Categories > Anime/Manga > Gintama > Odd Jobs Crack
Don't Forget Earlier Plot Points
0 reviewsKagura and Shinpachi banter and bicker. Otose and the others look for a mysterious pair of vandals.
0Unrated
Odd Jobs Crack
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
"I still can't believe that we've aged two years," murmured Shinpachi half to himself. His face, slightly less boyish, was a little rumpled by the thoughtful frown that subtly curled his lips. "And yet everyone else is still the same..."
Kagura, walking beside him down that Kabukicho street, not far now from Snack House Otose, was whistling an off-tune melody, hands behind her head. She lazily kicked her heels high with each step, looking the very picture of teenage impudence. Her goggles were over her forehead, long strands of hair framing her face from the simple odango on either side.
"Mou, it's not that hard to believe, Shinpachi. We were probably just running at the speed of light, aru," she said dismissively, looking wholly unconcerned. "I don't see why you're complaining. You actually look like more than just a pair of glasses, now."
Shinpachi's left eyebrow twitched.
"I've always been more than just a pair of glasses!" he snapped testily. "And that's not how relativity works, anyways! If we were really going at light speed, then time would have stopped for us but continued for everyone else. We would have stayed the same age while everyone else got two years older!"
Kagura shrugged.
"But now you don't look like a disgusting otaku," she said. "Even if you still are one at heart. And nobody cares about relativity, aru. We'll just say that's what happened and let people complain about it for being unrealistic, but we'll just say 'What did you expect? Realism? This is just a fanfiction of a gag manga,' aru."
Shinpachi sweatdropped.
"That's a little too accurate..." he muttered, side-eyeing Kagura and looking a shade paler. "...And I still don't think it's wise to say that kind of thing so boldly." His eyes then narrowed a little behind his glasses, which gleamed a touch ominously, becoming effectively opaque in the glare of the sunlight. "And what's so disgusting about me?" he asked darkly.
"Well, just your personality, now," said Kagura. "Though it used to be your looks too, aru."
Shinpachi's right eye twitched.
"How exactly are either of those disgusting?!" he snapped. "I know I might not have been the most distinctive character, physically, but it's not like I was ever ugly. And if we're talking about personality, then yours is a million times more disgusting...!"
Kagura snorted. "A woman is never disgusting, aru," she said haughtily, picking her nose.
"Tch, you might look more womanly now..." Shinpachi muttered. "...but that doesn't change the fact that you're still the same rotten brat on the inside. And besides that, I'd say you're doing something pretty disgusting right now!"
Kagura scoffed.
"Nonsense," she said, before proceeding to remove her finger from her nostril and flick a sizable booger onto Shinpachi's shirt.
Irritably, the ponytailed young samurai brushed it off with his hand. Kagura, seeing this, made a face.
"Ewwww," she squealed theatrically. "Shinpachi touched my booger! So grooooss!"
The bespectacled man found himself this close to snapping and strangling his coworker.
Even if she has the face of an angel... he thought. ...she still has the black heart of a devil!
He then blushed a little, realizing what he had just thought.
Kagura smirked at Shinpachi.
"Hey, aru. Are you thinking of something nasty, Patsuan?" she said. "You have a really gross look on your face, aru."
Shinpachi gave Kagura a look, and then he smirked back.
"Yeah..." he said. "I suppose you could call it nasty..."
Kagura gave him the stinkeye.
"Pervert," she said.
"Bitch," Shinpachi rejoined without hesitation.
Inwardly, both smiled.
Their cheeks were just the faintest bit rosy.
... ... ... ... ...
Otose scowled, seeing the crater in the middle of the street. The road was cracked and furrowed from the force of that earlier impact, and a little bit of smoke was still rising from it. Of all the places for those two strangers to have landed, it had to be in front of HER bar.
"Any sign of them, Catherine?" the old woman inquired of her cat-eared amanto assistant.
"None at all, old hag!" replied the... homely, at best, catgirl. She spoke with an unusual accent, the intonation of her speech foreign and also very difficult to accurately represent in written English. "I mean, Otose!" she corrected a second later, not sounding the least bit sheepish about her slip up.
The woman everybody knew as Otose, one of the retiring Four Devas of Kabukicho, sighed. A cigarette was poised between her index and middle fingers, smoke curling from the smouldering tip of the rolled and processed tobacco. Her face, wrinkled and worn from the passage of decades, was frowning.
