Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
CHAPTER 40: A NUMB DENIAL
March 27, 2010
Prague, Czech Republic
When they arrived in Prague D was still nowhere to be found. He felt an extreme heaviness in his chest. He was losing hope. It looked like D was really gone.He assumed that calling over and over was pointless, she had obviously turned her phone off. He prayed she would just call. How had it come to this? What was she so mad at? He hoped she showed up as the show was starting. But when show time rolled around, still no D.
Seth sent the 100th text of the day.
'jus call'
He sighed and tossed his phone onto the bench he was straddling. He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his pills. He poured 8 into his palm. Jennifer was soon visible in the dim locker room where he sat. She rounded the corner just in time to see him washing the pills down with a chug of whiskey.
"Seth?" She spoke.
Semi startled he looked at her over his shoulder, "Yeah...wuz up Jen?" His words were distant and soft.
"I found out about D leaving from Kasey...Are you ok...did something happen?"
Seth said nothing, he simply stared off into space and took another drink.
"I worry...about the drugs..." She hesitantly said.
He sighed, "Havoc da ones dat started alls dis shit...da pills...shots ta go up...shots ta go down..."
"But the...the heroin...I worry about..."
"What da fuck is ya point Jen?" He snapped.
"I guess...D is the point...you have to just tell her how you feel. Girls like hearing that..."
Seth huffed a faint laugh and took another chug. "Shit aint s'a simple Jen." He stood up and studied her for a moment. "I's bet you's had parents dat told you's they loved ya...an they's would neva let nothin bad eva happen ta ya..."
"Yeah?" She shrugged, "so?"
"S'a you's aint know shit bout da way dis world works for me..."
"Anything can be fixed," she shyly spoke.
"Really?" He snapped looking at her with creases in his forehead, "Den you's saying dat when I's a kid, bein tossed round likes a punchin bag, fightin off dirty ol men, an bein worked likes a slave...I's coulda fix alls dat shit?"
"No! An adult should have done something." She shook her head.
"A adult?" He shrugged looking at her as if she were dumb. "Adults wuz da ones doin it. Dont you's thank I told adults I's bein beat, fondled, forced ta work...NOBODY FUCKIN CARED JEN! Nobody neva cared," He shook his head and took another drink. "Mommy an daddy must be s'a proud a you's," he uttered as he left to go to the stage.
March 28, 2010
Warsaw, Poland
Two days later, still no D. Seth spent the entire day in bed passed out on roofies. He scored them for that very purpose. He just wanted to shut his brain off and stop thinking about D and everything that was going on. By 5 pm Jennifer was really starting to worry about him. He wasnt answering his phone nor would he open his door. Javier assured he that he was in his room and hadnt left. Jennifer was afraid he had overdosed...or worse. She couldnt rest until she found out if he was ok.
She eventually got hotel management to open his room. She rushed in to find Seth in the bed. She rushed to him, he was breathing. She shook him hard trying to wake him. She got no response. She shook him harder. He was breathing, why couldnt she wake him up? He was usually so easy to wake up. An almost empty bottle of Jack sat by the bed. She knew he took pills all day. She was scared.
"SETH!" She nudged him, but he didnt stir. She shook him harder. Nothing. "Oh Seth...what did you do?" She frantically asked scanning the room for more evidence. There was nothing but the whiskey bottle visible. She rared back and smacked the side of his face hard. "SETH!" He let out a faint mumble but never opened his eyes. She quickly reached for the phone and called Dr. Gibbons. Moments later she was letting him in the room.
"What did he take?" Dr. Gibbons asked walking into the room.
"I...I dont know...Hes been asleep for over 15 hours...He never sleeps that long...I cant wake him up. Hes breathing...but he wont wake up."
Dr. Gibbons pulled out a swab stick and stuck it in Seth's jaw. He pulled it out and dropped a drop of clear liquid from an eye dropper looking bottle onto it.
"What is that?" Jennifer asked.
"Its a drug test. Im trying to see what he may have taken. This is for opiates...pain medications...methadone...heroin. If this swab would have turned blue it would be positive, But since it didnt I have to test for something else." He stuck another swab in Seth's mouth. He pulled it out and dropped the liquid on it. It began turning blue. "Bingo."
"What? What did he take?" She nervously asked.
"Benzadizapines...Im going to take a guess and say from his lack of response that its Rohiphinol."
"The date rape drug?" She asked in confusion. Why would anyone roofie themself?
Dr. Gibbons pulled out his stethescope and listened to Seths heart and lungs. "Heart sounds good...hes breathing...I dont think theres any need to pump his stomach. He just needs to sleep it off."
"But...but he cant...the show starts in a few hours..."
"All I can really do is give him a stimulant...its a bit risky...it confuses the heart sometimes...but I guess hes probably used to it since he does it to himself every day..."
Jennifer nodded, "And he will be able to do the show"
Dr. Gibbons chuckled, "Yeah, probably three." He said reaching into his bag for a needle.
Jennifer sat on the opposite side of the bed. Seths arm lay extended out over the bed.She could see a series of track marks high up on his inner arm. "Are these track marks?"
Dr. Gibbons glanced then nodded. "Yes Seth was a smart user, I must give him that. His track marks are easily hidden and not at all in a place where someone would look for them."
"Its been over a year dont they go away?"
Dr. Gibbons shook his head no.
