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"What do you think they're doing over there, Ray?" Mikey chewed his lip nervously as he stared across to the guest house. "I mean, should we go over there?"

Ray dropped the magazine he'd been flicking through on the coffee table and joined Mikey by the window. The guys had been out there for a while, he supposed, maybe somebody should check on them. For a few moments longer he watched before taking Mikey by the arm and dragging him to the kitchen.

"If we're going over there, we better have a good reason for disturbing them."

Frank couldn’t peel his eyes away from Gerard as they sat opposite each other on the guest house bed. It all seemed so surreal? Gerard hadn’t changed much, at all really. The only real difference was how much stronger and tired he looked; and how unhappy he seemed. His hair was still shaggy and his face was still youthful. He was still Gerard, just much more down than Frank remembered.

“So-“Frank started nervously “How’s the whole art business? You Picasso-ing it up back in New York?” Gerard blinked and Frank held his breath. He hoped he hadn’t offended Gerard or something, that was the last thing he wanted. Suddenly Gerard laughed, it was loud and honking and Frank found himself laughing too. There he was, there was Frank’s Gerard.

“Picasso-ing it up, Jesus Christ!” Gerard managed to get out after a few minutes “I don’t do anything like Picasso did, man.”

“Hey! He’s like the only artsy dude I remember from school apart from that one guy who chopped his ear off for that chick.” Frank said with a playful pout. This only made Gerard laugh harder than before so Frank leaned forward and repeatedly punched him on the arm.

“Alright, alright! Jeez! I’m sorry for insulting your knowledge of ‘artsy dudes’, okay? But just so you know, the guy who cut his ear off was Van Gogh and I still have both of mine. See?” Gerard lifted his hair to prove his point and Frank smiled softly.

“Good to know.”

The next minute or so was filled with soft smiles and small looks. Comfortable and quiet as they soaked each other in. Frank opened his mouth to speak again when suddenly the door opened and Ray burst inside. “We made tacos!”



“Guitar lessons, huh?” Gerard said with a mouth full of taco shell. “I knew you’d end up doing something musical. You were always so talented, man. I honestly thought you’d end up in a band.”

“Yeah? I dunno man, music has always been everything to me. I guess I just wanted to play for a living without having to interact with people in person.” Frank caught Gerard’s eye and grinned. “Besides, you remember our motto. Right?”

“Too awesome to handle, too awesome for friends.” Frank nodded and laughed. He and Gerard had never been social butterflies. “So how’d you end up with Toro over there?”

Frank looked over to where Mikey was throwing food at his friends face, attempting to get it in his mouth. “Toro kinda just clung on like a bad smell, I had no choice but to accept him really.”

“Hey asshole!” Toro shot from across the room. “If I recall, you and your dreads were what stunk up the joint. I had no choice but to take you in, remember?”

Gerard’s eyes opened comically wide and a shit eating grin spread wide across his face “Frankie? You had dreads?” Frank faked a shudder and smiled.

“We never talk about the dreads. That was a dark time for me and I’d rather not remember it. God, I smelled so bad.”

They talked like that for the rest of the evening, knocking back a couple of beers and making jokes. Frank learned about Gerard’s mega Goth phase in college and Gerard found out about Frank’s stoner days and it was nice. They felt like they’d never spent any time apart, that they’d always been together like before. The feelings also came bubbling back, as strong as ever and making both men desperate for each other.

Ray yawned suddenly and stood up, shaking awake the sleeping Mikey and tugging him from the sofa. “Come on, Mikes. Bed time. Where’s everyone sleeping, Frankie?”

“Well, I guess you can put Mikey in the spare room and you have your room here.” He turned to Gerard and chewed nervously on his lower lip. “And that leaves Gerard with the option of crashing with Mikey or sleeping in the guest house.”

“He’s not sharing with me, man.” Mikey slurred sleepily. “I had enough of that shit growing up.”

Frank glanced nervously again at Gerard and was met with a smile. “It’s cool. I like the guest house. It’ll be just like old times.”

That night Gerard tossed and turned. He couldn’t sleep, not really, it just didn’t feel right being there without Frankie. Admitting defeat he shuffled back to the main house to grab a coffee, making sure to be extra quiet as he wandered inside. From what he remembered, the walls were like paper and you could hear the slightest noise all through the house. Gerard made his way to the kitchen and started the coffee machine, leaning his elbows on the bench as he watched the black liquid drip slowly into the jug.

“Making enough for two?” Gerard jumped and banged his head on the cupboard above him. He would have been pissed if Frank hadn’t started laughing behind him and turned to give him an attempt at a glare.