Her eyes were narrowed, glancing sidelong at the annoying former catburglar she had taken on as an employee.
"Tama," she said, turning to the technically decommissioned, green-haired prototype Fuyo gynoid. "How about you?"
"All foreign presences appear to have long since vacated the premises, Otose-sama," stated the comely mechanized maid obeisantly. "My sensors do not detect any signs of the vandals," she continued, bowing shortly. "Most likely they fled the scene shortly after recovering from impact."
Otose brought the smoking faggot to her lips. She inhaled sharply, causing the end to glow brightly with heat, briefly, before the foremost section was burnt out and reduced to ashes, then crumbling from the tip and falling to expose a fresher, unburnt portion.
"What a nuisance..." she muttered. "They would have to be pretty tough to be able to walk away after something like that... especially so soon."
"I bet it was that Gintoki or his rotten assistants!" declared Catherine. "They're always making trouble for me and the old hag!" A beat. "I mean, Otose," she said blandly.
The proprietor of the bar scowled faintly at Catherine, before exhaling sharply. Smoke billowed from her lips, curling about her face for a second or two like a gaseous, burning wreath.
"Ungh..." came a miserable groan from behind them. "...is that who it is? Sheesh, I hear my name being mentioned, and I think maybe it's a pretty girl wanting to do this or that... maybe wanting to hire me to straighten out her pipes. But instead it's just some oil-drinking bakeneko."
Catherine spun around livid.
"Hey! You disrespectful freeloader!" she snapped. "Watch your mouth! How dare you talk about Otos—I mean, the old hag like that!?"
Otose smacked the feline-attributed humanoid amanto on the back of the head, turning around to face the same direction.
"I see another disrespectful freeloader right here..." she muttered lowly, scowling mildly at Catherine.
"Ah, Gintoki-sama," stated Tama, turning to look at the naturally permed, silver-haired ronin. "Are you feeling well?" she queried. "You look like you had too much to drink last night."
"Heh... I think you just answered your own question right there, Tama..." the alleged successor to Otose among the Four Devas, Gintoki Sakata, groaned weakly. His face was a shade paler than normal, and there were dark circles under those reddish dead-fish eyes of his.
"You really should pay your tab, you parfait-guzzling bastard!" declared Catherine. "How am I supposed to skim my profits off the top if you never pay us any money?!"
Otose lightly smacked the woman on the back of the head once more.
"Those are some pretty incriminating things for you to be talking about so casually," the old woman muttered.
Gintoki grumbled, clutching a hand to the side of his head.
"Ngh, I don't need to listen to a couple of dried up sea prunes yammering on," he said, looking horrendously hungover. "I need a pretty woman to nurse me back to health... or at least serve me a nice sake to dull the pain..." He groaned. "What's with all this racket anyways, goddammit? Don't you people know that Gin-san's trying to sleep off a hangover? Unless one of you has a cure to give him, he wants to go right back to bed."
"My databases indicate that veisalgia symptoms derive from a wide variety of sources, including dehydration, metabolic acidosis, acetaldehyde accumulation, vasodilation, and changes in the immune system and glucose production," stated Tama. "No known cure exists."
"Then Gin-san's going back to bed, goddammit..." grumbled the hungover veteran.
Otose grabbed him by the collar of his kimono, however.
"Not so fast," she said. "Only people who've paid their rent get to sleep in. Either find yourself a client, or sleep off that hangover in the alley."
Gintoki let out miserable groan.
"But I already told Kagura-chan and Patsuan not to come in today..." he whined. "I can't do a job all by myself in this shape..."
"If your record is accurate, you can't do a job when you're sober either, you wavy-haired layabout!" jeered Catherine. "But either you shape up, or you're out on the street!"
Otose smacked Catherine on the back of the head for a third time.
"The same goes for you, too," she said. "Or did you think I'd forgotten how you've called in sick three times in the past week? Gintoki's not the only one who needs to improve on his work ethic."
"Ah?" came a new voice, a young woman's voice, faintly familiar to the Snack House quartet. "They're shaking down Gin-chan for rent already? He just paid three months ago, aru."
Gintoki blinked.
'/Aru?' he mouthed.
"You're supposed to pay rent EVERY month..." came another voice, that of a young man. It too was vaguely recognizable.
"Ehhh? For real, aru? That's so weird."
"No..." came the second voice, along with a longsuffering exhalation. "That's normal..."
Otose, Catherine, Tama, and Gintoki all turned to look at these two newcomers.
