Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Forever Trying to Find you
01/01/2000 - 12:03 am
Gerard,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
89 days, 8 hours, 26 minutes and counting.
I miss you, Gee.
It's kind of all starting to click now, I think I actually remember that day.
I was worried, you hadn't answered the phone and that's why I went to your house. Mikey was out with Alicia, some sort of movie date or something. Oh god Gee, I remember how eerie it was walking up to your house. It looked like no one was home. All I can think of is the silence as I walked down to your basement. Your door was shut and that was the only familiar thing about it all. I could smell it, the strong tangy metallic scent. It went straight to my nose the moment I opened that door.
The shrink – I should probably stop calling him that – his name is David, he told me that I probably didn't want to try and remember it in full detail just yet. He's actually a pretty cool guy. He understands what I'm talking about, and he understands when I don't want to talk about you. Or if I just want to reminisce.
I don't want to remember what I saw, I want to remember you how you actually were before it happened.
Apparently they held a funeral for you. Mom didn't let me go because she could see I didn't believe it happened. She told me after I called the ambulance and they arrived, I answered their questions and just walked home. Mom said I gave her a heart attack when I walked in with your – anyway she got a hysterical phone call off Donna and that's how she found out.
You were just as much my moms kid as you were Donnas. Mom said she went catatonic for a day or so. She said she felt like she had just lost one of her sons. My mom loved you, and she was so happy for us.
I loved you – no I still love you. I'll never stop loving you Gerard. You actually were my first everything, my first love, first kiss, first sexual everything. I literally gave you everything I had, everything. And I guess that has died with you.
That's the first time I've said that.
That you're, you know.
I've been trying to remember what my heart felt like before I fell in love with you, but it was so long ago. I reckon it was when I was eight, about a year after Mom and I moved into the house just down the street from you. You were drawing, and you drew me as Frankensteins' monster and I loved it. I loved you.
Gerard, what am I supposed to do without you, I planned everything around you. Like where I was going to go to college, where the apartment was that we were gonna share, how many kids we would adopt.
How am I supposed to do this when you're not here.
Yours truly,
Frankenstein's monster x
Gerard,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
89 days, 8 hours, 26 minutes and counting.
I miss you, Gee.
It's kind of all starting to click now, I think I actually remember that day.
I was worried, you hadn't answered the phone and that's why I went to your house. Mikey was out with Alicia, some sort of movie date or something. Oh god Gee, I remember how eerie it was walking up to your house. It looked like no one was home. All I can think of is the silence as I walked down to your basement. Your door was shut and that was the only familiar thing about it all. I could smell it, the strong tangy metallic scent. It went straight to my nose the moment I opened that door.
The shrink – I should probably stop calling him that – his name is David, he told me that I probably didn't want to try and remember it in full detail just yet. He's actually a pretty cool guy. He understands what I'm talking about, and he understands when I don't want to talk about you. Or if I just want to reminisce.
I don't want to remember what I saw, I want to remember you how you actually were before it happened.
Apparently they held a funeral for you. Mom didn't let me go because she could see I didn't believe it happened. She told me after I called the ambulance and they arrived, I answered their questions and just walked home. Mom said I gave her a heart attack when I walked in with your – anyway she got a hysterical phone call off Donna and that's how she found out.
You were just as much my moms kid as you were Donnas. Mom said she went catatonic for a day or so. She said she felt like she had just lost one of her sons. My mom loved you, and she was so happy for us.
I loved you – no I still love you. I'll never stop loving you Gerard. You actually were my first everything, my first love, first kiss, first sexual everything. I literally gave you everything I had, everything. And I guess that has died with you.
That's the first time I've said that.
That you're, you know.
I've been trying to remember what my heart felt like before I fell in love with you, but it was so long ago. I reckon it was when I was eight, about a year after Mom and I moved into the house just down the street from you. You were drawing, and you drew me as Frankensteins' monster and I loved it. I loved you.
Gerard, what am I supposed to do without you, I planned everything around you. Like where I was going to go to college, where the apartment was that we were gonna share, how many kids we would adopt.
How am I supposed to do this when you're not here.
Yours truly,
Frankenstein's monster x
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