FicWad

CHAPTER 41: EXHAUSTING ALL OPTIONS
April 4, 2010
Oslo, Norway

Some how Seth had managed to do a show tonight. His performance wanst good. he forgot words...he slurred at times. He didnt move or grind his mic stand like the guys knew he could do. He just seemed lost. He had been up there with D for so long that he just did t know how to perform without there. He didnt want to. She was supposed to be there. Why wasnt she there? He missed her with everything. It had been 15 days. Why whouldnt she just come back?
He called her every day. He wrote her a letter and mailed it every single day. He was going insane not knowing why she ran away. Not understanding why she wouldnt even talk to him. They needed so much to talk about the baby. It was his bay too? Didnt he get any say in this? Why wouldnt she answer any of the calls texts or letters?
Seth paced his hotel room wired to the gills on coke and Dexedrine. He was in a manic state. He couldnt seem to stop his rapid pacing. His mind refused to stop thinking of D. He wanted to marry her, but hoe could he even ask when she wouldnt even speak to him. His eyes darted frantically about the room. He chewed his fingernail nubs till the bled. He just didnt know what to do with himself. He had to do something. He couldnt just keep on waiting in limbo.
He zipped over to the bar and lay another huge line of coke on it. He did all of it quickly then darted to the nightstand for more Dexedrine. He took 6 with a shot of Jack. His resentless pacing started once again. Then he stopped and glanced over his shoulder at the door. He could just go to LA and beat on her door til she answered. He grabbed his pills and shoved them in his pocket. He crossed the room and rushed out the door.
One of the security guys was posted at the end of the hallway. He called out to Seth. "Where you headed Seth?"
"Uh...out," he said darting into the elevator. He pushed the elevator button repeatedly until the door closed. It had to be the slowest elevator in all of Oslo. Security radioed ahead to Seth to let him know he was leaving. Javier was waiting for him in the lobby as the elevator doors slip open.
"Sup homes? Que pasa?" Javier asked in a shrug in wonder.
His words came out in Spanish in a fast tongued pace asking him to help him find D. "Debo encontrarla! Debo ayudarme, por favor!"
"No puedo," Javier shook his head with a sigh. "Que pasa? Que paso?"
Seths wide eyes and erratic words continued seeming to repeat himself. "Desaprecio Debo encontrarla! Realmente meti la pata!" He seemed out of his mind. He grabbed at his hair cursing himself. " Cielos Seth!" Then he began to munble things about the baby. "Que hara's...la nina..."
"Nena?" Javier questioned. "De que' hablos? He paused wondering if he was getting this right...was D pregnant? "Tu' no lo ni cisle?"
Seth nodded telling him yes, for some time now she had been. "Hace mucho que no nos vemos."
"Uds, se aman?" He asked if they ere in love.
Seth's eyes darted down nodding. He hoped they did.
Javier put his hands on Seths shoulders "Lo siento, muchacho," he sighed telling him he was sorry but he had to just let it all go and stop making it harder on himself. "De'jalo olvidalo. No lo hagas mas dificil."
"No puedo," Seth quickly shook his head and tried to move past Javier.
He tried warning Seth again. " No lo hagas. Un problema, es lo que es."
Seth shrugged maybe. "Quiza...Es retorcido. Estoy loco, yo?" He asked Javier if he thought he were crazy.
Javier agreed he was a bit nutso. "Si. Pero ahora tambien pienso que estas un poco loco." But Javier couldnt let him run off like that. He urged him to stay, to just forget it.
A tear fell from eth's eye, "So' lo olvidale de mi." He begged Javier to just let him go.
"Lo siento, no puedo," Seth sighed, "Susan...Havoc." He looked to Javier. "Theys makin you stop me aint they?" He didnt even need an answer. The look on Javier's face was answer enough. Seth glanced down to his left. "I's eva tolds ya I' wuz in sports?"
"N...no..." But Javier realized what was happening Seth was a good hundred feet away in a dead sprint. Javier chased his half a block but there was no way he could catch him. He put more distance between them with every sprint he made. Finally out of breath he radio'd the crew and told them he lost him.
Seth must have ran 10 blocks before even turning to see if anyone was following. He hailed what he assumed was a cab. Whatever it was took him to the airport after a short game of charades. Once in the airport it took no time for him to be spotted by a fan. He graciously signed an autograph trying to make it quick. Before he knew it there was a whole crowd. He appeased his fand and frantically looked for a place to get a ticket.
He rushed to the counter spun and out of breath, "Los Angeles," he panted.
"The next flight is in four hours, would you like a ticket? The strange accented woman asked. He nodded frantically making sure he wasnt being followed. When he turned to pay her he heard a familiar voice.
"Come on Seth, time to go, It was Brian's bodygaurd. Seth turned to see him with Javier.
Javier asked him not to do this. "No lo hagas."
"So' lo quiero encontrarla," Seth said that he just wanted to find D. Tears welled in his wide spun eyes, "Quiero vera D." He couldnt let them take him back.
"Me parece justo. Quiero ayudarte. So' loven, no lo hagas, por favor," Javier begged him not to do this.
He took a step backwards saying he couldnt, "Lo siento."
Then before they knew it Seth was again in a sprint. His feet moved high and fast as his shoulders darted from side to side, dodging people with only a slight brush. His persuers werent so light on their feet, or nearly as graceful with their movements. In front of him was a luggage cart. It had just a big enough gap in one spot for his to go over it. That would give him a few extra seconds because Javier and Joe would have to go around it. Seth bounced all of his energy off his toes and dove across it like diving into a pool. He cleared it and curled his neck preparing to land on the other side. He fell into a graceful football tumble, and jumpped right up, still running. He couldnt see them behind him so he jumpped the railing of an escalator and landed some eight feet below.
"THERE HE IS!" Was all Seth heard before he felt a strange jolt in his body and he fell to the floor twitching...dazed.
"Fuck," he finally moaned out trying to get up.
"Stop moving Homes," Javier yelled, "Quedate!"
Airport Security was on the scene now. Seth managed to come up on his knees. He looked sown to his side and saw blood spots on his shirt ans wires comint from where they were on his rib cage.
"A fuckin taza!?" Seth yelled tugging at it. He looked up at Javier saying really. " En serio?!"
"We just couldnt catch you homes.Dont worry, Doc will get those hooks out of there for you." Javier said assessing his condition.
Perfecto," Seth glared at him. Javier gently tugged one of the hooks to see if it would come out.
Seth snapped at him to not touch him. "No me toq ves!"
Javier backed away telling him how sorry he was. "Lo siento Seth, en serio."
Seth began pleading with him to just let him go. He loved D. She was his heart. They were in love. He had to find her. "No hagas esto, por favor. Ya me voy. Debo encontrarla. So' lo olvidale de mi." he glanced down shaking hid head in a whisper. "D es mi corrazone. Es amo. Para. So' lo olvidale de mi."
Javier tried to make him see he couldnt. " Lo siento Seth. No puedo."
Seth petitioned for the babys sake. Didnt he get a say in any of this? "La nena pero...mi carino. Por favor! No puedo decider nada yo?"
"Sorry homes," Javier sighed, "I cant lose my job. I have a family dawg. I have to take you back. We'll find a way to get Miss D to talk to you. Te promento," he promised.
Seth saw there was no use. He was Havoc's prisoner.