Otose and Catherine raised eyebrows at the sight of a rather fit looking young ronin. Even with his eyeglasses (which seemed strangely familiar...) he had a faintly dangerous about him, especially with that katana slung from his hip, wrapped in what looked to be an old white kimono with blue-striped sleeves.
And he was certainly quite handsome, too. On the bishounen scale, he had to rank around a seven or an eight, and even Tama seemed to be appreciating how easy he was on the optical sensory arrays.
Gintoki, for his part, was more distracted by the appearance of a distressingly round and bouncy pair of somethings walking down the street next to that guy in the glasses. Though they were concealed behind a red qipao, Gin-san had no doubts that those had to be some very nice breasts. In spite of himself he got a slight nosebleed, idly imagining what it would be like to have puff puff fun with a pair of such cute, plump sisters.
It was only when he belatedly raised his eyes to look this teenaged beauty in the face that Gintoki realized who it was. And all thoughts of even vaguely sexual nature immediately fled from his mind, his face turning ashen white.
Gin-san may have been pretty disreputable in a lot of ways, but that Kagura was as good as a daughter to him. Or maybe a little sister.
And he was no imouto-moe!
"Eh?" said Gin-san, all blood draining from his face. "Since when did Kagura-chan have boobs? Exactly when did those mosquito bites graduate into funbags?!"
"Wait," said Catherine, doing a double take. She stared at the girl accompanying that bespectacled bishonen. "That's Kagura...? But where would a brat like that meet such a...!?"
She then paused, trailing off.
Otose quirked an eyebrow, taking another drag of her cigarette.
"That's a hell of a growth spurt..." she quietly drawled, seeming largely unperturbed.
Tama simply bowed.
"Hello, Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama," she greeted the two young Yorozuya.
Gin-san turned his disbelieving stare from Kagura to Shinpachi.
"... ... ... EHHHHHHHHHHH?!"
A Gintama thingy
By
EvilFuzzy9
... ... ... ... ...
"I still can't believe that we've aged two years," murmured Shinpachi half to himself. His face, slightly less boyish, was a little rumpled by the thoughtful frown that subtly curled his lips. "And yet everyone else is still the same..."
Kagura, walking beside him down that Kabukicho street, not far now from Snack House Otose, was whistling an off-tune melody, hands behind her head. She lazily kicked her heels high with each step, looking the very picture of teenage impudence. Her goggles were over her forehead, long strands of hair framing her face from the simple odango on either side.
"Mou, it's not that hard to believe, Shinpachi. We were probably just running at the speed of light, aru," she said dismissively, looking wholly unconcerned. "I don't see why you're complaining. You actually look like more than just a pair of glasses, now."
Shinpachi's left eyebrow twitched.
"I've always been more than just a pair of glasses!" he snapped testily. "And that's not how relativity works, anyways! If we were really going at light speed, then time would have stopped for us but continued for everyone else. We would have stayed the same age while everyone else got two years older!"
Kagura shrugged.
"But now you don't look like a disgusting otaku," she said. "Even if you still are one at heart. And nobody cares about relativity, aru. We'll just say that's what happened and let people complain about it for being unrealistic, but we'll just say 'What did you expect? Realism? This is just a fanfiction of a gag manga,' aru."
Shinpachi sweatdropped.
"That's a little too accurate..." he muttered, side-eyeing Kagura and looking a shade paler. "...And I still don't think it's wise to say that kind of thing so boldly." His eyes then narrowed a little behind his glasses, which gleamed a touch ominously, becoming effectively opaque in the glare of the sunlight. "And what's so disgusting about me?" he asked darkly.
"Well, just your personality, now," said Kagura. "Though it used to be your looks too, aru."
Shinpachi's right eye twitched.
"How exactly are either of those disgusting?!" he snapped. "I know I might not have been the most distinctive character, physically, but it's not like I was ever ugly. And if we're talking about personality, then yours is a million times more disgusting...!"
Kagura snorted. "A woman is never disgusting, aru," she said haughtily, picking her nose.
"Tch, you might look more womanly now..." Shinpachi muttered. "...but that doesn't change the fact that you're still the same rotten brat on the inside. And besides that, I'd say you're doing something pretty disgusting right now!"
Kagura scoffed.
"Nonsense," she said, before proceeding to remove her finger from her nostril and flick a sizable booger onto Shinpachi's shirt.
Irritably, the ponytailed young samurai brushed it off with his hand. Kagura, seeing this, made a face.
