Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I've Got Just One Regret To Live Through And That One Regret Is You
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I arrived at Pat's place a little bit before the party was supposed to start. I had found one of my favorite dresses, the one that I wore the night Pete told me he loved me and made love to me. It was a black and pink knee length scoop neck dress with a low cut back. It still fit me perfectly. I work ballet flats with the dress so that I would be comfortable all night.
"Wow! Look at you!" Elisa said with a smile when she answered the door.
"Thanks. You look beautiful too!" I gushed. She did look absolutely radiant. And she should, it's her birthday!
"Aw, thanks." She smiled at me and we headed into the kitchen. We continued to prep food when Pat walked in.
"Amanda, are you trying to get laid tonight?" He teased me and I rolled my eyes.
"Can I just look good and not have an ulterior motive?"
"No. You wore that to impress Pete, didn't you?" Patrick asked me and I sighed.
"Honestly, I want to avoid him tonight."
"Why? What happened after I left?" He asked me and Elisa was all ears.
"Nothing actually happened. It was just... well... there was tension, and lots of it. I feel like my feelings aren't one sided." I admitted and Pat sighed.
"Mandy, you need to move on." He looked at Elisa, who nodded.
"What? What aren't you guys telling me?" They were keeping something from me.
"A week before you announced you were coming back, Pete asked me to help him pick out an engagement ring," Patrick said nervously. "And he bought one." I felt the color drain from my face. He's going to propose to her? Tears started filling my eyes and I fanned myself, trying to dry the tears.
"Aw honey, don't cry." Elisa begged, sympathy all over her face.
"That's why we pushed you dating other people so hard. I didn't want to tell you until you were over him. I just couldn't let you get your hopes up." Patrick stated. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"I know, Pat," I took a deep breath and my chest ached. My heart was breaking all over again, just like when he married Ashlee and announced her pregnancy. "I knew moving here was a horrible idea."
"Here honey," Elisa handed me a glass of wine and I downed it.
"Take it easy!" Patrick scolded, taking the glass from me. "No more for at least an hour now." He ordered and I rolled my eyes. I'd planned on staying sober tonight, but I wanted nothing more than to get trashed to numb my pain.
Within an hour, mostly everyone was here and mingling. Pete was across the room with Meagan, holding hands. She looked gorgeous, as always. I hated her so much more now that I knew she'd end up with Pete and live happily ever after while I die alone. I'll never find someone like Pete. I fucked up when I left for Africa. I had the chance to be happy with him and I blew it.
I sipped on my 5th glass of wine and tried to pay attention to the conversations going on around me. It was so hard when he was here with her. I've been here almost a month, why hadn't he proposed yet?
Pete looked over and caught me watching him. He gave me a small smile and I just turned and walked outside. I couldn't smile knowing that he planned on proposing to Meagan.
"Hey, how are you doing?" Patrick asked me quietly. He was outside with a few others.
"Been better," I replied honestly. He rubbed my back gently.
"You can stay in the guest room tonight. You've been drinking quite a bit." He offered. It was more of an order, but I didn't care.
"Thanks, I will." I set down my empty glass and grabbed another bottle of wine and walked over to the pool. I removed my shoes and sat on the edge, dangling my legs in the water and sipping straight from the bottle. I must have sat their for 30 minutes alone before Pete found me.
"Hey," he said softly. I glanced up and saw that he was alone. I just nodded and looked back across the pool before taking another swig from the bottle. Pete sat on a pool lounge chair next to me. "You okay?" He asked me after another minute of silence.
"No." I answered a little too honestly.
"Hey," he said but I didn't look at him. "Mandy... look at me," he pleaded and I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
"What?" I asked, almost angry.
"What's wrong?" He demanded.
"Doesn't matter, Pete. Just go have fun with Meagan." I said and turned back to the pool. I lifted the bottle and Pete took it away from me. I glared at him.
"Mandy, you've had a decent amount to drink tonight, you should slow down," he advised with concern written on his face.
"I'm staying in the guest house, so I can drink as much as I want," I snatched it back from him and turned back to the pool. "Go have fun."
