FicWad

I decided to stay back stage during the shows tonight, I didn't feel like getting burnt out with all the songs this early in the tour. I was sitting on when Panic! were hurried out of the dressing room and I wished the boys a good show. I decided to pull out my Ipod and immerse myself in some thing I don't hear constantly. after about 30 minutes there was a knock at the dressing room door.

"Come in!" I yelled not looking up from my Ipod even though I wondered wh would come to panic!'s dressing room while they were playing. I felt the big leather couch sink beside me and I looked over to see Patrick.

"hey" he said.

"hey" I answered pulling out one of my ear buds kind of bewildered.

"so, what are you listing to?" Patrick asked awkwardly.this Patrick was easier to talk to, the one I first met.

"you" I answered.

"why are you listing to fall out boy when we just played?" he asked.

"no, I'm listening to Soul Punk" I said showing him my Ipod.

"oh, why would you be doing that? don't you get enough of my annoying voice as it is?" he finally cracked somewhat of a smile.

"I like your voice, and your songs" I said.

"I like yours too, actually tats what I came here to say. well, more over to deliver an apology." he said pretending to look at the floor but glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

"look you don't need to apologize any more for- "

"no, I know that. not for that. for today, I really didn't say how well you learned things up there on stage. you did a really good job. And also I'm sorry for the rude comments on the bus today. your way more of an adult than I am. I shouldn't be putting anyone down like that." he said.

"Its okay Patrick. I understand, we really haven't been on the best terms lately. I've said all I needed to say yesterday except I'm sorry too. I've owed you an apology for a while now. and we'll never survive these three months If we cant get along." I said smiling at him. he began to get up and walk toward the door.

"where are you going?" I asked. he turned around.

"huh? oh, I guess back to the bus, I guess" he said putting his hands in the front pocket of his jeans and glancing at his shoes.

"you wanna stay? we can listen to music" I offered holding up one of my ear buds. "I have Tom Waits!" I said grinning at him remembering the shirt he had lent me the first day I met him.

"as long as I don't have to listen to myself anymore" he joked and sat back down close beside me and put in the ear bud. His smell was so familiar, It reminded me of Chicago, It reminded me of hugs and being protected, it smelled like home. He told me about his enormous collection of records he had and funny little stories of how he got them.

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I really didn't think she would want to be next to me ever again after anymore what I've done to her, let alone conversing with me. It felt good to be near her again, Its something I've been missing for a long time. things just felt whole again,even with things being as broken as they are, even without us being in love. I've missed her painfully. after a long time of just talking with her without me even blowing up unexpectedly on her I decided to head back to the bus before Brendon comes back and chews me out or something. we don't dislike each other, he just knows that if Emily and I are both in the same room together, I'm bound to be a dick and hurt her feelings. and hes right. as I get on the bus I realize how tired I am I say good night to the guys who were already on the bus and change into my pajamas and crawl in bed.


"NO! NO! WHY?!EMILY!!" I hear loud screams and someone grabbing me out of my bunk and I think face is wet. "OH GOD WHY!?" I hear. and I suddenly realize its hard to breathe.

"Patrick! Patrick buddy! Its okay" I hear Pete's voice trying to soothe me.

"EMILY!" I feel myself scream I open my eyes to realize their filled with tears, and the guys are standing around me with Pete on his knees trying to comfort me. I was the one screaming. I guess I had been asleep. and It all hit me why I was screaming and began sobbing again. "I'm so sorry." I sob "I do care" the guys look concerned.

"I got him, you guys can go back to bed" Pete said to Andy and joe who look reluctant but decide to.

"Everything will be okay man" Andy said softly before crawling back into his bunk. Andy doesn't speak often but when he does their either wise or very sincere and you just believe them, because hes always right.

"Patrick, what happened?" Pete said moving me to the table.

"I-I don't know." I said still sniffling. "I guess I just miss her"

"do you still love her?" Pete asks gently looking at me from across the table.

