FicWad

"Those three shed light on my consumed and lonesome heart. They heard me singing and made things worse by adding their voices. When we finished I ran off in embarrassment. I steered clear of them for the rest of the day. When school dismissed I walked to the gate and waited for them because I knew they would come looking for me. When they found me they asked me if I wanted to hang out. I told them since they heard me singing that I would. They swore they wouldn't tell anyone that I could sing. As we walked home we were playing around with names. Kimberly and I came up with the name The Lone Wolves. Since we were all social outcasts it was perfect. Before I continue on let me give you a detailed rundown of my childhood. My name is Danny De'Leo Velvetoro. I'm also known to the public as Black Wolf. I am twenty-five years old. I was the leader and one fourth of the 1960s psychedelic rock group The Lone Wolves. I was born on January 31, 1954 in Misty Woods, Michigan. I was an only child."

"My mother Gloria Granger was a drug addict who received government assistance. She also abused me physically and emotionally without remorse. My father Gerald Velvetoro died before I was born leaving me fatherless. I can remember all the way back to February of 1958. I remember a woman from child services coming to our house. She looked about thirty and she seemed nice. She spoke with my mother about finding employment and she said that she had put in several applications. The woman didn't seem convinced and asked her if she was abusing me in any way. She looked at the social worker and told her no. Looking back on it I felt I wanted to slap her. I couldn't believe she sat there and told that woman that. The woman walked over to me and looked at my face. I was so afraid. I didn't want her to touch me at all. She observed my bruises and had me removed from the home immediately. My mother didn't seem to care. I remember her lighting a cigarette as I walked out the front door. At the moment I felt I would be alone for the rest of my life."

"The social worker drove me to a building. When I arrived I saw other children like me who were abused but I didn't speak to them. Instead I sat in a corner alone awaiting my time to get adopted. I stayed at the social office for a few weeks and a foster family took me in. When I got to their house I saw it was clean and had a lot of furniture. They told me to go into the den. When I got there I saw two children between the ages of five and seven. I just stood there and looked at them. They looked at me and another child pushed me to the floor. My breath quickly became short upon contact from the other child. He straddled me and we began fighting. After several minutes I managed to push him off of me and I ran back to the foyer and remained there until dinner time. During those hours I thought about my mother. Despite how she treated me she was still my mother and I missed her. At dinner I played with my food. I took four bites and was silent. After dinner I was placed in the bathtub. While my foster father bathed me he would touch me. I would scream but he would cover my mouth and he'd have his way with me. I was a victim to the darkness of my very own mind."
"The next four months had gone on like that. For the rest of the year I had been placed in foster homes. In January 1959 my mother regained custody of me. I was glad to be back home but I knew it was back to the physical and emotional abuse. She started bringing different men home every night. It was around May I figured out no cared about me. My mothers live-in boyfriends molested me and it made me feel worthless and displaced. My school life wasn't any better. My teachers tried to crack me but were unsuccessful. I knew if I spoke about of home life it was to back to foster care so I kept quiet. My mind would drift to a far away place. I imagined myself standing at a lake looking at my reflection. I saw this scared and fragile boy who was afraid to speak. Then I looked up and saw a doppelganger chained to a wooden post and getting beaten. I screamed and the entire class looked at me. I looked around and the teacher excused me to the back of the classroom. She asked if me I was alright. I lied and told her yes."

"She wasn't unconvinced but didn't pressure me either. When I returned to my seat and resumed doing my work without another word. When school ended I walked home in silence. When I came into the living room I saw my mother and her boyfriend sitting on the couch looking at television. As I passed by them my mother threw a beer bottle at me. I spoke to my mother and she got up and walked over to me. She knelt down and slapped me in my face. The sting felt like someone placed a brazing iron on my face. She told me to go to my room and I did exactly that. When I got there I shut the door and walked to my closet. I pulled out a portrait of my aunt Leona. She was the only person who protected me. She died before my fifth birthday which devastated me. I barely saw her but when I did I felt safe. She told me she was going to adopt me but before that could happen she was taken from me. I rubbed my hand over the portrait and cried for fifteen minutes. I went and placed it back in the closet. I didn't have homework so I sat at my desk and glanced out the window. I hoped someone would come and save me from my mom. I pulled out a small notebook and began writing words that expressed how I felt."