"Meagan's not here anymore. And... I can't have fun knowing you're out here upset." I sighed, more tears welling up in my eyes. Why did he have to care? It'd be so much easier if I didn't matter.
"I really need to be alone, Pete." I stood up and wobbled a little. Pete caught my arm to steady me. I gently pulled my arm away and walked to the guest house, shutting the door behind me quietly. I sat down on the edge of the bed and let a small sob out. I refuse to cry any more than that over Pete. I've shed hundreds of tears over him throughout the years. I never should have thought that I could live in L.A. with him here. A part of me unrealistically thought that we would still end up together.
The door to the guest house opened and Pete walked in and shut the door.
"Pete, I can't be around you right now. Just go, please." I begged and he stepped towards me, looking so confused.
"Why not? What's going on?" He pleaded.
"Because it fucking breaks my heart!" I yelled.
"What?" Pete asked, clearly shocked by my outburst. "What did I do?"
"It's my own damn fault." I admitted. "I chose Africa over you and now you're getting engaged to Meagan."
"Who told you that?" He asked.
"Patrick."
Pete and I sat in silence for a minute. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. "Just go."
"Do you still love me?" Pete asked, almost in disbelief.
"Why else would I be such a fucking mess?" I spat back. "I tried so hard to get over you while I was in Africa. It just never happened. I tried so desperately, especially when I found out you got Ashlee pregnant and that's why you were marrying her. That could have been me, but I chose to leave. I could have been the mother of your child, your wife, just anything other than just Patrick's sister." Tears were streaming down my face. Pete stood there, staring at me in disbelief.
"Mandy... I... I don't know what to say."
"Doesn't matter. You are the one regret I have to live through, Pete. I've regretted letting you go for the past 7 years. I thought I could live here and be close to my brother, but I just can't." I admitted. "Please, Pete, just go." I begged. Pete looked back at the door to the guest house for a moment before looking back at me.
"I can't."
"Why not?" I demanded angrily.
"Because I fucking love you, too." Pete dropped to his knees in front of me and crashed his lips onto mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him passionately. Pete wrapped his arms around my back. I didn't know what was going to happen now, but getting over him definitely just got harder.
I arrived at Pat's place a little bit before the party was supposed to start. I had found one of my favorite dresses, the one that I wore the night Pete told me he loved me and made love to me. It was a black and pink knee length scoop neck dress with a low cut back. It still fit me perfectly. I work ballet flats with the dress so that I would be comfortable all night.
"Wow! Look at you!" Elisa said with a smile when she answered the door.
"Thanks. You look beautiful too!" I gushed. She did look absolutely radiant. And she should, it's her birthday!
"Aw, thanks." She smiled at me and we headed into the kitchen. We continued to prep food when Pat walked in.
"Amanda, are you trying to get laid tonight?" He teased me and I rolled my eyes.
"Can I just look good and not have an ulterior motive?"
"No. You wore that to impress Pete, didn't you?" Patrick asked me and I sighed.
"Honestly, I want to avoid him tonight."
"Why? What happened after I left?" He asked me and Elisa was all ears.
"Nothing actually happened. It was just... well... there was tension, and lots of it. I feel like my feelings aren't one sided." I admitted and Pat sighed.
"Mandy, you need to move on." He looked at Elisa, who nodded.
"What? What aren't you guys telling me?" They were keeping something from me.
"A week before you announced you were coming back, Pete asked me to help him pick out an engagement ring," Patrick said nervously. "And he bought one." I felt the color drain from my face. He's going to propose to her? Tears started filling my eyes and I fanned myself, trying to dry the tears.
"Aw honey, don't cry." Elisa begged, sympathy all over her face.
"That's why we pushed you dating other people so hard. I didn't want to tell you until you were over him. I just couldn't let you get your hopes up." Patrick stated. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"I know, Pat," I took a deep breath and my chest ached. My heart was breaking all over again, just like when he married Ashlee and announced her pregnancy. "I knew moving here was a horrible idea."
"Here honey," Elisa handed me a glass of wine and I downed it.
"Take it easy!" Patrick scolded, taking the glass from me. "No more for at least an hour now." He ordered and I rolled my eyes. I'd planned on staying sober tonight, but I wanted nothing more than to get trashed to numb my pain.