Her eyes fell on his wrist band. He never came out of those things. Without a second thought she pulled it off. It was then that she saw the pink line of a 3 inch diagonal scar across the pale skin that was wrinkled with moisture. "What happened here?" She asked.
Dr. Gibbons glanced up at her looking at Seth's wrist. He had been released a copy of Seth's medical records. He knew it was from an attempted suicide when he was 13. However he was bound by doctor patient confidentiality. He simply sighed, "The same thing that happened to his other one."
Jennifer gave him a puzzled look then jerked off the other wrist band and flipped his wrist over for a look. A matching scar was branded across his wrist. Was this what she thought it was? These scars looked old. Had he tried to kill himself before? "Is this what I think?" She softly asked.
"I cant answer that...Im bound by oath..." He sighed as he tied a tourniquet around his arm. He stuck the needle over his vein and began slowly injecting him. Slowly Seth began to stir and open his eyes. He awoke wondering why Dr. Gibbons and Jennifer were there hovering over him.
"What you's wake me up for?" He muttered.
"Show time," Dr. Gibbons answered with a smile.
March 29, 2010
Vienna, Austria
Brian walked over to Devin. "Dude...any word on D yet?
Devin nodded. "Havoc tracked her down...shes home in LA.
"What? Why did she leave?"
Devin shrugged, "It has to be something between her and Seth."
"Havoc is so pissed," Brian sighed. "See! This is exactly why they should have never started sleeping together. This is the kind of thing I knew would happen!"
Devin sighed, "Dude...the numbers are going down without D. The fans arent interested in seeing Seth on stage without her. Seth acts completely lost up there. I know you dont wanna hear this dude but you need them...both of them. Havoc has been using them to play the fans and make us all rich. The two of them are the only ones that have had to make any sacrifices for this band, and you know it. Its time everybody back off and just lets them be together."
"So what are you saying? Them not being together is destroying the band?" Brian asked.
Devin nodded, "That and the dope."
"Seth's been clean for what? Like a year?"
Devin sighed, "Not just Seth. And he is still far from clean...hes just not shooting up anymore."
"Just ups man," Brian tried to disregard it.
"And drinks...a lot," Devin added.
"Hes not the one not showing up for shows," Brian huffed.
"Do you think with D gone hes gonna stay that way?"
Brian sighed, "Hes fine dude."
"Well Im not so sure of that."
"Dev quit worrying...have you ever know Seth to get all wrapped up in some chick before? Hes fine."
"You just really dont see it do you?" Devin asked looking at him strangely. "Theyre in love."
Brian chuckled, "Is that what we're calling it now?"
Devin shook his head, "Fine dude...ignore me...But you just wait...youll see."
"See what?" Brian shrugged.
"Youre gonna watch Seth go straight off the deep end if D doesnt come back."
"What can I do if he does?" Brian asked emphatically. "Im not Seth Chandler's keeper!"
"Would you lose your goddamn ego for 5 minutes and look at what the hell is going on?!" Devin blurted. "Your fucking cash cow is about to be gone! The coattails youve been riding on for 7 fucking years is about to rip apart at the seams! YOU NEED SETH CHANDLER AND DARCY BLACKWELL! You fucking know you do! Well wake up...D IS GONE! Nobody can talk to her. How long do you really expect Seth to keep you guys afloat? Faithless isnt Seth's top priority anymore...ITS YOURS!"
"Dude where the FUCK is he gonna go? What else can he do but this?"
Devin sighed, "Hes not your pet project anymore dude. If it comes down to him choosing between Faithless or D do you really think hes gonna choose this? Dont you see the way he lights up when hes with her? He fucking loves her! He always has! You just refuse to open your damn eyes and see it. Fuck, you cant even see that youre in love with your own wife!"
Brian shrugged, "Well hes still here aint he?"
Devin let out a frustrated noise and stormed off. There was just no getting it through to Brian that everything hung in the balance.
March 30, 2010
Los Angeles, California
3 days after leaving D was barricaded in her house. Paparazzi hid all over her yard trying to catch shots of her. She turned her phone off because it kept ringing. She couldnt even turn on the TV without hearing about her and Seth. "Wheres D Wheres D?" was all she heard. She had to sever her connection to the entire outside world for any piece of mind. She needed time to figure out what to do.
Seth told her he was in love with her. But Seth came with alot of baggage and special issues. Issues that could potentially prevent him from being a good parent. She had to really think this through. Was being with him the responsible thing to do? She had to do what was in the best interest of their baby. She had to put her undying love for him aside and look at the bigger picture. This would be the most crucial and difficult decision she would ever have to make.
March 30, 2010
Vienna, Austria
On the 3rd day after D left Seth was offered Heroin from Tina. She had noticed how depressed she was and thought it would fix everything. It had always helped her. So, being lonely, hurt, and scared he spiked his vein. For now it was temporarily making the sadness and confusion take a back seat. It numbed the pain. It cradled him like a blanket, fresh and warm out of a drier. It felt like home. He fooled himself into believing it was only medicine. It would take the pain away until D came back. She couldnt avoid him forever, she was pregnant with his baby. She would be back. Seth just couldnt take the waiting part. The heroin made it easier.