Once they had all been released by Airport customs and made it back to the hotel it was 8 am. Dr. Gibbons was called to his room to remove the hooks from the tazer. He couldnt even really believe they used a taser on him. He hated them from keeping him from D. He should have been with her. He knew how scared and alone she had to feel. Why did she run away? What did he do?
Seth lay hon his side with his weight rested on his elbow. Dr. Gibbons sat at the edge of the bed cutting Seth's shirt away. Seth pulled his other hand up behind his head and looked down at the hooks in his side. Just more scars. He could see Dr. Gibbons bringing out hemostats.
"This is going to hurt," Dr. Gibbons spoke, "you want me to deaden it?"
"I aint carin," he sighed. the pain he felt amount D would easily trump this tiny thing.
Dr. Gibbons kew Seth could take the pain. He saw his medical records. He began fishing around in the wound with the hemostats. Seth grit his teeth. Th Dexedrine had wore off. It kind of did hurt. He did actually feel tired, and he hadnt had any smack since almost 9 hours ago. He was crashing hard. He watched as Dr. Gibbons pulled out the first bloody hook with a small meaty chunk of him still hooked to it. He was then interrupted to Susan storming in his room.
"You care to explain this stunt of yours? What the hell were you thinking?" She furiously asked.
Seth didnt even reply. He just glared at her expressionless. He pointed his finger to thr door for her to just go away. He was too sober and tired to deal with her right now. It was easier when he was high.
"Did you just think you could just leave like that? Just fly off into the sunset any time you please? D is in breach of contract. There cant be a Faithless without you too Did you think Havoc would let you do the same thing?"
"Sunrise... Seth mumbled.
"What?" She asked in frustration.
"I said it wuz sunrise!" He shouted back.
"Be still," Dr. Gibbons spoke.
Susan gave him an evil eye, "You think this is all fun and games!? You better get your shit together pretty fast or..."
"Or what?" Seth blurted. "You's gone replace me? Go da fuck on! Lets sees dat shit! You's caint do shit witout me an you's jus said it!" He felt the tugging and tearing of his skin.
"Seth be still," Dr gibbons instructed him again.

