor.
"Holds dat thought," he said going over to his suitcase. D rolled onto her stomach watching him. He returned with a small box in his hand. He got down on the rug, sitting next to her. "I's got ya's dis," he said handing it to her and reclining back on his back. She sat up on her elbows and pulled the lid off. Inside was a navel ring with a sparkling diamond 'S' hanging from it. "I's jus wants ya's ta rememba you's my girl. Thought nobody would notice dis lil thang."
D didnt know what to say. She tried fighting off tears but couldnt. He hadnt wanted to make her cry.
He extended his hand to her face and wiped a tear away with his thumb. "Dont cry baby," he whispered leaning up to kiss her.
They made love there in front of the fireplace as the wind whistled outside through the trees. Nothing exsisted but the two of them. All they could think of was their unspoken love for one another. Snow began falling as they lay cuddled in one anothers arms. The fire was dying but it didnt matter. Seth longed for the courage to tell D how he felt while she was lucid enough to remember. He drew in those luscious sweet apples and caressed her warm skin. Dear god he loved her. Nothing had ever mattered this much to him. Why couldnt he just say it?
D ran her hand across his chest. He had become so bony and frail. His beautiful tanned Italian skin had become pale and almost had a yellowish look to it. He looked so sick. D knew it was primarily the heroin. He did his best to hide his addiction from her, but she knew it was getting bad. How much longer could he maintain like this She was worried for him.
April 29, 2009
Fargo, North Dakota
By morning Seth and D found themselves snowed into their wooded retreat. The manager of the camp grounds shoveled out their door and offered them breakfast at the main cabin. The phone lines were down and their cell phones had zero reception. Panic soon began sweeping through them.
"Oh god Seth...what are we going to do. Susan is gonna know we are gone when we dont show up on the bus that is leaving at 3 for Vancouver!"
"What you's 'spect me ta say D?"
"I knew this was a bad idea..."
"Bein wit me wuz a bad idea?" He asked seemingly hurt by her comment.
"Not you," she sighed, "but this. We should have just stayed at the hotel."
"I's jus didnt wants no body seein us togetha," he sniffled, "I's jus...thought..."
"But now we are caught and Havoc is gonna be pissed at us!"
Seth sat down and nervously began chewing at his thumbnail. He knew D was right, but what could he do now? He had had nothing but the best of intentions. Now they were stuck. He had only wanted a romantic evening with her to show her how much he loved her. He had no idea they would get snowed in. He could feel his stomach starting to turn. His hands felt shaky. He needed a fix but he left so fast he hadnt thought to bring any with him. He walked over to his bag and pulled out his Dexedrine. He took 6 and watched as D took 4 Xanax. He knew she would be out of it in an hour. In half an hour she would have forgotten all about being snowed in.
"Lets just go eat breakfast," she sighed pulling on her coat.
"Straight," he nodded, though he didnt hace the least bit of an appetite. He sniffled again, his nose starting to run. He grabbed his coat and slid it on.
They then walked outside. The abundance of snow hid almost every structure in a beautiful blanket of glittery white. It was so cold, especially to D who had always lived in California. At least the wind wasnt blowing. Seth could feel pain in most of his muscles and joints. This was more than just the weather. This hurt even in places he had never been injured.
They tracked through the snow to the main cabin. They found the dining room and took a seat. A few minutes passed before an older woman with a sweet smile sat down huge plates of pancakes, eggs, an sausage in front of them. It was enough to feed a horse. Seth caught a whiff of the maple syrup and felt his gag reflex quickly kick in. A cold chill swept over him and he felt sweat starting to form. He quickly wiped it from his forehead before D could see. Now he was starting to feel hot. He sniffled and tried to act as though everything was fine.
Then the manager came and poured them some orange juice. "Where da bathroom at?" Seth asked. The man motioned in the direction of it.
Seth quickly got up and rushed off to it trying not to vomit before he made it. Once inside he fell to his knees before the toilet and cradled his stomach. The urge to heave hit him and the contents of his stomach began spilling out. It was nothing but yellow stomach acid, spit, and half dissolved Dexedrine. He felt his body quivering as he heaved until nothing would come out. His back and ribs ached as he dry heaved even more. He tried to catch his breath and concentrate on making his gag reflex stop. After a few moments he was able to stand and flush the toilet. He again wiped sweat from his forehead. God he would give anything for a fix. He was burning up. What was wrong with him? Wait a minute...was he dope sick? It had been over 20 hours since he had shot up last. He tried to assure himself that couldnt possibly be it, he wasnt hooked like that.
He walked over to the sink and began washing his hands. He glanced at his image in the mirror. The dark rings under his eyes made them stand out so bad. His skin looked wet with oil. He looked a strange shade of yellowish, greenish, grey. He didnt even look like himself anymore. He had lost so much weight that nothing fit as it should. He hoped D would be too messed up to see how sick he was. He slpashed some water on his face hoping it would simply wash off. Of course it didnt. He grabbed some napkins and dried his face and hands. He went back out to where D sat eating.
He sat down and stared at the plate of food before him as if it were some wild animal about to attack. Just the sight of it made him want to vomit more. He timidly outstretched his hand to it and pushed it away a few inches.
"Youre not going to eat?" D asked.
