FicWad

CHAPTER 39 COMING UNDONE
March 26, 2010
Barcelona, Spain

Tonight was another night in which D's wardrobe kept her from performing. She just knew Seth would notice the difference if he touched her. He pay such close attention to the little things. She just couldnt tell him yet. She wasnt sure if he was ready yet. he wasnt sure if she was Tis was something so huge and life altering, and not just for her. How could they raise a baby with Havoc having then constantly touring? They had no family to leave it behind with. Growing up on a tour bus or in an airplane would be no life for a child. Would it? Martin sort of grew up on the road, but it wasnt a road like this.

After the show when Seth walked off the stage he saw Brian hugging people. He soon recognized them to be his parents which he had met a hand full of times. Then his eyes fell on a rather unexpected visitor...Brianna. It had almost been 8 years since he had lay eyes on her. Being in the band with Brian he figured he would have had to face her before now. She always said she and Brian werent close.
Brian glanced up to see Seth in the distance. "Seth, he called out, "you remember my parents dont you?"
Seth drew his breath in and reluctantly pulled a smile to his face. He approached them and extended his hand out to Baylor, "Bayla," he nodded. He then turned his attention to Brian's mom and hugged her, "Brittany." His gaze then fell on Brianna staring at him awkwardly. He gave her a silent head nod and looked to the floor.
"How are you Seth?" Brittany cordially asked.
"I's straight," he nervously nodded still looking down.
"Youre doing an incredible job Seth. That audience just loves you, Baylor smiled, "Looks like Brian here finally got his life long dream."
Seth forced another fake smile and nodded. "I's hates ta rush off...but I's gots ta go check on a friend," he said politely turning to leave.
Brian smiled to his parents, "Come on, Ill show you the stage."
Seth only made it a few paces before he heard, "Seth wait." It was Brianna.
He sighed rolling his eyes. He pulled the sades from the top of his head and put them over his eyes. What could she possibly have to say to him? He couldnt think of a single thing he wanted to say to her. He turned around and was met with the nervous smile on her face.
"Seth...I..." She paused not having a clue what to say to him, "Youre all grown up...you look great."
He made no reply as he looked at her through the seclusion of his shades.
"I guess Brian was right about you making everyone stars."
"Brianna," he said holding a hand up to silence her, "Really gots ta go," he said turning to leave again.
"Seth..." she uttered, "Im sorry."
Seth turned to face her again with an angered brow. He couldnt contain his rage any longer. She should have just let him walk away. "Ya's took me ta anotha state! You's gots me drunk and fucked me like a cheap whore! You's left me wit a dear John letta an pimped me out to ya brotha!" He snapped.
Brianna could hear the agitation in his words. She glanced to her hands. "Seth...you know there was nothing for you in Phoenix. You had no life there...you pushed everyone in it away."
"I's neva pushed you's away," he shook his head, "but you's pushed me...naw, you's threw me away!" He glared at her. All he could seem to think of was how she stole his choices, just the same as the State of Arizona did for so many years. He had actually cared about her and she threw him out like garbage. She selfishly used him for one night and gave no disregard for his feelings or what he wanted. She was the reason so many girls had been one night stands. He wanted to be the one who walked away because he couldnt stand it being done to him first.
"I...I never meant to hurt you. I just didnt know how to say goodbye. I was trying to do what was best for you. I knew Brian could help you."
"You's shoulda gaves me da choice!" He blurted. "But ya's didnt...you's made it for me! Maybe my ass wanted ta go back ta Phoenix...but how you's gone know? You's drug me cross 2 states, fucked me...run away...an left my ass there!"
"It was wrong of me to have slept with you that night. I tried to resist you, I did...but you didnt make it very easy. You were just so cut and sexy and drunk and flirty," she sighed. "I knew it was a mistake that next morning. You were an 18 year old boy who had completely lost himself. You had just given up on life...I just thought that...
"Dat what?!" He shouted. "Dat fuckin me an pawnin me off on ya brotha wuz gone be good for me?"