March 31, 2010
Amsterdam, Holland
There were only minutes left before the guys were scheduled to be on stage. Seth was missing in action. Martin had seen him getting something small and drug like from a groupie and go into a bathroom with it. He had been in there twenty minutes. Martin had a feeling this was not a good sign. Seth had been really incoherient since yesterday. The funny thing was that he came off as drunk or pilled out, but he had witnessed him doing neither. He just had that blank look on his face, the same one he had when he was on heroin. However, Martin's IQ was higher than anyone elses there. It didnt surprise him that Brian hadnt noticed.
"What the hell is keeping Seth?" Brian asked with a sigh as he glanced to his watch.
"I think I have a pretty good idea," Martin sighed wrapping his fingers with tape.
"What?" Brian shrugged.
Martin looked up at him rolling his eyes with a frown, "Smack," he answered in one simple word.
"He promised," Brian shook his head, "he promised us all no more heroin."
"Hes in the bathroom," Martin motioned with his head. "I saw him getting something from Ninas junkie sister."
Brian's eyes darted to Devin. Devin threw his hands up, "I fucking tried to warn you dude," he shook his head and walked out of the room.
"No..." Brian shook his head, "He wouldnt do heroin again."
"Thats before D disappeared," Martin noted.
"It took D to get him to quit in the first place, Danny commented, "Now shes not here..."
Brian sighed and stormed off to the bathroom to assess the situation. Upon walking in he could see Seth on his knees in a stall. He walked over to it and banged on the door with the side of his fist, "Seth! Show time dude...lets go swimmin."
"Fuuuck offff," he could hear Seth's trashed voice lightly mumble.
"Dude what are you on?" Brian asked at his slurred words.
Inside the stall Seth forced himself to lift his head from the toilet seat. He reached up and flushed the toilet. It seemed like it took all the energy he had to do it. He found himself soom slumped back over the toilet. He was so high. "Go 'way," he mumbled as he let his eyes shut.
"Seth! Come the fuck on!" Brian banged on the stall again. This time there was no response from Seth. Brian lost his patience and managed to jar the door open. He could see Seth passed out draped over the toilet seat. On the back of the toilet he saw pieces of a red balloon, a lid of some sort with what looked like a blackened piece of cotton in in, and a hypodermic needle He sighed in disappointment realizing that Devin had been right. Even Martin saw it when he was so blind and stupid to it himself. Part of him just did not want to believe what he was seeing. What was he gonna do now? This was no time for Seth to fall off the wagon. With D gone Brian needed Seth to be 10 times better. He did not need him turning into a junkie again. "Fucking great," Brian mumbled to himself. This was bad. They couldnt go through this again. Now Brian saw what D leaving really meant for Seth. He didnt know what to do. He couldnt let Seth blow it for all of them.
He bent down and hooked his arms with Seth's and began lifting him up. Seth made mumbles and struggled to raise his head. "Jus go 'way..." Seth mumbled.
"NO! We have a show! Wake the fuck up!" He vigerously shook him. "Do you hear me?"
Seth made no attempt at a response.
"Dude!" Brian said smacking his cheek.
"Cancel..." Seth faintly whispered.
"Cancel!?" Brian asked. He was distracted by Javier coming into the bathroom. He looked to Brian and shook his head in disappointment.
"Heroin?" He asked.
Brian nodded, "Theres no way in hell he can preform. Just...just see if you can quietly get him back to the hotel without too many people noticing."
Javier nodded and took Seth as Brian stormed out. "Hey dawg...come on wake up homes." Javier shook him.
Seth's head raised and his eyes part ever so slightly. "Ale'jate..." he barely spoke.
"Im not going anywhere homes," Javier shook his head. "Come on man we have to get you out of here.
Seth slowly shook his head, "Un momento..."
"No...Now! Susan is gonna come hunting your ass because they have to cancel the show."
"Fuck Susan," Seth muttered, "bitch neva liked me no way..." he suddenly pulled away from Javier and leaned back over to toilet vomiting. "Dont nobody gives a shit iffin wes sick a dis shit," he said dry heaving. "Jus shove dope in us an gets us on da stage...Fuck Susan...an Fuck Havoc too..."
"Come on homes," Javier said trying to rush him.
"D call?" He asked softly.
"No," Javier shook his head.
"I gots ta call 'er," he said searching for his phone.
"When we get you to the limo dawg," Javier said trying to nudge in forward.
April 2, 2010
Brussels, Belgium
"Seth wake up!" Martin shook his shoulder. "Time to get off the plane dude."
Visions of himself waking Vera wok him as opposed to Martin. He was on so much dope it didnt even startle him like it normally would. He was numb to it. He never thought that could happen. His eyes partially opened to people standing in the aisles getting off the plane. Where the hell was he even at? He pulled himself to his feet which seemed wobbly. His glance fell on a magazine that lay on the seat where Martin had been. He immediately recognized D on the cover. The head line read "D Departs Tour."
He examined the picture of her. It was a side view with a bi line under it that read, "Is It Seth's?" She appeared to be showing.
"Seth, Come on," Brian impatiently urged him.
Madison walked through her and Brian's hotel room door holding a dry cleaning bag. "Bri," she called out, "I took your leather pants to the cleaners. I almost never found one because I couldnt understand what any of the people were saying."
Brian looked up from a package that had been sent to their room. Thanks, he nodded to her as he tore open the package. He glanced back up at her fluttering about the room. Since his family dropped in she had kept up with the makeover. He still hadnt thanked her for what she did. It really had saved him alot of explaining and disapproval. Madison put on the perfect act for them all. She came off as the trophy wife. She answered every question thrown at her by reporters perfectly. She was amazing.