"Naw...aint hungry," he said trying his best to not catch the scent of the overwhelming syrup. He felt the gag reflex wanting to act up again. He tried to look down and play it off.
"You never eat anymore," she pointed out.
He sighed with a sniffle, "I'sd be dead iffin I's didnt..."
"Im sorry I blew up at you," D changed the subject, "its just that now theyre going to make things harder on us. Theyll find new ways to make sure we can never be together."
He nodded feeling distracted. Its straight baby." He just wanted to get away from that food. He wanted to go back to the cabin and get more Dexedrine.
"No one seems to know us here," she commented.
"No TVs," Seth said looking away from the plate of food and the pungent odor of the syrup. He tried breathing in through his mouth, hoping that would help. It really didnt. "I's gone go back ta da room," he said standing up to leave.
"Im done," she said standing up to leave with him.
He was hoping to slip away from her so he could go throw up again and get some more Dexedrine. He sniffled again. How he looked was how Marla looked and acted when she needed a fix. he feared he might actually be experiencing the beginning stages of detox. His craving for one had never been more intense. It was taking every last shred of his will power to keep it together. He couldnt let D see how bad he had apparently gotten. God he would give anything for one tiny fix.
Back at the hotel Jennifer and Kasey were ambushed in the Lobby by Susan.
"Where the hell are they?!! She demanded staring at them.
They glanced to one another remaining silent. They didnt want to answer her question and narc out Seth and D.
"I know you two know where they are!" She screamed at them. "I suggest you call them NOW!"
Kasey looked skeptically at Jennifer and decided to speak. "They dont have reception."
"Reception?! Why dont they have reception?!" She demanded.
"Trees..." Jennifer sighed. "Theyre in the woods outside the city...they rented a cabin last night."
"A cabin in the woods?! After last nights blizzard?!"
Kasey nodded.
"Thats just perfect," she threw her hands into the air, "The bus leaves in 4 hours and our freaking stars arent even here!" Susan was furious. The roads would be plowed out by one. Snow or no snow the show must go on. But without Seth or D how could there be a show? "Where the hell are they??!!" Susan blasted out.
"Its called Grove Cabins," Jennifer softly answered. She knew Seth was gonna be so mad at her for ratting him out.
"Great!!! Theyre probably stranded in the snow! Why didnt you two say anything? Are your loyalties to these two screwed up kids with a puppy love or is it to your jobs?" She yelped.
Kasey and Jennifer didnt speak. What could they actually say? They knew they were in the wrong, but Seth and D were so in love. It wasnt puppy love. It killed them to be apart. It had turned them into drug addicts. The only time either of them were happy was when they were together. What was being done to them wasnt fair.
Seth stood near the cabin window looking out at the sun sparkling over the snow. He had managed to sneak more Dexedrine, but they were only making him want to throw up again. He felt a shiver go through him but he felt warm instead of cold. He sniffled, his nose refusing to stop running. Sweat kept seeping from his pores. This had to be detox. He couldnt do this right now. Not in front of D. However, he seemed to have no choice.
"I wish we could be snowed in all the time," D smiled stretching out over the bed. She was hopeful that Seth would join her.
He glanced over his shoulder at her but made no response. He wanted a fix. He needed it. It was the only thought on his mind right now. His stomach was gurgling. His gag reflex was super sensitive. His body ached like coming down off dirty acid. His nose was running worse than it ever had with a cold. He couldnt stop sweating. "Da snow gots me hurtin," he sniffed looking back out the window.
"Do you want a massage?" She playfully asked.
"Ima be a'ite," he said not even acknowledging her turn on.
D frowned and decided on a more direct approach. "Want me to take your mind off it?"
Seth could see what she was getting at but he simply just didnt feel like it at all. He was sick. All he thought about was the one dose of smack that could fix it all. He was fiending. He just needed a little bit to make him right again. "Naw...I's aint really..." His words stopped abruptly as his head began spinning. He rushed for the bathroom.
D sat up on the bed alarmed at how fast he rushed off. "Seth? You ok?" She called out but there was no reply. She climbed out of the bed and walked to the bathroom door. She could hear him dry heaving inside. She turned the knob and opened the door. "Seth?" She asked. She could see him on his knees in front of the toilet holding on to the rim with white knuckles. His body was visibly trembling. Sweat poured from him. "Seth, whats wrong?" She frantically asked.
"GO!" He shouted between gags. D rushed to the sink and wet a wash cloth. She knelt next to him and began blotting away his sweat. New sweat seeped out with every swipe she made. Seth flinched away from her touch. "Would yous get da fuck outta 'ere?" He snapped.
"Let me help you," she insisted.
"NO!" He raged. "Jus fuckin go! A'ite?!"
"Tell me what I can do," she said completely ignoring his desire for her to go.
"Ya's caint...jus GO!" He blurted as he began vomiting into the toilet again.
"Please let me help you," she spoke still wiping his sweat.
He turned to her with desperate eyes, "You's got any smack?!" He blurted. D looked shocked. "Yeah...didnt thank so," he sniffled.
"Seth...is this withdrawal?" She hesitantly asked.
Seth wiped his mouth with a trembling body and gave no response. Did he really need to answer that question for her? Wasnt it obvious?
