Categories > Anime/Manga > Gintama > Odd Jobs Crack
Don't Yell Around People with Hangovers
0 reviewsShinpachi wakes up, naked, next to Kagura. Who is naked. There is only one conclusion that can be drawn from this.
0Unrated
Odd Jobs Crack
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
Shinpachi stared disbelievingly down at Kagura's naked body lying next to him. Her hair was down, and she had a contented look on her face. Her cheeks were faintly rosy, and Shinpachi could see the signs of a fair deal of sweat having been shed in the futon beneath her. The girl's skin seemed to be sticking to the mat in places, her usually snow-white complexion colored with a pinkish, ruddy hue.
Then his eyes went to her breasts, half against his own will.
It took every ounce of Shinpachi's willpower and restraint to tear his gaze away from those heavenly orbs.
D-d-dragon balls...! the boy thought, staring intently at the opposite wall. Sh-she's got genuine dragon balls! I can feel them working together with my own to try and summon Shenlong...! Even if together we're still missing three, I can't help but feel like they can nonetheless grant at least one wish... one very filthy wish!
Shinpachi was deathly pale and sweating bullets. His eyes were boring holes into the blank wall before them, but still he could see with crystal clarity the image of Kagura's naked, sixteen year old body.
God, she had really grown up over that timeskip, hadn't she? It wasn't fair. She was already stronger than Shinpachi, and she already had a more compelling backstory, but now she even had something like that body to lord over him, too...!
It just wasn't fair. Why did she have to become so sexy at a time like that? Right when they were getting closer, and he was starting to reevaluate his own feelings for the girl...
Christ, it was almost no wonder that he'd gone and done something like this the first chance he got.
"No, no!" Shinpachi yelped then, shaking his head furiously. "Th-th-there's no way...! This is just a misunderstanding! That's all it is. There's no way we'd do something like that...! R-right...?!"
His hands were shaking furiously, and the young man's voice was distinctly tremulous. Despite himself, he could stillvsee Kagura's body, even though he was looking in the opposite direction. His eyes remembered every contour, every slightest dip and rise... it was as though every inch of her had been tattooed directly onto his retinas.
Blood trickled down to Shinpachi's upper lip.
"Uwaaaaah!" he yelled, agonized. "No! No! No! I can't have done that! I couldn't possibly have done something like that! No matter how you look at it, I'm Virginpachi, right? I'm Shinpachi! There's no way that Kagura and I could've done something like that...!"
In the distance, through the paper-thin walls, Shinpachi heard a familiar, feminine voice groan.
"Sheddep, ya damn baldy...!"
He blinked.
"Huh?" he said. "That wasn't Gin-san's voice. But it was coming from Gin-san's room. Eh?" The young samurai's eyes were cast into shadow, his mouth an inch or two agape.
A beat.
That was... th-that was... Tsukuyo-sannnnnnn?! thought Shinpachi, aghast. Why's her voice coming from Gin-san's room? Why does she sound like she's hungover? D-does that mean...?
A moment later, a high-pitched shriek came from the room of the Odd Jobs leader.
"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Shinpachi was silent, face pale. He was chuckling weakly, and he looked distinctly like his soul was starting to leak from his mouth, trying to escape into the afterlife far away from this predicament.
A sliding door was slammed open with a violent force. Gintoki Sakata, looking as white as a corpse and wearing nothing but a tengu mask over his groin, stormed into the room. He was visibly panicked, muttering weakly but rapidly under his breath.
Listening carefully, Shinpachi could make out some of what Gin was saying. But most of it was far too filthy to be transcribed for a T-rated fanfic.
Shinpachi turned his head to look at Gin, the look of a dead man on the teen's face. He pointedly kept his field of view above Kagura, doing everything in his power to keep himself from glancing downwards.
Eyes like those of dead fish met the white, translucent gleam of thick, coke bottle lenses.
Gintoki went silent. His expression was a remarkable match to Shinpachi's.
The wavy-haired ex-patriot looked down next to the naked young man.