75,000 pairs of eager ears listened as the opening act took the stage. The guys waited around doing their pre show rituals. Brian was the first of them to finally ask, "Hey, where's Seth?"
Danny rolled his eyes pointing to the room behind them.
Brian threw his head back with a sigh.
"Ill get him," Devin sighed and walked over to the door tapping on it. "Seth?" But he heard no response. Devin turned the knob and opened the door to walk in.
Inside Seth looked up at him with huge eyes. He was bent over his left arm with a needle in his right hand. "Dawg! Did Is say ta come da fuck in?" He hastily asked.
Devin stood there in shock at what he was seeing. He had only seen this sort of thing on TV. A shameful look of disappointment came to his face. "Dude...why are you doing this to yourself?"
"You's can leave da same way you's come," Seth motioned with his eyes at the door.
Devin watched as Seth's blood streamed into the dirty looking water in the syringe. "Youre gonna kill yourself with that shit. Didnt you learn your lesson the first time around?"
"I's aint carin dawg," he said as he began pushing down on the needles plunger.
"Well you should care...theres alot of people who care about you."
Seth let out a tiny chuckle. Devin saw the drugs starting to take effect. His eyes got lazy. "None da right ones..."
Devin watched as his entire body went limp. He could actually see him slipping away from reality. "Seth?"
"Hum?" he grunted, his eyes but tiny slits.
"Why did you even come here? You cant do a show like this man. If you had no intention of doing the show why didnt you just stay at the hotel and save yourself the embarrassment?"
Seth focused on Devin but couldnt seem to form a response as she pulled the needle from his arm and tossed it aside.
Devin looked down, "I know you miss her...and want her to come back..."
"You's dont know nothin bout it," Seth faintly whispered.
"I know you love her...and I know something happened between you two...I get it."
Seth slowly shook his head, "No you's dont...you's aint there...da look on 'er face..."
"I know its hard for you but you have to keep working...you have to move on."
"I's caint Dev," he faintly whispered. He took a moment of silence to think. It was funny, before when he would take heroin it would make D go away. Now not even the dope seemed to suppress the thoughts of her. No one could understand the pain he was in. Not even the press knew for sure if she was truely pregnant. It was mere rumors.
"Why cant you Seth?" Devin shrugged, "Girls throw themselves at you daily, moving on shouldnt be that difficult...Finding another dancer...thats the hard part."
Seth brought his heavy eyes up to look at Devin. He parted his lips, "She pregnant," he said so quietly the words almost couldnt be heard.
Devins expression changed. Now things were starting to make a little more sense. But why had D left? "Well...congratulations...I guess." He sighed shaking his head, Havoc is gonna kill you two for this you do realize?"
Seth glanced over to the table beside him for his Dexedrine. He had already taken 8 but the heroin seemed to be over riding them at the moment. He slowly reached for the bottle. "Let em...I's ratha be dead dan witout D..."
"That shit wont make her come back," Devin shook his head.
Seth fumbled with the Dexedrine, trying to open the bottle. "She hate me dawg..."
"I doubt that. D loves you very much...shes carrying your baby after all."
Seth was still struggling with the bottle. Adgitation got the best of him. "FUCK!" He yelled as he threw the bottle across the room. It smashed into the wall and sent Dexedrine flying across the room like confetti.
Devin watched as Seth quickly got on his hands and knees and began scrounging the floor and putting them in his mouth as he came across them. "Look at you man," Devin motioned at him on the floor.
Seth stopped what he was doing and reclined his weight on his knees and braced himself with his hands on his thighs. His head hung low. "Is dont wants ta do dis fuckin tour no mo," he faintly spoke shaking his head. "I jus wants D...an da baby...I'sll marry 'er an evathang...iffin she's would jus talks ta me. I's love 'er dawg...an I's jus wants 'er back..."
"I know you do...but the contract Seth..."
"They's caint control evathang dawg..." He said looking to the scattered pills on the floor.
"Look around you dude," Devin spoke, "they control everything about you....what you dress in...what you say...what you do...your money...your career. They own you Seth. If you bite the hand that feeds theyll destroy you...and Faithless right along with you."
"I's got dat shit handled up alls by myself dawg," he shook his head.
"Youre on a great path if destroying everything is what you want. It not too late to turn it around. No one but you can fix this. These drugs arent fixing anything. Theyre only giving you a false sense of security, but it doesnt last."
Seth glanced up at him. He knew he was right. "I's hurt...why it gots ta hurt so much for dawg?"
Devin looked at him with pity. He felt so bad for him. He wished he could say something that would help him. But he knew there was no words to comfort this. There was nothing he could do to help. Seth had to help himself. Devin didnt even know if he had it in him anymore. This wasnt the same Seth he met 8 years ago. That Seth was so full of life and care free. He was the most confident and self assured person he had ever met. He didnt even know who this Seth was anymore.
The show had to start late but Devin did manage to get Seth sobered up with a few lines of coke from the guys. He hated to shove more drugs in him, but he had to get him out on that stage. They had already lost so much money on this leg of the tour. They couldnt lose more. Seth was falling apart and Devin wasnt sure how much longer he could hold on. Somebody needed to get D to talk to him. Seth wasnt going to respond to anyone but her.
