Categories > Original > Fantasy > MegaMistake

Jumping planets or Something

by CarcinoGeneticist 0 reviews

Ficwad finally gets her adventure on, meets her cousin, The Black Queen steps her game up, and Dot and Google experience strife.

Category: Fantasy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Sci-fi - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2014-04-06 - 2162 words

The fire's turned to smoking cinders, weak smog puffing upwards. My hair is a total trainwreck. I've been in the game so long that the dyes in it have either washed out or faded, and it's turned into a dreadlocky mess.
I have not slept through the night in. Um. A while. And even when I do get to sleep, it doesn't do any good because I'm so tight and I just know the tentacle things are going to be there.
Dusk on LORAF is really pretty, all indigo and shady and mostly cool. Fretardsprite hovers by my elbow, and sneezes loudly.
"Bless you," I whisper. He gurgles his thanks.
Hunger burbles in the pit of my stomach, and I reach into the pocket of my new dress for some dried basilisk. My dress is made from some of my Frerard fanart and a pen I exploded. It's called "Welcome to the Parade of Black Ink." Kind of weak wordplay on that, but I'm not really that upset. It's hella cute.
I'm wearing bits and pieces of my armor, like my arm guards and leg guards and my helmet so my super gross hair is not in my face. DeviantArt's been trying to message me for a while, but my best girl Youtube is also trying to get a rope on me too.

[Ficwad (FW) messaged Youtube (YTB)!]
FW: hay gurl hay wWUT UP BIATCH!
YTB: i hv so much to say!
FW: lay it on my
FW: Me*
YTB: u kno wht getting the tiger is?
FW: uh god tier power stuff right?
YTB: yeh more r less
YTB: :D :D :D
YTB: bard of mind man
YTB: gt a grip on my head vioces tied them up wid lidel strings
YTB: Catsbysprite's keepin me in check :)
FW: man i'm psyched for you dude!
FW: bellagrazza gurl!
YTB: thanx

YTB: just tearing shit up over herer on LOSAP
YTB: bt BQ might be makin her way over to u gusie
FW: Hai! loud and clear!
YTB: ...can i tell u somthin personal?
FW: ?sure?
YTB: i met dis guy, ya?
YTB: MS Paint Adventures Forum he's my patronplayer
FW: gg wat a name
FW: go on waggels eyerows
YTB: keep dem eyerows in cehck im getting there
YTB: i like him? sort of?
[*YTB: but don't get me wrong im PISSED

YTB: its his fault i tiered and dyed but he didnt tell me what would hapedn
YTB: and i was terrified
YTB: bc i never trust anyone halfassed
YTB: i had a feeling it wold work out bt still UNCOOL
FW: aww :(
FW: do u still like him or what?
YTB: i dont know i am so angry at him
YTB: sry for drama but still

I clamber over a big rock. Fretardsprite is snapping up little branches to put back into the fire, and I start uprooting moss for kindling. Youtube likes a boy. What the fresh hell, he must be really something. Like, super cool or something like that blonde kid in Homestuck. There's more than one blonde kid, isn't there? Ah, fuck it, you know what I'm saying.
But really, she's never shown any interest in boys except for, and no offense to him but she can do so so so so so much better! But whatevs, it's not like they had anything too serious anyway.

[Ficwad (FW) messaged DeviantArt (DA)!]
FW: hey sorry things been busy!
DA: AIEEE~~~~!
FW: no way
DA: But I tried to talk the baka down!
FW: Good for you!
DA: thank you Ficwad-chan! c('3')~
DA: oh.
DA: thats it.

FW: she hasn't fought him or nothing?
DA: No! She's been talking it out with that genki ginger kid in your sesh!
DA: MAJOR Feels Jam marathon! ~~~Moirails desu!~~~~~
DA: hai!
FW: huh. how about that.
DA: Have you ever thought about visiting your brother?
FW: I don't have a brother?
DA: Yes you do.
DA: no you dont.
DA: sorry.

DA: Cousin. visit him.
FW: why?
DA: You may regret it otherwise.
FW: man i hate it when you're weird and prophetic cant you just drop it?
DA: Fly across to LOPHAL and visit him. You are no longer sleeping and fear deeply for your future.
FW: Stop being so creepy!
DA: go see h i m.

I stop talking to her because it's majorly freaky when she does that. But she does have a point. Besides, it's not like I'm doing anything at the moment.
Hell yeah, I'll go see that useless cousin of mine. I access the Grist account and put a hole in in to give me rocket boots.
"Yo Fretardsprite! Let's blow this popsicle stand!" I shout to him, dropping my moss. He doesn't know what I mean, but he figures it out when I take off and starts flying in circles around me as I fly up.

The Author watches Ficwad rise from her planet with apprehension. They've never met before in real life, and she wonders how it will work out.
She also hasn't seen her boss in a while. That makes her stomach feel like snakes. Hopefully he won't kill her. She has no desire to die. Pressing her fingers to the fourth wall, showing Youtube and Catsbysprite working on controlling Youtube's newfound mind powers. The Author's fingers find a fissure, a small imperfection. Curling her blunted nails into it, The Author pulls a little bit, breaking off a small piece of wall. Her left hand joins the right one, digging and burrowing into the fissure, making the picture flicker in and out of focus with each piece gone.