What little blood that might have been left above the man's neck promptly migrated southwards.
"Huh?" he said weakly, his voice high-pitched and shaky. "Huh? Why do I see dragon balls in my living room? Huh? Why do I feel like my two employees did the fusion dance and summoned Shenlong in my living room?"
His eyes zeroed in on Shinpachi's belt-line, despite himself.
"Eh?" said Gin. "Why does Patsuan have a Namekian dragon? Huh? Shouldn't he have an earth Shenlong? Any way I look at it, that hopeless glasses boy should have an earth Shenlong. Maybe even a Lilliputian one. Eh? Why does he have a dragon from Namek?"
A vein throbbed in Gin's forehead.
"THAT PISSES ME OFF, GODDAMMIT! A SUPPORTING CHARACTER LIKE YOU SHOULD JUST HAVE A REGULAR EARTH SHENLONG, RIGHT? A NERDY-LOOKING IDOL OTAKU LIKE YOU!" roared Gin-san. "MAYBE EVEN A LILLIPUT SHENLONG! YOU BASTARD! ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW UP THE MAIN CHARACTER? NO! NO MATTER HOW BIG THE MAIN CHARACTER IS, TO HAVE A CHARACTER BIGGER THAN HIM DEVALUES HIS IMPORTANCE IN THIS KIND OF WORK, RIGHT?"
Shinpachi sweatdropped. His left eye twitched.
Raising an arm up, he pointed accusatorially at Gin.
"Ehhhh?!" he snapped. "Why are you going on about my Shenlong, you bastard?! Rather than getting all defensive just because I happen to have an extra centimeter or two down there, shouldn't you be more concerned about the fact that two minors apparently had sex under your roof?!"
Gin scoffed.
"Minors?! Sixteen is the age of consent in most places! Hell, technically it's as low as thirteen, in Japan! Although most prefectures have their own laws that raise it a few years!" he shouted, eyes white. "And Kagura's sixteen, now, right? And you're eighteen! As far as I'm concerned, at your age you bastards can do whatever the hell you want!"
"What's with that irresponsible attitude, huh?!" retorted Shinpachi. "You're effectively Kagura's guardian, right? While her dad's in space? And you're basically my mentor, too! Shouldn't you at least make sure we used protection, or something like that?!"
"Ehhhh? I don't care if you horny punks used contraceptives or fertility boosters or nothing at all, goddammit!" snapped Gin. "If she gets knocked up, then it'll just be a shotgun wedding for you! A fitting fate for a couple of annoying side-characters! Gin-san got laid! He doesn't care what you punks do!"
"Irresponsible!" sputtered Shinpachi. "Unbelievably irresponsible! You have got to be the worst role model ever! Don't you even care what Umibouzu-san would do to me if that happened?! He'd kill me! He'd kill every last man on earth, probably!"
"I don't caaaaare!" declared Gin. "I just got laaaaiiiid! I can die a happy man!"
A kunai promptly flew into the back of the man's head. Blood seeped out from the point of entry, staining silver hair a faint crimson.
"Then just die, ya bastard," snarled a darkly glaring Tsukuyo. She had a towel loosely wrapped over her frame, and an expression truly befitting a woman called Shinigami Dayuu.
She then glanced over at Shinpachi and Kagura. The blonde's expression brightened, seeing the two teenagers side-by-side. Clasping her hands, Tsukuyo smiled at Shinpachi and Kagura.
"Ah," she said. "Congratulations, you two! Name one after me, will ya?"
Kagura mumbled somnolently, rolling over into Shinpachi's side. She wrapped her arms drowsily around his waist.
"Whatever," the Yato girl murmured into Patsuan's flank, the only line she'd spoken all chapter.
Shinpachi, for his part, found himself briefly forgetting how to form words. It was totally unfair for someone as violent as Kagura to feel so soft against him.
Totally unfair.