March 27, 2010
Prague, Czech Republic
When they arrived in Prague D was still nowhere to be found. He felt an extreme heaviness in his chest. He was losing hope. It looked like D was really gone.He assumed that calling over and over was pointless, she had obviously turned her phone off. He prayed she would just call. How had it come to this? What was she so mad at? He hoped she showed up as the show was starting. But when show time rolled around, still no D.
Seth sent the 100th text of the day.
'jus call'
He sighed and tossed his phone onto the bench he was straddling. He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his pills. He poured 8 into his palm. Jennifer was soon visible in the dim locker room where he sat. She rounded the corner just in time to see him washing the pills down with a chug of whiskey.
"Seth?" She spoke.
Semi startled he looked at her over his shoulder, "Yeah...wuz up Jen?" His words were distant and soft.
"I found out about D leaving from Kasey...Are you ok...did something happen?"
Seth said nothing, he simply stared off into space and took another drink.
"I worry...about the drugs..." She hesitantly said.
He sighed, "Havoc da ones dat started alls dis shit...da pills...shots ta go up...shots ta go down..."
"But the...the heroin...I worry about..."
"What da fuck is ya point Jen?" He snapped.
"I guess...D is the point...you have to just tell her how you feel. Girls like hearing that..."
Seth huffed a faint laugh and took another chug. "Shit aint s'a simple Jen." He stood up and studied her for a moment. "I's bet you's had parents dat told you's they loved ya...an they's would neva let nothin bad eva happen ta ya..."
"Yeah?" She shrugged, "so?"
"S'a you's aint know shit bout da way dis world works for me..."
"Anything can be fixed," she shyly spoke.
"Really?" He snapped looking at her with creases in his forehead, "Den you's saying dat when I's a kid, bein tossed round likes a punchin bag, fightin off dirty ol men, an bein worked likes a slave...I's coulda fix alls dat shit?"
"No! An adult should have done something." She shook her head.
"A adult?" He shrugged looking at her as if she were dumb. "Adults wuz da ones doin it. Dont you's thank I told adults I's bein beat, fondled, forced ta work...NOBODY FUCKIN CARED JEN! Nobody neva cared," He shook his head and took another drink. "Mommy an daddy must be s'a proud a you's," he uttered as he left to go to the stage.
March 28, 2010
Warsaw, Poland
Two days later, still no D. Seth spent the entire day in bed passed out on roofies. He scored them for that very purpose. He just wanted to shut his brain off and stop thinking about D and everything that was going on. By 5 pm Jennifer was really starting to worry about him. He wasnt answering his phone nor would he open his door. Javier assured he that he was in his room and hadnt left. Jennifer was afraid he had overdosed...or worse. She couldnt rest until she found out if he was ok.
She eventually got hotel management to open his room. She rushed in to find Seth in the bed. She rushed to him, he was breathing. She shook him hard trying to wake him. She got no response. She shook him harder. He was breathing, why couldnt she wake him up? He was usually so easy to wake up. An almost empty bottle of Jack sat by the bed. She knew he took pills all day. She was scared.
"SETH!" She nudged him, but he didnt stir. She shook him harder. Nothing. "Oh Seth...what did you do?" She frantically asked scanning the room for more evidence. There was nothing but the whiskey bottle visible. She rared back and smacked the side of his face hard. "SETH!" He let out a faint mumble but never opened his eyes. She quickly reached for the phone and called Dr. Gibbons. Moments later she was letting him in the room.
"What did he take?" Dr. Gibbons asked walking into the room.
"I...I dont know...Hes been asleep for over 15 hours...He never sleeps that long...I cant wake him up. Hes breathing...but he wont wake up."
Dr. Gibbons pulled out a swab stick and stuck it in Seth's jaw. He pulled it out and dropped a drop of clear liquid from an eye dropper looking bottle onto it.
"What is that?" Jennifer asked.
"Its a drug test. Im trying to see what he may have taken. This is for opiates...pain medications...methadone...heroin. If this swab would have turned blue it would be positive, But since it didnt I have to test for something else." He stuck another swab in Seth's mouth. He pulled it out and dropped the liquid on it. It began turning blue. "Bingo."
"What? What did he take?" She nervously asked.
"Benzadizapines...Im going to take a guess and say from his lack of response that its Rohiphinol."
"The date rape drug?" She asked in confusion. Why would anyone roofie themself?
Dr. Gibbons pulled out his stethescope and listened to Seths heart and lungs. "Heart sounds good...hes breathing...I dont think theres any need to pump his stomach. He just needs to sleep it off."
"But...but he cant...the show starts in a few hours..."
"All I can really do is give him a stimulant...its a bit risky...it confuses the heart sometimes...but I guess hes probably used to it since he does it to himself every day..."
Jennifer nodded, "And he will be able to do the show"
Dr. Gibbons chuckled, "Yeah, probably three." He said reaching into his bag for a needle.
Jennifer sat on the opposite side of the bed. Seths arm lay extended out over the bed.She could see a series of track marks high up on his inner arm. "Are these track marks?"
Dr. Gibbons glanced then nodded. "Yes Seth was a smart user, I must give him that. His track marks are easily hidden and not at all in a place where someone would look for them."
"Its been over a year dont they go away?"
Dr. Gibbons shook his head no.
