Categories > Anime/Manga > Gintama > Odd Jobs Crack
Don't go Crazy Eating Something You Hate
0 reviewsYamazaki arrives with some crucial information for the Shinsengumi's top secret mission... or not.
0Unrated
Odd Jobs Crack
A Gintama thingy
by
EvilFuzzy9
Sagaru Yamazaki, one of the Shinsengumi's most talented spies, shook his head as he looked down at the list of names he'd compiled on the orders of his superiors.
"I can't believe they're actually making me do something like this..." he muttered with a longsuffering sigh, skimming over the names he'd gathered. "I'd really hope I get paid extra for doing all of that."
He then looked up the shoji door before him. He was here at the Shimura family's Kodokan Dojo to meet up with aforementioned superiors and deliver them the list.
"They'd better appreciate all the work I did to get those names..." he muttered, reaching out to slide open the door, before sighing. "Oh, who am I kidding? Of course they won't."
With that, Yamazaki slid the door open.
He was then knocked out cold by a purple umbrella.
"Stop dodging, aru!" Kagura roared, not even noticing the innocent victim of her failed attack as she glared at the remarkably evasive Sogo Okita. "I'm gonna kill you one way or another, you damn sadist!" she snarled eyes white and temples bulging. "Running away won't change that, aru!"
"Ehh?" drawled Okita, stopping in his apparent flight to raise his katana, sheath and all, blocking a wild swing from Kagura's umbrella. "Who said I was running away, China-girl?"
Quick as a flash, he slipped his sword out of the sheath, which was still locked against Kagura's umbrella, and swung. Kagura barely ducked in time to avoid getting more than just a few inches taken off the top, a few vermillion hairs floating in the air after being unceremoniously separated from her scalp.
Meanwhile, as Kagura and Okita were having one of their customary deathmatches, Hijikata was sitting at the Shimura family's low table, glaring at Gintoki, had sat down opposite from him and started picking his nose. Otae and Shinpachi were sitting at the sides of the table perpendicular to Gin and Hijikata. And Kondo was lying bruised and bleeding in the corner, unconscious, or at least silent and motionless.
"So what are you tax thieves doing here, ehhh?" Gin asked, giving Hijikata a glare as he not-so-covertly flicked a booger across the table and onto the Shinsengumi Vice Chief's shirt.
"Official police business," Hijikata drawled condescendingly, a vein throbbing in his temple as he blew a puff of cigarette smoke across the table and into Gin's face. "What are you doing here?"
"Visiting Patsuan," Gin grunted, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the bespectled Odd Jobs member.
Hijikata harrumphed. "A likely story," he said with a sneer.
"I could say the same to you," Gin drawled. "What kind of shady police business is this, huh? You looking for a bribe? Searching the premises without a warrant? Huh? Huh?"
"Nothing like that," said Okita, casually jumping over the table as he dodged bullets from Kagura's umbrella. "We're just here to help niichan find a girl."
Shinpachi sighed. "That's really insulting, you know..." he commented dryly. "...you guys assuming that I need your help to get a girlfriend..."
Kagura blinked, looking up from reloading her umbrella.
"Eh? Is that why they're all here?" she said. "If that's the case, then they're just wasting their time." She then turned and gave Shinpachi a condescending smirk. "The only place he's able to get a girl is in a galge."
Shinpachi glowered at Kagura, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, causing the lenses to glint and obscure his pupils.
"Hey,don't act like I haven't seen that collection of otome games in your closet, Kagura-chan," he said lowly. "Or those shojo and BL manga under your futon."
"Those are Gin-chan's," Kagura said easily.
"Even the BL ones?" Shinpachi deadpanned.
"Especially the BL ones," Kagura nodded.
"Oyyyy!" Gin protested. "Don't go dragging my name through the mud! As if I have any interest in that kind of stuff!"
"Don't worry, Gin-san," said Otae, putting a hand on Gin's shoulder. "I won't judge you for your sexual preferences." She was smiling as she spoke, but it did not reach her eyes, which were narrowed and radiating contempt.
"Say that if you want, but you're judging me!" Gin exclaimed, even while taking an involuntary step back and holding his hands up defensively. "You're definitely judging me! And I'm not even into that kind of thing, anyways! I like chicks, honest!"
Otae's fake smile waned, and her narrowed eyes flicked suspiciously up and down the silver-haired man's profile. She then smiled again, and this one sent shivers down Gin's spine.
"Is that so?" she said brightly, with a threatening undertone. "So you haven't been taking advantage of my Shin-chan...?"
"...eh?" Gin muttered, staring owlishly at Otae. "N-n-no! Of course not!" He then paused. "...well, not in the way you're thinking of, at least..." he admitted reluctantly. "...I may have been skimping on his and Kagura-chan's cut of the pay and using the leftover money at the pachinko parlor..." he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly and doing his damnedest not to look Otae in the eye. "You know how it is, right?"
