FicWad

It's hard to tell people about yourself when you have no clue who you are. When people ask me who my parents are, I have to tell them the people I grew up with, not the story. I don't mind letting people know, it's just too long to go over again and again. I was adopted when I was born. Pretty much as soon as I was. It was a closed adoption though, meaning I can never know who my true parents are. Most people think that when you're adopted, you either despise the people who adopted you, or you never feel anything about the people who gave you up because of how happy you are. Neither of those was the case for me.

I’ve never felt too close to the people who adopted me, but I never hated them either. I guess they were just there. There to feed me and clothe me. I guess I was always so distant from them that I had a major curiosity for what could have been. I have no way of finding them. So I guess I have no hope. My parents wouldn't even bother trying to find me because they never wanted me in the first place. I put my head in my hands and groaned.

It makes me feel awful when I think of it like that, but it's true. My mum and dad, the ones who adopted me, they told me to think of it as if they picked me out of a catalogue, but even when I do, I feel like the thing they wanted most was out of stock, and they got stuck with me instead. It's hard to think of these parents as a priority when I was only an option.

So writing this essay about who I was isn't exactly easy. Who am I? A lot of answers flow through my mind. I'm a drama enthusiast, I love animals, I want to be an actress, I'm 17, I have brown hair, green eyes, I love music and I’m adopted. It just doesn't quite have a ring to it. Besides, I don't really know who I am anyway. How can anybody know who they are if they don't know where they came from? This essay was completely optional, but I thought I might as well give it a go. Perhaps some baby photos might give me some inspiration? I went to go and find my mum. She was in the kitchen, presumably making some sauce for the pasta tonight.

“Mum?” I asked. She looked at me.

“Yeah?” She said, absent-mindedly moving on to her next task in the meal. She wasn't very good at cooking, and even she knows that.

“I'm doing an essay for school. Can I have some baby pictures?” I asked. She nodded her head and put down her knife.

“Let me get them from the loft.” She said. I walked into the lounge next door as I waited for her. I tapped my fingers on the arm rest until she came downstairs with a huge box. “Do you want me to put them in your room? You can look through them and pick.” She suggested. I nodded my head. I followed her into my room. Once she put the box down, she left to get back to what she was doing.

I looked through them all. The box wasn't just of me as a baby, but all throughout my childhood. None of them gave me any inspiration whatsoever, but it was slightly fun to look at all of them. Especially before I was one year old. When I was still in the hospital after my birth. I was wearing a tiny costume which barely covered any part of me, but it was still very adorable. There was a hat with a flower on it, and some shorts. Both of which were crochet and overwhelmingly yellow. In the middle of looking through all the pictures, I found myself very bored by having to look through them all. So I decided to look at some videos online.

On my suggested videos, there was one with the Supernatural main cast, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, behind the scenes. They always make me giggle, so I clicked on it. It was fantastic. I'd already seen the video before, but not in a long time. They were walking around, joking, and showing what they do in their spare time. I noticed in Jensen's trailer, there was a framed photo on one of the cupboards.

It was hung up and looked very taken care of. In the next clip, they were interviewing Jensen in front of the cupboard. A few times his head bobbed so I could fully see the photo. I never thought twice about the photograph before. Inside of the polished frame was a baby dressed in the exact same clothes as I was wearing in the hospital. The exact same look. There was no doubt about it. My green eyes, my passion for acting. I was Jensen Ackles's daughter. I didn't really know how to feel. I felt numb in all honesty. As soon as I heard the door knock, I closed the video. Mum walked in without my permission as per usual, then gave me a look of disappointment.

“You're just lounging around.” She said. I closed my eyes out of anger, then opened them up again. I needed to calm myself down. I couldn't let her know what I did.

“I just picked out the photo. I'm about to start the essay.” I lied. She looked a bit happier, and picked up the box.

“As long as you're sure you're going to get it done. Whenever you're ready, give me the picture back.” She said.