"Your life was in shambles. We both know that if you had something to go home to you would have had Brian put you on a plane. Im sorry you feel like it was some big scheme. I only wanted to help you...I didnt know how else I could," she feebly tried to explain.
"S'a fucks me an leaves me wit strangas?" He asked with a sarcastic chuckle If only she could see his eyes she would see the cold uncaring glaze in them for her.
"Brian promised me you would be ok...that he'd take care of you. He just knew that if he showed you his lifestyle that you would love it."
"Sound like you's an Brian had a nice long ass talk bouts me...thanks for askin my 'pinion," he fumed.
"But look how it all turned out," she snapped, "Do you think you would have any of this without me? Have you thought for one second how your life would be right now if things had gone any other way? Where would Seth be today?...sacking groceries...maybe working some drive thru window? What else do you even know how to do? Perhaps you wud prefer really having to actually do work...laying bricks, carpentry...a highway job? Maybe youd have a wife and a pack of kids in some 14x80 trailor house! If your lucky you would drive some ozone depleting clunker that got you from point A to point B. Thats not the life you want and you know it!"
Seth took a moment to ponder what she was saying. He definately wouldnt be where he was now if he had gone back to Phoenix. He couldnt complain about the money...but being a rock star wasnt a great as he imagined it would be. It had complicated his life drastically. Yet, without that night with Brianna he would have never met D. He couldnt imagine life without her. In all actuality he probably should be thanking Brianna, but he wasnt about to do it.
He shook his head, "It dont matta...it wuz my choice ta be makin...Jus go on an do what you's do best Brianna," he said turning to leave, "Jus walks away."

That night when Brian walked into the resteraunt to meet Madison he was on pins and needles not knowing what to expect out of Madison. He walked right past her without even noticing her. She had to grab him by his arm. She assumed her makeover was a success if he hadnt even recognized her.
Brian turned to her with big wide eyes and a smile of shock and awe. She had on a beautiful black cocktail dress which hid most of her tattoos. She was in heels instead of flip flops. Her normal caution yellow hair was now a milk chocolate brown with big curls hanging down the middle of her back.
"Wow," he couldnt help but let it slip out. It took him a moment to regain his wits. She was completely blowing his mind. Madison had to finally motion to his parents with her eyes to get him to come back to reality. "Oh...uh...Mom, Dad, Bree, this is my wife...Madison," he introduced her.
Madison was a knock out tonight. She looked absolutely nothing like she normally did. She looked so classy and carried herself with an elegance he didnt know she was possible of. He knew she would pass anyones approval. She was stunning. He hadnt expected her to clean up so nicely. He thought she would just go buy a dress and some shoes maybe some Vicodin. He never gave her hair a second thought. He had become so accustom to the yellow but this was great. He just couldnt quit smiling. He was actually not ashamed to introduce her as his wife.

Seth sat alone in his hotel room, popping Dexedrine like candy. He was almost certain D was pregnant. That was the only reason he could think of for her to shy away from him. But why wasnt she telling him? She was getting more distant every day. They hadnt shared a bed or a night together in 10 days. What had he done to make her think she couldnt tell him? Why didnt she want him to know?
He needed to tell her now how he felt about her. Maybe she needed to hear it. She had seemed sober lately. Maybe then she would tell him about the baby. He felt like she was slipping away from him. Maybe she needed to hear him tell her he loved her. He had to tell her how he felt. He couldnt lose her now, not when he had only just got her. He couldnt let her go. She was the one who had taught him what it was to love and be loved. She needed to finally know what she meant to him.
He thrust his weight and quickly rose to his feet. He exited his room and crossed down the hallway a few doors to D's room. He drew his breath in and knocked on her door. It was time for him to tell her he was in love with her. He had to tell her how he couldnt take being away from her.
Inside D rolled over hearing the knocking. She picked up her phone to see what time it was. It was 430 Am. She rolled back over and tried to ignore it but it persisted. She finally sighed and climbed out of the bed. She knew it was most likely Seth. She unlocked the door and heard the knocking stop.. She slightly cracked the door open and looked out. She could tell right away how bad his pupils were dilated. She knew he had had too much Dexedrine...probably some coke too. She could smell whiskey lingering on him.
