FicWad

Odd Jobs Crack

A Gintama thingy

by

EvilFuzzy9

A/N: Okay, so I've watched through all of the Gintama anime (so far) and picked up in the manga where I left off in the anime, reading up through the Obi One Kenofi arc and all the way through chapter 415. And I've gotta say, I've rarely felt prouder of a fictional character than I did when Shinpachi beat Obi in a single stroke, not only because of what it meant in terms of his increasing strength and skill, but also because of what it meant in terms of his growing maturity.

Also, from the arc before that, one of my favorite lines in all of Gintama:

Gin (standing alongside Shinpachi, facing off against the Shogun's guards while Kagura, Tsukuyo, and Nobume go to town): "Well, geez... Traveling with three keisei..."

Shinpachi: "Looks like it'll get way more bones broken than opposing the Shogun would."

Shinpachi (addressing the guards): "I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but you'd better call in the cavalry."

Gin: "I don't know if you're immediate guards for the Shogun family or whatever, but for asshats like you, whose skills have rotted in these times of peace, do you really think you're enough to take us on?"

Gin and Shinpachi (leaping up into the air): "WITH THOSE BITCHES... WE LIVE IN THE WARRING STATES ERA EVERY DAMN DAAAAY!-!"
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P.S.: ...still willing to hear any ideas you readers might have. I was able to squeeze another chapter out of the end of the previous one, but it's pretty much just stalling on my part.

Shinpachi sighed longsufferingly, rubbing his temples in an attempt to stave off an oncoming headache. He gave Kagura a dirty look as the girl eagerly chowed down on what remained of the egg-on-rice (which was a goodly amount, since she had made a lot to begin with and Shinpachi had only eaten a little).

"Could you explain that again, Kagura-chan?" he asked dryly, eyes half-lidded behind his glasses. "For the benefit of the readers, since the author skipped a bit a time between this chapter and the previous one."

Kagura, her mouth full of eggy rice, made a grunting sound that might have been something like a yes. She then, after a couple more moments of pigging out, set the now-empty rice cooker back down on the bed, wiping clumps of rice and egg off her cheeks, smacking her lips.

"Okay, aru," she said. "So, like I was saying, Gin-chan explained that you were a were-metal-head, but then you said that you were just trying to forget something. Then Ane-go went 'BASH', and you went 'BLEAH', so I went 'THWACK! HOMERUN!', aru."

She crossed her arms and nodded sagely.

"Understand, aru?"

"Not in the least!" Shinpachi snapped. "How the hell am I supposed to understand that?!"

Kagura simply picked her nose, giving Shinpachi a dry look. "I thought characters with glasses were supposed to be smart, aru, but I guess you're just the kind of idiot who wouldn't understand something even it was explained to you."

"Nobody would be able to understand a half-assed explanation like that!" Shinpachi shouted. "You aren't even trying to make sense!"

Kagura shrugged. "Well if the readers want to know what happened, they just have to go back and read chapter six, aru."

Shinpachi sweatdropped. "But what about me?" he muttered lowly. "I don't remember one bit of what happened yesterday, and your explanations aren't helping matters.

Kagura waved a hand dismissively. "You need to stop dwelling on the past, Pattsuan. Look forward, aru. Forget about yesterday and live in the moment. That's what I do."

"Stop trying to sound deep, Kagura-chan," Shinpachi deadpanned. "That's just you being an idiot."

Kagura pouted childishly, the cute expression on her face causing Shinpachi's cheeks to redden slightly.

"Whatever, aru," she muttered, puffing her cheeks out.

Shinpachi sighed, but there was the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and his eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"Ahhh, you're too adorable, Kagura-chan," he chuckled, affectionately patting the nurse cosplaying Yato lass on the head. Her hair was remarkably soft between his fingers, almost like silk, and he found himself running his fingers through it.

Kagura stiffened at his touch, and unless Shinpachi was seeing things, there was the lightest bit of pink tingeing her pale cheeks. Almost against his will, Shinpachi found himself leaning in over the girl, bowing his head above hers. He inhaled softly, taking in the scent of Kagura's hair.

It smelt faintly of honey.

Kagura whimpered at Shinpachi's closeness, and he smiled, wrapping his arms around her slight frame, drawing her close. She was so warm, and so soft. Her face was red, but her arms were wrapped around his chest, which was bare beneath the covers. She felt so small, so weak and helpless, caught up in his embrace, yet Shinpachi knew all too well that she was anything but.

He smiled, cupping a hand under her chin, lifting Kagura's face up. He lowered his head, planting a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. When he pulled back, he saw that she was looking up at him with wide eyes, her cheeks red.

"Was that your first kiss, Kagura-chan?" he asked her, smiling.

The redhead's blush deepened, and she shyly averted her gaze, stammering, "I-It was yours, too, aru..." she murmured, "...your first real one, that is... yes, aru?"