“Can I keep it? I really like it.” I said, sounding like my usual peppy self. At least now I know where I got my acting skills from. She sighed and nodded her head.

“Take good care of it. Which one did you pick?” She asked. I showed her the photo of me in the yellow crochet shorts and hat. She smiled when she saw it. “That's the first picture we have of you being still. You were so lively when you were a baby. Now you just sit around all day.” She pointed out. I resisted every urge I had to roll my eyes. I waited for her to leave the room and then put the picture in a plastic protector and carefully placed it in my school bag. I can't crinkle it. If it is the only proof I have that Jensen is my dad, I'd have to protect it at all costs.

I went to sleep pretty early that night. Even though that photo pumped me with adrenaline, the reason why it did exhausted me. After waking up from a dreamless sleep, I forgot. For a split second, I forgot about all of yesterdays events. It was peaceful in my mind. But then I realised what I discovered, and got ready for school.

My school isn't too bad. In fact, it's great. A lot of the time, I do feel like crap there. But that's because it's so small and I'm forced to spend my time with a very limited amount of people. There's only one person there who I actually like to spend my time with. My best friend, Mildred Yeanaha, but everybody just calls her Milly. We go to a school for people with high-functioning autism. Mainstream school just didn't suit me very well, and I left because of how much it drained and upset me. One of the only problems with my school is that it's a long ride away, so I was going to be nervous all throughout my taxi ride. After listening and flicking through my entire playlist of songs in my hour and a half long taxi ride, I finally got to school. I didn't even have time to greet everyone. I went straight to the staff room and banged on the door until somebody opened.

“Hello Penina, are you alright?” One of the annoying teachers asked.

“I need to speak to Summer.” I said blatantly. There was no point in beating around the bush and trying to act sweet. The sooner this gets sorted, the sooner I could meet my parents. Summer Lewis is basically pastoral care for the entire school. As soon as she heard me say her name, she went to the door.

“Good morning, Penina.” She said in an overly-happy tone. I couldn't deal with happiness right now. I just couldn't. I needed today to be as straight-forward as humanly possible.

“I think I know who my dad is.” I said. I could feel some of the teachers look in my direction once they heard my statement. Summers face was that of pure shock. “I want to meet him.” I continued.

“How...” She started.

“A baby photo and a video. My mum doesn't know, so I really need to do this before she notices. I think he never wanted to give me up in the first place. Otherwise why would he have a picture of me?” I asked very quickly.

“Hold on. Let's go to my office.” She said, so off we went. The room was very bland. There was a circular table, more chairs than there needed to be, and a small couch on the corner. I immediately sat on one of the chairs, opened up my bag and pulled out the photo. It was still in perfect condition.

“You know that essay we were given the choice to do? The one about who we were?” I asked. She nodded her head.

“Yeah. Vaguely.” She said.

“Well, I thought I might as well do it. I was insanely bored and wanted to do something, so I tried to do that. Only I had no clue how to when I had no clue who I was. So I asked mum for some baby photos so maybe I could get some inspiration, and I was looking through them and I liked this one, so I put it to one side. After looking through the box for ages I got bored, so I wanted to see some videos online before I got on with the essay. There was one which was behind the scenes with the Supernatural cast. Anyway, in Jensen's trailer, this exact photo was there, framed and everything. It was polished and really well taken care of. I figured that he must be my dad then. I mean, we've got the same eyes and we love acting.” I explained. She looked as though she was holding her breath, and once I got it all out, she let out a big breath.

“Right. This is pretty huge. First of all, are you feeling okay?” She asked. I shrugged.

“I don't feel any different. I just want to do something about it. I want to know my real parents.” I answered. She nodded her head. “Do you want to see the video?” I asked.

“Yeah. I think I need to.” She said. I got out my phone, and put on the video. I skipped it to the bit when Jensen was being interviewed, and paused it as soon as the photo was in sight. She gasped. She took the photo right next to the phone and observed it. Not that there was any need to. It was the exact same photograph.