On her airship, the Black Queen is elated. Killing the girl was way too easy! She just lay there and shook like a dog. Act like a bitch, die like a bitch. Her lips curl back from twin sets of razor-sharp black teeth. It was so easy to destroy her. The less heroes, the better.
Heh. Heroes.
"Useless!" she says, rolling her shoulders. A small imp scuttles up to her, and bows so low that his head nearly grazes the floor tiles.
"Yuh-Your Righteousness! Where would you like to go next?"
The Black Queen purses her lips. She could go back to Derse, back to parking tickets and accepting totally lame apologies from Prospitian royalty. Ugh, color her not interested!
"How many more heroes are there?" she asks, staring down her servant.
He thinks it over, and says meekly, "Three. The Sylph of Doom, The Mage of Hope, and the Knight of Life."
How very interesting indeed. "Which one is closest?" she asks idly, already beginning to feel bored.
"The Mage, my lady. His is the next planet over. The Land of-"
"Save it. Charter a course. Snap to, urchin!"


However, while all of this noise is happening, a similar, stolen airship is touching down on the Land of Fog and Magic. Google is piloting, tie strung loosely around his neck, first three buttons undone, and pants sagged to barely above his bum, because he finds it more comfortable and Dot really doesn't mind at all.
Although his physical self is comfortable, his mind is in turmoil. He hasn't been able to get in touch with his daughter, and he's beginning to get this feeling of not-quite-together. It feels like his head has burst a little at the seams, and someone has rummaged through his brains with a sewing needle. Getting out of bed in the morning is harder. He will realize he is in a different room and have no idea how he got there.
And his dreams are terrifying. He wakes in cold sweats and does not want to close his eyes.
The Something follows him doggedly. It has no name. He will be with Dot, and he will think it will be gone, but it is only sitting in a closet.
Google does not want his daughter exposed to that. Something. So he agreed to find Dot's son first, to touch down on the Land of Frimfram and Ballyhoo or whatever and wait this out.


The Land of Plot Holes and Leviathans is cold as heck! Like, it looks like Scotland or Wales does in movies and stuff! And it feels that way too!
I'm shivering and shuddering along a trail left by my stupid cousin. God, when I catch up to him that motherfucker is in for the tackle of his life, believe me.
Damn this planet has a lot of ferns. I've never seen ferns before. They're all curly. Cuties.
Fretardsprite shakes my shoulder, grunting and drooling excitedly. "What's up?" I ask, and he points down the trail.

Wow. There he is.'s messaging somebody on his glove, I think? Anyway, he's walking along, messaging somebody and cutting stuff out of his way.
I creep a lot closer, because if he's messaging his homocidal boyfriend, then it is my job to know!

He's definitely talking to the boyfriend, and his conversation's interspersed with little grunts from cutting through foilage. Foliage? Foliage.
"God, you're so dirty, it makes me sick. -UHN!- I would treat you like a-HUHN!-slut but -MMPH!-you know you're too good for that."
There's a pause, followed by a laugh. "Yeah, you like the-UHN!-dirty talk don't you?"
Another pause, but a short one. "I'm cutting through trees and stuff, you sicko!"

I climb up a fallen log, edging along behind him. Fanfiction Dot-Net's sprite is floating along behind him, looking bored out of his freakin' mind. He spots me and mimes blowing his brains out. He looks like anime-cool, with a headband and stripes and stuff.
"Nah, man, it's cool, it's cool," says my cousin. He hasn't spotted me yet, so I stand up on the log, balancing on it and walking along.
"Look, I don't know how she's gonna react. I mean, you did kill her and all. Don't worry about it. You couldn't deserve that."
Should I jump on him, or land in front of him? Decisions, decisions.
"Look I...I wouldn't worry about it."


I launch, and he looks up at the last minute, complete shock on his pretty face before I go for the elbow drop.
"Ka-pow, sucker! Take it, bitch!" I shout, trying to put him in a hold.
He starts laughing, nearly hysterically, breaking my hold easily and enfolding me in a hug.
"Ficwad! Wow! Not expecting this! Wow!" he breathes, standing up and giving me a bone-crushing squeeze before letting me go.

He's still super pretty in an obnoxious anime sort of way, with the flippy hipster hair and the big dark eyes. The snakebite piercings glitter nicely in the light of LOPHAL, so that's nice.
"You're so tall now," he breathes, like he can't believe it. "And your hair, wow, it's..."
He wants to say weird, or crazy, or gross, but he does the nice thing.
"...totally different."
He is so freaking pale. I thought that maybe his skin would be darker, like mine, the dark tan that mine is, but he looks so different from me. And Fictionpress looks like him.
And that makes me really sad.

"Hey, don't cry. It's okay. What's up? Is everything okay? Why're you here?" he asks.
I don't want to talk. He should know. He should know what I gave up so that he is safe. He should know that I gave up sleep for him, I gave up sleep and sanity and all the rest of it so that he would be okay.
I want to scream at him, but he probably wouldn't get it.
"Something happened," I tell him, and then just dive right into the Red Miles and the No Sleep and Nightmare Fuel and everything else. He looks completely horrified when I'm done.

"Good God. I didn't know. I'm so sorry," he tells me, looking at his sprite who just shrugs. His throat works, once, twice.
"I didn't know. I...I'm so sorry."
He reaches forwards and it's supposed to be a hug, but it feels more like catching a corpse. Man, what do I do? I give his back a few pats, but he still doesn't let go. Do I claw?
"Uh...wanna go kill something?" I mumble into his shoulder. My last resort, but he takes it with a nod and lets me go, thank God.

"This is Interobanaraangsprite."
"What a name."
"Heh. Yeah. What's yours called?"
"Typical. Ow! No hits!"
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