FicWad

See the first chapter for disclaimers, warnings ect.

"Harry?" Sirius called softly as the group reached the second landing. "Come up to my room please."

The teenager shared a grimace with his best friend before following his godfather. "Am I in trouble?" he asked as they reached the fourth floor. He fidgeted nervously near the door.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Not yet... Unless there's something you want to tell me?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

Harry blushed but shook his head. His answer was cut off as he looked around the room they entered in shock. "This is awesome!" He breathed, walking up to a poster of a bikini-clad woman on the wall. He'd never been in his godfather's room before having always met the man in the out of the way study for more privacy.

He was swatted on the back of the head by his godfather as Remus walked into the room. "You know, Padfoot, you are an adult now and it would be totally appropriate to redecorate your room to something more befitting our age." The werewolf pointed out.

"But not as fun!" The dog animagus whined. "Though maybe we could relocate them to Harry's room. I'm sure he'll get a lot of enjoyment out of them."

Harry smiled, moving about the room as the two bickered lightly behind him. His stomach was tying itself in knots as he remembered the disapproving looks Lupin had given him downstairs. Had he realized the truth, that Harry wasn't worthy of having a family? Were they going to send him back to the Dursley's that very night?

The silence of the room penetrated his consciousness after a couple of minutes and he turned around to see Lupin lounging on a chair and Sirius sprawled out on the bed. Both were looking at him expectantly. He walked over to perch on the edge of the bed but remained silent.

"Do you remember when I told you about running away from my family when I was sixteen?" The older man asked suddenly.

Having expected to be yelled at Harry looked at him in confusion. "Yeah I guess. Is this about me running away in third year?" He asked nervously.

"No." Remus answered narrowing his eyes. "Though we will be having a discussion about that soon."

Sirius made a face at his friend. "I wanted to talk to you more about why I ran away." He waited until Harry nodded in understanding before he continued. "My family was all about pureblood beliefs and all things Slytherin. Something I was not. What I didn't tell you was how my parents expressed their displeasure when I did not follow those beliefs."

Sirius's expression turned grave and he had to take a deep breath before continuing. "They hurt me Harry, did things no child should ever have to suffer."

Harry looked at his godfather horrified. "That's horrible! No wonder you ran away."

He glanced away. "The day I finally left my father used the Cruciatus on me."

Remus spoke up knowing his friend need a moment. "Do you know why Padfoot is telling you this Harry?"

The teenager shook his head quickly his eyes never leaving the grieving man.

"You don't see the similarities between yourself and your godfather?" he prodded gently.

Harry swung toward the wolf with a startled exclamation. "The Dursleys didn't curse me!"

"No they just neglected you, starved you, locked you up, and beat you." Remus recited in a hard voice.

Harry was shaking his head. "Its not the same."

"They caused you emotional and physical pain." Sirius stated quietly. "It's very much the same."

"But they were your parents. They were supposed to love you! The Dursleys got stuck with me! They were forced to take me in even after...I deserved what they did to me."

He flinched as Remus slammed his fist into the arm of the chair and let loose a stream of strangled curses. Seeing the movement and knowing how uncomfortable Harry was having the other man in the room he shooed his friend out.

"Sirius?" Harry asked, turning to his conflicted godfather. His voice quavered with nerves. "Is Lupin angry with me?"

"He's understandably upset." The older man answered following the pacing teen with his eyes. "Harry, are you scared of Remus?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"No, not really." Harry answered frowning in concentration. "It's just I guess I don't really know him. I know he's your friend and he was a friend of my dad and I guess that gives him the right to be angry with me."

Sirius sighed mentally yelling at his friend for the lack of contact. "He doesn't have that right. I'm not saying he doesn't care for you but he can't come in for one day and yell at you then disappear for another six months. I'm the godfather here. I'm the only one that gets to yell at you." He said earning a small smile from the kid. "And he's not angry with you he's angry with those so called relatives of yours."

"Its not their fault! I deserve..." he frowned as Sirius started towards him. "I'm just a burden to them, one they didn't want!" He continued backing up until he hit the far wall.

Bright green eyes glazed over in shame as he slid down the wall. "I didn't want to read the stupid book. I knew it would show everyone how awful I was and how it's all my fault." He cried slamming his head back into the wall repeatedly, reminiscent of a house elf.