“I thought everyone was asleep.” Gerard grumbled, cracking a tiny smile at Frank.

“Couldn’t sleep. Ray snores like a damn hog after a few beers. Can’t you hear him?” Come to mention it, Gerard could hear the rumble of Ray’s nostrils and laughed lightly to himself. “Why aren’t you sleeping anyway?”

“I dunno-“Gerard confessed, shuffling his feet a little. “It just…It feels a little weird in there alone, y’know? Like, we always used to stay in there together. Is that weird?”

“Not weird. That’s why I haven’t used it I guess. It felt kinda empty.” They stared at each other for a small while, not really knowing what to say next and letting the drip of the coffee machine fill the silence. Frank was the one to speak after a minute or two, whispering gently “I’ve missed you. I missed you since the day we went to college.”

“Me too.” Gerard said quietly, turning away from Frank to pour himself a coffee. “Me too. Goodnight, Frankie.”

“Goodnight.” Frank watched Gerard walk away and sighed. He was still in love with Gerard, maybe even more than before. Fuck. Fuck.


The next morning felt weird. Frank and Gerard did their best to avoid eye contact and Ray and Mikey felt awkward. Obviously something had happened between the guys the night before and Ray couldn’t think of how to make it right. He cornered Mikey for a brainstorming session and they decided to take the guys to the beach. At least there they’d be forced to interact, well, that was the plan anyway.

“I wanna go explore the caves!” Gerard announced a little too excitedly. He’d suddenly forgotten all about the night before, all he could think of was being a curious teenager again. “Come to the caves with me, Frankie!”

“Yes! Man, I haven’t been over there in years. I’ll race you dude!” Ray smiled triumphantly as he watched the two run down the other end of the beach.

“I wanna go to the caves.” Mikey whined childishly, pouting just a little.

“Shut up, Mikes.” Ray laughed “We’ll go tomorrow.”


“Do you remember the time you got your foot stuck under that rock and you were convinced the tide was going to come in and you were gonna die?” Frank laughed as Gerard pulled him up onto a rock “I thought you were going to cry!”

“Shut up! That left me scarred for life dude. Literally. I still have a little scar on my foot, see?”

“Poor little Gee and his boo boo. Don’t worry, I won’t let those mean rocks get you.”

“You protect me from the big bad rocks and I’ll help your short ass climb, sound like a fair deal to you?” Frank shoved Gerard and laughed.

“Fuck you, man. I ain’t that small!”

“Sure, whatever you say tiny.” And with that, Gerard earned another shove.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something, Frankie.” Gerard said when they both stopped laughing. “How come you moved to the beach? I mean, Ray told me about your grandma and everything, but how come you didn’t just sell up or whatever?”

“This place holds the best memories for me I guess. My grandma knew I loved this place and she wanted to keep the house in the family. She said that she knew I’d appreciate and take care of it, and I decided to honour her wishes. I just didn’t want to lose the place I love the most in the world too so I decided to make the permanent move here and, well, here I am.” Frank smiled fondly as he thought of his grandma. She was the only person who ever understood how frank felt.
“I always think of this place when I’m back home. If I could relocate, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Gerard smiled and looked at Frank, catching his eyes as the sun beat heavily down on them. “I always hoped we’d end up here forever, the beach was always our place.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

Frank’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes moved to Gerard’s mouth. To kiss him would be so easy and he wanted nothing more. He leaned forward, just a little, and looked up into Gerard’s eyes once again. He knew those eyes so well, every emotion that hid deep within them, he’d seen them all a million times before. The look Gerard had in them now was a look that Frank had never, and will never, forget. It was the look that he had all those years ago on the roof in the summer storm. Frank hadn’t been able to read it back then, but now he knew, it was a nervous wanting. Gerard was scared, Frank could tell, he was scared too. He couldn’t turn away now though, they were so close. With a shuddering breath, Frank closed the gap between them.

Gerard couldn’t help moaning slightly against Frank’s mouth. It was hot and soft and everything he had ever remembered and more, he just couldn’t get enough. He moved his hands to rest on Frank’s hips as their lips parted for each other and the kiss grew deeper, tongues touching delicately as they remembered each other’s taste. Gerard pulled away first, moving a hand to the back of Frank’s head and resting their foreheads together.

“I really did miss you. I never wanted anyone else.”

“Come back to the house with me, Gerard. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and all I want right now is to feel you. Please?” Frank asked, begging almost. Gerard let his hand fall to grasp Frank’s and he began to descend the rocks again. He wasn’t letting this opportunity go. He needed to show Frank how much he loved him.