"Ewwww," she squealed theatrically. "Shinpachi touched my booger! So grooooss!"
The bespectacled man found himself this close to snapping and strangling his coworker.
Even if she has the face of an angel... he thought. ...she still has the black heart of a devil!
He then blushed a little, realizing what he had just thought.
Kagura smirked at Shinpachi.
"Hey, aru. Are you thinking of something nasty, Patsuan?" she said. "You have a really gross look on your face, aru."
Shinpachi gave Kagura a look, and then he smirked back.
"Yeah..." he said. "I suppose you could call it nasty..."
Kagura gave him the stinkeye.
"Pervert," she said.
"Bitch," Shinpachi rejoined without hesitation.
Inwardly, both smiled.
Their cheeks were just the faintest bit rosy.
... ... ... ... ...
Otose scowled, seeing the crater in the middle of the street. The road was cracked and furrowed from the force of that earlier impact, and a little bit of smoke was still rising from it. Of all the places for those two strangers to have landed, it had to be in front of HER bar.
"Any sign of them, Catherine?" the old woman inquired of her cat-eared amanto assistant.
"None at all, old hag!" replied the... homely, at best, catgirl. She spoke with an unusual accent, the intonation of her speech foreign and also very difficult to accurately represent in written English. "I mean, Otose!" she corrected a second later, not sounding the least bit sheepish about her slip up.
The woman everybody knew as Otose, one of the retiring Four Devas of Kabukicho, sighed. A cigarette was poised between her index and middle fingers, smoke curling from the smouldering tip of the rolled and processed tobacco. Her face, wrinkled and worn from the passage of decades, was frowning.
Her eyes were narrowed, glancing sidelong at the annoying former catburglar she had taken on as an employee.
"Tama," she said, turning to the technically decommissioned, green-haired prototype Fuyo gynoid. "How about you?"
"All foreign presences appear to have long since vacated the premises, Otose-sama," stated the comely mechanized maid obeisantly. "My sensors do not detect any signs of the vandals," she continued, bowing shortly. "Most likely they fled the scene shortly after recovering from impact."
Otose brought the smoking faggot to her lips. She inhaled sharply, causing the end to glow brightly with heat, briefly, before the foremost section was burnt out and reduced to ashes, then crumbling from the tip and falling to expose a fresher, unburnt portion.
"What a nuisance..." she muttered. "They would have to be pretty tough to be able to walk away after something like that... especially so soon."
"I bet it was that Gintoki or his rotten assistants!" declared Catherine. "They're always making trouble for me and the old hag!" A beat. "I mean, Otose," she said blandly.
The proprietor of the bar scowled faintly at Catherine, before exhaling sharply. Smoke billowed from her lips, curling about her face for a second or two like a gaseous, burning wreath.
"Ungh..." came a miserable groan from behind them. "...is that who it is? Sheesh, I hear my name being mentioned, and I think maybe it's a pretty girl wanting to do this or that... maybe wanting to hire me to straighten out her pipes. But instead it's just some oil-drinking bakeneko."
Catherine spun around livid.
"Hey! You disrespectful freeloader!" she snapped. "Watch your mouth! How dare you talk about Otos—I mean, the old hag like that!?"
Otose smacked the feline-attributed humanoid amanto on the back of the head, turning around to face the same direction.
"I see another disrespectful freeloader right here..." she muttered lowly, scowling mildly at Catherine.
"Ah, Gintoki-sama," stated Tama, turning to look at the naturally permed, silver-haired ronin. "Are you feeling well?" she queried. "You look like you had too much to drink last night."
"Heh... I think you just answered your own question right there, Tama..." the alleged successor to Otose among the Four Devas, Gintoki Sakata, groaned weakly. His face was a shade paler than normal, and there were dark circles under those reddish dead-fish eyes of his.
"You really should pay your tab, you parfait-guzzling bastard!" declared Catherine. "How am I supposed to skim my profits off the top if you never pay us any money?!"
Otose lightly smacked the woman on the back of the head once more.
"Those are some pretty incriminating things for you to be talking about so casually," the old woman muttered.
Gintoki grumbled, clutching a hand to the side of his head.
"Ngh, I don't need to listen to a couple of dried up sea prunes yammering on," he said, looking horrendously hungover. "I need a pretty woman to nurse me back to health... or at least serve me a nice sake to dull the pain..." He groaned. "What's with all this racket anyways, goddammit? Don't you people know that Gin-san's trying to sleep off a hangover? Unless one of you has a cure to give him, he wants to go right back to bed."