"Hola senorita," he smiled, "Como esta usted?" He knew she loved hearing him talk in spanish.
"Do you know what time it is?" She asked as she squint at the bright lights down the hall.
"Naw...not really," he shook his head with a smile. He hoped she would invite him in.
"Its 430 in the morning," she sighed, "Why are you still up?"
"Too much Dexedrine," he shrugged, "caint sleep." He nervously looked down to his shoes, "An I's wanted ta sees ya."
"For what?" She frowned, "my night ended a long time ago. Im sure you could go find a couple of groupies to give you what youre looking for."
Why you's sayin dat?" He asked looking at her with a hurt expression. "You know theys aint nobody but you's no mo...come on baby...jus lets me in. We's needs ta talk...a'ite?"
D rolled her eyes as Seth gently pushed himself past her. She knew she needed to tell him about the baby. But was he ready to be a parent? Could he clean up? She watched as he walked over to her mini bar. He had most likely depleted his own.
"Ya's wants a drank?" he asked knowing she would refuse.
"No," she replied sounding agitated.
Seth opened up a bottle and glanced up at her. "Ya's aint been partyin...why?" He quizzed, curious if she would come clean to him.
"Just not in the mood lately, she sighed.
He pulled the bottle up to his mouth. "Suit yaself," he mumbled. He crossed over to the bed and sat on it looking down to his hands folded in his lap.
D could see traces of concern on his face. She knew she had inadvertently been giving him the cold shoulder lately. She knew he was probably beginning to wonder why. They remained silent, unable even look one another in the eye. D was just standing in the middle of the room like a deer frozen in headlights. Seth glanced up at her.
"Is evathang a'ite D?"
"Im fine," she said looking away from him. She sat down in a chair. "Im just run down. Im sick of touring. Im sick of fans. And Im sick of Havoc."
Seth lightly smiled, "Ya's wants me ta get Doc ta gives ya somethin for dat?"
"I dont want any fucking drugs!" She snapped.
Seth rose to his feet and crossed over to where D sat. He took her hands in his and gently lifted her onto her feet. His arms wrapped around her waist as he held her with a humbled smile. He stooped over and kissed her collarbone gently. He then redirected his lips to hers to try to kiss her.
To his surprise D turned her head and shoved him as hard as she could away from her. "Stop it," she said angrily.
Seth looked at her with a shocked shrug, "Why you's bein likes dat?"
"Just go Seth," she said pointing to the door.
"What I's do?" His voice raised, "Why yous pushin me away?"
"You...you didnt do anything," she stammered.
"Den why aint yous actin right?" He asked.
"Right?" She asked back in an irritated tone, "because I finally woke up!" She snapped.
"What da fuck dat spose ta mean?" He asked with furrowed brows.
"I...I just didnt like what I saw myself as anymore..."
Seth looked down, "Dat include me?" He softly asked as he peered at the eggshell carpet.
D could only stare. D wanted to tell him. She wanted them to be just two normal people again. How could they raise a child like this? Seth would never leave the stage. He loved it too much. "Just go," she sighed turing her back to him.
Seth couldnt bare the rejection she was giving him. It hurt so much it pissed him off. Everything had been perfect in LA. Why was she doing this now when things had finally been so good He was tired of going in circles. He stepped up behind her gently placing his hands on her arms. "Baby..." he said softly and calmly trying to swallow away the dryness in his throat. Is yous...pregnant?"
D spun around to look at him with an empty hollow face void of emotion. "A baby?" she asked sarcastically. "Thats just a wonderful idea! What the hell would we do with it!? Sit it in a stroller at the side of the fucking stage while we perform? Or do we just strap it to us while we dance!? Maybe you can teach it how to drink and pop pills and snort shit!"
Seth smirked. Her belittling him like that was uncalled for. He was pissed at her games. "You's know what D?" He asked with the rage coming through in his voice. "Play ya fuckin games!" He said turning to leave. He could feel the blood pumping in his temples.