He was kicked through the still open front door by Kagura and Shinpachi working together in perfect unison.
"I knew it!" Shinpachi declared, temples throbbing and glasses gleaming. "I knew I should have been getting more than what you were paying me! Taxes my ass!"
"Me too, aru!" Kagura snarled ferally, clenching a fist so hard that the knuckles audibly cracked. "Don't think you can get away with cheating me out of pay, aru!"
Hijikata, while smirking at the sight of Gin lying outside the door in a crumpled heap, noticed for the first time that a certain plain, unremarkable spy was lying on the doorstep. He scowled, taking his cigarette out of his mouth.
"Oy, Yamazaki..." he said lowly, threateningly, his eyes narrowed as glared the Shinsengumi agent whose eyes were white and face was covered in blood. "...Who said you could sleep on the job?!" He picked Yamazaki up by the front of his collar and started violently shaking him.
Shinpachi, attention diverted from his no-good employer, sweatdropped at Hijikata's actions. "Erm... He's obviously unconscious..." he muttered.
He then noticed a small notepad clutched in the Shinsengumi agent's stiff, rigid fingers.
"Wait, what's that he's holding?" he asked Hijikata, pointing at notepad in Yamazaki's hands.
Hijikata blinked, looking down.
"Huh?" he said intelligently, pausing in the violent shaking of his insensate comrade's body.
"Ah!" exclaimed Kondo, suddenly popping up next to Hijikata. "That must be the list of names and numbers I asked him to gather!" He grabbed the notepad and flipped it open.
Hijikata looked askance at his chief. "Names?" he parroted questioningly. "Numbers?"
"For my little bro," Kondo explained. "It's the names and numbers of all the available girls his age."
Shinpachi glared at Kondo, once more pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"Don't call me your 'little bro'," he said darkly. But then his expression mellowed, and he sidled up alongside Hijikata and Kondo. "...That does sound somewhat useful, though...if a little creepy..."
He peered into the notepad.
'ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN 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Shinpachi blinked. He stared nervously at the contents of the notepad. It went on in the same manner all the way through, the word ANPAN'written all over the pages in a frighteningly erratic fashion.
"Uh..." he said slowly. "...what is this...?"
TTFN and R&R!
A Gintama thingy
by
EvilFuzzy9
A/N: Well, this chapter contains Yamazaki. It is also actually a continuation of the previous one. Who knew?
Also, there is one gag in this chapter that I will not apologize for. It was begging for me to do it after I saw a certain early fifth season episode...
Also, something of interest: in my documents folder, I have docs labled Odd Jobs Crack, Odd Jobs Crack 01, Odd Jobs Crack 03, and this one makes Odd Jobs Crack 04. Can you spot what's wonky about that?
Sagaru Yamazaki, one of the Shinsengumi's most talented spies, shook his head as he looked down at the list of names he'd compiled on the orders of his superiors.
"I can't believe they're actually making me do something like this..." he muttered with a longsuffering sigh, skimming over the names he'd gathered. "I'd really hope I get paid extra for doing all of that."
He then looked up the shoji door before him. He was here at the Shimura family's Kodokan Dojo to meet up with aforementioned superiors and deliver them the list.
"They'd better appreciate all the work I did to get those names..." he muttered, reaching out to slide open the door, before sighing. "Oh, who am I kidding? Of course they won't."
With that, Yamazaki slid the door open.
He was then knocked out cold by a purple umbrella.
"Stop dodging, aru!" Kagura roared, not even noticing the innocent victim of her failed attack as she glared at the remarkably evasive Sogo Okita. "I'm gonna kill you one way or another, you damn sadist!" she snarled eyes white and temples bulging. "Running away won't change that, aru!"
"Ehh?" drawled Okita, stopping in his apparent flight to raise his katana, sheath and all, blocking a wild swing from Kagura's umbrella. "Who said I was running away, China-girl?"
Quick as a flash, he slipped his sword out of the sheath, which was still locked against Kagura's umbrella, and swung. Kagura barely ducked in time to avoid getting more than just a few inches taken off the top, a few vermillion hairs floating in the air after being unceremoniously separated from her scalp.
Meanwhile, as Kagura and Okita were having one of their customary deathmatches, Hijikata was sitting at the Shimura family's low table, glaring at Gintoki, had sat down opposite from him and started picking his nose. Otae and Shinpachi were sitting at the sides of the table perpendicular to Gin and Hijikata. And Kondo was lying bruised and bleeding in the corner, unconscious, or at least silent and motionless.
"So what are you tax thieves doing here, ehhh?" Gin asked, giving Hijikata a glare as he not-so-covertly flicked a booger across the table and onto the Shinsengumi Vice Chief's shirt.
