Categories > Anime/Manga > Gintama > Odd Jobs Crack
Don't Anger Scary Women
0 reviewsA certain unforgivable transgression causes Otae and Kagura to go on a rampage.
0Unrated
Odd Jobs Crack
A Gintama thingy
by
EvilFuzzy9
"Uh..." Shinpachi said slowly, sweat beading on his forehead as he stared nervously at the contents of the notepad in Kondo's hand. "...what is this...?"
Hijikata, standing on the other side of Kondo, sighed longsufferingly.
"Oy, Yamazaki," he grunted, giving the unconscious spy a sharp kick to the side. "'The hell is this?" he asked, taking the notepad from Kondo's hand and shoving it into his subordinate's face, which was covered with drying blood. "Where are those names the Chief asked you to gather?"
"Ah..." Yamazaki groaned weakly, slowly reaching into one of his pockets and taking out another notepad. "Here you go, Vice Chief..." he said, eyes glazed over as he gave the pad to Hijikata. "I finished...my book report..."
He then passed back out with a mumbled, "...I don't wanna go to school, ma..."
"Is...is Yamazaki-san okay...? I mean, really okay?" Shinpachi wondered nervously. "Because he looks like we should be taking him to the hospital... Like, right now."
"Ehh, he'll be fine." Hijikata said dismissively, flipping open the notepad Yamazaki had handed him. "He's had worse."
He then handed the notepad to Shinpachi, having given it a brief once over.
"Here," he told the bespectacled teen. "This one looks legitimate."
"Really...?" said Shinpachi, taking the notepad and glancing at its contents. "Ah! You're right," he said, perusing it more closely. "This one does look right..."
He then paused, noticing something odd.
"Wait..." Shinpachi muttered, narrowing his eyes. "Wait a minute... these aren't phone numbers..." he said, sweat starting to bead down his brow as his hands began trembling. "...these... these are... these are... ... ..."
A vein bulged out in his forehead and his glasses glinted forebodingly.
"THESE ARE THEIR MEASUREMENTS, YOU CREEPS!!" Shinpachi snapped, angrily throwing the notepad at Yamazaki's head. His face was bright red, and he was desperately trying to stave off the mental images being conjured by his hormonal, teenage brain. "What the hell kind of person do you think I am?-!" he roared. "I didn't need to know that kind of thing! And why the hell are ane-ue's and Kagura-chan's measurements in there?!?"
Hijikata blinked.
"Wait, what?" the chain-smoking Shinsengumi Vice Chief said intelligently, turning to look at Kondo and Yamazaki. "What?"
A pair of dark, murderous auras suddenly erupted in the room as two demon lords in mortal flesh turned baleful glares upon the present Shinsengumi. Shinpachi whimpered, his indignation immediately evaporating into mortal terror.
With a squeak, Shinpachi ducked aside, abandoning the Shinsengumi to their fate.
"Ehhhh?" came the sound of Otae's voice as she stepped forward, her eyes narrowed and her teeth bared in a snarl as she spoke, looking more like a seasoned, hardcore Yakuza than a cabaret girl. "What was that about my measurements?" she said darkly, eyes gleaming with murderous intent as she gazed upon a nonplussed Hijikata, an unconscious Yamazaki, and a seemingly oblivious Kondo.
"Ahahaha!" Kondo laughed. "I told Zaki to gather the names and numbers of all the available girls near Li'l Bro's age. I guess he misunderstood, hahaha!" he laughed again nervously, sweat pouring down his face as he quivered and quaked.
He was then sent through the wall by an earth-shattering punch courtesy of Otae.
"LIKE HELL, YOU DAMN GORILLA!" the ponytailed demon lord bellowed, her fist tearing through the kitchen wall like it was made out of paper mache.
Kagura, meanwhile, was swinging the unconscious Yamazaki around by his legs like he was some kind of medieval flail, destroying everything in sight as she ran amok in pursuit of a violently cursing Hijikata and a surprisingly nonchalant Okita.
"Get back here so I can kill you, aru!" Kagura roared, slamming Yamazaki's body down on the dining table, shattering it, as she chased after Hijikata and Okita, eyes white and looking like slanted, mirrored 'D's.
"Goddammit, Yamazaki!" Hijikata roared even as he fled the berserk Yato girl, holding his jacket over his shoulder, cigarette hanging from his lips and trailing smoke behind him. "If we survive this, you're dead! Got that?! Even if I die, I'll come back from the grave just so I can kill you! Dammit!"
"Mou, Hijikata-san," said Okita who was keeping perfect pace with the Vice Chief without even breaking a sweat. "He was probably just following Kondo's orders, you know."
Hijikata grimaced, then he snapped. "Well, somebody will have to die for this!"
