Categories > Original > Erotica > It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy and Other Based Nonsense
It was a calm day on the high seas, the men wandered lazily about, knowing they couldn't go far during the calm. Lorre up in the crows' nest could barely keep his eyes open, the sun beating down on him and half drunk rum in his hand. As he dozed, a dark cloud formed to the east, just over the horizon, where only he could see it... if only he were awake.
"Where's the Cap'n? I'm tired of doing nothing, there must be something he can do to change this becalmed weather!" a crewmate grumbled. "Sounds like mutiny to me, boy," retorted Chester, the first mate and right hand of the Legendary Pirate Cap'n Crunch. "I wouldnt want to hang you by your blue crunchers today, I'm sure the sharks are just as hungry as we are." A collective shiver went down the spines of the crew. No one wanted to be a victim of His crunching. The disgruntled crewmate grumbled something inaudible about brown pantaloons and walked off to find a bowl of his own to cream.
After a while, people started noticing the stench... rotten fish? No, worse than that. Two rotten fish? No, still worse. Suddenly a flash to the east! The crew looked collectively at the oncoming storm in horror, before springing to action
MAKE FAST THE BUNT GASKET!
PULL IN THE MAINSAIL!
The storm intensified to the east as the crew frantically attempted to pull the sails in, before the high winds snapped their masts in two. The Cap'n angrily shoved the boy he was giving the old Chocolate Crunch to, left his quarters and stormed on deck. "What in the damn hell is going on?! How many times do I have to tell you not to bother me when I'm getting my Crunch on?!"
The Capn's eyes widened as he saw the oncoming storm, but before he could say a word, the ship, the crew, the bowl of milk they floated in all were engulfed in the gaping maw of Grandma Betty's cooze, never to be seen again.
Until the next bowl.
"Where's the Cap'n? I'm tired of doing nothing, there must be something he can do to change this becalmed weather!" a crewmate grumbled. "Sounds like mutiny to me, boy," retorted Chester, the first mate and right hand of the Legendary Pirate Cap'n Crunch. "I wouldnt want to hang you by your blue crunchers today, I'm sure the sharks are just as hungry as we are." A collective shiver went down the spines of the crew. No one wanted to be a victim of His crunching. The disgruntled crewmate grumbled something inaudible about brown pantaloons and walked off to find a bowl of his own to cream.
After a while, people started noticing the stench... rotten fish? No, worse than that. Two rotten fish? No, still worse. Suddenly a flash to the east! The crew looked collectively at the oncoming storm in horror, before springing to action
MAKE FAST THE BUNT GASKET!
PULL IN THE MAINSAIL!
The storm intensified to the east as the crew frantically attempted to pull the sails in, before the high winds snapped their masts in two. The Cap'n angrily shoved the boy he was giving the old Chocolate Crunch to, left his quarters and stormed on deck. "What in the damn hell is going on?! How many times do I have to tell you not to bother me when I'm getting my Crunch on?!"
The Capn's eyes widened as he saw the oncoming storm, but before he could say a word, the ship, the crew, the bowl of milk they floated in all were engulfed in the gaping maw of Grandma Betty's cooze, never to be seen again.
Until the next bowl.
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