"Official police business," Hijikata drawled condescendingly, a vein throbbing in his temple as he blew a puff of cigarette smoke across the table and into Gin's face. "What are you doing here?"
"Visiting Patsuan," Gin grunted, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the bespectled Odd Jobs member.
Hijikata harrumphed. "A likely story," he said with a sneer.
"I could say the same to you," Gin drawled. "What kind of shady police business is this, huh? You looking for a bribe? Searching the premises without a warrant? Huh? Huh?"
"Nothing like that," said Okita, casually jumping over the table as he dodged bullets from Kagura's umbrella. "We're just here to help niichan find a girl."
Shinpachi sighed. "That's really insulting, you know..." he commented dryly. "...you guys assuming that I need your help to get a girlfriend..."
Kagura blinked, looking up from reloading her umbrella.
"Eh? Is that why they're all here?" she said. "If that's the case, then they're just wasting their time." She then turned and gave Shinpachi a condescending smirk. "The only place he's able to get a girl is in a galge."
Shinpachi glowered at Kagura, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, causing the lenses to glint and obscure his pupils.
"Hey,don't act like I haven't seen that collection of otome games in your closet, Kagura-chan," he said lowly. "Or those shojo and BL manga under your futon."
"Those are Gin-chan's," Kagura said easily.
"Even the BL ones?" Shinpachi deadpanned.
"Especially the BL ones," Kagura nodded.
"Oyyyy!" Gin protested. "Don't go dragging my name through the mud! As if I have any interest in that kind of stuff!"
"Don't worry, Gin-san," said Otae, putting a hand on Gin's shoulder. "I won't judge you for your sexual preferences." She was smiling as she spoke, but it did not reach her eyes, which were narrowed and radiating contempt.
"Say that if you want, but you're judging me!" Gin exclaimed, even while taking an involuntary step back and holding his hands up defensively. "You're definitely judging me! And I'm not even into that kind of thing, anyways! I like chicks, honest!"
Otae's fake smile waned, and her narrowed eyes flicked suspiciously up and down the silver-haired man's profile. She then smiled again, and this one sent shivers down Gin's spine.
"Is that so?" she said brightly, with a threatening undertone. "So you haven't been taking advantage of my Shin-chan...?"
"...eh?" Gin muttered, staring owlishly at Otae. "N-n-no! Of course not!" He then paused. "...well, not in the way you're thinking of, at least..." he admitted reluctantly. "...I may have been skimping on his and Kagura-chan's cut of the pay and using the leftover money at the pachinko parlor..." he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly and doing his damnedest not to look Otae in the eye. "You know how it is, right?"
He was kicked through the still open front door by Kagura and Shinpachi working together in perfect unison.
"I knew it!" Shinpachi declared, temples throbbing and glasses gleaming. "I knew I should have been getting more than what you were paying me! Taxes my ass!"
"Me too, aru!" Kagura snarled ferally, clenching a fist so hard that the knuckles audibly cracked. "Don't think you can get away with cheating me out of pay, aru!"
Hijikata, while smirking at the sight of Gin lying outside the door in a crumpled heap, noticed for the first time that a certain plain, unremarkable spy was lying on the doorstep. He scowled, taking his cigarette out of his mouth.
"Oy, Yamazaki..." he said lowly, threateningly, his eyes narrowed as glared the Shinsengumi agent whose eyes were white and face was covered in blood. "...Who said you could sleep on the job?!" He picked Yamazaki up by the front of his collar and started violently shaking him.
Shinpachi, attention diverted from his no-good employer, sweatdropped at Hijikata's actions. "Erm... He's obviously unconscious..." he muttered.
He then noticed a small notepad clutched in the Shinsengumi agent's stiff, rigid fingers.
"Wait, what's that he's holding?" he asked Hijikata, pointing at notepad in Yamazaki's hands.
Hijikata blinked, looking down.
"Huh?" he said intelligently, pausing in the violent shaking of his insensate comrade's body.
"Ah!" exclaimed Kondo, suddenly popping up next to Hijikata. "That must be the list of names and numbers I asked him to gather!" He grabbed the notepad and flipped it open.
Hijikata looked askance at his chief. "Names?" he parroted questioningly. "Numbers?"
"For my little bro," Kondo explained. "It's the names and numbers of all the available girls his age."
Shinpachi glared at Kondo, once more pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"Don't call me your 'little bro'," he said darkly. But then his expression mellowed, and he sidled up alongside Hijikata and Kondo. "...That does sound somewhat useful, though...if a little creepy..."
He peered into the notepad.
'ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN 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ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN ANPAN'
Shinpachi blinked. He stared nervously at the contents of the notepad. It went on in the same manner all the way through, the word ANPAN'written all over the pages in a frighteningly erratic fashion.
"Uh..." he said slowly. "...what is this...?"
TTFN and R&R!
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