“Mum doesn't know anything. When she saw the picture I chose she said that it was the first photo of me while I was still. So I know it's definitely me.” I said. “I really want to know my real parents. Please, Summer. Help me get in touch with them.” I begged. She saw the look of desperation in my eyes, but I knew nothing could sway her. She's as professional as she is kind.

“Penina, I promise you we'll sort it out, but right now we need to call your mum.” She said. I was dreading those words, but I knew I had to hear them. We walked to the staff room together. Just before we went in she asked me if I was alright with everybody hearing the call, but I didn't mind. She told me to take a seat on the sofa as she rang my mother. I wasn't really paying attention to a word she was saying. I just wanted to know what my parents were like. I knew who my dad was, but that's not too much help. I don't know what he's like behind closed doors. I have no clue who my mother is. I knew a few of the teachers were looking at me, but I didn't care. I was too scared of what Summer was going to tell me. Sure enough, after about a 10 minute talk with my mother, she knelt down opposite me.

“What did she say?” I asked. She looked nervous, and smiled at me a little in a shoddy attempt to make me feel a little more comfortable, but it didn't work.

“That she didn't think you'd ever find out. She said that bit over and over again.” She said. I rolled my eyes. Of course. She always makes it about her. “She said that if you wanted to meet your father, you can.” She said. I looked up at her a little more. I wasn't expecting that.

“She did?” I asked. She nodded her head, but still seemed a bit uncomfortable.

“But she said if you decide you want to, then she doesn't want you anymore.” She continued. I nodded my head slightly, and then looked down at my thumbs.

“What the hell? She can't do that!” One of the teachers exclaimed as he walked into the room. He had no idea what was going on, and he was a little late today, so he probably wasn't informed about anything. He then turned off his phone and looked around. “Well, my ex has only gone and burned my favourite shirt.” He said before sitting next to me. He then looked at me. “I didn't realise you were in here.” He said.

“Cooper, Penina's just found something out, and she has to make a decision.” Summer explained. His eyes widened realising how much distress I was currently in.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“I'm fine.” I lied. “I just need a minute.” I said. I left the room and ran upstairs. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but as soon as I found one of the classrooms unlocked and unused, I went in it and sat by the door. There were windows, so people could see me, but at least nobody would come in if I was still there.

If I met up with Jensen and realised he wasn't all that great, I would've gone straight back to my parents. In fact, I didn't even want to leave them. I just wanted to get to know them. Maybe stay with them during the holidays. But now I don't even have that option. I had an ultimatum to make. I either stay with the people who probably aren't even going to look at me the same anymore, or go and see a man who might not have even wanted me in the first place. Besides, if both of those choices turned to crap, I’d have to go into care which is something I definitely don't want. Plus, I know enough about him to know that Jensen would be completely fine without me. He had a wife and a daughter now. A real daughter. Not a mistake. He seems so happy. Who would I be to ruin it? I heard a knock on the door and saw Cooper. It was only when I saw him that I realised it was his room I was in. I got up shakily, and sat on one of the chairs.

“Penina, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.” He said. I didn't respond. I just looked directly in front of me, trying to drown anything and everything out. Usually I was very responsive to Cooper. I see him as a friend rather than a teacher, so I know that he knew that I was acting out of sorts. “Summer didn't really tell me what was going on. She just said that something big happened, and I should've realised that a student wouldn't be in the staff room if everything was fine. Especially you.” He said. I shook my head and shrugged.

“It's fine.” I said. Even I knew that he could see past the bollocks. My voice was dry, my emotions were all over the place, and I wasn't in my usual happy mood whenever I'm around him. Him and Milly are my only friends in the world. Well, I guess that's not true. But the only friends I see regularly. Cooper paused waiting for me to say something else, but when I didn't, he looked at me with an even softer expression than he had before.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” He asked.

