FicWad

Odd Jobs Crack

A Gintama thingy

By

EvilFuzzy9

... ... ... ... ...

Gintoki glared heatedly at Shinpachi and Kagura. His eyes were narrowed and temples were throbbing, the knuckles of tightly clenched fists looking nigh as white as his hair.

He raised one arm level to the ground, pointing his index finger rudely at the suddenly and inexplicably age-progressed duo.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he yelled. "No! No way. I refuse to accept this! There's no way in hell you can get me to accept something like this! What the hell?!"

Shinpachi and Kagura traded a glance.

"Um, well..." said the bespectacled young ronin. "Kagura and I were..."

"We went at light speed and now we're older," said the lovely teenaged lass rather dismissively. "It's as simple as that."

"OYYYY!" shouted Gin-san, eyes white. "LIKE HELL! TIME TRAVEL DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, YOU BRAINLESS BRAT!"

"Ah, I already used that tsukkomi last chapter, Gin-san..." said Shinpachi a tad sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Haaaah?" Gintoki whirled around to glare at Shinpachi, making a face like a thug at the young man. "You think I care about that, you four-eyed bastard? Don't act so cocky just because you've got a pretty face, now! On the inside you're still just the same old ugly pair of glasses!"

Kagura gave Gin a faintly baleful glance.

"That's my joke, Gin-chan. I used it last chapter."

"I DON'T CAAAAAARE!" Gintoki roared, throwing his hands up into the air. Otose and Catherine watched this spectacle unfold with the faintest hint of amusement in their eyes. Tama's expression was mechanically blank.

"Jeez, Gintoki..." muttered Otose, taking another drag of her cigarette. "Is that a hint of jealousy I'm detecting?"

"Biometric scanners indicate an 84% probability of envious motivations for Gintoki-sama's present behavior," stated Tama innocently.

Catherine scoffed.

"What the heck is all this about, anyways?!" Gin-san continued in his rant. "Why are you two older and prettier? Huh? Why is Patsuan suddenly a bishonen? Do you think that ponytail is cool? Huh?!"

Shinpachi sweatdropped nervously. "Um... well, I'd been meaning to try a different hairstyle anyway..." he mumbled. "...Maybe change up my image a little..."

"Well it isn't!" said Gin-san hotly, pointing accusingly at the brown-haired eighteen year old. "It makes you look like a poser, dammit! You definitely don't look cool with that ponytail! Something like that won't make a loser like you look cool! Totally not!" he ranted manically, causing Kagura to roll her eyes.

"I think Gin-chan is just jealous, Shinpachi..." she muttered, prompting the neet in question to turn on her next.

"Don't think I've forgotten about you, Kagura!" the man snapped. "What the heck do you think you're doing with boobs? And why the hell have you dropped the 'aru, aru,' ehhhhh?!"

"Meh," said Kagura. "It was getting old, and troublesome for the author to stick in. Plus, I'm two years older now. There's no reason for me not to start speaking standard Japanese like the rest of you, aru."

Gintoki pointed at her, a victorious look on his face.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "You damn brat! Don't think you can change your image so easily! Doing a character reboot this far into the series will only alienate what little fanbase you've managed to develop, you damn brat!" he shouted, cross-shaped veins popping up in his forehead.

His ranting was frenzied, and it was obvious to everyone present that Gin-san was simply being petty.

"HEEEEY, YOU DAMN NARRATOR!" Gin-san shouted. "YOU'RE JUST A FACELESS VOICE, YA BASTARD! YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU A BLACK EYE? I HOPE YOU GET STREP THROAT, DAMMIT!"

Otose gave the fourth wall a sidelong glance, exhaling a puff of tobacco smoke.

"...I think now would be a good spot for a time skip. It doesn't look like that Gintoki is going to be running out of steam any time soon."

... ... ... ... ...

It was evening. The sky outside was gloaming, the night life of Kabukicho just beginning to stir. The rustic, quaint storefront of Snack House Otose was lit up by a combination of paper lanterns and electric lights which lined the street.

Various people strolled up and down the dirt road, most steering clear of the sizable pothole just outside the bar of old Ayano "Otose" Terada. Inside, regulars and drifting barflies alike were making their orders, some just stopping by for a quick drink while others settling in for the long haul.

One group of people, in particular, stood out.

A handsome young man with a faintly boyish face frowned slightly down at the cup of untouched shochu sitting on the table before him. His eyes were half-lidded as he looked at it, his face a little pale.

He appeared to be sweating a tiny bit.

"Uh... Otose-san..." he said. "I may be older, but... I'm still not old enough to legally drink, you know."

Next to him sat a pretty redhead, sea blue eyes twinkling at the sight of a large, steaming bowl of piping hot chazuke. Chopsticks were clenched masterfully between slender fingers, a modestly modest slit-thigh cheongsam exposing skin as white as snow.

Drool was trickling down her chin.

"That looks delicious..." she murmured. "And it's really on the house, Mama? For real? You aren't even gonna sneak a secret service charge onto our bill, aru?"

The silver haired man sitting on the other side of the girl, a bottle of first rate baijiu clutched in his hand and a rosy pink flush in his cheeks, had a dopey grin on his face.

"Maaaaan," he said. "Kagura-channnn, your akshent ish slippin' a-ginnn," he slurred nigh incomprehensibly.

The owner and proprietor of the bar simply shook her head, smiling the tiniest bit.

"It's not every day that someone gets to celebrate two birthdays at once," she said unconcernedly to Shinpachi and Kagura. "With those two years the two of you skipped, that's two birthdays you won't get back. Enjoy life while you're young."

Shinpachi sweatdropped, glancing sideways at Gintoki, who was laughing drunkenly and looking so thoroughly soused that his blood was probably almost inflammable.

"It seems like it's the oldest one out of us three that's having the most fun..." he muttered.

Kagura gave him a smack on the shoulder. It did not hurt nearly as much as it should have, strangely enough.

"Eh, don't bother!" she said cheerfully. "Just drink up and have fun, Shin-chan!"

The young samurai-in-training shook his head, sighing.

"Fine," was what he said, though. "I suppose one cup couldn't hurt..."

And with that, Shinpachi raised the small glass of alcohol up to his lips. He grimaced at the bitter taste, nearly coughing the liquor right back up. He held it down, though, and felt the shochu burn its way down to his gut.

The world seemed to get strangely fuzzy, after that...

A/N: It never ceases to intrigue me, the way I love using alcohol as a plot device... particular since I've only ever had a sip in my life, aside from maybe communion wine on one or two occasions... but then that's only a thimbleful.

But still, who knows what kind of wild antics might emerge from this?

No, really. If you know, please tell me. I'm just making this all up as I go. XD

(A day late for Valentines, but that's okay because ugh last night... never work at a restaurant on a day like Valentines Day. You WILL suffer.)

Chapter added: 2-15-14

TTFN and R&R!

– — ❤