Her eyes fell on his wrist band. He never came out of those things. Without a second thought she pulled it off. It was then that she saw the pink line of a 3 inch diagonal scar across the pale skin that was wrinkled with moisture. "What happened here?" She asked.
Dr. Gibbons glanced up at her looking at Seth's wrist. He had been released a copy of Seth's medical records. He knew it was from an attempted suicide when he was 13. However he was bound by doctor patient confidentiality. He simply sighed, "The same thing that happened to his other one."
Jennifer gave him a puzzled look then jerked off the other wrist band and flipped his wrist over for a look. A matching scar was branded across his wrist. Was this what she thought it was? These scars looked old. Had he tried to kill himself before? "Is this what I think?" She softly asked.
"I cant answer that...Im bound by oath..." He sighed as he tied a tourniquet around his arm. He stuck the needle over his vein and began slowly injecting him. Slowly Seth began to stir and open his eyes. He awoke wondering why Dr. Gibbons and Jennifer were there hovering over him.
"What you's wake me up for?" He muttered.
"Show time," Dr. Gibbons answered with a smile.
March 29, 2010
Vienna, Austria
Brian walked over to Devin. "Dude...any word on D yet?
Devin nodded. "Havoc tracked her down...shes home in LA.
"What? Why did she leave?"
Devin shrugged, "It has to be something between her and Seth."
"Havoc is so pissed," Brian sighed. "See! This is exactly why they should have never started sleeping together. This is the kind of thing I knew would happen!"
Devin sighed, "Dude...the numbers are going down without D. The fans arent interested in seeing Seth on stage without her. Seth acts completely lost up there. I know you dont wanna hear this dude but you need them...both of them. Havoc has been using them to play the fans and make us all rich. The two of them are the only ones that have had to make any sacrifices for this band, and you know it. Its time everybody back off and just lets them be together."
"So what are you saying? Them not being together is destroying the band?" Brian asked.
Devin nodded, "That and the dope."
"Seth's been clean for what? Like a year?"
Devin sighed, "Not just Seth. And he is still far from clean...hes just not shooting up anymore."
"Just ups man," Brian tried to disregard it.
"And drinks...a lot," Devin added.
"Hes not the one not showing up for shows," Brian huffed.
"Do you think with D gone hes gonna stay that way?"
Brian sighed, "Hes fine dude."
"Well Im not so sure of that."
"Dev quit worrying...have you ever know Seth to get all wrapped up in some chick before? Hes fine."
"You just really dont see it do you?" Devin asked looking at him strangely. "Theyre in love."
Brian chuckled, "Is that what we're calling it now?"
Devin shook his head, "Fine dude...ignore me...But you just wait...youll see."
"See what?" Brian shrugged.
"Youre gonna watch Seth go straight off the deep end if D doesnt come back."
"What can I do if he does?" Brian asked emphatically. "Im not Seth Chandler's keeper!"
"Would you lose your goddamn ego for 5 minutes and look at what the hell is going on?!" Devin blurted. "Your fucking cash cow is about to be gone! The coattails youve been riding on for 7 fucking years is about to rip apart at the seams! YOU NEED SETH CHANDLER AND DARCY BLACKWELL! You fucking know you do! Well wake up...D IS GONE! Nobody can talk to her. How long do you really expect Seth to keep you guys afloat? Faithless isnt Seth's top priority anymore...ITS YOURS!"
"Dude where the FUCK is he gonna go? What else can he do but this?"
Devin sighed, "Hes not your pet project anymore dude. If it comes down to him choosing between Faithless or D do you really think hes gonna choose this? Dont you see the way he lights up when hes with her? He fucking loves her! He always has! You just refuse to open your damn eyes and see it. Fuck, you cant even see that youre in love with your own wife!"
Brian shrugged, "Well hes still here aint he?"
Devin let out a frustrated noise and stormed off. There was just no getting it through to Brian that everything hung in the balance.
March 30, 2010
Los Angeles, California
3 days after leaving D was barricaded in her house. Paparazzi hid all over her yard trying to catch shots of her. She turned her phone off because it kept ringing. She couldnt even turn on the TV without hearing about her and Seth. "Wheres D Wheres D?" was all she heard. She had to sever her connection to the entire outside world for any piece of mind. She needed time to figure out what to do.
Seth told her he was in love with her. But Seth came with alot of baggage and special issues. Issues that could potentially prevent him from being a good parent. She had to really think this through. Was being with him the responsible thing to do? She had to do what was in the best interest of their baby. She had to put her undying love for him aside and look at the bigger picture. This would be the most crucial and difficult decision she would ever have to make.
March 30, 2010
Vienna, Austria
On the 3rd day after D left Seth was offered Heroin from Tina. She had noticed how depressed she was and thought it would fix everything. It had always helped her. So, being lonely, hurt, and scared he spiked his vein. For now it was temporarily making the sadness and confusion take a back seat. It numbed the pain. It cradled him like a blanket, fresh and warm out of a drier. It felt like home. He fooled himself into believing it was only medicine. It would take the pain away until D came back. She couldnt avoid him forever, she was pregnant with his baby. She would be back. Seth just couldnt take the waiting part. The heroin made it easier.