Sirius watched his godson with a sad but knowing expression. "Harry," He pitched his voice low as he sat on the floor, careful to keep enough distance between them so as to not frighten him. He didn't attempt to stop the self inflicted punishment. "I had much the same reaction when your father and Moony confronted me."

He was rewarded for his calm by the slight turning of the teenager's head and continued his story. "Your father was not as smart as me. He attempted to hold me down but I was inconsolable and enraged. I ended up throwing him into the wall. It took them quite a bit of time to calm me down. Of course I didn't have an awesome godfather who understood what I was going through."

Harry snorted as he scooted over so that he was next to the man. "You thought you deserved what your parents did to you?" he asked hesitantly.

Sirius shrugged. "When I was younger. I wasn't the purebred gentlemen they wanted. Mostly I felt bad because of my brother. I should have been a better sibling, helped him out more, steered him away from my parents, protected him better. So yeah I deserved it. It took a long time before I realized that neither one of us deserved that kind of treatment. You don't either."

Harry nodded as he leaned into his godfather's side. "I get that for the most part. And for a while I knew that. Its just sometimes it comes back."

"And you'll probably always have moments where you think that." Sirius told him, thinking back on Azkaban. "But that's what I'm here for." He paused for a moment. "What do you think you did that caused you to deserve that kind of treatment."

Harry took a long time to answer. "When I was young I thought it was because I was the reason my parents were dead." He quickly continued when he felt his godfather tensing. "That was mostly Aunt Petunia's fault. She was always telling me that my parents were drunks and wastrels and what a burden I was. I guess I put two and two together and came to the conclusion that if I hadn't been such a burden on them they wouldn't have become drunks and wouldn't have crashed their car. I know that's not true now."

But…" Sirius prompted wiping the wetness out of his eyes.

"Well it's still sort of my fault right? Voldemort was after me. If they hadn't been protecting me they wouldn't have died." He admitted in a whisper.

"Harry." Sirius wrapped his arms around the limp teen. "They were fighting Voldemort long before you were born. They were a target. And I don't know the full reason why Voldemort targeted you but it could have very well been something they did. Besides do you think they could have lived with themselves if they hadn't protected you and you died?"

Harry buried his face in the man's shoulder. "How do you always know when I need you to be..." He searched for the right words. "Not normal."

"I've always been abnormal." Sirius quipped grinning slightly.

Harry rolled his eyes and poked the man in the belly. "That's not what I meant. You always know what I need to hear or how to react. You're always exactly what I need."

"It's part of my charm." the man said rubbing his stomach where the finger had drilled him. "I know you've been through a lot. Trust me when I tell you that it helps though, to talk about it with people even if it is a bit embarrassing."

Harry sighed as he caught the meaning of the words. "I would have told you about the cupboard but I didn't want to ruin any of our talks and besides they had moved me out of the cupboard after I got my letter."

"And you didn't want to chance me getting caught by going after them." The older man said knowingly. Harry shrugged in response. "Tell me the truth, do they still smack you with a belt?"

Harry shook his head. "No, really he only did that twice. Too much exercise for him. Mostly they just liked to lock me up and forget about me."

"That's still not right." The man growled.

"But it doesn't matter right? By this summer it'll all be over with and we'll be laying on a beach somewhere.

"Ogling the girls." Sirius grinned at the kids blush. ""And it does matter. It'll always matter to me." He said causing his godson to smile gratefully. He stood up pulling the kid with him. "It's late. We better get you to bed."

"Do you think I could stay up here?" Harry asked tentatively. "I doubt with everything that's happened that Mrs. Weasley is going to come up to pull me away."

Sirius gave him a surprised look. "Sure that'll be fine. As long as you don't mind sharing a bed with this old dog."

Harry grinned at him. "Well no magic means no cold noses or dog slobber so I think I'll be okay." He said laughing as the man aimed a soft smack to his backside. Shucking off his jeans he climbed off the bed and was asleep within minutes.

Sirius gave him an amused and envious look before searching out his best friend. "He's asleep." he told him.

Remus gave him a sour look but made no reply.

"Don't you look at me like that." Sirius snapped. "You know damn well why I kicked you out of that room. If you had made any sort of effort to get to know the kid he would trust you enough to tell you the things he told me."