"Fuck you Seth!" D yelled out coming unglued. "All I am to you is an easy fuck and a pretty face! Thats all Ive ever been to you! But you know what?! Theres a dozen of me flocked around you at all times! Go feed them your...'Oh Im an orphan and nobody loves me' bullshit! Go string along some other stupid bitch for seven years! Im done!"
The rage inside Seth spread like wild fire. He spun around and rushed in a march toward her, pointing his finger in her face. "Is aint neva strung ya's along! I's told ya my intent from da get go! How you's even say dat shit ta me? An bout bein a orphan...fuck you...you's dont know shit! You's aint there when dat shit wuz goin down You aint know what da fuck I's went through! I's aint neva used dat shit to get some bitch in bed an you's know dat! You's mean mo ta me dan dat!"
"Bullshit!" D hissed, "All those nights you came to my room because you didnt want to be alone...you just wanted me to feel sorry for you so you could string me along. I was the fucking ace in your pocket! You could screw whoever you wanted and it was supposed to be fine You never even asked me how I felt about it!"
Seth couldnt contain the fire any longer. "Bullshit He yelled spinning away from D as he cocked his fist and hit the wall forcibly, crumbling the sheet rock like dust. "Is thought you's an me had somethin! I thought we's wuz..." He paused not knowing what to do with his anger. He could feel himself looking to D with an expression that was scaring her.
However, she stood firm. "You never cared about me, she shook her head. "You just wanted me to be fucked up like you and spread my legs at your convenience! Well IM DONE! I AM FUCKING DONE!" She began scurrying about the room gathering up her things. Seth could see things were taking a turn for the worst. He drew in a deep breth trying to vent his anger.
"D," he sighed watching her move fast. "D where yous goin?" He couldnt let her just go. He had to tell her what he came there to tell her in the first place.
"Im leaving," she yelled as tears flooded her aqua eyes. "I cant live like this anymore!" She began throwing things into a suitcase.
"D," he sighed, "Ya's caint jus leave...what bouts Havoc?" He was starting to feel panic. He didnt know what to to. She had to stay.
"Fuck Havoc!" She yelled. "They can go find some other stripper for this shit Im through!" She shouted as she slammed the suitcase shut and jerked it off the bed. She stormed for the door.
"Baby...please dont leaves me...I aint wants ta lose ya's." Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Seth watched her walk away. This was bad. He couldnt just let her walk out. He had to fix this. He just wanted things to be good again. He loved her. He didnt want her to leave, not ever. He would say or do anything to get her to stay. He felt his stomach sink to the floor. He knew exactly what he had to do. He knew what he had to say to maybe change her mind. He swallowed, his throat dry and pasty. "D," he managed to choke out, digging deep for the nerve. His pause seemed to carry eternity with it. D reached out for the door knob. He had to get the words out now before it was too late. He drew his breath in and blurted out frantically, "I's in love wit you's D!"
He watched as she stopped dead in her tracks. She had waited so many years to hear those words come from him. But did he mean the? Or was he only saying it to keep her from leaving? Maybe it was a shock tactic. Perhaps this was just more bait to add to the hook which he strung her along with with. She knew he suspected about the baby now if he flat out asked. That had actually shocked her. Well he wasnt the only one who could do that. She had a shock for Mr. Seth Chandler too.
She looked over her shoulder at him. He had such a hopeful look on his face. "You know what Seth?" She asked glaring at him with cold uncaring eyes. "I am pregnant."
Seth moved forward with a radiant smile and tried to hug her. She backed away and his smile quickly dissipated. "D...I's wants dis."
"Spare me your lies," she shook her head.
He looked down at her stomach shaking his head, "It aint no lie D. He extended a hand out to her stomach. She quickly moved from his touch. He could see the tears falling from her eyelashes. "I's wants dis baby...I love you," he almost whispered.