March 31, 2010
Amsterdam, Holland
There were only minutes left before the guys were scheduled to be on stage. Seth was missing in action. Martin had seen him getting something small and drug like from a groupie and go into a bathroom with it. He had been in there twenty minutes. Martin had a feeling this was not a good sign. Seth had been really incoherient since yesterday. The funny thing was that he came off as drunk or pilled out, but he had witnessed him doing neither. He just had that blank look on his face, the same one he had when he was on heroin. However, Martin's IQ was higher than anyone elses there. It didnt surprise him that Brian hadnt noticed.
"What the hell is keeping Seth?" Brian asked with a sigh as he glanced to his watch.
"I think I have a pretty good idea," Martin sighed wrapping his fingers with tape.
"What?" Brian shrugged.
Martin looked up at him rolling his eyes with a frown, "Smack," he answered in one simple word.
"He promised," Brian shook his head, "he promised us all no more heroin."
"Hes in the bathroom," Martin motioned with his head. "I saw him getting something from Ninas junkie sister."
Brian's eyes darted to Devin. Devin threw his hands up, "I fucking tried to warn you dude," he shook his head and walked out of the room.
"No..." Brian shook his head, "He wouldnt do heroin again."
"Thats before D disappeared," Martin noted.
"It took D to get him to quit in the first place, Danny commented, "Now shes not here..."
Brian sighed and stormed off to the bathroom to assess the situation. Upon walking in he could see Seth on his knees in a stall. He walked over to it and banged on the door with the side of his fist, "Seth! Show time dude...lets go swimmin."
"Fuuuck offff," he could hear Seth's trashed voice lightly mumble.
"Dude what are you on?" Brian asked at his slurred words.
Inside the stall Seth forced himself to lift his head from the toilet seat. He reached up and flushed the toilet. It seemed like it took all the energy he had to do it. He found himself soom slumped back over the toilet. He was so high. "Go 'way," he mumbled as he let his eyes shut.
"Seth! Come the fuck on!" Brian banged on the stall again. This time there was no response from Seth. Brian lost his patience and managed to jar the door open. He could see Seth passed out draped over the toilet seat. On the back of the toilet he saw pieces of a red balloon, a lid of some sort with what looked like a blackened piece of cotton in in, and a hypodermic needle He sighed in disappointment realizing that Devin had been right. Even Martin saw it when he was so blind and stupid to it himself. Part of him just did not want to believe what he was seeing. What was he gonna do now? This was no time for Seth to fall off the wagon. With D gone Brian needed Seth to be 10 times better. He did not need him turning into a junkie again. "Fucking great," Brian mumbled to himself. This was bad. They couldnt go through this again. Now Brian saw what D leaving really meant for Seth. He didnt know what to do. He couldnt let Seth blow it for all of them.
He bent down and hooked his arms with Seth's and began lifting him up. Seth made mumbles and struggled to raise his head. "Jus go 'way..." Seth mumbled.
"NO! We have a show! Wake the fuck up!" He vigerously shook him. "Do you hear me?"
Seth made no attempt at a response.
"Dude!" Brian said smacking his cheek.
"Cancel..." Seth faintly whispered.
"Cancel!?" Brian asked. He was distracted by Javier coming into the bathroom. He looked to Brian and shook his head in disappointment.
"Heroin?" He asked.
Brian nodded, "Theres no way in hell he can preform. Just...just see if you can quietly get him back to the hotel without too many people noticing."
Javier nodded and took Seth as Brian stormed out. "Hey dawg...come on wake up homes." Javier shook him.
Seth's head raised and his eyes part ever so slightly. "Ale'jate..." he barely spoke.
"Im not going anywhere homes," Javier shook his head. "Come on man we have to get you out of here.
Seth slowly shook his head, "Un momento..."
"No...Now! Susan is gonna come hunting your ass because they have to cancel the show."
"Fuck Susan," Seth muttered, "bitch neva liked me no way..." he suddenly pulled away from Javier and leaned back over to toilet vomiting. "Dont nobody gives a shit iffin wes sick a dis shit," he said dry heaving. "Jus shove dope in us an gets us on da stage...Fuck Susan...an Fuck Havoc too..."
"Come on homes," Javier said trying to rush him.
"D call?" He asked softly.
"No," Javier shook his head.
"I gots ta call 'er," he said searching for his phone.
"When we get you to the limo dawg," Javier said trying to nudge in forward.
April 2, 2010
Brussels, Belgium
"Seth wake up!" Martin shook his shoulder. "Time to get off the plane dude."
Visions of himself waking Vera wok him as opposed to Martin. He was on so much dope it didnt even startle him like it normally would. He was numb to it. He never thought that could happen. His eyes partially opened to people standing in the aisles getting off the plane. Where the hell was he even at? He pulled himself to his feet which seemed wobbly. His glance fell on a magazine that lay on the seat where Martin had been. He immediately recognized D on the cover. The head line read "D Departs Tour."
He examined the picture of her. It was a side view with a bi line under it that read, "Is It Seth's?" She appeared to be showing.
"Seth, Come on," Brian impatiently urged him.
Madison walked through her and Brian's hotel room door holding a dry cleaning bag. "Bri," she called out, "I took your leather pants to the cleaners. I almost never found one because I couldnt understand what any of the people were saying."
Brian looked up from a package that had been sent to their room. Thanks, he nodded to her as he tore open the package. He glanced back up at her fluttering about the room. Since his family dropped in she had kept up with the makeover. He still hadnt thanked her for what she did. It really had saved him alot of explaining and disapproval. Madison put on the perfect act for them all. She came off as the trophy wife. She answered every question thrown at her by reporters perfectly. She was amazing.
