FicWad

CHAPTER 32: STARTING TO SHOW
May 26, 2009
Vancouver, Washington

D stumbled out of her dressing room. She had taken so many Xanax she didnt know if she was just coming off stage or about to be going on stage.. She was literally going to find Kasey and ask. Her attention was broken when she saw Seth sitting in a doorway with his head rested against the frame. She stumbled over to him and shook him. She noted he was in stage clothes too...Hummm, coming off stage or going on? Normally at show time he would be all pumped full of Dexedrine, coke, or meth. They had to be coming off stage...right?
"Seth!" She shook him again, fearful he had OD'd or was dead.
As Seth sat there passed out he got the image of himself standing over Vera and smacking her. "Mama wake up..." he muttered just before his eyes slightly parted open. He saw D's beautiful face, sedated and concerned.
"Are you ok?" She asked him with relaxed eyelids, barely open. She rested her weingh down on her knees next to him.
"Straight," the word came out slowly as he looked to her with eyes nothing but slits himself.
D looked to the ground in silence. She finally looked back to him as she wobble out of balance and landed on her him. She softly chuckled. "What are you...doing on the floor then?" She slurred.
Seth opened his eyes a bit and lift his head to survey his surroundings. "Guess I's needed ta sit..." he faintly answered.
D chuckled as her eyes got even more squinted. She didnt even understand why in thw world she was laughing. This wasnt funny at all. Then that skinny sickly looking groupie Tina rounded the corner.
"There you are," she said in a gruff voice. "Ive got him D," she said stooping her bony frame over to help him up.
Seth rose to his wobbly feet clinging to Tina for support. Seth looked down to D who was getting herself up off the floor. Their sedated eyes met. It was once one of those moments in which time would cease to be. Now it was numb and hollow, with a deep ache when they looked into one anothers eyes. Seth softly let the words trickle from his lips, "Numba one girl..."
D's eyes began to well with tears. She softly nodded as she watched Tina lead him away. It hurt so much to watch him have to walk away. It hurt even more that she had to let him. It should have been her who was taking care of Seth. She stumbled sideways and was caught by Jim Jay.
"Come on Miss D, lets get you back to the bus."
They were coming off stage. What a relief. She could only imagine how she and Seth would look up there right about now. They would tumble and fall all over the stage. To the naked eye it could appear to some that they were on the same thing since their physical conditions usually had similarities, dozing off, slurring, sedated eyes, stumbling, forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, more sleep, lack of appetite to some degree even. But D knew Seth was taking alot more heroin to achieve these effects. Now that she knew how many months he had been doing it, he only let it start to show around the time he started shooting it up. Before that he maintained. It worried her that he wasnt maintaining anymore.

Martin and Maggie rode in the back of a limo to a radio station where Martin was going on the air. Maggie sat silently, just staring out the window. Martin kept glancing in her direction, hoping she would say something to him. The silence was deafening. Martin opened his mouth to speak, unsure of what even words to use.
"Are you...attracted to me...at all...I mean...you know...if you werent my assistant...just some chick, some guy crossing each other on the street?"
Maggie glanced over at him and shrugged nonchalantly, "Yeah...sure."
Martin sighed with a faint chuckle. "You know Ive wanted to go out with you for a year now?"
She nervously smiled, "Well good for you."
"And 6 months ago...that kiss..." he glanced down, I know I shouldnt have stolen it all like that...I was wrong for that and Im sorry...but it was awesome. I mean...didnt you feel...something?" he asked rather hopeful.
"Martin," she sighed, "Just dont...ok?"
"You know youre the only girl to ever have dinner with me and my parents...and youre not even my girlfriend."
Maggie shook her head just wanting him to be quiet. "Martin..."
"And you know what? I havent had sex in two months...no groupies nothing, because youre all I can think about."
"Martin, please be quiet now."
"I told Danny a long time ago that I was in love with you."
Maggie had no response. She could only look at him. He turned his gaze out of the window.
"So what do I do?" He asked. "I start trying to ask you out...only to be shot down over and over again. You would think I could take the hint...but no. I keep trying like some idiot. I know its because Im in love with you."
Maggie had no clue what to say to that.
Martin turned and faced her. "I love how you always put me in my place. I love how you boss me around. I love your giggle. I love it when you turn as red as youre hair when youre mad...or embarrassed. Im in love with you."
It was a long and awkward moment that they sat there in silence staring at one another.
Martin saw the eye contact with her for the first time. "Please go out with me," he asked quietly, and sounding so unsure of himself.
Maggie only stare in shock as she contemplated telling him yes. In the beginning she would have never considered being wirh a spoiled brat like Martin. But in the last year she had noticed the changes in him. He hadnt been hanging out with Danny and getting loaded and laid. He wasnt doing as many drugs. He professed his love for her so sweetly and convincingly. It wasnt that she didnt like him. She had actually managed to somehow. But she worked for him. That just seemed wrong.
"Girl whats it gonna take?" He boisterously asked.
"I...I cant be your girlfriend and your assistant."
"Ok then," he smiled, "Youre fired....Come on Maggie...just one date. Thats all Im asking. Ill live on it for a while," he nodded trying to bargain with her.
Maggie glanced down, "You arent going to let this go are you?"
"Not a chance," he shook his head.
She sighed and threw her hands up, "One date."
The smile that came to his face could not have been more estatic. He almost looked happy enough to cry.

