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Odd Jobs Crack

A Gintama thingy

by

EvilFuzzy9

A/N: This is why I shouldn't write when I'm tired. Also, apparently this is now a multi-chapter thingy...?

Kagura smiled as she looked up at the sky, umbrella over her head as she sat on a bench in Edo Park. She had to squint and shield her eyes, but she could see the sun, shining high in the sky up above.

It truly was beautiful. No matter how many times she saw it, she could never get used to how beautiful this planet's sky was. It was dangerous, true, but also sublimely beautiful.

Kagura laughed.

"Just like me, aru!" she declared, before getting lightly slapped on the back of the head by Shinpachi, who was sitting on the bench next to her.

"Don't comment on the narration, Kagura-chan," he told her. "We want to try and keep the fourth wall intact for this one. And why are you using 'aru' now? I thought we were going with 'uh-huh'."

Kagura punched Shinpachi in the side of the head, sending him flying into the statue of Ieyasu at the center of the park. He crashed into it hard, sliding down to the ground with a pained groan.

"Don't comment on my comments, you worthless four-eyes," the young, cute Yato drawled, her voice dripping with disdain for her fellow Yorozuya. "And we're using 'aru' because it flows better with the dialogue than 'uh-huh', aru."

"O, oy!" Shinpachi snapped, pushing himself up off the ground. Blood was pouring down his face as he glared at the girl, his glasses shining in the sunlight. "Did you forget the script already?!" he asked her, exasperated. "This is supposed to be a sweet romance story, a tale of young love blooming between a boy and a girl!"

"Ohhh? Don't act so full of yourself, runt," Kagura said darkly, looking like a Yakuza as she stared down contemptuously at her longtime acquaintance under Odd Jobs Gin, sea blue eyes boring into him. "Don't think that just because you're my senior, I'll let you get away with copping a feel, aru."

Shinpachi's face went red as he got up onto his feet and pointed at Kagura.

"What part of that was copping a feel?" he demanded. "Tell me!"

Kagura tsk'ed. "The part where you pinched my butt, obviously... aru."

Shinpachi's face flushed, and he glared at Kagura, fists clenched and glasses shining.

"I did no such thing!" he protested. "This isn't smut like the other stuff the author writes, this is supposed to be a sweet, heartwarming love story!"

Kagura laughed derisively. "Now who's the one breaking the fourth wall, aru huh?"

She smirked.

... ... ... ... ...

Kagura moaned lewdly as the tip of Shinpachi's rubber ducky rubbed against the entrance of her pumpernickel, which was soaking wet and burning hot to the touch.

"Don't tease me, you bastard..." the pale-skinned redhead whimpered, panting heavily, cheeks red and skin flush with sweat. "Put it in, aru... Put your doorbell in my clock and fruit punch me, Shinpachi, you bastard..."

"Ahh, you're a dirty little sock, aren't you, Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi grunted as he slowly parted the lips of Kagura's welcome mat, inching his throbbing pocketwatch in bit by bit. Kagura squealed, and he then starting playing with her small, perky telephones, rubbing them softly and playfully pinching her nicknacks.

Kagura gasped as Shinpachi suddenly picked up the pace, and then she—

... ... ... ... ...

"—Hey, hey, what the hell was that?-!" Shinpachi demanded angrily, a temple throbbing from his forehead. "Nothing like that is happening!" he protested. "Don't mislead the readers, you damn perverted author!"

Kagura, meanwhile, was redfaced with a faraway look in her eyes, hands cupping her cheeks as she sighed wistfully.

Shinpachi face-faulted.

... ... ... ... ...

Gintoki "Gin-san" Sakata looked up from the chocolate parfait he was slurping as he reclined behind his desk in the Odd Jobs Gin-chan office above Snack House Otose.

"Oy, oy..." he muttered, dead eyes narrowing as he belatedly took his feet off his desk. "What is this... Why do I get the feeling I've been unceremoniously shunted from the main character position...?"

"Who knows?" said the Yato, Abuto, who was sitting across from Gin's desk.

Gin blinked.

"...What are you doing in my office?" he asked.

Abuto shrugged. "Heh," he chuckled. "Apparently the author just finished watching the Yoshiwara in Flames arc, and has taken a liking to my character..."

"Baaaah," Gin groaned irritably, "That's just because you're voiced by the same seiyuu who does Jiraiya, you know. Don't let it go to your head."

"Oy, oy, that's pretty harsh..." Abuto muttered, a wry grin on his face. "I like to think I'm a pretty interesting character."

"Eh, that's what they all think," Gin said dismissively. "And anyways, should he really be writing fanfiction for a series he's only gotten halfway through? That seems like a bad idea. For all he knows, you might have been killed off at some point after the Yoshiwara arc."

Abuto sweatdropped.

"Ah... well, I don't know about that, but apparently there's a timeskip..."

"Maaah, pretty much every big, long-running Jump manga has had at least one timeskip. It's practically a rite of passage," Gin said with a noncommittal shrug. "Shouldn't even be a surprise that we'd have one too, you know."

The door to the office chose that moment to open, letting in the other two members of Odd Jobs Gin-chan. Shinpachi and Kagura were both redfaced and sopping wet, their soaked clothes clinging to their bodies.

Abuto, seeing the state the two were in and how they were half-carrying each other, smirked and got up.

"Well, it looks like that's my cue to leave..." he remarked, grabbing his umbrella and casually walking out of the office past the two young Yorozuya. Kagura gave him a scowl, no doubt expecting that he would be reporting her state and position to that no good big brother of hers.

Abuto gave Kagura and Shinpachi a wry grin as he passed them.

"Name one after me, won't you?"

TTFN and R&R!