75,000 pairs of eager ears listened as the opening act took the stage. The guys waited around doing their pre show rituals. Brian was the first of them to finally ask, "Hey, where's Seth?"
Danny rolled his eyes pointing to the room behind them.
Brian threw his head back with a sigh.
"Ill get him," Devin sighed and walked over to the door tapping on it. "Seth?" But he heard no response. Devin turned the knob and opened the door to walk in.
Inside Seth looked up at him with huge eyes. He was bent over his left arm with a needle in his right hand. "Dawg! Did Is say ta come da fuck in?" He hastily asked.
Devin stood there in shock at what he was seeing. He had only seen this sort of thing on TV. A shameful look of disappointment came to his face. "Dude...why are you doing this to yourself?"
"You's can leave da same way you's come," Seth motioned with his eyes at the door.
Devin watched as Seth's blood streamed into the dirty looking water in the syringe. "Youre gonna kill yourself with that shit. Didnt you learn your lesson the first time around?"
"I's aint carin dawg," he said as he began pushing down on the needles plunger.
"Well you should care...theres alot of people who care about you."
Seth let out a tiny chuckle. Devin saw the drugs starting to take effect. His eyes got lazy. "None da right ones..."
Devin watched as his entire body went limp. He could actually see him slipping away from reality. "Seth?"
"Hum?" he grunted, his eyes but tiny slits.
"Why did you even come here? You cant do a show like this man. If you had no intention of doing the show why didnt you just stay at the hotel and save yourself the embarrassment?"
Seth focused on Devin but couldnt seem to form a response as she pulled the needle from his arm and tossed it aside.
Devin looked down, "I know you miss her...and want her to come back..."
"You's dont know nothin bout it," Seth faintly whispered.
"I know you love her...and I know something happened between you two...I get it."
Seth slowly shook his head, "No you's dont...you's aint there...da look on 'er face..."
"I know its hard for you but you have to keep working...you have to move on."
"I's caint Dev," he faintly whispered. He took a moment of silence to think. It was funny, before when he would take heroin it would make D go away. Now not even the dope seemed to suppress the thoughts of her. No one could understand the pain he was in. Not even the press knew for sure if she was truely pregnant. It was mere rumors.
"Why cant you Seth?" Devin shrugged, "Girls throw themselves at you daily, moving on shouldnt be that difficult...Finding another dancer...thats the hard part."
Seth brought his heavy eyes up to look at Devin. He parted his lips, "She pregnant," he said so quietly the words almost couldnt be heard.
Devins expression changed. Now things were starting to make a little more sense. But why had D left? "Well...congratulations...I guess." He sighed shaking his head, Havoc is gonna kill you two for this you do realize?"
Seth glanced over to the table beside him for his Dexedrine. He had already taken 8 but the heroin seemed to be over riding them at the moment. He slowly reached for the bottle. "Let em...I's ratha be dead dan witout D..."
"That shit wont make her come back," Devin shook his head.
Seth fumbled with the Dexedrine, trying to open the bottle. "She hate me dawg..."
"I doubt that. D loves you very much...shes carrying your baby after all."
Seth was still struggling with the bottle. Adgitation got the best of him. "FUCK!" He yelled as he threw the bottle across the room. It smashed into the wall and sent Dexedrine flying across the room like confetti.
Devin watched as Seth quickly got on his hands and knees and began scrounging the floor and putting them in his mouth as he came across them. "Look at you man," Devin motioned at him on the floor.
Seth stopped what he was doing and reclined his weight on his knees and braced himself with his hands on his thighs. His head hung low. "Is dont wants ta do dis fuckin tour no mo," he faintly spoke shaking his head. "I jus wants D...an da baby...I'sll marry 'er an evathang...iffin she's would jus talks ta me. I's love 'er dawg...an I's jus wants 'er back..."
"I know you do...but the contract Seth..."
"They's caint control evathang dawg..." He said looking to the scattered pills on the floor.
"Look around you dude," Devin spoke, "they control everything about you....what you dress in...what you say...what you do...your money...your career. They own you Seth. If you bite the hand that feeds theyll destroy you...and Faithless right along with you."
"I's got dat shit handled up alls by myself dawg," he shook his head.
"Youre on a great path if destroying everything is what you want. It not too late to turn it around. No one but you can fix this. These drugs arent fixing anything. Theyre only giving you a false sense of security, but it doesnt last."
Seth glanced up at him. He knew he was right. "I's hurt...why it gots ta hurt so much for dawg?"
Devin looked at him with pity. He felt so bad for him. He wished he could say something that would help him. But he knew there was no words to comfort this. There was nothing he could do to help. Seth had to help himself. Devin didnt even know if he had it in him anymore. This wasnt the same Seth he met 8 years ago. That Seth was so full of life and care free. He was the most confident and self assured person he had ever met. He didnt even know who this Seth was anymore.
The show had to start late but Devin did manage to get Seth sobered up with a few lines of coke from the guys. He hated to shove more drugs in him, but he had to get him out on that stage. They had already lost so much money on this leg of the tour. They couldnt lose more. Seth was falling apart and Devin wasnt sure how much longer he could hold on. Somebody needed to get D to talk to him. Seth wasnt going to respond to anyone but her.
Sign up to rate and review this story