FicWad

"Lord Aizen? What is that?" Ulquiorra asked when he saw the creature in the glass container, with the huge fluffy hair, clad in black leather.

"Ulquiorra, that is a rare creature from the human world. I believe it's known as a Purdy." Aizen replied, glancing at the bat.

The Purdy, in it's glass case, was currently oggling Harribel. She, in return, was sending him some seriously disapproving glares bad enough to make anything else wither in fear.

"A... Purdy." Ulquiorra stated blandly, testing out the word. It was a strange type of creature.

Was this creature going to help them win the battle against the Soul Reapers?

"So... What does it do?" Nnoitra asked. Whatever it was, to him, it looked too fluffy and adorable to do anything.

Aizen sighed. He didn't want to mention that the real reason that he had brought the bassist to Hueco Mundo was because he wanted something (else) attractive to stare at, and he was certainly grateful that it looked rather feminine. Instead, he said, "If we disable the females in the Sereitei, we exponentially increase out chances of winning."

"Exponentially?" Grimmjow asked, disbelieving. How could something that small do any real damage?"

"The 2nd and 4th squads are led by women. Women are lieutenants for over half the squads. The 4th squad is nearly entirely female. So is that orange haired woman with the healing properties." Aizen said.

"So this is going to inflict devastating damage upon the women?" Ulquiorra asked.

"In theory, yes." Aizen said. Why couldn't they just accept what he was telling them, and just go with it already?

"Does it work on gay men?" Szayel asked, a faint tremor in his voice. He didn't want to be a pink splatter on the floor... Or the wall either for that matter. He was quaking in his shoes.

"Yes, but not as effectively." Aizen said with a sigh. Could they just please shut up already?

In response to this, Nnoitra and Szayel hid behind the nearest potted plant.

"Since when the fuck are you gay?" Grimmjow asked him.

"I'm bi, dipshit, and if you had a half a brain, you'd be hiding here too!" Nnoitra spat in annoyance. Sure, it'd only be like a quarter as effective on him as on Harribel, but he wouldn't be taking any chances. He liked his remaining eye.

Ignoring the antics, Ulquiorra piped up again, asking, "How effective is he?"

"Let's see." Aizen said, before yelling, much in a manner like Davey Jones, "Release the Kracken!"

Of course, nothing happened.

"We ain't got no goddamn Kracken!" Grimmjow hissed.

So, Aizen tried again. "Release... the Purdy!"

The glass case was lifted off the creature. It's first act was to yank off it's shirt. Harribel's fraccion were staring, and Apache was actually drooling uncontrollably.

The Purdy then let out a rather loud squeal of "Boobies!", before it charged at the 3rd Espada, hands outstretched in a groping manner. She pulled out her sword, holding it at the ready.

However, before the Pesky Purdy could get sliced into little minced meat Purdy Pies, Nnoitra ran out from behind the potted plant, picking it up by the back of the neck. "Hey, Aizen, I think he works pretty well!" He yelled, before asking, "Can I keep it?"

The Purdy cringed at hearing the Spoon screaming right in it's ear.

"Where?" Aizen asked.

"My sock drawer!" Nnoitra said, his smile growing wider, showing off even more of his piano-like teeth.

"I'll go get a grave stone. Poor thing's gonna die of stink." Grimmjow said, snickering.

"But... Boobies!" Purdy said sadly, seemingly unaware of what was going on around him, waving his arms towards the 3rd.

"It's ok, lil buddy, I got porn! We're gonna be best friends forever!" Nnoitra said, squeezing the creature in a tight hug. It let out an unhappy squeal. It liked it's oxygen, which the 5th Espada was currently denying it.

And the truth of the matter was, the Poor Purdy had no idea how it managed to end up in an alternate dimension with a bunch of insane people in the first place, but it wanted it's oxygen, and it's boobies, no necessarily in that order. Oh yeah, and it wanted to get away from the Spoony B.O.

Yep, it was going to be a long day for the poor Purdy.