"Oh god," she mumbled, "you got hooked on it...didnt you?" She looked to him in horror. "You shot it up didnt you?" She felt fear sweeping through her. Seth's silence didnt help. "How long?" She asked with tears in her eyes. "How long have you been on heroin now?"
"Since Chicago!" He barked. "A'ite?! An I's been shootin since Anchorage! Dat enuff info for ya's D?!"
D began calculating the months in her head. That was five months. The last month of it he had been shooting it up. D knew this was bad. She knew he was hooked if he had been doing it for 5 months. "No..." she uttered with a twinge of disbelief.
Seth hated the way she was looking at him now. "Jus GO!" He yelled pointing to the door.
"No," she shook her head as she dabbed at the new sweat that was forming, "Im not leaving."
Seth rest his head on the toilet seat with a sigh and closed his eyes. His body felt like it was cracking and breaking. It felt like the worst flu imaginable, combined with a stomach virus and the worst hangover possible. He was going head long into withdrawal. He needed one fix, then he would be ok.
"I's aint likin ya's seein me like dis..." he mumbled.
"Its ok," she nodded, "I know you would do the same for me. Just tell me what to do?"
"Finds me a fix," he softly replied. He almost sounded as if he were pleading with her. She didnt know if it was a snide remark or if he was seriously asking her to find him some smack.
"I...I cant do that..."
He closed his eyes again, "Ima be a'ite," he mumbled. D wondered if he was just saying that to himselft to try to get through it. She placed her hand on his back. His shirt was soaked in sweat. She could feel the muscles beneath his skin crawling with spasms. She knew he would only get worse. She couldnt believe this was happening. How much was he doing now? He told her it was nothing serious and she had believed it.She hated to think of him as some junkie but it was painfully obvious now. Seth had become a heroin addict.
Eventually Havoc came to their rescue. They were none too happy ti find them together. They were also strangely helpful to Seth who was a shrre wreck when they arrived. D thought he needed to go to a hospital. He was so sick. But Havoc said Dr. Gibbons would take care of things. They fined them each 10,000 each and vowed they wouldnt get the chance for a stunt like this again.
Upon returning back to the Faithless camp Seth staggered off with Javier close by. The next time D saw him he had made a full recovery. That worried her. It told her he had done heroin. And Havoc said nothing. They had to have known by now. They didnt even have Dr. Gibbons look him over. They just allowed him to wander off and score. The only concern they had was that he got on that stage. They didnt care if he died. They were making it possible for him to keep doing this and getting worse. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before he overdosed or worse.
March 27, 2009
Salt Lake City, Utah
The next day Seth talked to D to see what she may have retained in her memory of his confession of love for her. Not entirely to his surprise he didnt remember a damn thing. Discovering that had been the culmination of his entire existence. He had even accepted the fact that he had developed a drug problem. He discovered his number one trigger in his drug use was D. If things between them were better he would have no need to numb himself with drugs. She had said she loved him too, but was it only a coincidence...a dream? Today it was all back to business as usual. She had no memory of their heart to heart, that was plain to see. In fact she had no memory of talking to him at all. That cut Seth deep.
It was a very momentous moment for him to discover he was in love with her. Love was something that had ever been shown to him. D was truly the first who ever had. She had always been there for him. She cared when no one else did. She made him laugh. She made him cry. He thought of her every day, no matter how long or how far apart. It all seemed so simple now. Finally he had found the black and white under all those layers of grey. What had taken him so long? And finally when he tells her he loves her...she cant remember any of it. Why? It felt like a nightmare. Why couldnt he wake up? Awake to D in his arms, together in every sense. How could she not remember any of it?
Later that night after the show Seth had to watch some roadie and D. That was excruciating for him to watch, sheer agony. It took him 6 years to discover how he felt about her. It had been so difficult to tell her he loved her. But now it meant nothing. He may as well have never said it. It had all been for nothing and he was left hurting. He couldnt take the pain. He didnt know how to process it or what to do with it. He felt lost. He felt stupid for loving her.
That was a very bad day for Seth. Over the course of the day he must have taken 30 Dexedrine. The Dexedrine didnt do much these days unless it was enhancing other drugs, by itself he just felt sober. When he drank he really drank. That night alone almost a half gallon of Jack. He snorted rail after rail of coke off naked groupies. He tried his best to make this all a dream. None of it erased anything. Seth knew only one way to end this sort of pain. He called Marla and had her fly in with some heroin. He needed to be numb now more than ever. Why couldnt D remember?
Marla's flight arrived around 3:15 am. Seth and Javier wait on her at the curb in a limo. Seth sniffled deeply. His nose had been running all evening. He didnt feel so great. He felt on the verge of throwing up. Maybe it was the whiskey. He had thrown up several times a day for so long that it was pretty much just routine procedure. He kept sweating and getting chills then hot again. He soon saw her trotting towards the limo with a trail of paparazzi behind her. Seth sighed. He wished one of the groupies would have been able to get him some smack. He hated having to pretend to be with Marla. He hated laying next to her and waking up with her all on him. He rarely ever slept with her. It usually only happened when she wouldnt give him the dope until he did. He hoped this wasnt one of those times. He was in no mood.
"Vete," Seth said to Javier as he gave him a sarcastic wave goodbye, "Ale`jate."
Javier gave Seth a displeased look, like he would hit him if only he could. So he got out of the limo and held the door for Marla.