"no" I say with another sniffle.

"Patrick, you clearly still feel something for her. otherwise you wouldn't be doing this." I didn't reply to pete. "hold on" pete said pulling out his phone and getting up.

"who are you calling? wait!"I said not wanting him to tell anyone about this. he sat back down.

"Fine you can listen. but don't say a word." Pete warned. he dialed some numbers but the phone just kept ringing. Pete hung up and dialed more numbers after a few rings Brendons voice answered and I felt embarrassment spread across my face.

"whats up man?" brendon said not sounding tired at all.

"hey wheres Em?" pete asked

"asleep. you need her?"

"yeah, Trick had a melt down" pete said carefully

"oh! is he okay? I'll get her up." brendon said still worried.

"yeah hes okay, he just needs her right now" pete said

"oh, I see. I'll get her up and send her over stop the buses okay?" brendon said realizing what was going on. he didn't sound mad or jealous though. pete got up and spoke to the driver and after a moment the bus stopped. I tried to regain my composure before she got on the bus, but I think I still looked like a lunatic when she sleepily stepped on in her white p.j. shorts and blue tank top.

"are you okay?"she asked coming toward me.

"he should be fine now, thanks for coming over here. he just needs a teddy bear to sleep with I think." he said with a wink at Em before going back to his bunk. Emily and I sit down on the couch and she whispers careful not to wake up the others.

"what happened, Brendon said you had some sort of break down? have you been crying?" she asks concerned.

"I guess I was screaming and crying in my sleep or something." I sort of chuckle at the end out of deliriousness. "you don't need to sleep in my bunk with me or anything. I'll stay on the couch" I say realizing she the thought of sleeping by me probably repulses her.

"no, come on Patrick" she said taking my hand and leading me to my bunk.

"you really don't ha-" I begin but she cuts me off.

"what If it happens again? what if its worse? at least I know everything will be okay if I'm here." she said climbing up into the bunk making space for me.

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I finally get him to climb in to the bunk. Honestly I feel bad for him. He looks like a wreck. we both just lay there on our backs. I felt as though he felt a little awkward, but I also did.

"thank you" he said swallowing hard nervously with his voice cracking.

"welcome." I replied

"you smell nice" he said

"I smell like I always smell this way" I stated

"I know, you just smell particularly nice right now, i gyess" he said laughing a little making me laugh too "good night Em"

"night Patrick" I say with a smile. I thought about how I wanted him to stay this way for ever, I think I actually made a wish as I dell asleep.

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I woke up to Patrick nudging me awake with a Styrofoam box in his hands.
"I found you some breakfast" he said with a silly smile.

"thanks trick" I said getting up out of the bunk and taking the box from his hand and doing to sit down at the table where she sat across from me where his was. I noticed the sun was just coming up so the others must still be sleeping. I opened the box to find bacon and eggs with toast.

"I'm sorry if its kind of early, but we stopped at a diner and I just thought.." he trailed off and took a bite of his food.

"Thank you Patrick, this is really nice." I said with a smile.

"did you sleep well?" he asked.

"yup, like a baby" I said between bites of eggs. he started to smile as he were thinking of something.

"Its funny because when I woke up your head was.. on...my chest" he said with his enthusiasm and smile fading as if he had said too much. he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I'm glad you slept well." he said with a seemingly fake smile.

"how did you sleep?" I asked. inside my head I was laughing a bit at him squirming under the pressure of the conversation and how tricky for him this conversation must be.

"I slept good, pretty good." he said stuffing another bite in his mouth assuming to make himself shut up before he said something he didn't want to.

"so whats the schedule look like for today?" I asked .

"looks like we will be flying to New York today. and we wont be playing a show today." he said.

"when are we doing that?" I asked.

"later tonight. probably about 6 pm or so. If you want you can stay on our bus for a while. I know the guys would like that. its way more fun with you here." he said.

