FicWad

CHAPTER 38: SUSPICIONS
March 18, 2010
Edinburgh, Scotland

The days went by with D hard at work trying to conceal her secret. Kasey was the only person besides Jim Jay who spent an abundant amount of time with D. She knew something was wrong. She had cit her Xanax intake by almost half now. She quit drinking or doing coke before a show. Detox was her first thought as to why she was sick lately. But it was mainly only in the mornings. Sometimes it was triggered by smells.
Kasey listened through the bathroom door hearing D gag. "D," she tapped on it.
Moments later D emerged as if everything was normal.
"Can I order you some breakfast?" Kasey asked knowing she would decline.
D shook her head and sat on the edge of the bed.
"D," Kasey almost whisper.
D looked up at her.
"Um...how far along are you?"
The expression on D's face turned to shock. Tears began forming as she covered her face with both hands. Sobs quickly followed. Kasey sat next to her and put her arm around her trying to comfort her.
"12 weeks," D finally uttered through the sobs. She looked to Kasey with a shrug, "What do I do? Havoc is going to go nuts...theyll fire me and replace me. Its too late to abort...and I want it...but I dont need it."
"Its Seth's"
D nodded peering to the floor.
"Does he know?" Kasey asked.
"No," D cried, "I dont know how to tell him. Im scared. Things just now got right between us. We finally made it official. This is going to ruin everything. Can you honestly see Seth Chandler with a baby?"
"Seth may turn out to be a great dad. Its obvious that he loves you. He needs to know D. You have to tell him. Eventually hes gonna find out. The two of you should decide what to do together."
D sighed, "I know, I just dont know how to tell him."

March 20, 2010
Cannes, France

Seth had big plans for his lady love after the show that night. Tonight was her 25th birthday. He had never had an opportunity to do anything really special for her birthday. He had made reservations weeks ago for some fancy French resteraunt. They would travel there by a horse drawn carriage over the cobblestone streets. He has got them a suit away from the Faithless camp. It had the best view of the city. He picked her out an ellaborate cocktail dress that he knew would look great on her. He also bought her a beautiful diamond and sapphire necklace with matching ear rings.
He stood outside of Ds dressing room peering through a small crack in the door. He could see her standing sideways looking at the profile of her body in the mirror. She adjusted her closthes and looked at herself once more. He watched as her hand glided over her lower stomach, pulling her shirt tight over it. Now he knew. D was in fact pregnant. This explained alot. But why wasnt she telling him? His eyes dart to the ground as he turned and walked off to go to the stage.
D wished she knew how Seth would react to the baby. She pouched her stomach out in the mirror trying to envision what she would soon look like. She pressed on her lowere stomach, it was starting to feel hard in the center. She was definately developing a baby bump. She was starting to see it, soon everyone would notice. For now she managed to conceal it with different stage wardrobes, but that wouldnt last much longer.
She feared what the truth would bring. She feared losing her job, and the man she loved. She couldnt lose him, not now, not when things were finally good. She couldnt keep touring. The shows were harder to do sober. And it was getting harder to conceal her belly from showing. Eventually she would have to break the news to Seth, the guys, and Havoc.
She left the room and headed for the stage, the nightly barrage of whistling started. She stood at the side of the stage awaiting her cue. She didnt know how much longer she could do this. She did alot of things in the show that were 20 to 60 feet in the air. Knowing she was pregnant made her concerned for it, what if she fell?
The stage lights dimmed down as Martin could be heard strumming notes. It was almost time for her to get out there. She made her grand entrance and walked to the center of the stage where Seth was already standing. He adjusted his head set and smiled to her. They took their places as he stood behind her resting a hand on her hip and one on her lower abdomine. She felt nervous under his touch. She feared he would feel how hard her stomach was becoming.
His fingers could feel its firmness. He closed his eyes and drew in the aroma of her hair.Too many clues gave away his suspicions. She was going to have a baby...hid baby...a part of him. He was terrified, but his joy couldnt be matched. He wanted it to be true. He wanted to have a baby with her to be connected to her forever. He wanted a family.
He leaned his lips to her shoulders and lightly kissed them. D felt a solitary teardrop roll down her cheek as the stage lights hit them. She quickly wiped it away as they began the show. Seth had noted a growing distance with her, even on the stage. She barely even smiled anymore. She wasnt laughing at his jokes, she didnt look at his as if he were the last man on earth now. Now she could barely look him in the eye.