Marla climbed in with a big, yet sedated smile. "Hello gorgeous." She seemed so happy to see him. Then she noticed the way he looked. The sweating, runny nose, and shaky hands...she knew what those things meant. She knew he needed a hit.
All Seth could really think about was D. He wanted it to stop. A tiny fix would fix it all. He sniffled and attempted something like a smile. He glanced down at her legs. They could feel just like Ds if he could concentrate enough. He extended his hand over to her thigh and slid it up. He could hear Marla giving one of her sedated moans. Then he felt her hand unbuttoning his fly. He didnt want her...but he wanted those drugs. He had to think of D...but he was trying not to think of D. What was he doing? Probably nothing different than D was doing to that roadie. As Marla climbed onto his lap he closed his eyes and did his best to imagine D. He wanted to cry. He was literally feeling physical pain. This felt so wrong. Why was he doing this to himself?
"Hey where you going?" Marla said as she began kissing his neck.
Seth tried his best to focus. As much as he didnt want to do this he had to.
They rented a room at a cheap motel. In the morning Seth would take a flight to meet the band in Boise, Idaho. Marla had a few days before she was due in New York for a performance. So she came prepared for a binge. Seth watched as Marla laid him a few lines down on the countertop. She then wasted no time in prepping her a fix. Seth watched as she poured the powder into the metal of a tea light candle holder. She then searched for her plastic lemon of juice. Once done she drew it up into the needle. She plopped down on the bed with a sigh.
Seth reached over and gently took the needle from her hand. He examined it closely. "I's wants ta try it..."
Marla looked at him strangely. "I thought you didnt shoot?"
"I aint before," he shrugged, "I's ready ta try it...shows me how."
She nodded apprehensively and sat up on the bed. "You want me to do you...or do you wanna try to do it?
"I gots it," he said further examining the needle in his hand. He then glanced down to his arm. "What I's do?"
"Use your belt to tie off your arm."
Seth pulled it off and looped it around his arm.
"You can hold it with your teeth...now flex your fist until a vein bulges out."
"Do it matta where?" He asked clenching the belt in his teeth.
"No," she smiled, "just as long as it goes in.
Seth looked down and could see a large vein bulging out on his arm. He carefully placed the needle over it. What was he doing? Did he really want to do this Would this make him a true junkie now He knew he shouldnt be doing this, but he had to make the pain stop. He had to make D go away for a while in order to stop it. It was worth it if he didnt obsess over the whole failed 'I love you' attempt. Yes, he had to do this. He had to make it stop.
Ok, now push it in gently," Marla coached, " But not too far, and point it upward or downward, almost parallel with your skin. You dont wanna go through one and come out the other side. Itll bruise you for weeks."
Seth pressed downward feeling the pinch of the needle entering his skin.
"Ok, now pull back on the plunger. If you see blood youre there, if not you missed and have to try again."
Seth drew his breath in and held it as he slowly pulled back on the plunger. He saw a cloud of red entering the brown liquid.
"Bingo baby," she smiled, "now slowly push it in."
Seth hesitated slightly and then began pushing gently inward on the plunger, injecting the dope into his vein. It was an instant high. He rested his head on the wall and continued to push it in nice and slow. His teeth invoulentarily let go of the belt clenched by his teeth. His lips began puckering. His eyes felt a ton. Marla was right, this was like heaven compared to snorting it. It was so much stronger and faster acting. Now he understood all the hype. There was even still more in the syringe but he couldnt hold his eyes open as a nod overcame him.
Marla reached over and placed her hand on his to keep him from injecting the rest and over doing it. Thats enough. Youre nodding out and the belt isnt even off yet." She moved his limp hand from the needle and pulled it from his arm. She then loosened the belt. "See baby," she said, her voice sounding like an echo to him, " its just like heaven."
Seth could form no words. He couldnt lasso one single thought. It was hitting him much harder than he expected. It was so incredibly strong. It swept through him in hot waves. He felt every though and feeling slipping away. He suddenly felt the urge to fomit and struggled to make it to the toilet. He almost made it but lost control about 3 feet shy of it.
"Its ok," Marla said prepping herself another shot, "that happens the first few times."
April 4, 2009
Boise, Idaho
D lift her hear to see some guy passed out next to her. She studied the surroundings of her enclosure. She saw it was a bus with nothing but bunks. They all appeared empty except for the one she and the nameless guy were crammed into. This was the roadie bus. She had been here several times. She looked to the guy over her shoulder as she sat up. She studied his face trying to see which of Seths features he had to make her choose him. She didnt think it was his eyes. She looked at the featured of his jaw and face...that wasnt it. Then she caught sight of his lips. Thats what it was.
She reached for her bra and put it on. Her top was just under the guys hip. She slowly and gently tugged it out from under him. He stirred a bit but thankfully didnt wake up. She surely didnt wake him. Relieved she finished getting dressed. She picked up her shoes and quietly crept down the aisle and off the bus. Jim Jay was patiently waiting at the door. She must not have been out too long. She started for their bus. Jim Jay was right beside her in case she stumbled. She was so messed up he was surprised she could even stand.