"Oh yeah because I'm just a big bowel of fun" I laughed "okay, I'll stay here, that means no fun for the panic! bus today. what will they do without me?" I made him laugh.

"honestly, their probably letting out all the farts they've that have built up this past couple of days that you've been on their bus" he laughed

"you think they hold them in for me?!" I acted astonished "I assure you they don't" at this point he was cracking up.

"well I'm sure the guys will gladly make it feel like your on your own bus today." patrick laughed.

"I'll feel right at home. you know what they say, home isn't home with out a a smelly guy farting somewhere close to you." I grinned.

"I'm the exception though I'm not smelly, and I don't fart in front of ladies" Patrick said

"your also not a guy" I teased.

"hey! I'm plenty male enough. just look at this testosterone pumping through me!" he said then pounded his fists playfully on his chest making less than believable growling noises. I saw Pete behind him he had just gotten out of his bunk and was staring at Patrick beating on his chest with a WTF look on his face which made me giggle and Patrick turn around and smile at his friend.

"you should be glad Trick doesn't fart in front of you his are the raunchiest on the bus, if he farts on one end of the bus you can actually smell it on the other end" Pete said making himself a cup of coffee. I started laughing.

"I do not." Patrick embarrassingly retorts.

"do too. hey, wheres my breakfast Romeo?" Pete said taking a seat on the couch nd flipping on the T.V. with his coffee in hand.

"I don't get breakfast for people I front of" Patrick laughs

"Em you must be really special, he doesn't fart in front of you, he feeds you, and he doesn't talk to you about his vast record collection all the time...wait you havn't told her all about tour records have you?"

"whats wrong with my record collection!?" Patrick asks

"Patrick, you literally have a story for every single one. maybe your not that special" Pete said jokingly staring at the t.v. "but at least he feeds you"

"well she was there for me last night, so I took the liberty of going to get us breakfast, besides you probably wouldn't of fed her" Patrick laughed.

"yeah, your right. I have no Idea what the hell girls eat."

"don't they eat dainty shit?" Joe said sitting next to Pete on the couch shirtless and boxer clad followed by Andy wearing the same.

"hey! we have a lady in here! put some dang clothes on guys." Patrick said.

"does Andy really need to? I mean Its like hes wearing clothes with all those tattoos covering him you cant really tell whats what on his body, its like permanent clothes." Joe said making Pete laugh and Andy smile. Andy still quietly got up and changed into some clothes.

"oh hey Trick is afraid to fart in front of Em." Pete stated. and Joe let out a huge fart.

"I'm not" Joe stated. then Pete let out one too.

"ahhh come on guys, your probably making her sick" Andy said.

"how do you guys even fart on command anyway?" Patrick asked.

"Skill. look at her she doesn't even care" Joe said pointing at me "shes probably use to it from the Panic! bus

"That's what Patrick were just talking about" I stated as I got up to throw away mine and Patick's empty Styrofoam containers away.

"Dude you would be such a good wife. look at her cleaning up shit"
Joe said.

"thanks Joe" I said blushing.

"for real, we have to steal you from panic's bus we need you worse" Pete said.

"does this mean I have someone to put ointment on my new tattoos?" Andy laughed.

"do any of you realize you can ask any random fan girl to clean your bus or put ointment on your tattoos and they will more than gladly do it?" I asked. they all just looked at me.

"uh yeah, Em we totally would if we wanted to get raped" pete said

"Rape is not a joke, Pete." Patrick said rolling his eyes.

"It is when its funny, other wise, no, its a very serious thing" Pete said causing Patrick to roll his eyes again.

"so is Patrick making you stay on our bus today?" joe asked.

"I'm not making her, she can leave whenever she wants." Patrick said.

"um, Patrick , I think we would actually have to come to a stop in order for her to be able to actually leave our bus so technically she can't really leave whenever" Pete said jokingly.