"After being alone in my room for several hours my mothers boyfriend came into my bedroom. He grabbed me and threw me on my bed. I was scared but I didn't give any indication that I was because I knew my mother would ignore me. He removed my shirt and ran his hands over my chest. He felt gratified as he molested me. I looked frantic and terrified. He did the unthinkable and unforgivable. He knelt down and kissed me on the lips. I closed my eyes tightly to keep from thinking about it. He traveled down to my shorts pulling them down with my underwear and began fondling me. I was underdeveloped so I couldn't get aroused. Even if I could I wouldn't have been. He placed his mouth around my genitalia and began doing bobbing motions with his head. After he finished he left me there nude and emotionally damaged just like my mother did. That went on for the next several months. December was when I saw my mothers true colors. I was in an alley running from my mothers usual client Clayton and his thugs. I tripped and fell. I scraped my knee and both my elbows. I saw my mother in the distance and called her name. She just looked at me while leaned up against her car lighting a cigarette."

"Clayton's men had gotten a hold of me. As I screamed for help Clayton walked over to my mother and he gave her her drugs. She told him I was payment and looked at me one final time. I screamed for her one final time. After that all I heard was her car engine disappear in the distance. One of Clayton's men handed me to him and he threw me in his trunk. I was kicking and screaming the whole ride. When we arrived at Clayton's house Clayton got me from the trunk and threw me over his shoulder. I kicked and screamed for him to let me go. He must've thought it was arousing because he just smiled and ran his hands under my shirt. Once we were inside Clayton sat me on a couch. I was sitting in between two men. The one on my left began touching me. I was so afraid but the feeling wasn't new to me. I just sat there and let him continue his ministrations. Not long after the one on my right wanted a turn but was stopped by Clayton. He scared me second to my mother. He carried me over his shoulder to a bedroom. He slammed me down on the bed and began stripping me of my clothes. My mother used me as payment to support her drug habit so the client could keep me as long as they wanted. I looked at him with tears filling my eyes. As he ran his rough hands over my body I closed my eyes tightly and thought about my mother."

"The only memory that was fresh on my mind was the one that just happened where she abandoned me. I was brought out of my thoughts when I was turned over onto my stomach and Clayton rammed his genitalia into my sphincter. I screamed in agonizing pain but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. I was in a drug house and marijuana and cocaine were very powerful drugs. After he finished he beat me into unconsciousness. A few hours later I awoke and found that the house was quiet. I dressed and walked out into the hallway. I looked over the banister and saw everyone including Clayton passed out on the couch asleep. I used this an opportunity to escape and returned home. I knew I was walking into the lions den but I didn't care. I didn't want to return to foster care and my mom looked clean so I thought she was back to normal, boy was I wrong. At the end of December I came home from school my moms boyfriend followed me to my bedroom. He molested me and performed oral on me. Following that he me in the basement. I sat there for hours crying and thinking about what to do."

"My mother had went to the store for cigarettes. Still how could she let this go on?. At seven I looked up at a burgundy cover. I grabbed a chair and pulled on it. When it fell down I saw window. I climbed out and came back around to front and walked through the front door. I power walked to my room and gathered my things. I grabbed my piggy bank and headed to the front door. Just when I thought I was safe I was stopped by my mother. She told me I wasn't going anywhere and grabbed me. I bit her and she let me go. I left the house and headed to the Misty Woods Train Station. I didn't care where I went as long as I got away from Michigan and my mother. I bought a ticket and got on. I fell asleep after an hour. A few days later I arrived at a train station. When I got off the bus a woman asked what I was doing on the train alone. I ignored her and went to find a public bath. After searching for an hour I found one. I showered and put on a fresh change of clothes. I walked to a fast food restaurant and ordered a burger french fries and a shake. I realized I was close to being broke so I had to find shelter. I walked for several hours and I came to the neighborhood of Amory Vineyard."