She boarded the bus and collapsed in a seat. She was too high to make it any further. She noticed the door to the back room was shut. She assumed Seth was back there, but her brain was too tired to think about it. She was to out of it to have any concerns in the matter. Her brain was pretty much on auto pilot. It didnt take long for her to pass out slouched in the seat with her head rested on the window.
Inside the back room Seth sat with Tina. His right arm was extended out to her. His belt was looped tightly around it. Tina ran her hand over his life or death tattoo. From her angle it read death.
"Its kinda weird hitting you on a tattoo that says death," she said feeling for the vein raised under the black tattoo ink.
"From my angle it say life," he said getting impatient. He soon saw her placing the tip of the needle over his vein. "Dats clean...right?" he asked as it slid effortless into his vein. He wasnt interested in sharing whatever diseases she may have had.
"Yeah," she nodded, "got a whole box of em," she said as she saw his blood filter into the syringe. "You ready?" she smiled up at him.
Seth quickly nodded. He watched as she began pushing down on the syringe. He began feeling it fast. She removed the needle and the belt as he sat there pretty much comatose. She then moved and began preparing some for herself. Seths head slowly fell over and down with his chin on his chest. Now D gone with a roadie didbt hurt. Now he could barely even picture her face. He wasnt worried about the time. He gave no thought to tomorrows show. He didnt care where he was, nor D for that fact. Nothing was crossing his mind. It was completely blank and he loved it. Null and void.
This was almost like that place he found when he tried to kill himself. The only difference was it had been such a bright place. This place was dark. Put it was pain free and he really loved it here. It was beyond peaceful. He wished he could stay locked away here forever. Only a near death experience could even cpare to it. Dying had felt similar. Maybe he was dying. If he was he didnt care. He would gladly go with it.
April 29, 2009
Back to Fargo to honor tickets.
Seth glanced to his left as he lay in Marlas hotel room. She was passed out. She had shot up far more than he had. Was she even alive? He didnt really care enough to check. There was more heroin to do but seth didnt want to pass out just yer. Tonight he had other desires in mind. It had been over a month now since he had stolen a moment with D.
He knew the 8 Dexedrine and the Freebase of a little meth was the only reason for his sudden libido. His mind raced, missing D. He needed her. He quietly got dressed and thought of places D might be. He just needed her now. He sighed and got out of the bed. He walked over to the window and looked at the snow that blanketed everything.
He glanced back over his shoulder at Marla. Even in the dark he could see all the bruises on her. He ran his habd down his arm wondering if it looked the same. He tried to be less ovbious about his shooting up than Marla did. He would try to disguise it by shooting into his inner bicep. He would twist his skin over a vein. When he released it the injection would be several inches away from the vein. The only time his track marks were visible was if he outstretched his arms with no shirt on.
He crossed over to his suitcase and picked out some clean clothes...or at least he hoped they were clean. He then went to the bathroom to shower. He couldnt really remember when he had had one last. Several days surly. He always tried to make it a point to shave most days. Tonight he wanted to be with D. He needed her so muc. This called for a shower. In the last month he had been avoiding feeling anything. Tonight he didnt want to be numb. Tonight he just wanted to feel D in his arms.
When he got out of the shower and dressed he quietly exited the room without giving Marla a second glance. He pulled out his cell and called Jennifer.
"Seth are you ok?!" She instantly answered. It was unlike him to call so late.
"Yeah...I's straight...listen...You's thank ya's could finds me a place up in da woods for da night?"
"Is there something wrong with the hotel?" She yawned.
"Yeah," he sighed, "No privacy."
"Are you trying to sneak off with D again?" She asked skeptically. "You remember what happened the last time, dont you? Havoc went nuts."
"It jus one night Jen. They's aint even gone find out."
Jennifer let out a drawn out sigh. "Give me half an hour...Ill find something."
"A'ite...straight." He hung it up and called Kasey. It took her four rings to answer. "Kasey it Seth..."
"Seth?" She asked a bit befuddled as to why he would be calling her.
"You's gots D's room numba?"
Kasey sighed, "118."
"Thanks," Seth said and hung up.
He walked down the hall in the direction of her room. He approached her door and knocked. He got no response after a moment so he knocked louder. Still no response. So he began beating on the door with the side of his fist like the police. He soon heard the door unlocking. He was met by D's red squinted eyes.
"What are you doing here?" She mumbled.
His eyes nervously float down to his hands. " I's jus wanted ta be wit you's..."
"I thought Marla was here with you," she said rubbing her eyes.
He nodded, "she passed out."
"Sooo What?" D shrugged, "You thought you would just come by my room and get a little on the side before she wakes up?" Seth could hear the disdain in her voice.
"We aint do nothin but get high," he said softly justifying his actions.
"Like I wanna know the damn details," she barked.
"Come on baby," he sighed, "I gots Jen findin us a a place up in da woods where there aint nobody round."
"Seth..." she uttered not knowing how to feel anymore.
"Come on baby," he spoke pulling his half grin, or what was left of it to hos face. It had changed. Now his skin and lips were pale. His face was thinner. His entire body was skinnier. "Ya's know you's be missin me..." His phone began ringing. "It Jen...so what da answa is?"
It was a no brainer. "I have to get my things," she rolled her eyes.
Martin glanced down to the bouquet of red short stemmed roses in his hand. He had gotten them for Maggie. Maybe buying her flowers would loosen her up enough to at least sit down with him in public. He looked at the outside of her door and drew his breath in. He raised hos fist and knocked on the door.When she answered her eyes couldnt help but fall on the roses in his hand.
