Categories > Anime/Manga > Gintama > Odd Jobs Crack
Don't Go Overboard with Karaoke or Sake
0 reviewsDrinking and Karaoke is a dangerous combination, as Shinpachi learns the "hard" way.
0Unrated
Odd Jobs Crack
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
Gintoki Sakata, Shinpachi Shimura, and Kagura no-last-name-given-or-needed crowded drunkenly around the mike, their cheeks flushed and their eyes glassy. Words scrolled across the old fashioned TV screen, prompting them to sing the words out loud in time with the music.
"Kimi no~ ushiro sugata wo~ boku ha~ mitsumeteitanda~
Nagaku~ nagaku~ kimi no senaka wo~ boku ha tayori ni~ shitetanda~!"
Gin and Shinpachi were drunk as they sang. For the former this somewhat impaired the quality of his wassailing, but for the latter this state of inebriation actually considerably improved his usually abysmal singing, raising it from "horrendous caterwauling" to a level that was merely "mediocre". Kagura was completely sober, though, simply being giddy from the excitement of the celebration.
"Jibun ga~ iru tokoro wo~ itsumo~ kari no basho da to~
Nigete~ nigete~ yume no sekai he~ kimi no koe wo~ dakishimeru~!"
Tama had a compact disk in her mouth, comically stretching out her synthetic cheeks as she played the music therein through unseen speakers. A heavy duty extension cord connected the TV monitor to her abdomen.
"Tomo to~ koi to~ urame ni deru junsui ga~
Aoi~ jiishiki wo~ kirikiri itametsukeru~!"
Patrons of Otose's bar gathered around in varying degrees of intoxication, alternately cheering the trio on or heckling them as they sang. Karaoke was rare at Snack House Otose, generally being reserved for special occasions, but when the machine was broken out you could bet that the customers would get excited. It was a tradition practically as ubiquitous in Japanese culture as flower-watching, and not too distantly removed from it either.
"Aa~ boku ha~ kore kara nani wo shiyou~
Konna~ boku ja kimi ni sukareru wake ga~ nai no sa~!"
Shinpachi and Gin wove drunkenly from side to side, their faces rosy and their eyes twinkling. Kagura was between the two men, throwing an arm over either one's shoulder. They returned the favor, the trio dancing sloppily together as they descanted.
"Kimi ha~ boku ni yasashikute~ itsumo~ hontou ni yasashikute~
Zutto~ zutto~ boku wo mitete kureta ne~ kimi no taion oboeteru~!"
Otose was smoking a cigarette at the bar, idly wiping a dirty glass with a less dirty rag. She had a superficially supercilious expression on her face, but if one looked closely they could see the glint of nostalgia in her eyes, and the faintest ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of those old lips.
"Terebi to~ sekusu to~ rokkun rooru ga~
Atama no~ naka de~ toguro maiteita~!"
Catherine swept the floor halfheartedly. There was a scowl on her face as she listened to the singing, and she muttered under her breath about overly excitable idiots. But the scowl was faint, and the mutterings without any real heat. The scritch scratch of her broom was noticeably quieter than the singing.
"Aa~ tadori~ omoi kokoro hikizutte~
Karada dake ha~ joubu nano de~ kyou mo~ waratteiyou~!"
Mu-san laughed with a jolly flush in his cheeks as he ordered another round, eyes crinkled with good cheer as he took in the feelings of camaraderie and friendship which pervaded every syllable of the song, which the trio caroled in a way that was two-thirds amateur and one-third professional. He drank heartily, toasting the Odd Jobbers silently with every swig.
The instrumental chorus played, giving the singers some seconds to breathe before the last part of the song came on them.
Then the words started to scroll once more across the screen.
"Ii~ koto mo~ warui koto mo~ ukeirerarenakute~
Hajime kara~ nai mono wo~ hisshi ni~ sagashiteta~!"