Brian glanced over at Madison sitting on the bed next to him. Maybe she was starting to grow on him. She tried so hard to make him like her. She did everything perfectly. Her persuit was subtle. He honestly believed he could depend on her for anything. But he felt like he didnt even know her. He wouldnt allow himself to know herHe drew his breath in with a sigh. "Why do you know everything about me and I know nothing about you?"
"Im a fan for one...and Im observant."
"I feel like I should know more about you.."
She smiled, "Well what would you like to know?"
"Anything, he shrugged, "um...what did you do before all of this?"
She let out a soft sigh. Brian could see his question bothered her. "I was a med student at Stanford."
Brians eyes widened as he asked, "You were gonna be a doctor?"
"Pediatrician," She nodded.
"What happened?" He curiously asked.
"The same thing that always happens," she shrugged, "A guy. I thought he hung the moon." She paused in thought. It was six months before I found out he was pimping 4 other girls. Eventually he tried to get me to do it too.When I refused he beat the shit out of me and told me I had to earn my keep too...so he had me start stealing drugs from my internship. Of course I was caught. I was kicked out of school, did jail time and I can never work in the medical field again."
"But how did you end up here...a groupie?"
"After I was kicked out of school he beat me again telling me I better hook or else. So I snuck out in the middle of the night. I didnt want him to find me so I hopped the first bus out of town. On the bus I met these girls, young, maybe 17, and they were groupies...They followed Lynx. They invited me and I guess it seemed like the best way for him to never find me. After a while I ended up being just like those girls...I blame it on drugs and depression?"
"What did you expect to get out of it? A free ride? Or the groupie trophy...to marry a rock star?"
"Thats the goal of some girls I suppose."
"And you?" He asked.
"Bri... she said returning her attention to the screen. It illuminated her in shades of chalky white. "I know you probably dont believe me...but youre the first one Ive ever felt anything for. Before it was just to fade out of my own problems...then it became a game...conquests and bragging rights. But there was that time in Phoenix that you turned down sex to just hang out. Then it began happening more and more. I began feeling a connection to you...And I really think you did too."
"But I never petitioned to be a prospect for marriage."
"Look Ill be the first to admit, our marriage was spontanious. So was the way to told me you were in love with me. Said you wanted me to be yours and yours alone...You said hey lets get married, were in Vegas. I was so happy you loved me back and drunk too. I figured it wud be a Vegas thing to do. I loved you, why not. We may not have put a label on our relationship, but I was yours and you were mine for quite some time...I know we can be a good match if you try to let this work."
"Madison youre s great wife...but I wasnt prepared for all this. I always pictured a wedding in a church with the traditional dress and best men and bridesmaids and shit. I wanted to remember it. I kept my parents in the dark for so long...I mean we really barely know each other beyond drugs and the circus here."
"I thought we were getting to know each other now."
"Yeah...its just we are all out of sequence. This part should have come first...not last."
"It is...but Im willing to try."
"Im such an asshole...I appreciate you being so patient with me."
"Comes with the job," she shrugged with a smile.

April 5, 2010
Stockholm, Sweden

Seth looked down from his balcony some 15 stories high. The wind was cool on his face. He didnt even feel it. He looked at the cars moving in the streets.He had been writing D a letter a day and just tonight a courier had brought him back a stack of the very letters he had written her. Not s one had even been opened, all were marked return to sender in D's writing. At least he had her handwriting. He ran his hand through His black hair. He sighed and stumbled back into his room. Then like a lightning bolt an idea hit him.
He could write the most beautiful song for D to hear. It would have more heart than the shallow sex and party songs he had been writing for years. It would have to be a hit. Then he could tell D and the whole world the truth. Say he was sorry. Maybe she would come back if she heard him tell the whole world he loved her.

April 6, 2010
Los Angeles, California

D looked out of her dining room window into the darkness outside. Her thoughts couldnt help but ponder Seth. She tried imagining what must be going through his mind? She loved him. She missed him every second of every day. But sometimes thats not enough. There was a baby now. She needed a man who could be a father, not a liability. She knew she had to talk to him eventually, but she just couldnt do it yet. Flashes came from her bushes. She shut the curtains with a sigh as a tear rolled down her cheek.