"Whats this?" she asked with skepticism.
"...I..." Martin swallowed, "I saw them and thought of you..." his unsure eyes fell to the hotels carpet.
"So," she said folding her arms across her chest with a displeased look, "you thought a bouquet of roses would what Get me to go out with you?"
He nervously shrugged, "Yeah...kinda."
She shook her head and looked at him like he was stupid, "Not working."
"Come on Maggie," he sighed almost sounding like a bonafide spoiled brat. "Just one date. Ill be on my best behavior. Im really not at all like what you see backstage...I..."
"Im so sure," she rolled her eyes.
"Well how do you even know if you wont give me a shot?" He complained.
"Im not going out with you!" She loudly exclaimed. "Youve asked me a dozen times and the answer IS and will ALWAYS will be NO! So...just save your time in asking," she yelled just before slamming the door in his face.
Martin growled, sounding truly pissed as he hit the door repeatedly with the roses. Petals and leaves flew everywhere. Why was she playing so hard to get? Why wouldnt she just go out with him? He didnt see himself as the worst fish in the sea by any means. What was her problem with him?
An hour later Seth and D were walking into a tiny cabin in the woods just outside Fargo. It had a fireplace so Seth went over to it and began stacking logs into it to build a fire.
"Its quiet here," she said as she watched him.
"Kinda da point aint it?" He asked pulling a cigarette lighter from his pocket.
D surveyed the room. "I dont think Ive ever spent the night somewhere without a TV before."
He forced a smile to his lips. "Ya's wouldnt be watchin it no way."
D lightly chuckled as she watched the blaze catch up under the logs. Seth got up and crossed over to her. He tugged at her lips and brought her closer for a kiss. He drew in the smell of her. He pushed her coat from her shoulders and let it tumble to the floor. He wanted to be as loving to her tonight as possible. If he couldnt muster up the courage to tell her he loved her again, he at least wanted to make her feel it. She was everything to him. He had to show her that.
He motioned to the floor which was covered with a real bear skin rug. D lay on it and looked up at Seth. The look on her wace was making him feel strange. It was happy, but yet somehow still sad. There she lay, the beautiful girl she loved, and though he had her, she still wasnt his. It wasnt fair to love her. She deserved so much more. He imagined love being so much different. It should have been happier than this. It shouldnt have been about lying to millions of people. It shouldnt have been about having to steal moments together. It wasnt about screwing groupies, roadies, or other celebrities. There should have been more to it than this. It broke his heart that he couldnt give her more. He so desperately wanted to. But he just couldnt let her go so she could have more. He just couldnt help but cling to any little piece of her he could.
"You's beautiful," he smiled down at her.
She smiled back and motioned for him to join her there on the floor.
"Holds dat thought," he said going over to his suitcase. D rolled onto her stomach watching him. He returned with a small box in his hand. He got down on the rug, sitting next to her. "I's got ya's dis," he said handing it to her and reclining back on his back. She sat up on her elbows and pulled the lid off. Inside was a navel ring with a sparkling diamond 'S' hanging from it. "I's jus wants ya's ta rememba you's my girl. Thought nobody would notice dis lil thang."
D didnt know what to say. She tried fighting off tears but couldnt. He hadnt wanted to make her cry.
He extended his hand to her face and wiped a tear away with his thumb. "Dont cry baby," he whispered leaning up to kiss her.
They made love there in front of the fireplace as the wind whistled outside through the trees. Nothing exsisted but the two of them. All they could think of was their unspoken love for one another. Snow began falling as they lay cuddled in one anothers arms. The fire was dying but it didnt matter. Seth longed for the courage to tell D how he felt while she was lucid enough to remember. He drew in those luscious sweet apples and caressed her warm skin. Dear god he loved her. Nothing had ever mattered this much to him. Why couldnt he just say it?
D ran her hand across his chest. He had become so bony and frail. His beautiful tanned Italian skin had become pale and almost had a yellowish look to it. He looked so sick. D knew it was primarily the heroin. He did his best to hide his addiction from her, but she knew it was getting bad. How much longer could he maintain like this She was worried for him.
April 29, 2009
Fargo, North Dakota
By morning Seth and D found themselves snowed into their wooded retreat. The manager of the camp grounds shoveled out their door and offered them breakfast at the main cabin. The phone lines were down and their cell phones had zero reception. Panic soon began sweeping through them.
"Oh god Seth...what are we going to do. Susan is gonna know we are gone when we dont show up on the bus that is leaving at 3 for Vancouver!"
"What you's 'spect me ta say D?"
"I knew this was a bad idea..."
"Bein wit me wuz a bad idea?" He asked seemingly hurt by her comment.
"Not you," she sighed, "but this. We should have just stayed at the hotel."
"I's jus didnt wants no body seein us togetha," he sniffled, "I's jus...thought..."
"But now we are caught and Havoc is gonna be pissed at us!"