"You know I can't do that." The werewolf told him sharply. "I almost killed him at the end of his third year. Next time I might. I can't let him get close to me for that reason.

"That's crap Remus." Sirius snarled. "The four of us were brothers. That makes you Harry's uncle." He scowled more fiercely at the look on the other man's face. "Even if you didn't want to get that involved with him, which is a piss poor attitude, you could have at least written to the kid about his parents. You've seen how he lights up at any mention of them."

The werewolf shook his head. "Dumbledore thinks its better for Harry to live in the present and not dwell on the past."

"Theres going to come a time, very soon now, where you're going to have to choose between the headmaster and Harry." Sirius told him shortly. "I've made my choice and if that means leaving you behind so be it."

Remus looked distressed. "I don't' want to lose you Sirius. I just got you back." He sighed when the man gave him a hard look. "You know I care about him. I'll try to interact act with him more. But you might have to face the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"You really don't know him very well if you think that." Sirius growled turning towards the stairs. "I'm going to bed."

Downstairs, still gathered in the expanded kitchen, sat the rest of the Order that had been present during the reading.

"It's amazing isn't it?" Tonks broke the heavy silence. "How well he turned out, considering." The words were mild enough but the tone dripped with enough acid it did its job reminding all present that she was a member of the Black family.

"All's well that ends well," Albus murmured absently, buried in his own memories.

McGonagall gave a distinctly feline growl as she rounded on the headmaster. "I told you that night you left him there, I told you they weren't appropriate! But no, you felt you were right because you could never be wrong!" Eyes flashing she folded her arms across her chest. "Well you were wrong, weren't you?"

"They were his relatives," the old man answered simply as he avoided her gaze.

"Did you never go and check on the child?" Emmeline demanded. The answer was plain on Dumbledore's closed off expression.

"I did not feel it was necessary. Arabella..."

"Well what did she have to say about what was going on?" Moody growled when the old man remained silent.

"I don't know," he admitted quietly. "She sent in reports... but I never read them." He narrowed his eyes at the awful silence. "I didn't want to get attached to the boy. I knew if I did it would cause problems in the future." he defended himself. "And it has." he added silently to himself.

"Don't give me that load of hogwash!" McGonagall spat at him. "That boy was your responsibility. You took that responsibility when you hid him away from everyone! When you made me swear not to reveal his location to anyone!" She sighed, sinking back into her chair. "You used my faith in you against me, and now my trust in you, in your leadership is almost nonexistent."

Dumbledore bowed his head at these words, keeping the anger at the words hidden from the rest of the group.

"Not only hers," Kingsley spoke up, his voice unusually grave. "Remus Lupin idolized you. So grateful that you allowed him to come to school, to have a normal life, that he never questioned you, even when you denied him access to the boy, to his nephew. I certainly won't hold it against him when he refuses to accept your word as law anymore."

"Somehow I think Sirius will do much more than that." Emmeline added with a feral smile.

Tonks, whose hair was a deep red with anger, her eyes black as pitch, turned to her mentor. "Mad-Eye, I think you led me false. We might have a better chance of fighting Death Eaters on our own than working with the so-called Order."

Severus Snape quietly exited the room, not wanting to draw attention to his departure. His face was set in angry lines, his indifferent mask slipping in his ire at the treasonous words. How dare they question the headmaster's motives? he seethed inwardly. So what if the brat had to suffer a little if it ultimately kept him safe. That's what leaders do, make tough decisions that looked after the whole rather than one person!

Memories of his less than stellar childhood intruded on his thoughts, as well as his own flash of anger toward the headmaster at the first mention of the cupboard. Resolutely he pushed them away, determined to ignore them. Harder to hide behind his shields, however, were Lily's accusing eyes.

Several hours later Minivera McGonagall approached the bedroom door of her long time fried and mentor. She had plenty of questions that still needed to be answered and she had no plans on leaving the old coot aloe until she had satisfactory answers.

She sighed as doubt curdled her stomach, a feeling she resolutely pushed away. Albus Dumbledore had been in her life for more than fifty years and she bloody well was not falling for the act he put on for everyone else. She knew he often had five reasons for every action he took. There was more to this story than he was letting on. She raised her hand to tap impatiently on his door again.