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
Shinpachi stared disbelievingly down at Kagura's naked body lying next to him. Her hair was down, and she had a contented look on her face. Her cheeks were faintly rosy, and Shinpachi could see the signs of a fair deal of sweat having been shed in the futon beneath her. The girl's skin seemed to be sticking to the mat in places, her usually snow-white complexion colored with a pinkish, ruddy hue.
Then his eyes went to her breasts, half against his own will.
It took every ounce of Shinpachi's willpower and restraint to tear his gaze away from those heavenly orbs.
D-d-dragon balls...! the boy thought, staring intently at the opposite wall. Sh-she's got genuine dragon balls! I can feel them working together with my own to try and summon Shenlong...! Even if together we're still missing three, I can't help but feel like they can nonetheless grant at least one wish... one very filthy wish!
Shinpachi was deathly pale and sweating bullets. His eyes were boring holes into the blank wall before them, but still he could see with crystal clarity the image of Kagura's naked, sixteen year old body.
God, she had really grown up over that timeskip, hadn't she? It wasn't fair. She was already stronger than Shinpachi, and she already had a more compelling backstory, but now she even had something like that body to lord over him, too...!
It just wasn't fair. Why did she have to become so sexy at a time like that? Right when they were getting closer, and he was starting to reevaluate his own feelings for the girl...
Christ, it was almost no wonder that he'd gone and done something like this the first chance he got.
"No, no!" Shinpachi yelped then, shaking his head furiously. "Th-th-there's no way...! This is just a misunderstanding! That's all it is. There's no way we'd do something like that...! R-right...?!"
His hands were shaking furiously, and the young man's voice was distinctly tremulous. Despite himself, he could stillvsee Kagura's body, even though he was looking in the opposite direction. His eyes remembered every contour, every slightest dip and rise... it was as though every inch of her had been tattooed directly onto his retinas.
Blood trickled down to Shinpachi's upper lip.
"Uwaaaaah!" he yelled, agonized. "No! No! No! I can't have done that! I couldn't possibly have done something like that! No matter how you look at it, I'm Virginpachi, right? I'm Shinpachi! There's no way that Kagura and I could've done something like that...!"
In the distance, through the paper-thin walls, Shinpachi heard a familiar, feminine voice groan.
"Sheddep, ya damn baldy...!"
He blinked.
"Huh?" he said. "That wasn't Gin-san's voice. But it was coming from Gin-san's room. Eh?" The young samurai's eyes were cast into shadow, his mouth an inch or two agape.
A beat.
That was... th-that was... Tsukuyo-sannnnnnn?! thought Shinpachi, aghast. Why's her voice coming from Gin-san's room? Why does she sound like she's hungover? D-does that mean...?
A moment later, a high-pitched shriek came from the room of the Odd Jobs leader.
"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Shinpachi was silent, face pale. He was chuckling weakly, and he looked distinctly like his soul was starting to leak from his mouth, trying to escape into the afterlife far away from this predicament.
A sliding door was slammed open with a violent force. Gintoki Sakata, looking as white as a corpse and wearing nothing but a tengu mask over his groin, stormed into the room. He was visibly panicked, muttering weakly but rapidly under his breath.
Listening carefully, Shinpachi could make out some of what Gin was saying. But most of it was far too filthy to be transcribed for a T-rated fanfic.
Shinpachi turned his head to look at Gin, the look of a dead man on the teen's face. He pointedly kept his field of view above Kagura, doing everything in his power to keep himself from glancing downwards.
Eyes like those of dead fish met the white, translucent gleam of thick, coke bottle lenses.
Gintoki went silent. His expression was a remarkable match to Shinpachi's.
The wavy-haired ex-patriot looked down next to the naked young man.
What little blood that might have been left above the man's neck promptly migrated southwards.
"Huh?" he said weakly, his voice high-pitched and shaky. "Huh? Why do I see dragon balls in my living room? Huh? Why do I feel like my two employees did the fusion dance and summoned Shenlong in my living room?"
His eyes zeroed in on Shinpachi's belt-line, despite himself.