Seth sat down and nervously began chewing at his thumbnail. He knew D was right, but what could he do now? He had had nothing but the best of intentions. Now they were stuck. He had only wanted a romantic evening with her to show her how much he loved her. He had no idea they would get snowed in. He could feel his stomach starting to turn. His hands felt shaky. He needed a fix but he left so fast he hadnt thought to bring any with him. He walked over to his bag and pulled out his Dexedrine. He took 6 and watched as D took 4 Xanax. He knew she would be out of it in an hour. In half an hour she would have forgotten all about being snowed in.
"Lets just go eat breakfast," she sighed pulling on her coat.
"Straight," he nodded, though he didnt hace the least bit of an appetite. He sniffled again, his nose starting to run. He grabbed his coat and slid it on.
They then walked outside. The abundance of snow hid almost every structure in a beautiful blanket of glittery white. It was so cold, especially to D who had always lived in California. At least the wind wasnt blowing. Seth could feel pain in most of his muscles and joints. This was more than just the weather. This hurt even in places he had never been injured.
They tracked through the snow to the main cabin. They found the dining room and took a seat. A few minutes passed before an older woman with a sweet smile sat down huge plates of pancakes, eggs, an sausage in front of them. It was enough to feed a horse. Seth caught a whiff of the maple syrup and felt his gag reflex quickly kick in. A cold chill swept over him and he felt sweat starting to form. He quickly wiped it from his forehead before D could see. Now he was starting to feel hot. He sniffled and tried to act as though everything was fine.
Then the manager came and poured them some orange juice. "Where da bathroom at?" Seth asked. The man motioned in the direction of it.
Seth quickly got up and rushed off to it trying not to vomit before he made it. Once inside he fell to his knees before the toilet and cradled his stomach. The urge to heave hit him and the contents of his stomach began spilling out. It was nothing but yellow stomach acid, spit, and half dissolved Dexedrine. He felt his body quivering as he heaved until nothing would come out. His back and ribs ached as he dry heaved even more. He tried to catch his breath and concentrate on making his gag reflex stop. After a few moments he was able to stand and flush the toilet. He again wiped sweat from his forehead. God he would give anything for a fix. He was burning up. What was wrong with him? Wait a minute...was he dope sick? It had been over 20 hours since he had shot up last. He tried to assure himself that couldnt possibly be it, he wasnt hooked like that.
He walked over to the sink and began washing his hands. He glanced at his image in the mirror. The dark rings under his eyes made them stand out so bad. His skin looked wet with oil. He looked a strange shade of yellowish, greenish, grey. He didnt even look like himself anymore. He had lost so much weight that nothing fit as it should. He hoped D would be too messed up to see how sick he was. He slpashed some water on his face hoping it would simply wash off. Of course it didnt. He grabbed some napkins and dried his face and hands. He went back out to where D sat eating.
He sat down and stared at the plate of food before him as if it were some wild animal about to attack. Just the sight of it made him want to vomit more. He timidly outstretched his hand to it and pushed it away a few inches.
"Youre not going to eat?" D asked.
"Naw...aint hungry," he said trying his best to not catch the scent of the overwhelming syrup. He felt the gag reflex wanting to act up again. He tried to look down and play it off.
"You never eat anymore," she pointed out.
He sighed with a sniffle, "I'sd be dead iffin I's didnt..."
"Im sorry I blew up at you," D changed the subject, "its just that now theyre going to make things harder on us. Theyll find new ways to make sure we can never be together."
He nodded feeling distracted. Its straight baby." He just wanted to get away from that food. He wanted to go back to the cabin and get more Dexedrine.
"No one seems to know us here," she commented.
"No TVs," Seth said looking away from the plate of food and the pungent odor of the syrup. He tried breathing in through his mouth, hoping that would help. It really didnt. "I's gone go back ta da room," he said standing up to leave.
"Im done," she said standing up to leave with him.
He was hoping to slip away from her so he could go throw up again and get some more Dexedrine. He sniffled again. How he looked was how Marla looked and acted when she needed a fix. he feared he might actually be experiencing the beginning stages of detox. His craving for one had never been more intense. It was taking every last shred of his will power to keep it together. He couldnt let D see how bad he had apparently gotten. God he would give anything for one tiny fix.
Back at the hotel Jennifer and Kasey were ambushed in the Lobby by Susan.
"Where the hell are they?!! She demanded staring at them.
They glanced to one another remaining silent. They didnt want to answer her question and narc out Seth and D.
"I know you two know where they are!" She screamed at them. "I suggest you call them NOW!"
Kasey looked skeptically at Jennifer and decided to speak. "They dont have reception."
"Reception?! Why dont they have reception?!" She demanded.
"Trees..." Jennifer sighed. "Theyre in the woods outside the city...they rented a cabin last night."
"A cabin in the woods?! After last nights blizzard?!"
Kasey nodded.
"Thats just perfect," she threw her hands into the air, "The bus leaves in 4 hours and our freaking stars arent even here!" Susan was furious. The roads would be plowed out by one. Snow or no snow the show must go on. But without Seth or D how could there be a show? "Where the hell are they??!!" Susan blasted out.
"Its called Grove Cabins," Jennifer softly answered. She knew Seth was gonna be so mad at her for ratting him out.
"Great!!! Theyre probably stranded in the snow! Why didnt you two say anything? Are your loyalties to these two screwed up kids with a puppy love or is it to your jobs?" She yelped.