After the show Seth approached D with the proposal of the birthday evening he had planned for her. She appeared as if she were trying to get out of it or put it off. She didnt even smile when he lay two boxes in her lap. "Happy Birthday baby," his voice came out silvery and soft. D looked at the boxes. With all that had been going on her birthday was the farthest thing from her mind. She knew Seth was trying to be the good boyfriend, but she wasnt in the mood.
"Aint ya's gone open em?" He hesitantly asked feeling the tension in the room rise.
"Yeah," she forced a smile to twist to her lips. "I was just admiring the wrapping, she said going for the smaller one.
"Naw, open dat one las," he said watching eagerly.
She lift the lid from the larger one to reveal a beautiful black dress. She knew it was really expensive. She was speechless.
"Its French," he spoke, "'spose ta be where fashion start theys say. I seent in an knew you'sd be beautiful in it. Wear it tonight...wit da otha one.," he prompted her to open the second one.
She lift the lid and was hit with the dazzle of about a hundred diamonds and sapphires bound in white gold. "Oh...Seth..."
He smiled at her approval. "S'a puts it on. Gots a big nite planned."
"I...I really hadnt planned on going out," she stammered.
"But it be ya birthday baby. Is done been plannintonite for months. Gots us a reservation at some resteraunt wit some famous chef...gots us a room wit a view..."
"I appreciate the effort but I feel wiped out...Im just not up for it."
"Dis some bullshit D! You's caint jus be curlin up an dyin. Whateva it be...aint da end a da world...s'a gets up."
D looked to him nervously.
"Come on Baby," he said softly, "I jus wants ts try an give yous e'erthang...jus...jus lets me take ya out for ya birthday."
"I have to go change," she said standing up. She was almost nervous about changing in front of him. What if he saw a difference in her body. She did her best to keep her stomach out of his view. He lightly ran his hands over her bare skin and kissed her shoulder.
"Yous still da mosy beautiful thang I's eva seen."
D made no reply as she stepped into the dress. She soon felt his hands at her back zipping it up. She sucked in and prayed it zipped with ease. She could feel its tightness in the seams. She hoped he didnt notice. Under one false move they may burst. She then saw the necklace being laid across her chest. Seth clasped it with a kiss to her shoulder.
"I's knew its wuz made for ya's." he smiled wrapping his arms around her and examining her beauty in the mirror.
She wished she could say no to this night, but Seth didnt take rejection well and she couldnt hurt him. She loved him too much?

March 22, 2010
Paris, France

Brian sat in a fancy resteraunt with Seth giving an interview to some French accented reporter from some magazine neither of them could pronounce the name of. Seth was pressed for tie due to another interview he had to get to. He kept glancing at his cellphone to keep track of the time.
"I gots like 20 minutes dawg," Seth informed the reporter hoping to rush him along.
"Monsieur Ward," the guy began, "I hear uh...congratulations are in order for you.. you were married?"
Seth glanced at Brian with a smirk and folded his arms over his chest. He couldnt wait to hear his response. He had been listening to him bitch about it for months. Havoc made their marriage look like some match made in rock and roll heaven. Somehow they got people to overlook the fact that she had been a groupie.
Brian sighed and pulled a smile to his face. "Yeah."
"And your wife, did she accompany you on your tour of Europe?"
"Yeah," he said trying to maintain the smile on his face, "Shes around here somewhere."
Seth tried not to smile any bigger than he already was. He distracted himself by fishing in his pocket for loose Dexedrine. His fingers found some floating and scooped them up. He pulled them out and tossed them in his mouth under the disapproving eye of the reporter.
"Today I was shown a recording of one of your american shows...they seemed to be...er...better than any of your European dates.
Brian perked up, "How so?" He attentively asked.
Seth sighed to himself. Here we go...Brian would talk for hours now with excuses and justifications to defend Faithless.