"I walked five blocks before coming to a two story house. I could tell it was abandoned was deteriorating. It was white and gray with a long veranda and porch swing. I walked inside the gate and up the stairs. I turned the doorknob and the door opened. When I walked inside I saw white powder all over the hardwood floor. To my left was the livingroom and the sofa and love seats were overturned. I placed my suitcase next to the door and decided to take a personal tour of the house. As I walked down the large hallway to my left was what appeared to be the master bedroom. To my right was the diningroom. I turned right and walked to the diningroom. I saw cocaine and needles on the table. Thank goodness I was wearing shoes because I stepped on pieces of glass. After passing through the diningroom I came to the kitchen. It had an island in the center. The refrigerator was to my right with the stove next to it. The counters had gone all the way around the room. I then walked to the pantry where I saw dead cockroaches. Disgusted I quickly shut the door and headed through another walkway which led to the hallway. I walked upstairs and there were five bedrooms. Two were on the right and three on the left. It was the early sixties so the house was very conservative."

"I was too young to notice it. To me it was a place to live and not on the streets so I didn't complain. I walked through each room. The two on the right had needles and powder on the floor. The bathrooms had dirt rings around them and the sinks were molded. I walked across the hall to see the condition of the others. All they were paper and bed frames. The bathrooms were just unbelievable. There were dog feces on the ground along with blood. I wondered if they bred dogs in here. Afterward I headed back downstairs and went to the master bedroom. It had nothing in there but large wooden mirror dresser. There was no bed. I walked to the closet where I saw it was empty and clean. I walked to the bathroom and found it was also clean. I surmised that whoever stayed in the master bedroom wasn't a drug addict. I had ate for the day I turned couches upright and laid down for the night.The following morning I walked to the grocery store to find cheap food. I found two large tote bags and picked them up. I went to the dairy section and grabbed two half gallons of milk. Then I went to the canned good section and grabbed two cans of whole corn and stream beans. Then I grabbed a loaf of wheat bread, peanut butter and strawberry jam. I also grabbed a few cleaning items and laundry detergent."

"I walked to the checkout area where I saw people getting their items rung up. While no one was looking I walked out of the store and headed home. When I got home and put everything away I began cleaning the house. I started with the upstairs. I found a broom and dustpan on the back patio. I swept up the powder and poured some floor freshener on it. Next I walked across the hall and cleaned the other rooms and bathrooms. Two hours later I headed downstairs and put my cleaning in the hallway closet. I walked to the livingroom and laid down on the couch. I was worn out from walking and cleaning. I knew I couldn't keep stealing so I had to think of a way to have an income. I thought about my molestation and rape incidents. I shook my head in fear and disgust. Then I thought about robbery. I didn't know a thing about robbing but I knew more than what I should have about sex. I grabbed my suitcase and headed to the master bedroom to bathe. I spent the entire day cleaning and fixing up the house. I found four buckets of paint in the attic and touched up the walls. I painted it blood red with boarding walls white. Nightfall came and I had to think of a way to get blankets and what have you. I took another bath and dressed in shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. I left the house and walked to the corner."

"Even though Sea Gate was an upper middle class neighborhood strangers still came through. I stood on the corner looking for a customer. Twenty minutes later a car pulled in front of me. I walked to the car and got inside. His car smelled of cigarettes. He drove me back to his house. It was nice and well kept. I saw a picture of his wife and two children. He was a closet case who found pleasure from the sex. He paid little innocent boys and teenagers to have sex with him. He took me to his room and laid me down. I disrobed and laid down on the bed sprawled out. He stripped his clothing and climbed onto the bed. He lubricated me and started stretching my sphincter. Since Clayton had done this to me before and was familiar with it it was still painful. He did missionary and doggy style on me. I hated it and I felt so dirty and worthless. It was well after eight thirty when we finished. He drove me back to my neighborhood and dropped me off at the corner. He paid two hundred dollars."

"I thanked him for his time and he said thank you. I didn't know that felt more pleasured than I did. I got out of the car and walked home. I bathed and went to bed. I had a nightmare about the night my mother abandoned me and left me with Clayton. I woke up seven hours later. I took a bath and got dressed. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and headed to the corner. This was degrading especially for a six year old. I got a different customer that night. He was kind of heavy and looked like he was in his late twenties or early thirties. I got in the car and he sped off down the street. We got back to his place and I saw he lived in the lower end of the city. Being from middle class family with a single mother I understood. We entered the apartment complex and headed to his unit. We walked upstairs and turned left. He put his key into the lock and opened the door. He shut the door behind him and turned on the light."