May 28,2009
Olympia, Washington

Seth sat backstage just before the show. his body began to slump over as he nodded off. His head had almost reached the floor. The show was scheduled to start soon but he couldnt find the energy to do the speed he needed. He certainly was in not in the condition to go on that stage. He couldnt even get up.
D came into the room where he sat. She had had her nightly few lines of coke to do the show. She could tell from just one glance he hadnt. On the counter in front of him she saw broken up bits of cigarette filter, a metal lid, lighter, and trace residue of a powdered form. The needle he had used to do this to himself was loosely laying in his hand at his side. This wasnt Seth anymore. Seth was the handsome lady killer. He hypnotised females. He was always the life of every room he entered. He had the most beautiful, charming smile in the world. When he talked people loved to listen. He was so magnetic to people. She didnt understand how he became this guy. He was always a shadow going by. He never regaaled a crowded room anymore. He hardly ever smiled. He was always so high and drunk. He took it to extremes and it worried. She didnt want to lose him, or what was left of him.
She approached him and shook him "Seth..."
He made a throaty sound and an attempt to lift his head but began nodding off again.
"Seth!" she shook him harder.
He managed to force his head up and barely part his eyes. His puckered lips part ever so slightly. "'Eeeeeeey D...wuz up" his slow dragging words fought to say.
"You cant go onstage like this."
"Stage?" Seth muttered, his head starting to fall over again.
"Yes," she said lifting his chin up. "The show...remember? You know...rock star stuff? Time to go swimming." She looked at his shut eyes. She wasnt even sure if he was comprehending her. "Do you hear me?"
"Mmmm," he tried to nod but nodded off instead.
"Seth!" She had to make him come to. They had to be on stage in 15 minutes. She reared her hand back and slapped him full force across the cheek.
His eyes popped open in shock. "What da..."
"Seth you cant go out there like this. Why the hell are you shooting that shit right before a show," she snapped grabbing the needle from his hand.
"I's straaaaight..."He began nodding once more.
"Oh Im sure you are, but youre incoherent."
"In...in...inco...what dat means D? He muttered as he tried to stand.
It means you are beyond trashed and cant sing much less dance like this.
"Mmmm, coke...meth...pills takes too long...Ya's got somethin baby" He asked pulling himself up the door frame.
" no Im out now...but Dr. Gibbons..."
"Yeah," he nodded with lazy eyes.
So she got Dr>gibbons to come and left him in the woor with eth as she wait outside. She soon saw Brian coming down the hallw0y.
"You ready? Whres Seth?
"He just needs another second, she nervously nodded.
"Ok well Ill see you out there...gone swimming." He smiled and walked off.
When Seth emerged his eyes were black as night.
"You ok now? she nervously asked him.
"Straight," he smiled to her and put his arm around her waist, "Ready ta swim my ass off..." His eyes erratically fluttered around. He saw the fear in her eyes. "Baby, I's a'ite...promise."
[/t brought her no comfort. She feared for his life. He did so much more than the rest of them did. He woke up to at least 10 Dexedrine, for breakfast he had 5cc of heroin followed by had a heaping of a fifth of Jack with some coke stirred into it. His lunch went into his veins in a golden bloody mix. Then dinner was booze, coke, meth, and Dexedrine. And the night always ended with heroin. The party never ended. She knew some of the combinations could kill him. It bothered her that hr seemed to not notice and care any less. This wasnt the Seth chandler she knew. She didnt knoew who he was now. Maybe the pressure of things was too much for him. But he couldnt keep on this way.
Seth stopped her just short of the stage and pulled her to him. He looked to her with wide staring eyes. He stooped and gave her shoulder a light kiss. He then raised up and glided his hand over her jaw bone. He should have told her he loved her right then and there. "It gone be a'ite baby." He could see her restraint to believe him. truth was he wasbt so sure either.

