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Odd Jobs Crack

A Gintama thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

... ... ... ... ...

If Kagura's body was softer and curvier after the timeskip, her grip was even stronger and more relentless. This was the conclusion Shinpachi had reached after several extremely long and awkward minutes of being trapped in the young Yato woman's embrace.

No matter how nice it might have felt to have those squeezing against him, or how warm Kagura may have felt next to his body, it was still even more embarrassing for the young Shimura to be trapped in such a position as this. Especially in front of a lovely, older woman like Tsukuyo.

Not to say that he was ogling her, or anything, in her distinctly immodest and adult state of dress. No, while Shinpachi may have been under other circumstances appreciative of the view, right now he only felt mortified and faintly abashed. Even if he had been drunk, and even if a small part of him still clung to the hope that nothing had ACTUALLY happened, he still felt vaguely like looking at Tsukuyo in her current garb would count as cheating.

And whatever else you may call him, Shinpachi was no cheater.

"Kagura-chan..." he murmured weakly, cheeks bright pink. He had drawn the covers back up over his waist self-consciously, not wanting to expose himself to Tsukuyo. This also happened to cover up most of the Yato girl's body, too.

"Mmm..." the girl hummed, half-asleep, into the bespectacled man's side. "Wuzzat, Patchuan...?"

She buried her face a little deeper into Shinpachi's side, making his blush get redder and his body get shivers.

"Ah... could you please let go, now...?" he asked her awkwardly, looking distinctly abashed. "I'd really like to get dressed... It's almost eight."

"Dun wanna," mumbled Kagura petulantly, squeezing her arms a little tighter around Shinpachi's waist. "S'nice. Warm."

Shinpachi's blush went thermonuclear.

Gin, who had put on his pajamas in between chapters, smirked at his protege's predicament even as he gingerly applied a cold compress to the back of his head.

"Hehehe, now you're the one that little leech is clamping onto," he said with a smug grin. "Good luck getting her off, Patsuan. Hahaha!"

Tsukuyo, pouring out a cup of hot tea for herself, waved dismissively.

"Now, now, Gintoki," she said softly, almost motherly in tone. "There's no need fer teasin'. Shinpachi and Kagura've made a big step in their relationship, and it's our duty as adults to give them advice and emotional support."

Gin scowled at the scarred blonde, settling in at the low table across from her. He was seated cross-legged on a worn tatami mat, pouring strawberry milk into a bowl of fruity, hoop-shaped cereal.

"Tch," he muttered. "Since when did Tsukky get so responsible, eh? That's way too reasonable a thing for somebody like you to be saying."

A kunai planted itself squarely in Gintoki's forehead.

"Well somebody has to act as a role model fer those two," muttered Tsukuyo, blushing and looking away from Gin with her eyes closed. She then cracked one eye open to glower at the naturally-permed neet. "Considering what you were doin' when I found ya last night."

Shinpachi let out a yelp, squirming in Kagura's embrace.

"P-p-please don't play with that, Kagura-chan...!" he whined.

"No. S'mine, now."

Gin looked askance at his two employees, quirking an eyebrow at the redfaced Shinpachi and half-asleep Kagura as he nonchalantly plucked the throwing knife back out of his forehead.

"Well... I don't really remember much of last night, actually..." muttered the man, sounding somewhere between sheepish and peevish.

Tsukuyo scoffed.

"How convenient," she muttered. "So I s'pose his sister wouldn't try ta kill you, then, if I told her you'd been planning to have her little brother lose his virginity in Yoshiwara?"

Gin paled, freezing up with his spoon part-way to his mouth. "H...huh...?" he said slowly, starting to shiver. "Um, what? What was that, Tsukky? Have who lose their what...?"

Tsukuyo glowered at him.

"You heard what I said," she told him. "And while I could have forgiven ya doin' that under other circumstances..." A vein throbbed in her forehead, and her eyes fell into shadow. Only a cold gleam was visible of them. "...There ain't no woman in Yoshiwara... with so little pride as ta sell her body for only three hundred yen...!"

Shinpachi audibly choked from over on the futon.

"Wh...what...?" he whimpered, looking over at Tsukuyo, who was glaring daggers at a pale and sweaty Gintoki. "Gin-san did what?!"

"Tried to buy you a whore for three hundred yen," said Kagura sleepily, finally opening her eyes. "Don't you remember, Shinpachi?"

She sat up in the futon, pulling the covers up over her chest. And Shinpachi incidentally had to keep his body very close to Kagura's to prevent his waist from getting uncovered.

The young man, his hair falling down about his shoulders, blushed and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"N-no," he mumbled. "I remember up to when we started to sing karaoke... but past that, it's all a blur..."

He trailed off, feeling his heart skip a beat at the sight of the rosy blush which settled upon Kagura's fair, ivory cheeks at this. She was pouting a little, and cutely averting her gaze from his eyes.

"So..." she said softly, quietly. "You... don't remember what you said to me, last night, Shinpachi...?"

The bespectacled samurai-in-training's heart stopped. He paled considerably, feeling like he had just stepped on a landmine.

"N-n-n-no..." he said, getting the word out only with a considerable deal of nervous stammering. "...I don't...."

As Gin cowered under Tsukuyo's disapproving glare, Kagura's blush deepened a little more, and she met Shinpachi's gaze with doeful, teary eyes.

"Not even... when you confessed... that you wanted to do it with me like we were rabbits...?" she asked him.

A beat.

A drop of sweat beaded down the side of Shinpachi's face.

Then a vein bulged in his forehead.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ACTING SO HEARTBROKEN OVER ME FORGETTING SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!" he snapped.

Kagura, still blushing, twiddled with her fingers.

"Well, it sounded a lot sweeter when you said it," she responded petulantly. Her blush then deepened a little, and she let out a dreamy sigh. "Ah... who knew Shinpachi was such a romantic...?" she teased.

"That's not romantic!" Shinpachi retorted. "It's just perverted! Why on earth would you sleep with someone who told you that? That's like the kind of pick up line Gin-san would use!"

Kagura pouted.

"W-well, it's not like I was interested in you to begin with, or anything..." she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "I just figured it would be better for you to be taken advantage of by a friend than by some sleazy older woman."

"BUT IN THE END, I'M STILL BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!" snapped Shinpachi, sweatdropping.

Kagura, unable to think up a witty retort to that, simply blew a raspberry at him.

Tsukuyo laughed softly, watching the pair banter back and forth.

"Ahh, young love..." she sighed wistfully, sipping her tea. "There's nothing in the world sweeter."

Gin scoffed.

"Not that you'd know anything about that," he muttered, looking away from the blonde.

A kunai planted itself in the side of his head.

A/N: Originally, I had Kagura saying that Shinpachi gave her a love confession. Then I decided that would be too sappy for a Gintama fic.

The last part of this was one of the harder things I've written in a while, though, just for how much I had to write and rewrite to keep things from getting too out of character, especially with Kagura. You know? I wanted to show that there was definitely some real feelings there without getting too sappy, and yet I also tried to keep it from getting too jokey and ruining what genuine emotion there was.

Hopefully I managed to balance all of that properly, and keep things up to the level of everybody's expectations~!

(Also, I am inordinately fond of slapstick. Always nice to end a chapter on a good joke. XD)

Chapter added: 3-4-14

TTFN and R&R!

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