"Okay, then," Okita said, raising a hand. "I volunteer... you." He pointed at Hijikata, before sticking a foot out and tripping him.
Toshiro's eyes widened as he fell to the ground, seconds away from being overtaken by Kagura. Naturally, he used those last few seconds (of his life - S. Okita ❤) well.
"SOGO, YOU MOTHERFU—!"
... ... ... ... ...
Kagura deposited the bruised and bloodied bodies of Yamazaki and Hijikata in the dirt, a dark look on her face. Otae, standing next to the younger girl, threw down the barely recognizable lump of hair, torn clothes, and broken bones that was Isao Kondo, smiling brightly as she did so.
As one, the two clapped the dirt off their hands and walked back inside.
Okita, hiding behind a tree sighed in relief. There was a sizable lump on his head and his nose was bent at an odd angle, blood staining his upper lip, but other than that he was fine. He was used to being targeted by that crazy China-girl, so it hadn't been too hard for him to escape the worst of her murder attempts.
Seeing that the girls had gone back inside, Okita clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. "Farewell, Kondo-san, Jimmy, may your souls rest in peace. Farewell, Hijikata-san. Burn in Hell."
He then opened his eyes to see the dilated pupils of the Demon Vice Chief's eyes boring into his, a dangerous grimace on the man's face (which was covered in blood, greatly enhancing the intimidation factor).
"Ah," Okita said blandly, the same neutral expression as ever on his face. "Hello, Hijikata-san. Did you have fun with your new playmate?"
Hijikata's glare only intensified at that remark.
"Fall off a cliff and die, Sogo."
... ... ... ... ...
omake thingy
Ohhhh! I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I yam wot I yam
And that's all wot I yam,
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
Ohhhh! I'm one cute A-man-to
Who hates punks from Edo
Who ain't on the ups and squares!
Boy! I biffs 'em and buffs 'em
And al-ways out-roughs 'em,
But none of 'em gets no-wheres!
Now, if anyone dasses to risk me "fisk"
It's "Whack" and it's "Pow", got it pal?
So keep good be-hav-or
That's your one life-sav-er
With Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
Ohhhh! I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm strong as I NEEDS BE
'Cause I eats ME SEAWEED,
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaaaaa-tooo gaaaaaaaaaal~!
TTFN and R&R!
A Gintama thingy
by
EvilFuzzy9
A/N: Once again, the cast kinda ran away with this. Okita and Hijikata, especially, sorta wound up stealing the show near the end. I do have vague, slightly shippy plans for the next chapter though, involving certain happenings from this one.
"Uh..." Shinpachi said slowly, sweat beading on his forehead as he stared nervously at the contents of the notepad in Kondo's hand. "...what is this...?"
Hijikata, standing on the other side of Kondo, sighed longsufferingly.
"Oy, Yamazaki," he grunted, giving the unconscious spy a sharp kick to the side. "'The hell is this?" he asked, taking the notepad from Kondo's hand and shoving it into his subordinate's face, which was covered with drying blood. "Where are those names the Chief asked you to gather?"
"Ah..." Yamazaki groaned weakly, slowly reaching into one of his pockets and taking out another notepad. "Here you go, Vice Chief..." he said, eyes glazed over as he gave the pad to Hijikata. "I finished...my book report..."
He then passed back out with a mumbled, "...I don't wanna go to school, ma..."
"Is...is Yamazaki-san okay...? I mean, really okay?" Shinpachi wondered nervously. "Because he looks like we should be taking him to the hospital... Like, right now."
"Ehh, he'll be fine." Hijikata said dismissively, flipping open the notepad Yamazaki had handed him. "He's had worse."
He then handed the notepad to Shinpachi, having given it a brief once over.
"Here," he told the bespectacled teen. "This one looks legitimate."
"Really...?" said Shinpachi, taking the notepad and glancing at its contents. "Ah! You're right," he said, perusing it more closely. "This one does look right..."
He then paused, noticing something odd.
"Wait..." Shinpachi muttered, narrowing his eyes. "Wait a minute... these aren't phone numbers..." he said, sweat starting to bead down his brow as his hands began trembling. "...these... these are... these are... ... ..."
A vein bulged out in his forehead and his glasses glinted forebodingly.
"THESE ARE THEIR MEASUREMENTS, YOU CREEPS!!" Shinpachi snapped, angrily throwing the notepad at Yamazaki's head. His face was bright red, and he was desperately trying to stave off the mental images being conjured by his hormonal, teenage brain. "What the hell kind of person do you think I am?-!" he roared. "I didn't need to know that kind of thing! And why the hell are ane-ue's and Kagura-chan's measurements in there?!?"