Gintoki had glassy eyes and shit-eating grin, looking like he was having the time of his life. He was cutting loose with his two employees without so much as a care in the world. Maybe he was a hopeless good-for-nothing, but he knew how to have fun, and he gladly showed his apprentices the secret and subtle arts of drunken jubilation.
"Aa~ boku ha~ kore kara nani shiyou~
Konna~ boku ja~ kimi ni sukareru~ wake ga~ nai no sa~!"
Shinpachi did not look as drunk as Gin-san, having consciously moderated his drinking a good deal more. But a lower tolerance due to inexperience meant that he had probably still overshot his limit by a glass or two. He was conspicuously clinging tightly to Kagura as they sang, and his eyes flicked more than once to look at the girl, prompting the flush in his cheeks to deepen a little more each time.
"Aa~ tadori~ omoi kokoro hikizutte~
Karada dake ha~ joubu nano de~ kyou mo~ waratteiyou~!"
And Kagura was having the time of her goddamn life. She belted out every word with a reckless abandon, pulling Gin-chan and Patsuan tightly into her grip as she kicked her legs and swayed from side to side. She chanted the final lyrics happily, smiling and pink-faced as she felt Shinpachi and Gintoki's bodies next to her.
Especially Shinpachi's.
She blushed a little more deeply, feeling something else apart from just enjoyment as Shinpachi's flanks rubbed up against hers. Even as the bar's patrons started to clap and holler and cry out "Encore! Encore!" the only thing Kagura could hear was her friend's heartbeat pounding against her ribs.
For his part, Shinpachi was pretty preoccupied himself with the remarkable softness of Kagura's body, and the aural textures of her voice ringing in his ears. The girl had always been a pretty good singer, but in his inebriated state some part of the young samurai had officially elevated her ability to Otsu-chan's level, at least in the ledgers of his mind.
Gin was just flat out wasted.
... ... ... ... ...
When Shinpachi awoke the next morning, it was to the worst headache of his life. His ears were ringing, his cranium was throbbing. He felt as though his brain had imploded the night before and nobody had bothered to tell him until now.
His throat was dry, scratchy, swollen. His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton, and he tasted something sour lingering on the back of his tongue. His stomach churned and roiled agonizingly, making his esophagus twinge now and then as though he were about to heave ho and toss his lunch all a-fro.
"Ugh..." Shinpachi groaned, wincing. The sunlight burned at sensitive retinas even through his eyelids, and the beams of solar radiation stabbed like a spear into the mushy remnants of gray matter lingering inside his brain pan. "Oof..."
Shinpachi huffed and wheezed, twinges of irritation in his lungs. His throat felt sore, and he reckoned his voice would sound hoarse if he tried to speak. But he would not do that. With how his head hurt and his ears rang, Shinpachi was sure that even the slightest noise would elicit unimaginable pain.
Silently, he apologized to Gin-san for never having taken it seriously when the man had a hangover. Then he decided to at least try and sit up. No matter where he may have fallen asleep, it wouldn't do him any good to lie there all day.
He wasn't a lump on a log, unlike Gin-san or Kagura-chan.
Shinpachi felt his cheeks heat up, and his heart pittered and pattered excitedly against his ribs at the thought of the girl. Time had certainly been extremely kind to her, that localized two year time skip transforming Kagura from a pretty lass to a beautiful young woman.
Even apart from the obvious changes, her appearance had simply become more refined, more womanly and adult in so many ways. She was still not full grown, but then that carried a charm all its own to Shinpachi. Kagura was in the midst of her feminine metamorphosis, mid-way through becoming a full fledged woman. She still had the overall cuteness and general innocence of youth, while also having gained many of the hallmarks of maturity and adulthood.
She was effectively a high school girl – no longer a child, but not yet quite a woman. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Shinpachi thought that it would be nice to help her on the road to becoming one.
It took him a few seconds to realize the perverted undertones of that thought.