Frank slammed the guest house door behind them both and turned to Gerard. It felt just like that night, Gerard watching him from across the room, hoodie abandoned on the floor. Slowly they stepped to each other, Gerard immediately running a hand into Frank’s hair and pressing their lips together. It was slower this time, deeper, but so sure. They both wanted this. They’d always wanted this.

Shucking his own hoodie from his shoulders, Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck and moaned. It all felt like a dream, like a dream he’d had a thousand times before. But as Gerard picked him up, wrapping Frank’s legs around his waist, Frank knew it was real. It felt incredible.

“Frankie?” Gerard moaned against Frank’s throat as his lips trailed across his neck. “Are you sure you want this?”

“I’ve never been so sure in my life.” Frank lifted Gerard’s head to look in his eyes, watching for any flicker of doubt. “I want you, Gerard. You’re all I ever wanted.”

That was all Gerard needed to hear and he turned, laying himself and Frank down on the bed. Their lips met again and Gerard moaned into it, rolling his hips against Frank’s to get some sort of friction. “Fuck, Frankie. It’s...it’s been a while.”

“Yeah? How long?” Frank asked, breaking apart the kiss to look Gerard in the eyes. “I mean, I haven’t actually slept with anyone else. You’re the only one, Gerard.” Frank decided to leave out the one guy who’d groped him when he was drunk, it didn’t count. “I’m terrified but I’ve never wanted anything more.”

“You were the last person I slept with, Frankie. The last and only person I’ve ever wanted.”

Frank pressed his lips to Gerard’s once again, savouring the taste that he’d craved so badly, wanted for so long. His hands roamed slowly over Gerard’s chest, feeling how tight it had become, and under his arms to feel the taught muscles in Gerard’s back. Gerard groaned into the kiss, feeling Frank’s calloused fingers graze gently over his skin. Frank’s fingers slipped further still and slid into Gerard’s board shorts, gripping his ass and squeezing the soft cheeks. He was perfect, he’d been always been perfect.

“How do you want to do this? I don’t mind, I just need to feel you.” Gerard asked quietly as they broke apart for breath. His fingers idly stroked through Frank’s hair as he waited for an answer, feeing the soft tendrils brush delicately across his palm and fingertips. Frank smiled softly, lips red and swollen. He’d never looked as perfect as he did in that moment, Gerard thought to himself, he’d never looked so content.

“Do you remember that night? The night on the roof? The way you lay over me, the way we kissed and held each other as we did it? I want that again. I want you to take me the way you did the night we first did it.” Gerard nodded and gently kissed the corner of Frank’s mouth. Of course he remembered that night, it was the night his entire life changed. Everything had become so clear and he’d never felt as happy as he did then.

“Okay.” Gerard said almost inaudibly. “Except this time I want you to feel as good as I did.”

Slowly Gerard moved down Frank’s body, pressing kisses down his chest and slipping his tongue over Frank’s navel, until he finally reached Frank’s shorts and gently tugged them down. His eyes met with the sight of Frank completely exposed and he couldn’t help the shiver that tore through him, he just needed to taste every inch of Frank’s body. Catching Frank’s eyes, Gerard tentatively flicked his tongue over the head of Frank’s cock, delighting in the sharp gasp he emitted, before taking the head in his mouth.

He’d only ever done it with Frank, he could only hope that Frank was enjoying it. But judging by the sounds Frank was making; Gerard felt reassured that he was. Gerard reached a hand up to stroke up his lover’s stomach, just wanting to feel him as he took him in further, and Frank grasped it tight. Gerard pulled himself away to watch as his fingers disappeared into Frank’s mouth, feeling his erection twitch in his shorts. With his spare hand, Gerard pushed his shorts down a little and grasped at his own dick, squeezing tightly in the hope that he wouldn’t come too soon.

Frank let go of Gerard’s hand, kissing the fingertips lightly as he did, and lay back on the bed, spreading his legs as far as they could go. Gerard swallowed roughly as he reached down, stroking a finger over Frank’s entrance before slowly pushing inside.

“Fuck.” The word spilled from Frank’s lips a he gripped the bed sheets tight, it had been so long that he’d almost forgotten about the slight burn. Gerard hooked his finger in an attempt to find Frank’s prostate, hoping he could at least ease a little of the pain. Failing in finding it, Gerard leaned in and took Frank between his lips again, pushing in another finger as he did so.

Frank couldn’t decide which feeling was more intense, the harsh burn or the electricity of Gerard’s tongue rubbing the head of his cock. His back arched as he tried to keep his hips from moving, but he couldn’t help needing to push back and fuck himself on Gerard’s fingers.