D shook her head looking away. She reached for the doorknob and opened the door. She picked up her suitcases and started out the door. Seth could only watch as he stood frozen and paralyzed. He watched as she glanced over her shoulder once more. "Day late...dollar short. I just dont give a damn anymore," And she started down the hallway in true Rhett Butler fashion, slamming the door shut behind her.
Seth only blinked at the slamming door and stared at it. She just needed to cool down, he told himself. She would be back. His mind started to race. At least now he knew without a doubt that he was going to be a father. He sighed and lowered her head hoping she would get to the elevator and turn around. This had to be some hormonal thing. Or maybe he had waited too long to tell her how he felt. No, he told himself, she just needed to blow off some steam. He sat in a chair preparing for her to come back.
He didnt understand how this happened. This is not how he imagined this night turning out. What was happening to them? Didnt she believe that he loved her? Was he too late? Things should have been perfect. They were in love with a baby on the way. A baby. He ran his hands over his hair. What was he going to do? There were so many changes he needed to make in his life. He knew the drinking and the drugs had to stop. He couldnt repeat what Vera had done to him. He wasnt going to duck his tail and run away like Corey. He had no clue what to do, but he was willing to try anything.

March 27, 2010
Barcelona, Spain

By 7am the drugs had worn odd ans Seth had fallen asleep in the chair in D's room waiting for her to come back. But she hadnt. At 8 am Seth was awakened to his cell phone ringing. He quickly fumbled and fished his pocket for it. He answered it without even seeing who it was. "D?" He automatically asked.
"No," a guys voice answered, "Brian dude. You guys ready for the airport yet? You and D are bringing up the rear."
"Yous seen D?" He anxiously asked as he stood up.
"No," Brian replied, "isnt she with you? We all assumed she was."
"Naw," Seth sighed looking around the room. It revealed no trace of her having ever been there. "Shes left dawg...round bout 5 am. I aint know where she be at," he ran his hand across his oily face.
"What did you do to her? Brian asked naturally assuming he played some part in why she left.
"Jus calls 'er," Seth sighed as he hung up. He instantly began dialing D's number.
It rang one time in his ear and went to voice mail. He could hear D's voice saying, "Go to hell," followed by a beep.
He sighed, "D...please calls me. Is sorry for evathang...jus callls me. We's needs ta talk bout da baby. Please dont do dis shit ta me. I loves ya baby. I jus wants ta..." He was cut off by the voice mail running out of time. He sighed, shaking his head and exited D's room. He had to pack for the airport. He prayed D was there waiting for them. He stepped into the hallway. He felt tired and instinctively reached for his Dexedrine. He poured 7 into his hand and choked them down without a drink.
What was he going to do? His life was like a circus. He was hooked on drugs. He drank daily. He needed D. He just needed to know how she felt. He wanted to make decisions about the baby with her. She just had to come back. They were supposed to be together. Why did she just run away? He quickly packed up his things in his room. He prayed D would just be there at the airport waiting. Where was she? As he was in the elevator going down to the lobby he tried calling her again. It still went to her voice mail. The elevator door opened and Seth saw Brian standing there with his phone in his hand.
"No answer dude," Brian shrugged shaking his head. "Why is her voice mail saying go to hell? What happened?"
Seth's eyes darted down as he exited the elevator rolling his suitcase behind him. "She gone," he flatly replied.
"Gone? Gone where?" Brian asked just knowing this was one of their lovers quarrels interfering with their jobs.
Seth shrugged, "Dont know dawg...maybe she at da airport...maybe LA..."
Brian looked agitated. "Why the hell would she be on a flight to LA if we're playing in Prague tonight? What about the fucking tour?!"
Seth glanced at him with a sigh before proceeding across the lobby, "Fuck dis tour."

When they arrived at the airport D wasnt there. Seth could only hope beyond hope that she was in Prague waiting on them. He tried to reach her before, during, and after the flight. She never once answered. His texts got no reply. Now her voice mail box couldnt even hold more calls. Why wouldnt she at least let him know if she was alive? Where was she? Was she ok Had she really left Or did she just want him to think she had?