Hijikata blinked.
"Wait, what?" the chain-smoking Shinsengumi Vice Chief said intelligently, turning to look at Kondo and Yamazaki. "What?"
A pair of dark, murderous auras suddenly erupted in the room as two demon lords in mortal flesh turned baleful glares upon the present Shinsengumi. Shinpachi whimpered, his indignation immediately evaporating into mortal terror.
With a squeak, Shinpachi ducked aside, abandoning the Shinsengumi to their fate.
"Ehhhh?" came the sound of Otae's voice as she stepped forward, her eyes narrowed and her teeth bared in a snarl as she spoke, looking more like a seasoned, hardcore Yakuza than a cabaret girl. "What was that about my measurements?" she said darkly, eyes gleaming with murderous intent as she gazed upon a nonplussed Hijikata, an unconscious Yamazaki, and a seemingly oblivious Kondo.
"Ahahaha!" Kondo laughed. "I told Zaki to gather the names and numbers of all the available girls near Li'l Bro's age. I guess he misunderstood, hahaha!" he laughed again nervously, sweat pouring down his face as he quivered and quaked.
He was then sent through the wall by an earth-shattering punch courtesy of Otae.
"LIKE HELL, YOU DAMN GORILLA!" the ponytailed demon lord bellowed, her fist tearing through the kitchen wall like it was made out of paper mache.
Kagura, meanwhile, was swinging the unconscious Yamazaki around by his legs like he was some kind of medieval flail, destroying everything in sight as she ran amok in pursuit of a violently cursing Hijikata and a surprisingly nonchalant Okita.
"Get back here so I can kill you, aru!" Kagura roared, slamming Yamazaki's body down on the dining table, shattering it, as she chased after Hijikata and Okita, eyes white and looking like slanted, mirrored 'D's.
"Goddammit, Yamazaki!" Hijikata roared even as he fled the berserk Yato girl, holding his jacket over his shoulder, cigarette hanging from his lips and trailing smoke behind him. "If we survive this, you're dead! Got that?! Even if I die, I'll come back from the grave just so I can kill you! Dammit!"
"Mou, Hijikata-san," said Okita who was keeping perfect pace with the Vice Chief without even breaking a sweat. "He was probably just following Kondo's orders, you know."
Hijikata grimaced, then he snapped. "Well, somebody will have to die for this!"
"Okay, then," Okita said, raising a hand. "I volunteer... you." He pointed at Hijikata, before sticking a foot out and tripping him.
Toshiro's eyes widened as he fell to the ground, seconds away from being overtaken by Kagura. Naturally, he used those last few seconds (of his life - S. Okita ❤) well.
"SOGO, YOU MOTHERFU—!"
... ... ... ... ...
Kagura deposited the bruised and bloodied bodies of Yamazaki and Hijikata in the dirt, a dark look on her face. Otae, standing next to the younger girl, threw down the barely recognizable lump of hair, torn clothes, and broken bones that was Isao Kondo, smiling brightly as she did so.
As one, the two clapped the dirt off their hands and walked back inside.
Okita, hiding behind a tree sighed in relief. There was a sizable lump on his head and his nose was bent at an odd angle, blood staining his upper lip, but other than that he was fine. He was used to being targeted by that crazy China-girl, so it hadn't been too hard for him to escape the worst of her murder attempts.
Seeing that the girls had gone back inside, Okita clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. "Farewell, Kondo-san, Jimmy, may your souls rest in peace. Farewell, Hijikata-san. Burn in Hell."
He then opened his eyes to see the dilated pupils of the Demon Vice Chief's eyes boring into his, a dangerous grimace on the man's face (which was covered in blood, greatly enhancing the intimidation factor).
"Ah," Okita said blandly, the same neutral expression as ever on his face. "Hello, Hijikata-san. Did you have fun with your new playmate?"
Hijikata's glare only intensified at that remark.
"Fall off a cliff and die, Sogo."
... ... ... ... ...
omake thingy
Ohhhh! I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I yam wot I yam
And that's all wot I yam,
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
Ohhhh! I'm one cute A-man-to
Who hates punks from Edo
Who ain't on the ups and squares!
Boy! I biffs 'em and buffs 'em
And al-ways out-roughs 'em,
But none of 'em gets no-wheres!
Now, if anyone dasses to risk me "fisk"
It's "Whack" and it's "Pow", got it pal?
So keep good be-hav-or
That's your one life-sav-er
With Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
Ohhhh! I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaa-to gaaaaal!
I'm strong as I NEEDS BE
'Cause I eats ME SEAWEED,
I'm Kagu-ra the Yaaaaaa-tooo gaaaaaaaaaal~!
TTFN and R&R!
translation notes:
none
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