"unless shes pretty good at jumping buses, then she can leave when ever she wants." Joe said in a serious tone.

"good thing that's my hobby" I said and I made them all laugh

"who would spend their free time jumping from buses that were moving" joe asked

"bad asses" Pete answers.

we spent the rest of the day playing video games and cracking each other up until the last stop came where I had to transfer back onto my bus. I was kind of dreading it, well mostly seeing Brendon after he had dropped the marriage bomb. before I exited the bus Patrick gave me a hug and thanked me again. once back on the Panic! bus I just went straight for my bunk seeing as Dallon and Brendon were both enveloped in what ever they were doing on their laptops. it wasnt long though before Brendon scooted on into my bunk.

"hey Em, welcome back" he said with a smile. "how's Patrick doing?"

"hes good, he more or less had a bad dream so I had to stay over because I think I'm the only one who knows how to deal with him during his previous crazy episodes" I said brushing the whole thing off.

"so they called you over there cause Trick had a nightmare?" he said with a chuckle.

"Bren, I think there has been something very wrong with him, I don't think hes always been dr.jeckle and Mr. hide like this." I said

"no, actually he hasn't I've never known of Patrick getting angry about anything up until.. well until he met you. but I don't think its your fault." Brendon said.

"so everyone has noticed, right? surely his band mates noticed he only gets crazy when I'm around, right?" I asked

"well its not only when your around him anymore. during the time we were away from you he had random outbursts too. and everyone has noticed. but one thing we can all agree on is when hes close to you a lot he doesn't really do this. its hard to explain."

"I think I might of noticed that too" I said thinking of thee time I've been spending with him lately and not one angry outburst. I think I'm starting to put the pieces of Patrick Stump together. "how long until we reach the airport?" I ask.

"about ten minutes." he replied "is your stuff all together?"

"yeah, it should be" I answered.

"okay, see you in ten." bren said before getting out of my bunk. I felt my phone go off and read the text from Patrick.

"wanna sit next to me on the plane?"

"sure" I answered. If being around Patrick got him to behave and not piss everyone off I was willing to try it.


once we all raced to the plane and got checked in and everything I followed Patrick to our seats and we took off. it was an expected two hour flight to New York from where ever the hell we were currently at.

"do we ever stop moving?!" I complained.

"no, Isn't the life of a rock star great?" Pete said in a fake cheerful voice coming from the seat behind me.

"It has its ups and downs" Patrick said.

"was that supposed to be a joke? like one minute were down traveling on a bus, and the next were traveling by plane?" brendon asked

"no it wasn't but that's cool that you thought of it like that" Patrick said. Patrick was on his phone touching parts of the screen. a few seconds later my phone went off.

"I'm glad were friends again." patrick's text said. I looked over him and his head was still burried in his phone as if he never sent me the text.

"I am too." I text back.


"hey, I know you two are texting up there, it better not be sexy texts without me being involved in them" pete sent me. I craned my neck to the seat behind him and stuck my tongue out at him.

"no sexts, pete. Trick just said hes glad were friends again."

"I am too, maybe you can figure him out. hes been doing crazy things in his sleep lately, that's why I had you come stay with him the other night."

"No one ever really told me what he had been doing" I replied

"well he cries in his sleep and screams for you, and he almost always doesn't even remember doing it. it happens a lot." he was screaming my name? everyone left out that part.

"why would he do that?" I asked

"he said the other night it was because he missed you, I thought it would be because he still loves you, but i asked him and he said he didn't" Pete replied. I don't love him anymore either but for some reason my heart felt betrayed. I don't know why but I decided to text patrick again.

"I had the same nightmares you do now when we were apart. I woke up crying and screaming for you. but you never came or called. if your confused to why your having them. I think its because you love me. because I loved you" Patrick shot me a look once he received it. and I'm sorry he did.

"you know me better than I know myself" he replied.