"He had a love seat and sofa up against the wall. We headed to his room. I stripped and got on the bed. He grabbed my head and forced it near his penis. I knew what to do and put it in my mouth. I began doing bobbing motions with my head. I imagined my mother hugging me and telling me a bedtime story. He ejaculated into my mouth. I spit the salty substance onto the floor. He punched me and told me I was supposed to swallow. I tried to run but he grabbed me and slammed on the bed. He spread my legs and forced himself into me. Clayton had done this but this felt more aggressive and unbearable. He thrusted into me for the next hour and a half. Once he finished he removed himself from and fell on his side. I laid there for an hour and tried to regain my strength. As I got up and got dressed he woke up. He asked me where I was going. He sounded possessive and angry. I told him I was going home. He got out of bed and I ran to the door and unlocked it. I ran downstairs and headed out the complex gates. The man was was far behind me. I hid in an alley."

"After thirty minutes of standing there I stuck my head out to see if he was there. When I felt the coast was clear I started walking back to my neighborhood. I got my key from under the mat and unlocked the door. I walked inside and walked to my bedroom and took a bath. I dried off and went to the livingroom and went to bed. I walked to Sea Gate Kindergarten and showed them my school documents. I got a ride from my customer from the previous night and he drove me to school. When I got there I registered myself and started the same day. I didn't tell anyone what I did at night because it was degrading and two it was no one's business. I did my schoolwork and walked home. I prostituted myself for the next two years. I bought a king size bed and frame for my bedroom with my savings. I felt good that I had something soft to lay my head on but I was angry with how acquired the money. On New Years 1963 a new family moved into the neighborhood. I didn't go greet them because I didn't talk to strangers. The next day at Kingsley Elementary I saw Alvin Goldsteen, Deena Tansworth and Kimberly Bradshaw. Alvin looked different than the rest of us. I didn't speak to any of them. Alvin's green eyes smiled vibrantly at me but I averted my eyes away from him. Unknown to him my classmates weren't nice to newcomers. As for Deena and Kimberly I didn't speak to them because Kimberly seemed mean and Deena looked like the prying type."

"One day during school dismissal I bumped into Kimberly. I turned to look at her but I didn't apologize. Instead I looked at her and kept moving. She followed after me and tapped me on my shoulder and demanded an apology. I begrudgingly apologized and walked off. The other children didn't mess with me because I would fight them. During recess I sat alone away from everyone else. The teachers didn't come bother me or anything which enjoyed the most. I spent this time writing songs about my relationship with my mother. I felt tinged to the core and I cried as I wrote the words. I quickly wiped my tears away because I didn't want anyone to see my weakness. When school dismissed I headed home. When I got there I went to the bathroom. After that I went to the livingroom and started on my homework. An hour I went to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich and a got a bag of potato chips with a glass of water. As I ate I looked at television. It wasn't anything interesting on television but I wanted to hear something resonate through my ears. I sat around the house. After looking at television for thirty minutes I turned it off and went upstairs. I went to the second door on the left and put up a new curtain set."

"I did to the other two rooms next to it and went back downstairs. At seven forty-five I took a bath and dressed. I headed to the corner and stood there. It was pretty slow. I didn't get a first customer until around twenty minutes after nine. It was my usual customer. I got in and he buckled me in. He quickly sped off down the street. He asked me how my day was and I told him it was okay. He wanted to make conversation and I didn't. He was the customer and I was the client. It was strictly business and I planned on it keeping it that way. When we got to his house he brought me to his music studio. I asked him if he wanted to do the usual and he said no. He said that he was done with that and thought I was to young to be experiencing what I was going through. He taught me the controls on the equipment panel. I leaned quickly and made a musical composition for my song The Mother I Thought I Had. It was 1963 and folk was in full swing. After I finished making the instrumental I walked into the booth and I stared singing the lyrics. It was my first time being in the recording studio. After that my visits with him were no longer sexual but insightful and helpful. He didn't release my recording instead he put it on a 12 inch vinyl and gave it to me. After that he bid me goodbye and moved out of the state."