Within an hour, mostly everyone was here and mingling. Pete was across the room with Meagan, holding hands. She looked gorgeous, as always. I hated her so much more now that I knew she'd end up with Pete and live happily ever after while I die alone. I'll never find someone like Pete. I fucked up when I left for Africa. I had the chance to be happy with him and I blew it.
I sipped on my 5th glass of wine and tried to pay attention to the conversations going on around me. It was so hard when he was here with her. I've been here almost a month, why hadn't he proposed yet?
Pete looked over and caught me watching him. He gave me a small smile and I just turned and walked outside. I couldn't smile knowing that he planned on proposing to Meagan.
"Hey, how are you doing?" Patrick asked me quietly. He was outside with a few others.
"Been better," I replied honestly. He rubbed my back gently.
"You can stay in the guest room tonight. You've been drinking quite a bit." He offered. It was more of an order, but I didn't care.
"Thanks, I will." I set down my empty glass and grabbed another bottle of wine and walked over to the pool. I removed my shoes and sat on the edge, dangling my legs in the water and sipping straight from the bottle. I must have sat their for 30 minutes alone before Pete found me.
"Hey," he said softly. I glanced up and saw that he was alone. I just nodded and looked back across the pool before taking another swig from the bottle. Pete sat on a pool lounge chair next to me. "You okay?" He asked me after another minute of silence.
"No." I answered a little too honestly.
"Hey," he said but I didn't look at him. "Mandy... look at me," he pleaded and I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
"What?" I asked, almost angry.
"What's wrong?" He demanded.
"Doesn't matter, Pete. Just go have fun with Meagan." I said and turned back to the pool. I lifted the bottle and Pete took it away from me. I glared at him.
"Mandy, you've had a decent amount to drink tonight, you should slow down," he advised with concern written on his face.
"I'm staying in the guest house, so I can drink as much as I want," I snatched it back from him and turned back to the pool. "Go have fun."
"Meagan's not here anymore. And... I can't have fun knowing you're out here upset." I sighed, more tears welling up in my eyes. Why did he have to care? It'd be so much easier if I didn't matter.
"I really need to be alone, Pete." I stood up and wobbled a little. Pete caught my arm to steady me. I gently pulled my arm away and walked to the guest house, shutting the door behind me quietly. I sat down on the edge of the bed and let a small sob out. I refuse to cry any more than that over Pete. I've shed hundreds of tears over him throughout the years. I never should have thought that I could live in L.A. with him here. A part of me unrealistically thought that we would still end up together.
The door to the guest house opened and Pete walked in and shut the door.
"Pete, I can't be around you right now. Just go, please." I begged and he stepped towards me, looking so confused.
"Why not? What's going on?" He pleaded.
"Because it fucking breaks my heart!" I yelled.
"What?" Pete asked, clearly shocked by my outburst. "What did I do?"
"It's my own damn fault." I admitted. "I chose Africa over you and now you're getting engaged to Meagan."
"Who told you that?" He asked.
"Patrick."
Pete and I sat in silence for a minute. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. "Just go."
"Do you still love me?" Pete asked, almost in disbelief.
"Why else would I be such a fucking mess?" I spat back. "I tried so hard to get over you while I was in Africa. It just never happened. I tried so desperately, especially when I found out you got Ashlee pregnant and that's why you were marrying her. That could have been me, but I chose to leave. I could have been the mother of your child, your wife, just anything other than just Patrick's sister." Tears were streaming down my face. Pete stood there, staring at me in disbelief.
"Mandy... I... I don't know what to say."
"Doesn't matter. You are the one regret I have to live through, Pete. I've regretted letting you go for the past 7 years. I thought I could live here and be close to my brother, but I just can't." I admitted. "Please, Pete, just go." I begged. Pete looked back at the door to the guest house for a moment before looking back at me.
"I can't."
"Why not?" I demanded angrily.
"Because I fucking love you, too." Pete dropped to his knees in front of me and crashed his lips onto mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him passionately. Pete wrapped his arms around my back. I didn't know what was going to happen now, but getting over him definitely just got harder.
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