Much much later on that night after the fans and the press had gone their own ways, D found her Xanax working in full effect. She had feelings of sentiment for him. She needed him tonight, just to be near him. She could still see the man she loved inside him. She knew he was still in there and she couldnt let him go. She wanted things to be the way they had been before. Flirty and carefree. She just needed to see his face and watch that swaggreing strut, though the drugs had almost stolen that.
She drew her breath in and knocked on his door. Inside he room his head popped up from the fix he was about to prep. he was still spun from the speed cocktails. He sighed and put the contents into the top drawer by the bed. He then crossed the room to see who it was and send them packing. He assumed it was Jennifer or Javier checking up on him. Or it could be a groupie...didnt feel like entertainging them. He just wanted to shoot his dope and drift off into nothingness. Hopefully this time he would remove the needle instead of awakening to it with a trail og blood pooled in his palm.
He opened the door quite surprised to see her there. Shw was the last person he expected at his door. It was usually he who hit her up for the late night booty calls. It had almost been a month and a half since he had had her. He wanted her. But he wanted a bit of the smack in the drawer too.
"Ya's a'ite D?" He asked seeing her knees trying to buckle.
Tears formed in her eyes, "I..I just wanted to be near you," she chocked the words out.
"Why you's be cryin?" He asked taking her hands and tugging him inro his room.
D wrapped herself around him and let go with a series of sobs. He wrapped his arms around her back and kissed her shoulder.
"Baby it gone be a'ite." He pulled her even closer wanting to make it all go away.
D looked to him with tear drenched eyed of sedation. "C...can I stay...please."
The dope in the night stand would have to wait. D needed him more than he needed it. "Yeah baby," he breathed in her aroma. "course ya's can stay."
She cam into his room and looked at his spun look. "Dont take it tonight...please, jus be here with me tonight."
How could he tell her no? How could he forget tat craving in that drawer. "A'ite baby," he whispered as he kissed her there in his arms. "Yous still my girl" He asked stroking her arms.
Tears formed in her eyes as she nodded yes.
He kissed her and led her to the bed for several hours of intense pleasure.
"Youre shaking," D said tracing Seths chest.
"I'sa be aite," He sniffled.
D quickly jumpped up and examined him. "You look sick," she noted the sweat beads on his forehead. "Is it withdrawal?" She asked remembering these symptoms in Fargo.
He sighed and figit in the bed. By morning without a fix he would be piking from botj ends, sore, sick and in agony for that fix in the drawer. He didnt want this happening right now. He wanted to lie there with D. "I needs a hit D," he softly whispered.
"Seth no," she shook her head.
"Iffin I's dont..." he paused, "I's caint stay 'ere wit ya...I dont want it ta end cuz I's sick." he reached for the drawer.
D grabbed for his arm, Please Seth...dont."
He squirmed his way from her grasp and stood up, I gotta D" He grabbed the drawers contents and headed for the bathroom.
D sprung from the bed and headed him off at the pass. Please...please Seth...dont do this."
"Baby, he said in a firmer tone trying to stay calm with her. "I's gots ta." It was all he could think of.
"No that SHIT just makes you think you do!"
D didnt know what else to dp except snatch the balloon of heroin away from him. She ran straight to the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her. She pulled the knot of the baloon off and dumped everything in the toilet. She reached for the hsndlr just as he burst through the door. He was just in time to see a pink swirl go down the drain.
He grabbed hid head. "You's know what ya'a done?" He asked in dismay. Bow he had to leave to go score. He rushed from the bathroom and began dressing.
"What are you doingl" she asked in persuit after him.
He angrily snapped, "I's gots ta go an find mo now since you's wants ta play."
"No please just stay here with me...dont go." But his eyes were hollow and uncaring now. ow he looked like a desperate junkie.
"You's shouldnta flush it D'" he said trying to mover her
"Why ate you doing this?" she wailed.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, lift her from her feet and spun her out of his way. "I gots ta go D," he said just before disappearing through the door.