Blushing furiously, Shinpachi snapped his eyes open and shot upright into a sitting position. He felt a thin blanket fall from his torso, exposing a bare chest to the free air. He had his hand rested on a pillow next to him, pushing himself upwards a little as he fought against the miserable pile of aches and pains that was his body.
It was a pretty warm pillow, too. Unusually soft, and with a texture that felt vaguely incorrect yet familiar, somewhere in a dusty, neglected corner of Shinpachi's mind. And he frowned, then, feeling a nub of something poking into the palm of his hand.
It didn't hurt him in any way, but it was vaguely uncomfortable, and probably something dirty besides. So, irritably, Shinpachi tried to brush that thing off of his pillow. It wouldn't move, though, seeming to be glued on tight. And furthermore, his pillow seemed to shiver and squirm beneath him when he did this.
That seemed wrong, somehow.
Frowning, and narrowing his eyes, Shinpachi squinted through a cloud of blurriness to try and make out his surroundings. He shifted a little on the futon, and his hip bumped into something soft, smooth, and warm.
Again, Shinpachi's pillow moved, seemingly of its own accord, and now he heard a muttered snatch of somnolent nonsense drifting up to his ears.
It sounded familiar. Far too familiar.
Shinpachi's eyes widened. Hesitant, anxiously, fearing to confirm what he was already beginning to suspect with a dawning sense of horror, the young man glanced down at the futon in which he had awakened, absentmindedly and automatically groping at his pillow and alongside the bedroll to find his glasses.
His pillow squealed, mushing suspiciously, ominously nice and interestingly between his fingers. His other hand brushed across the frames of his glasses, and he picked them up.
Removing his hand from the pillow, Shinpachi put the glasses on and looked down beside him.
His dreaded suspicions were confirmed.
That was no pillow.
Kagura lay next to Shinpachi, on the same futon, under the same blanket. Her body was distressingly close to his, and Shinpachi could both see and feel the horrifying truth.
She was naked. They both were.
Shinpachi couldn't help it.
He screamed.
"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
Gintoki Sakata, Shinpachi Shimura, and Kagura no-last-name-given-or-needed crowded drunkenly around the mike, their cheeks flushed and their eyes glassy. Words scrolled across the old fashioned TV screen, prompting them to sing the words out loud in time with the music.
"Kimi no~ ushiro sugata wo~ boku ha~ mitsumeteitanda~
Nagaku~ nagaku~ kimi no senaka wo~ boku ha tayori ni~ shitetanda~!"
Gin and Shinpachi were drunk as they sang. For the former this somewhat impaired the quality of his wassailing, but for the latter this state of inebriation actually considerably improved his usually abysmal singing, raising it from "horrendous caterwauling" to a level that was merely "mediocre". Kagura was completely sober, though, simply being giddy from the excitement of the celebration.
"Jibun ga~ iru tokoro wo~ itsumo~ kari no basho da to~
Nigete~ nigete~ yume no sekai he~ kimi no koe wo~ dakishimeru~!"
Tama had a compact disk in her mouth, comically stretching out her synthetic cheeks as she played the music therein through unseen speakers. A heavy duty extension cord connected the TV monitor to her abdomen.
"Tomo to~ koi to~ urame ni deru junsui ga~
Aoi~ jiishiki wo~ kirikiri itametsukeru~!"
Patrons of Otose's bar gathered around in varying degrees of intoxication, alternately cheering the trio on or heckling them as they sang. Karaoke was rare at Snack House Otose, generally being reserved for special occasions, but when the machine was broken out you could bet that the customers would get excited. It was a tradition practically as ubiquitous in Japanese culture as flower-watching, and not too distantly removed from it either.
"Aa~ boku ha~ kore kara nani wo shiyou~
Konna~ boku ja kimi ni sukareru wake ga~ nai no sa~!"
Shinpachi and Gin wove drunkenly from side to side, their faces rosy and their eyes twinkling. Kagura was between the two men, throwing an arm over either one's shoulder. They returned the favor, the trio dancing sloppily together as they descanted.