Kasey and Jennifer didnt speak. What could they actually say? They knew they were in the wrong, but Seth and D were so in love. It wasnt puppy love. It killed them to be apart. It had turned them into drug addicts. The only time either of them were happy was when they were together. What was being done to them wasnt fair.
Seth stood near the cabin window looking out at the sun sparkling over the snow. He had managed to sneak more Dexedrine, but they were only making him want to throw up again. He felt a shiver go through him but he felt warm instead of cold. He sniffled, his nose refusing to stop running. Sweat kept seeping from his pores. This had to be detox. He couldnt do this right now. Not in front of D. However, he seemed to have no choice.
"I wish we could be snowed in all the time," D smiled stretching out over the bed. She was hopeful that Seth would join her.
He glanced over his shoulder at her but made no response. He wanted a fix. He needed it. It was the only thought on his mind right now. His stomach was gurgling. His gag reflex was super sensitive. His body ached like coming down off dirty acid. His nose was running worse than it ever had with a cold. He couldnt stop sweating. "Da snow gots me hurtin," he sniffed looking back out the window.
"Do you want a massage?" She playfully asked.
"Ima be a'ite," he said not even acknowledging her turn on.
D frowned and decided on a more direct approach. "Want me to take your mind off it?"
Seth could see what she was getting at but he simply just didnt feel like it at all. He was sick. All he thought about was the one dose of smack that could fix it all. He was fiending. He just needed a little bit to make him right again. "Naw...I's aint really..." His words stopped abruptly as his head began spinning. He rushed for the bathroom.
D sat up on the bed alarmed at how fast he rushed off. "Seth? You ok?" She called out but there was no reply. She climbed out of the bed and walked to the bathroom door. She could hear him dry heaving inside. She turned the knob and opened the door. "Seth?" She asked. She could see him on his knees in front of the toilet holding on to the rim with white knuckles. His body was visibly trembling. Sweat poured from him. "Seth, whats wrong?" She frantically asked.
"GO!" He shouted between gags. D rushed to the sink and wet a wash cloth. She knelt next to him and began blotting away his sweat. New sweat seeped out with every swipe she made. Seth flinched away from her touch. "Would yous get da fuck outta 'ere?" He snapped.
"Let me help you," she insisted.
"NO!" He raged. "Jus fuckin go! A'ite?!"
"Tell me what I can do," she said completely ignoring his desire for her to go.
"Ya's caint...jus GO!" He blurted as he began vomiting into the toilet again.
"Please let me help you," she spoke still wiping his sweat.
He turned to her with desperate eyes, "You's got any smack?!" He blurted. D looked shocked. "Yeah...didnt thank so," he sniffled.
"Seth...is this withdrawal?" She hesitantly asked.
Seth wiped his mouth with a trembling body and gave no response. Did he really need to answer that question for her? Wasnt it obvious?
"Oh god," she mumbled, "you got hooked on it...didnt you?" She looked to him in horror. "You shot it up didnt you?" She felt fear sweeping through her. Seth's silence didnt help. "How long?" She asked with tears in her eyes. "How long have you been on heroin now?"
"Since Chicago!" He barked. "A'ite?! An I's been shootin since Anchorage! Dat enuff info for ya's D?!"
D began calculating the months in her head. That was five months. The last month of it he had been shooting it up. D knew this was bad. She knew he was hooked if he had been doing it for 5 months. "No..." she uttered with a twinge of disbelief.
Seth hated the way she was looking at him now. "Jus GO!" He yelled pointing to the door.
"No," she shook her head as she dabbed at the new sweat that was forming, "Im not leaving."
Seth rest his head on the toilet seat with a sigh and closed his eyes. His body felt like it was cracking and breaking. It felt like the worst flu imaginable, combined with a stomach virus and the worst hangover possible. He was going head long into withdrawal. He needed one fix, then he would be ok.
"I's aint likin ya's seein me like dis..." he mumbled.
"Its ok," she nodded, "I know you would do the same for me. Just tell me what to do?"
"Finds me a fix," he softly replied. He almost sounded as if he were pleading with her. She didnt know if it was a snide remark or if he was seriously asking her to find him some smack.
"I...I cant do that..."
He closed his eyes again, "Ima be a'ite," he mumbled. D wondered if he was just saying that to himselft to try to get through it. She placed her hand on his back. His shirt was soaked in sweat. She could feel the muscles beneath his skin crawling with spasms. She knew he would only get worse. She couldnt believe this was happening. How much was he doing now? He told her it was nothing serious and she had believed it.She hated to think of him as some junkie but it was painfully obvious now. Seth had become a heroin addict.
Eventually Havoc came to their rescue. They were none too happy ti find them together. They were also strangely helpful to Seth who was a shrre wreck when they arrived. D thought he needed to go to a hospital. He was so sick. But Havoc said Dr. Gibbons would take care of things. They fined them each 10,000 each and vowed they wouldnt get the chance for a stunt like this again.
Upon returning back to the Faithless camp Seth staggered off with Javier close by. The next time D saw him he had made a full recovery. That worried her. It told her he had done heroin. And Havoc said nothing. They had to have known by now. They didnt even have Dr. Gibbons look him over. They just allowed him to wander off and score. The only concern they had was that he got on that stage. They didnt care if he died. They were making it possible for him to keep doing this and getting worse. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before he overdosed or worse.
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