"My databases indicate that veisalgia symptoms derive from a wide variety of sources, including dehydration, metabolic acidosis, acetaldehyde accumulation, vasodilation, and changes in the immune system and glucose production," stated Tama. "No known cure exists."
"Then Gin-san's going back to bed, goddammit..." grumbled the hungover veteran.
Otose grabbed him by the collar of his kimono, however.
"Not so fast," she said. "Only people who've paid their rent get to sleep in. Either find yourself a client, or sleep off that hangover in the alley."
Gintoki let out miserable groan.
"But I already told Kagura-chan and Patsuan not to come in today..." he whined. "I can't do a job all by myself in this shape..."
"If your record is accurate, you can't do a job when you're sober either, you wavy-haired layabout!" jeered Catherine. "But either you shape up, or you're out on the street!"
Otose smacked Catherine on the back of the head for a third time.
"The same goes for you, too," she said. "Or did you think I'd forgotten how you've called in sick three times in the past week? Gintoki's not the only one who needs to improve on his work ethic."
"Ah?" came a new voice, a young woman's voice, faintly familiar to the Snack House quartet. "They're shaking down Gin-chan for rent already? He just paid three months ago, aru."
Gintoki blinked.
'/Aru?' he mouthed.
"You're supposed to pay rent EVERY month..." came another voice, that of a young man. It too was vaguely recognizable.
"Ehhh? For real, aru? That's so weird."
"No..." came the second voice, along with a longsuffering exhalation. "That's normal..."
Otose, Catherine, Tama, and Gintoki all turned to look at these two newcomers.
Otose and Catherine raised eyebrows at the sight of a rather fit looking young ronin. Even with his eyeglasses (which seemed strangely familiar...) he had a faintly dangerous about him, especially with that katana slung from his hip, wrapped in what looked to be an old white kimono with blue-striped sleeves.
And he was certainly quite handsome, too. On the bishounen scale, he had to rank around a seven or an eight, and even Tama seemed to be appreciating how easy he was on the optical sensory arrays.
Gintoki, for his part, was more distracted by the appearance of a distressingly round and bouncy pair of somethings walking down the street next to that guy in the glasses. Though they were concealed behind a red qipao, Gin-san had no doubts that those had to be some very nice breasts. In spite of himself he got a slight nosebleed, idly imagining what it would be like to have puff puff fun with a pair of such cute, plump sisters.
It was only when he belatedly raised his eyes to look this teenaged beauty in the face that Gintoki realized who it was. And all thoughts of even vaguely sexual nature immediately fled from his mind, his face turning ashen white.
Gin-san may have been pretty disreputable in a lot of ways, but that Kagura was as good as a daughter to him. Or maybe a little sister.
And he was no imouto-moe!
"Eh?" said Gin-san, all blood draining from his face. "Since when did Kagura-chan have boobs? Exactly when did those mosquito bites graduate into funbags?!"
"Wait," said Catherine, doing a double take. She stared at the girl accompanying that bespectacled bishonen. "That's Kagura...? But where would a brat like that meet such a...!?"
She then paused, trailing off.
Otose quirked an eyebrow, taking another drag of her cigarette.
"That's a hell of a growth spurt..." she quietly drawled, seeming largely unperturbed.
Tama simply bowed.
"Hello, Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama," she greeted the two young Yorozuya.
Gin-san turned his disbelieving stare from Kagura to Shinpachi.
"... ... ... EHHHHHHHHHHH?!"
A/N: Well, this is called ODD JOBS crack. It's only natural that Gin-san would come back into the picture sooner or later. XD
He probably isn't very happy about Shinpachi's "all grown up" appearance, of course. Hehe, I always envisioned Shinpachi as becoming more filled out and manly-man when he grew up, maybe half for irony, and half because of dat chest hair... but bishonen-pachi is probably better for this, in all honesty. Makes him more of a conventional anime ladies magnet, which should be good for some laughs (and maybe jealousy?) as he runs into various girls he knows...
And partly, I suppose this chapter was to clear up the specifics of the time-skip, namely that Shinpachi and Kagura are the only characters who experienced it. For everyone else, everything from chapter seven (Don't Go and Fall for a Crazy China Girl) up to now (Don't Forget Earlier Plot Points) has all been in a single day.
Also, it was fun to write Otose and Catherine. XP
Chapter added: 2-9-14
TTFN and R&R!
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