"Kimi ha~ boku ni yasashikute~ itsumo~ hontou ni yasashikute~
Zutto~ zutto~ boku wo mitete kureta ne~ kimi no taion oboeteru~!"
Otose was smoking a cigarette at the bar, idly wiping a dirty glass with a less dirty rag. She had a superficially supercilious expression on her face, but if one looked closely they could see the glint of nostalgia in her eyes, and the faintest ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of those old lips.
"Terebi to~ sekusu to~ rokkun rooru ga~
Atama no~ naka de~ toguro maiteita~!"
Catherine swept the floor halfheartedly. There was a scowl on her face as she listened to the singing, and she muttered under her breath about overly excitable idiots. But the scowl was faint, and the mutterings without any real heat. The scritch scratch of her broom was noticeably quieter than the singing.
"Aa~ tadori~ omoi kokoro hikizutte~
Karada dake ha~ joubu nano de~ kyou mo~ waratteiyou~!"
Mu-san laughed with a jolly flush in his cheeks as he ordered another round, eyes crinkled with good cheer as he took in the feelings of camaraderie and friendship which pervaded every syllable of the song, which the trio caroled in a way that was two-thirds amateur and one-third professional. He drank heartily, toasting the Odd Jobbers silently with every swig.
The instrumental chorus played, giving the singers some seconds to breathe before the last part of the song came on them.
Then the words started to scroll once more across the screen.
"Ii~ koto mo~ warui koto mo~ ukeirerarenakute~
Hajime kara~ nai mono wo~ hisshi ni~ sagashiteta~!"
Gintoki had glassy eyes and shit-eating grin, looking like he was having the time of his life. He was cutting loose with his two employees without so much as a care in the world. Maybe he was a hopeless good-for-nothing, but he knew how to have fun, and he gladly showed his apprentices the secret and subtle arts of drunken jubilation.
"Aa~ boku ha~ kore kara nani shiyou~
Konna~ boku ja~ kimi ni sukareru~ wake ga~ nai no sa~!"
Shinpachi did not look as drunk as Gin-san, having consciously moderated his drinking a good deal more. But a lower tolerance due to inexperience meant that he had probably still overshot his limit by a glass or two. He was conspicuously clinging tightly to Kagura as they sang, and his eyes flicked more than once to look at the girl, prompting the flush in his cheeks to deepen a little more each time.
"Aa~ tadori~ omoi kokoro hikizutte~
Karada dake ha~ joubu nano de~ kyou mo~ waratteiyou~!"
And Kagura was having the time of her goddamn life. She belted out every word with a reckless abandon, pulling Gin-chan and Patsuan tightly into her grip as she kicked her legs and swayed from side to side. She chanted the final lyrics happily, smiling and pink-faced as she felt Shinpachi and Gintoki's bodies next to her.
Especially Shinpachi's.
She blushed a little more deeply, feeling something else apart from just enjoyment as Shinpachi's flanks rubbed up against hers. Even as the bar's patrons started to clap and holler and cry out "Encore! Encore!" the only thing Kagura could hear was her friend's heartbeat pounding against her ribs.
For his part, Shinpachi was pretty preoccupied himself with the remarkable softness of Kagura's body, and the aural textures of her voice ringing in his ears. The girl had always been a pretty good singer, but in his inebriated state some part of the young samurai had officially elevated her ability to Otsu-chan's level, at least in the ledgers of his mind.
Gin was just flat out wasted.
... ... ... ... ...
When Shinpachi awoke the next morning, it was to the worst headache of his life. His ears were ringing, his cranium was throbbing. He felt as though his brain had imploded the night before and nobody had bothered to tell him until now.
His throat was dry, scratchy, swollen. His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton, and he tasted something sour lingering on the back of his tongue. His stomach churned and roiled agonizingly, making his esophagus twinge now and then as though he were about to heave ho and toss his lunch all a-fro.