"Minivera my dear, what can I do for you?" Dumbledore smiled genially as he opened the door.

She huffed as she took in his appearance. "Honestly Albus how can you sleep at a time like this?" She snapped indicating the vibrant red and purple night shirt the man wore.

He gave a slight sigh as she strode past him into the room. "I was not sleeping. I merely find I'm more comfortable like this." He wiggled his toes in the furry lime green socks he had donned. "I take it you have something on your mind?"

"Did you really not read Arabella's reports?" She demanded, hands on hips as she stared him down.

He pursed his lips before answering, weighing the consequences of keeping his secrets versus's the scottish lady's impressive temper. "I did indeed read them, only Arabella was not there to watch over Harry but to watch for Death eaters."

"But surely she said something, gave some indication that the boy was not treated well." She insisted.

"I asked her not to mention anything of the sort." He answered as he arranged himself in a chair. "Tea?"

"Not now Albus!" She snapped, glaring at him fiercely. "Why in Merlin's name would you have her hide that fact?"

"Because I needed some kind of report to pass along to the ministry and I could not have the ministry knowing the child was being mistreated." He answered simply as he sipped at his own over sweet concoction.

"You're talking in riddles again old man." She sighed as she sank into her own chair. "If you knew he was being mistreated why not removed him from their care yourself. I'm sure there were plenty of wizarding families that would have taken him and treated him well."

"I'm sure there were." He murmured. "But blood wards aside there was only one family who had legal right to him."

"Harry has no magical relations save his godfather." She protested once more confused.

"That is not precisely true. Harry actually has quite a large family, unfortunately all on the wrong side of the war." He answered wearily. "If I'm not mistaken James Potter's grandmother was a Black."

"Oh dear." The older woman murmured, reaching for the teapot.

"Indeed and through marriage he would be related to the Malfoys, the Lestranges and I believe Nott and Rosier. However due to imprisionment and disownment Narcissa Malfoy has the strongest claim at this time."

"Have they tried for custody then?" She asked.

"Every year since that fateful October night." He replied with a sigh. "With Lucius's connections they have quite a strong case. I have only been able to hold them off due to the fact that Petunia is a closer blood relation. Should it get out that they even looked at him wrong and Narcissa would have no trouble getting custody of him."

She slumped in her chair. "And you're suggesting some abuse is better than torture and death."

"Or worse, they could turn him into the next dark lord." He murmured back. "The best case scenario would be for Sirius to be cleared and re-induct Andromeda Tonks back into the Family. She would be the perfect choice as guardian and as the older Black sister she would have more right to the boy."

Minivera looked up in shock. "You do not want Sirius to have custody?"

Dumbledore gave a half smile. "I do believe Harry is reckless enough as it is. Sirius would no doubt only encourage that trait."

They set in silence for a few minutes each lost in their own thoughts. "Albus, these books, they can't be healthy."

"Indeed they are not." He agreed, lost in his own thoughts.

"The violation of young Potter's privacy if nothing else." She continued. "And the anger directed at you, no doubt that will only worsen."

"I'm afraid that is the purpose of these books." She was shocked at the hurt in his eyes. "I've done my best to lead the wizarding world to a better place but I'm afraid these books will not show me in a good way. What better way to destroy the Light's effort than to cause distention in its ranks."

"You don't think they're from the future." She realized.

"No." He answered somberly. "Time travel has been a much researched and debated subject by the Department of Mysteries. For there not only to have been such a breakthrough but for the Department of Mysteries to actually allow such a future changing event to take place...its inconceivable.

She stared at him in horror. "Then what is this?" She asked faintly.

"Dark Magic I'm afraid. A Black judging by the effects of the house."

"The house?" She whispered looking around her suspiciously.

He nodded, reaching into his pocket for a calming lemon drop. "Only someone able to control the wards would be able to suspend our magic as it has, something that has me feeling more vulnerable than I have felt in many years." He admitted.

"That's how it has slowed time." She said, bringing up one of the points that had confused her at the time.

He sighed. "Black family magic."

"Surely you don't suspect Sirius?" She exclaimed, looking disbelieving.

"No, but perhaps it would be better to keep an eye on him just the same."