March 23, 1010
Munich, Germany

That night was the first night Seth had been alone onstage without D in 7 years. It was a strange empty feeling that left him not really knowing how to perform. D had always been right there at his side. He couldnt remember how to do it without her. He had never felt more like a fish out of water. When he reached out for her out of reflex she wasnt there. When he turned to flash a sultry half grin there was no one there to meet it. He felt all alone in that blinding spot light. He spent the entire show hoping she would just appear from the shadows of the side of the stage, but she never did.
She had used the excuse of a stomach flu to get out of performing. The truth was she could find nothing that she didnt think she looked pregnant in. At least nothing that hid the small hard pooch. It was far too obvious to her now. She feared others noticing. She just couldnt face everyone with the truth yet. She couldnt even find the nerve to tell Seth. This was going to change things for all of them. They would hate her for ruining everything. What if it made Seth go off the deep end again? Her very job was in jeopardy, not to mention the fate of Faithless. For now she just had to try and keep it a secret for as long as possible. She could feel it fluttering deep within her now, making it all the more real.She feared Seth feeling it if he got too close, or if they danced.

After the show Seth decided to stop by D's room so he could check up on her.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
D drug herself out of bed and made her way across the room to the door. She opened it to see him standing there freshly showered. He held a concerned look upon his brows.
"What are you doing here?" She sighed. Seth thought he even heard disappointment. "Dont you have some drug fuled party to get to or something?"
Her words cut deep She knew there was no place he would rather be than right there with her. Why was she becoming so frigidly icy toward him lately? What had he done?
"You's missed da show...I's jus checkin ta makes sure you's wuz straight."
D looked down feeling bad for being so mean.
Seth couldnt help but notice she wasnt inviting him in. "Ya's gone makes me stand 'ere alls nite or what," he asked trying to beguile her with his beautiful half grin.
D opened the door wider with reluctance and stepped aside.
Seth stepped inside of the totally dark room. The TV wasnt even on. It looked as if she hadnt been out of bed all day.
D walked over to a lamp and turned it on.
"Yous any betta?" He asked.
D's eyes darted down to the bed and she climbed back under the covers. "No," she answered.
"You need some Xanax?" He asked sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I...Im out," She stammered. She was down to only three a day now, soon none at all.
"Wants me ta get ya some?" He asked testing her.
"No...theyd just come right back up anyway."
He studied her sitting there on the bed for a moment before he spoke, "D..." he nervously uttered. He wanted to just flat out ask her if she was pregnant, but that proved to be as difficult as telling her he loved her. "Ya know they aint nothin yous caint tell me baby...a'ite?"
D just nodded.
"An you'sd tells me iffin somethang wuz wrong..."
She shrugged, "Sure."
Seth could tell by the way she wouldnt look him in the eye that she was keeping something from him. She seemed so disconnected from him. "Yous straight D?" He asked pulling a sliver of fingernail from his thumb.
"Ill be fine," she nodded.
Seth cuddled up on the bed next to her and tried to give her a kiss. She quickly turned her head from him.
"No," she said softly, "Im sick."
Seth glanced at her rejecting lips. She never turned him down. He wrapped her up in his arms and breathed in the sweet apple scent of her hair. He missed her so much. He just wanted to be with her tonight, and every night thereafter. Why wouldnt she just tell him?
"Seth," she uttered as she stiffened in his embrace, trying to work her way out of it, "Im all dirty.
"I aint care," he said reaching for her again.
"Look!" She said forecably raising her voice, "Im not in the mood! Alright?! Im sick!" She said pushing him away.
She seemed like she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. What was going on? Had she gotten rid of the baby? Did she not tell him because she didnt keep it?
"Baby, what Is done wrong?" he asked with the utmost sincerity.
"Nothing," she sighed trying to calm down. "Im just sick...ok?"
She wanted to tell him about the baby, she did, but what would happen? She hated keeping this secret from him. She hated seeming so cold to him, she just couldnt allow him to get close enough to feel it. She just didnt feel he was ready for this yet. He had alot to overcome still. He was a rock star with drug problems. His life was a virtual 3 ring circus. That was no kind of a life for a baby. Seth loved the attention of performing too much to ever walk away from it. It gave him the sense of belonging he never got growing up. People depended on him to keep all this going. He would never let them down.
"Jus lets me holds ya," he said sitting up, watching her shy away from him.
She turned her head with a sigh and pulled the covers up under her chin.
"I just dont want to be held right now...Im sick and I just want to be alone," she almost pleaded.
Seth rose to his feet and nervously twiddled with a wristband. He needed her and wanted to be with her now more than ever. She was his substitution to heroin. It wasnt even about the sex. It was merely about being with her. He loved her. He wanted her. He needed her. Why wouldnt she let him touch her? Why was she going out of her way to avoid him? Didnt she love him anymore?
"Baby...jus lets me help ya...like da way yous be helpin me," he sighed.
"I appreciate it," she reciprocated, " but I dont need any help."
He nodded looking to the floor. "Guess I gots no choice but ta go den... he sadly spoke, hesitating, hoping she would change her mind.
"Goodnight," she nodded still unable to look him in the eye.
Seth gave her one last glance before leaving the room. He knew she was pregnant or had gone and aborted it in secret. Why was she keeping him in the dark? He feared the worse. He pulled his Dexedrine from his pocket. He walked down a few doors to his room. He took an uncounted amount of Dexedrine and unlocked his door. He walked directly to the phone. He called room service and ordered a bottle of whiskey. Hopefully it could anesthetize his sting of rejection.
He fell down into a chair with a deep sigh. He prayed she hadnt got rid of it. He wanted it so desperately. He had no clue what to do with a baby, but he wanted one still. He didnt know if he could be a good father but he was willing to try. This should have been a happier time. He was in love and having a baby, or prayed he was. Everything should have been perfect, why wasnt it? Why was D behaving so peculiar? If she aborted that baby it would kill him. Why wouldnt she just talk to him?