“Well, I found out who my dad could be, and if I try to find him my mum would kick me out, also I'm pretty sure that I'd never even be able to live happily ever after no matter what decision I make. But apart from that, I’m fine.” I explained as calmly as humanly possible. Cooper looked like he was getting progressively angry each and every second I didn't speak until he finally exploded. He slammed his hands on the table and leant over to me.

“Fuck her. Seriously. Fuck everybody who never put your happiness first.” He screamed, making me jump. He breathed in and out to calm himself down, but it only worked a little bit. “You deserve to find out the truth from someone, so if your own mother can't give you any answers you should be allowed to go to the source if you damn well please. I promise that all of us are going to be with you every step of the way, alright?” He said. I nodded my head, but still remained slightly expressionless. I just didn't know how to feel.

“Alright.” I answered, barely above a whisper.

“Good. I'm sorry I just had an outburst like that. You know I normally wouldn't, it's just that I hate what you're having to go through.” He said. I nodded my head. “So, what's your biological fathers name?” He asked.

“Jensen Ackles. He's on that show we began watching. He plays Dean.” I answered. His eyes widened.

“Alright. That's good. That means he'll be quite easy to track down.” He rambled. “How did you find this out?” He asked.

“In one of his interviews he had a baby picture of me.” I answered. He nodded his head.

“Did he mention it at all?” He asked. I shook my head. “Okay. Listen, you shouldn't have to do any work for the rest of the day, so you just chill out either here or with Summer. I'm gonna do some research if you want me to.” He said. I nodded my head.

“Sure.” I answered. He went straight on his computer and started looking up my dad. I almost laughed. This whole situation is just too mind-bogglingly surreal. Yet it was actually happening. My teacher who I see as a friend is looking up the man who could be my father, but he's also a famous actor on one of my favourite shows. After around an hour of just sitting and thinking with Summer checking in every few minutes to see if I was alright, Cooper found something.

“Okay, I've got his phone number.” He said. I looked at him. My heart was beating at a million miles per hour.

“His phone number?” I asked. He nodded his head.

“Yeah. I had to pull a few strings, but everything's online if you know where to look. It's his home phone number, so I don't know if he'll answer.” He said. I nodded my head. He handed me his own phone with the number already dialled in. I just had to hit call. Once I did, it seemed like each and every ring was an hour apart. I heard the phone pick up, and a very tired voice picked up.

“Hello?” A man asked.

“Hi. Um, is this Jensen?” I asked. He let out a loud yawn.

“Yeah, but it's half two in the morning. Who's calling?” He asked. My eyes widened. Not only was I speaking to Jensen Ackles, but I just rudely awakened him.

“Crap! Sorry. I didn't mean... I just...” I stuttered, but I didn't really know how to finish.

“Do you need anything or are you just going to keep me and my family up?” He asked sounding to get progressively angry. I knew that I couldn't make him any more angry. What if he already didn't want me and this was just the last string.

“I think I'm your daughter!” I blurted out. After a very long silence on the other end, I thought he might've hung up. So I sighed. I was about to give Cooper his phone back until I heard a voice from the other side. I put the phone straight back to my ear. “Sorry, I didn't hear that.” I said.

“What's your name?” He said in a tone that let me know he was repeating what he was just saying.

“Penina.” I answered. I heard a small giggle of relief on the other end.

“Oh my god. It's really you!” He exclaimed. I nodded my head, but then realised he couldn't see me.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah it's me.” I said.

“Where are you? Do your parents know about this?” He asked sounding very worried.

“I'm at school. My mum knows, but she's not too happy. But I don't think that should be a problem anymore.” I told him.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Well, she doesn't like this. Not one bit.” I answered.

“It's alright. Give me the school's address. I'll be there as soon as I can.” He said. So I did. He said he was going to go on the next flight. I'd just have to wait in school until then. I told Cooper and he told me he'd wait with me. I can't believe I just did that.

I know you didn't show up in this part Hozzie, but I promise you that you're going to show up very soon! I hope you liked the first chapter! I'll update it as soon as I can. :D