"Ugh..." Shinpachi groaned, wincing. The sunlight burned at sensitive retinas even through his eyelids, and the beams of solar radiation stabbed like a spear into the mushy remnants of gray matter lingering inside his brain pan. "Oof..."
Shinpachi huffed and wheezed, twinges of irritation in his lungs. His throat felt sore, and he reckoned his voice would sound hoarse if he tried to speak. But he would not do that. With how his head hurt and his ears rang, Shinpachi was sure that even the slightest noise would elicit unimaginable pain.
Silently, he apologized to Gin-san for never having taken it seriously when the man had a hangover. Then he decided to at least try and sit up. No matter where he may have fallen asleep, it wouldn't do him any good to lie there all day.
He wasn't a lump on a log, unlike Gin-san or Kagura-chan.
Shinpachi felt his cheeks heat up, and his heart pittered and pattered excitedly against his ribs at the thought of the girl. Time had certainly been extremely kind to her, that localized two year time skip transforming Kagura from a pretty lass to a beautiful young woman.
Even apart from the obvious changes, her appearance had simply become more refined, more womanly and adult in so many ways. She was still not full grown, but then that carried a charm all its own to Shinpachi. Kagura was in the midst of her feminine metamorphosis, mid-way through becoming a full fledged woman. She still had the overall cuteness and general innocence of youth, while also having gained many of the hallmarks of maturity and adulthood.
She was effectively a high school girl – no longer a child, but not yet quite a woman. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Shinpachi thought that it would be nice to help her on the road to becoming one.
It took him a few seconds to realize the perverted undertones of that thought.
Blushing furiously, Shinpachi snapped his eyes open and shot upright into a sitting position. He felt a thin blanket fall from his torso, exposing a bare chest to the free air. He had his hand rested on a pillow next to him, pushing himself upwards a little as he fought against the miserable pile of aches and pains that was his body.
It was a pretty warm pillow, too. Unusually soft, and with a texture that felt vaguely incorrect yet familiar, somewhere in a dusty, neglected corner of Shinpachi's mind. And he frowned, then, feeling a nub of something poking into the palm of his hand.
It didn't hurt him in any way, but it was vaguely uncomfortable, and probably something dirty besides. So, irritably, Shinpachi tried to brush that thing off of his pillow. It wouldn't move, though, seeming to be glued on tight. And furthermore, his pillow seemed to shiver and squirm beneath him when he did this.
That seemed wrong, somehow.
Frowning, and narrowing his eyes, Shinpachi squinted through a cloud of blurriness to try and make out his surroundings. He shifted a little on the futon, and his hip bumped into something soft, smooth, and warm.
Again, Shinpachi's pillow moved, seemingly of its own accord, and now he heard a muttered snatch of somnolent nonsense drifting up to his ears.
It sounded familiar. Far too familiar.
Shinpachi's eyes widened. Hesitant, anxiously, fearing to confirm what he was already beginning to suspect with a dawning sense of horror, the young man glanced down at the futon in which he had awakened, absentmindedly and automatically groping at his pillow and alongside the bedroll to find his glasses.
His pillow squealed, mushing suspiciously, ominously nice and interestingly between his fingers. His other hand brushed across the frames of his glasses, and he picked them up.
Removing his hand from the pillow, Shinpachi put the glasses on and looked down beside him.
His dreaded suspicions were confirmed.
That was no pillow.
Kagura lay next to Shinpachi, on the same futon, under the same blanket. Her body was distressingly close to his, and Shinpachi could both see and feel the horrifying truth.
She was naked. They both were.
Shinpachi couldn't help it.
He screamed.
"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
A/N: Honestly, this is pretty tame in terms of what I do. Which probably only confirms what a terrible human being I am. XD
Also, the song they're singing is the second opening of the Gintama anime. It's one of my favorite ones, personally, and seems like something really appropriate for them to be singing in karaoke.
Chapter added: 2-23-14
TTFN and R&R!
– — ❤
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