Brian's cell began ringing. He looked to the screen to see his parents picture. He knew this was probably the call he had been dreading dor almost a whole year. He just hadnt been able to tell them he got drunk and high and married a groupie in Vegas. This call probably meant they had finally heard about it. He sighed and nervously answered.
"Hello?"
"Son?" He heard his dads voice say.
"Yeah, its me."
"Son..." he paused. Brian knew that pause. "Your mom brought home a magazine today that said you got married...to a groupie."
Brian didnt even know what to say to that. He couldnt tell him the whole truth of the eveny. Nor could he admit that Madison was in fact a groupie. He didnt want to disappoint them. He had plenty of disapproval of his own, he didnt need theirs too. "Yeah," he audibly sighed, "Shes not really...a groupie...its complicated...the press...
Baylor interrupted his son. "Well were you ever planning to tell your family? This article says you were married last june in Vegas...thats 10 months ago."
"I...* know...we were just waiting until the tour was over, its really crazy on the road."
"Your mom has convinced me to take a vacation, we could fly in with Bree and meet you somewhere where youll be playing. We are all anxious to meet this mystery wife."
Brian's jaw hit the floor, "Nah dad...you dont wanna do that. We move so much you know. Today Im in one cirty, tomorrow itll be another. Its just really crazy. I dont have alot of free time."
"Its ok son, jus pick a time and place and we will be there. We miss you son. We couldnt even reach you on your birthday a few days ago."
Brian was silent with thought. There would be no getting out of this. His parents were relentless. He sighed, "Ill be in Barcelona in 2 days."
"Your mom will be so happy shes always wanted to go to spain. We will see you there. We have to meet this wife...we didnt even know you had a girlfriend."
"I know dad."
"Do you love her?" his dad asked in a somber tone.
Brian hesitated, "Sure. I married her didnt I?" He sighed, "So Ive gotta go dad...but Ill see you guys in a few days. I love you."
We love you too son. We cant wait to see you."
He hung up the phone and glanced to Madison out on the balcony. He couldnt introduce her to his parents looking the way she did. "Madison," he called out to her.
"Humm," she asked turning to face him.
He walked out onto the balcony with her and looked at the view of the city. "Soooo," his eyebrows raised, "my parents and twin sister are flying to Barcelona for the show. They read about this marriage thing in a magazine and want to meet you. I cant disappoint them and make them think this marriage is bullshit. I would greatly appreciate it if you appeared as if we were happy and in love."
"Of course she smiled, "why would I want them to think anything different?"
He looked her up and down. "And it would be nice if you looked a little more...presentable. Maybe some new clothes to cover the tats," he paused with a shrug.
"Sure," she needed, "but Ill need to go shopping."
Brian pulled a credit card from his wallet. "Just dont go crazy..."
She smiled taking the card. She leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I wont disappoint you," she assured.