Shinpachi's smile widened ever so slightly, and he leaned in to plant a second kiss on Kagura's lips. "I suppose so..." he mused, before —

THWACK

"Ow, my nose!" Shinpachi cursed, clutching the organ in question and falling back on his bed, blood seeping through his fingers. "What the hell was that for?!" he demanded indignantly, glowering at Kagura.

"What were you thinking about with perverted look on your face?" Kagura shot back. "You were obviously thinking something dirty, aru."

"N-No!" Shinpachi protested. "I wasn't!" 'Not really, at least.'

"Your nose is bleeding," Kagura pointed out, her eyes half-lidded.

"That's because you punched me, you psychopath!" Shinpachi snapped.

"A technicality, aru," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "It's still bleeding, isn't it?"

"That's a pretty damn big technicality!" Shinpachi shouted in exasperatedly. "If the only reason it's bleeding is because you punched me, how can you say that it's proof I was having dirty thoughts?!"

"So you admit you were having dirty thoughts, aru?"

"No! Of course not!" Shinpachi snapped. "And why do you keep insisting that I was? Are you sure you aren't just projecting?!"

"Are you sure that you aren't the one doing the projecting?" Kagura smoothly retorted, casually picking her nose. "Since you're the one with the bloody nose, aru."

Shinpachi narrowed his eyes, scowling at Kagura.

"So we're back to that again, are we...?" he muttered.

... ... ... ... ...

Eventually after a long period of bickering back and forth, Shinpachi and Kagura managed to reach a compromise, and draw up an accord, which went thusly: Shinpachi was having sorta-dirty thoughts, but Kagura was too, so they would consider it a draw. Also, that Shinpachi's nosebleed was only because Kagura had punched him, and that Kagura had only punched Shinpachi because he had been patting her on the head.

Neither side was completely happy with the terms of their temporary ceasefire, but then that was just how compromises worked. The important thing was that they had finally stopped arguing long enough for Kagura to change Shinpachi's bandages (after wiping away the blood from his nose).

"Hold still," Kagura instructed as she unwound the gauze wrapped around Shinpachi's forehead. On the outside it was white, but on the lower layers there was a bit of gunk, and they were yellowish-brownish and dirty. There weren't any apparent bloodstains on them, though.

"How does it look?" Shinpachi asked, seeing Kagura carelessly discard the dirty bandages. He was no stranger to injuries or head wounds, so he wasn't worried, but he was nonetheless curious about how bad it must have been if even someone like Kagura actually felt obligated to help him get better... even if only because Ane-ue had told her to do as much.

"Better, aru," Kagura said simply, eying Shinpachi's forehead. "I don't see the bone sticking out, now."

Shinpachi blinked. "Eh?" he said nervously. "Bone...? What bone? Do you mean my skull?! What, did I have a skull fragment sticking out of my forehead or something?!"

"Something like that," Kagura said bluntly as she daubed a bit of thick, strong-smelling white paste to his forehead. It stung badly, and Shinpachi had to bite his lip to keep from hissing as Kagura rubbed the concoction into his skin.

"Just how hard did you hit me...?" Shinpachi felt the need to ask, as Kagura got up to fetch a fresh set of bandages from the first aid kit on top of his dresser.

"Not hard enough to kill you," Kagura answered easily, causing her fellow Odd Jobber to sweatdrop. "You're tougher than that, aru."

"A-And... h-how long have I been out...?" he asked with a bit of trepidation.

"Just the one night, aru."

Shinpachi breathed a sigh in relief at that news as Kagura walked over with a clean roll of gauze.

"Really?" he said, smiling wistfully. "That's good to hear. For a moment there you had me thinking I'd been seriously injured..."

"Nah," said Kagura, unrolling the gauze and beginning to tightly wrap it around Shinpachi's head. "Ane-go is just a worry-wart, aru."

"Haha, yes. I suppose so," Shinpachi said, chortling sheepishly. "No matter what happens, she'll always see me as her little brother, I guess..."

"Hmm... It must be nice, aru..." Kagura murmured as she finished applying the fresh bandaging. "...having a big sister like her..."

Shinpachi's widened infinitesimally as he noticed that Kagura's eyes looked a little watery. "Ah... Kagura-chan..." he whispered. "I forgot... I didn't mean it like...!"

"No, aru," Kagura said softy. She was looking into his brown eyes, tears beading up in the corners of her eyes, a wan smile on her face. "I've got you, and Gin-chan, and Ane-go... and even Hage... that's plenty family, aru."

Shinpachi smiled. "Yeah... that's right..." he said. "You have us, and we have you. And that's why we'll help you kick his ass and drag him home, yeah?"

Kagura smiled brightly. "Yeah!" she chirped, before wiping the tears from her eyes. "With a big sis like Ane-go and a big bro like Gin-chan, we'll show that deadbeat dummy what a real family looks like, aru!"

Shinpachi laughed, and so did Kagura, but later, when he was alone with his thoughts, Shinpachi would wonder to himself. If Gin-san was the big brother, Ane-ue was the big sister, and Umibozu-san was the father, then what was he?

TTFN and R&R!

translation notes:
"hage" - "baldy", what Kagura calls her dad, Umibozu.