"Eh?" said Gin. "Why does Patsuan have a Namekian dragon? Huh? Shouldn't he have an earth Shenlong? Any way I look at it, that hopeless glasses boy should have an earth Shenlong. Maybe even a Lilliputian one. Eh? Why does he have a dragon from Namek?"
A vein throbbed in Gin's forehead.
"THAT PISSES ME OFF, GODDAMMIT! A SUPPORTING CHARACTER LIKE YOU SHOULD JUST HAVE A REGULAR EARTH SHENLONG, RIGHT? A NERDY-LOOKING IDOL OTAKU LIKE YOU!" roared Gin-san. "MAYBE EVEN A LILLIPUT SHENLONG! YOU BASTARD! ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW UP THE MAIN CHARACTER? NO! NO MATTER HOW BIG THE MAIN CHARACTER IS, TO HAVE A CHARACTER BIGGER THAN HIM DEVALUES HIS IMPORTANCE IN THIS KIND OF WORK, RIGHT?"
Shinpachi sweatdropped. His left eye twitched.
Raising an arm up, he pointed accusatorially at Gin.
"Ehhhh?!" he snapped. "Why are you going on about my Shenlong, you bastard?! Rather than getting all defensive just because I happen to have an extra centimeter or two down there, shouldn't you be more concerned about the fact that two minors apparently had sex under your roof?!"
Gin scoffed.
"Minors?! Sixteen is the age of consent in most places! Hell, technically it's as low as thirteen, in Japan! Although most prefectures have their own laws that raise it a few years!" he shouted, eyes white. "And Kagura's sixteen, now, right? And you're eighteen! As far as I'm concerned, at your age you bastards can do whatever the hell you want!"
"What's with that irresponsible attitude, huh?!" retorted Shinpachi. "You're effectively Kagura's guardian, right? While her dad's in space? And you're basically my mentor, too! Shouldn't you at least make sure we used protection, or something like that?!"
"Ehhhh? I don't care if you horny punks used contraceptives or fertility boosters or nothing at all, goddammit!" snapped Gin. "If she gets knocked up, then it'll just be a shotgun wedding for you! A fitting fate for a couple of annoying side-characters! Gin-san got laid! He doesn't care what you punks do!"
"Irresponsible!" sputtered Shinpachi. "Unbelievably irresponsible! You have got to be the worst role model ever! Don't you even care what Umibouzu-san would do to me if that happened?! He'd kill me! He'd kill every last man on earth, probably!"
"I don't caaaaare!" declared Gin. "I just got laaaaiiiid! I can die a happy man!"
A kunai promptly flew into the back of the man's head. Blood seeped out from the point of entry, staining silver hair a faint crimson.
"Then just die, ya bastard," snarled a darkly glaring Tsukuyo. She had a towel loosely wrapped over her frame, and an expression truly befitting a woman called Shinigami Dayuu.
She then glanced over at Shinpachi and Kagura. The blonde's expression brightened, seeing the two teenagers side-by-side. Clasping her hands, Tsukuyo smiled at Shinpachi and Kagura.
"Ah," she said. "Congratulations, you two! Name one after me, will ya?"
Kagura mumbled somnolently, rolling over into Shinpachi's side. She wrapped her arms drowsily around his waist.
"Whatever," the Yato girl murmured into Patsuan's flank, the only line she'd spoken all chapter.
Shinpachi, for his part, found himself briefly forgetting how to form words. It was totally unfair for someone as violent as Kagura to feel so soft against him.
Totally unfair.
A/N: Hehe, much like the source material, I find myself tapdancing back and forth over the line of decency~ Hoho! Also, spending more than half a page on a dick joke, heheh. I wonder how many people will want to string me up for that one? Though Gin-san's kintama have taken a lot of abuse even in the series. XD
Oh, and hi, Ellen, once you reach this chapter! I guess I wound up writing this before finishing my taxes after all. XD
Chapter added: 2-28-14
TTFN and R&R!
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