"Not long after he was gone did I realize he was the only man that paid me for my time instead of my gift. Even though he respected me I still hated prostitution. Not long thereafter Ms. Murphy gave us a science group project. I was paired with Alvin, Deena and Kimberly. I didn't do any talking during the entire duration of the project. That afternoon we went to the library and began working on our assignment. Deena tried to get me to talk but was unsuccessful. I did however talk for the first time when we presented the project to the class. We received a ninety-four and I was satisfied. I didn't talk to the three of them for the next month. In early March I got a ride to school from one of my regular customers. He was one of the abusive types. My neck was covered in hickies and my arm and ribs were severely bruised. I wore a long coat to cover my arms. As for my neck I didn't think anyone would notice so I didn't conceal it. As I reached the school gate Kimberly approached me."

"I didn't know what to expect so I just stood there. She looked at my neck and asked me if I was okay. I didn't say anything and walked inside the school. I hung around the hallway until class started. Before the bell rang I walked into the classroom. I saw no one was there and sighed with relief and walked to my desk. I put my head down on the desk. I loved the coldness against my face. As I was getting comfortable with the silence of the classroom I was interrupted by the voice of students. I lifted my head in annoyance and looked at the black chalk board. Alvin sat to my left with Deena in the next row. Kimberly sat in front of him. Although we were close in proximity we were far away in personality. We did our warm up sponge for the first ten minutes of class. When the timer dinged Ms. Murphy called me to the board. I sighed lowly and got up to go to the board. She asked me to solve one of the problems."

"I picked up a piece of chalk and began executing the problem. As I continued Ms. Murphy asked me to verbally explain. When I finished explaining Ms. Murphy laughed and said that I did the project completely wrong. I felt so humiliated that left the classroom. As I left I heard snickering. The only ones who didn't laugh were Deena, Kimberly and Alvin. I stood outside for fifteen minutes and cleaned myself up. I walked back in with a scowl on my face. Ms. Murphy looked as if she didn't know why I was glaring. I sat down in my desk and had my head down until recess. When recess came I went to my usual spot and sat down. I pulled out my lyrics and started singing. As I was singing I heard three other voices. First was Kimberly's revving engine. Then Deena came in with a sweet delicacy. Finally Alvin rounded it off with a flirtatious twang. I don't know what was wrong with me but we continued harmonizing. When we finished I stood up and we we looked at each other. Feeling embarrassed I ran off without a hitch."

"I avoided them for the rest of the day. When school dismissed I headed to the school gate. I knew they would come looking for me so I leaned against the gate and folded my arms. Not ten minutes after I got there the three of them found me. Kimberly asked me if we could hang out. I agreed to hang out with them because they found out I could sing and didn't want anyone to find out. As we walked down the street Kimberly said that while living in Rhode Island she sang on street corners. She went onto say it would be groovy if we were a group. I didn't know them well enough to form a group. When we got to Kimberly's house I found out Kimberly was the daughter of the famous singer Carol Bradshaw. I couldn't believe my eyes. She made Oatmeal Raisin cookies for us. They were delicious but I had a hard time expressing myself so I didn't say anything. We walked around her house. I saw a picture of her parents. Her mother Valery was beautiful. She had long blond hair that was flipped with a bang swept over her forehead. She was standing in front of Carol's father looking into the distance. Her father Hogan looked like he meant business. He had bright copper red hair. It was combed over and he was wearing a suit. It was a half portrait and Carol came and stood next to me."

"She said that picture was taken in 1933 when they were twenty and nineteen. I didn't ask any questions but she knew my eyes could was curious looking at the picture. A year later in June 1964 we visited Kimberly's grandmother Valery in Ella Mona, Maryland. It was my fist time ever being on the east coast. She was sweet and was one of our earliest and biggest fans and supporters. We sang her one of our first group collaborated songs Love, Anger, Flirtation and Shyness. I played it on my acoustic guitar and she was ecstatic. I think her husband or children sang for her when she was younger because she had tears in her eyes as we sang. From seven in the morning to eight at night we would sing on street corners. We were spit on, cursed out and had things thrown us and we brawled too. We wanted stardom so bad that we were willing to deal with horrible treatment we faced."