“Gerard!” he gasped, voice wrecked and desperate. “I want to feel you now. I’m ready, fuck, I’m ready.”

Gerard pulled away his hand, rubbing his wet fingers on the sheets, and positioned himself over Frank, hooking one leg over his forearm. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Frank’s, and slowly pushed inside. He was met with a little resistance but as they kissed Frank relaxed, and Gerard managed to slide deep inside his lover.

“Are you okay?” Gerard asked breathlessly, taking a moment to get used to the tight heat surrounding him. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“You could never hurt me,” Frank whispered, bumping his nose against Gerard’s. “I needed this, needed you.”

“I’ve missed you so much, Frankie.” Gerard slowly began to move his hips, thrusting slow and deep as he tried to angle his hips. Frank mewled softly beneath him, reaching up to cup Gerard’s face and reconnect their lips.
Between kisses Gerard whispered sweet nothing and Frank suckled lightly on his neck, it was intimate and heavy, close and desperate, as they rocked together between the sheets. Gerard shifted his hips once more and Frank arched, clawing at Gerard’s back as a long moan escaped his throat. Gerard started to thrust faster, keeping to the angle he was at, as he brushed Frank’s prostate again and again. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck, clinging desperately as an onslaught of pleasure filled him over and over again until, with a loud cry and his nails digging into Gerard’s shoulders, he came hard.

Gerard only lasted a minute or so more before he groaned out his lovers name and collapsed above him, spent and content. Their lips met again, slow and sweet, and for those few moments in the afterglow, they forgot they’d ever even been parted. Gerard reluctantly pulled out of Frank and moved to lay beside him, turning so they were face to face and staring straight onto each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Frankie. I always did.” Frank brought his hand up to Gerard’s cheek and smiled softly.

“I love you too, Gerard. I think I always will.”


Frank awoke a few hours later, wrapped in the bed sheets, completely alone. He sat up, panic setting in as he glanced around the dark room and couldn’t see Gerard or his clothes anywhere. His shorts and hoodie were gone from the floor and there didn’t seem to be any sign of him, Frank had honestly thought he was gone. That is until he heard the rain pattering against the windows and the distant thunder, and with a smile he got up from the bed. Puling on his clothes, he made his way up to the roof.

Gerard was already soaked through when Frank got up there, cupping a cigarette to prevent the rain from getting to it. He didn’t even notice frank until he sat down beside him and leaned against his shoulder.

“Hey. I didn’t want to wake you.” Frank smiled and nuzzled Gerard’s cheek.

“I thought you were gone.” Gerard turned and smiled sadly, biting his lip as he took in Frank’s face. He looked away and took a draw from his cigarette, letting the smoke escape his lips and curl up into the sky.

“After tomorrow I will be.” Frank frowned and put his chin on his knees, hugging them against his chest. Gerard flicked away his cigarette and wrapped his arms around Frank’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to his head. “I wish I could stay. I wish I could stay with you at this beach house for the rest of our lives-“

“Then why don’t you?” Frank blurted out, turning to face Gerard. “What’s stopping you? I love you and you love me, right? Why can’t you just stay here?”

“Frankie,” Gerard sighed, an almost defeated look etched into his features. “I have a life back in New York, a career! I can’t just walk away from that.”

Frank stared at Gerard hard, shaking his head in disbelief. He’d only just gotten Gerard back and now he had to give him up again? It wasn’t fair. Frank stumbled to his feet, slipping a little on the roof, and made his way to the ladder.

“I’m not asking you to leave your career behind. I’d never ask you to do that. You could bring your art here, Gerard. You can paint anywhere so don’t give me that shit. I can’t believe that you could tell me you love me then walk away from me again!”

Gerard clambered to his feet and reached out a hand. “Frankie, I-“

“Save it, Gerard. The only thing standing in your way is you.” Frank made his way down the ladder and started back to the main house, trying his hardest not to let Gerard see him cry. He turned and looked back up at the roof where Gerard stood watching him, “By the way, the guest house gets cold in the summer storms. The spare blankets are under the bed.”

Ray smiled as soon as Frank stepped through the door. “Hey, buddy!” Frank looked up, tears brimming his eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t. This weekend was a lousy idea. He shouldn’t have come back.” Frank walked straight to the stairs and Ray just watched, confused but guilty.


The next morning when Frank awoke, Gerard was gone. Mikey was confused and pissed that his brother had just bailed without a single word. Apparently he’d disappeared in the night, leaving Mikey and Ray behind to simply guess what had gone on. Frank just felt sick and heart broken, he couldn’t believe that he’d lost Gerard again. The last thing he wanted was to face questions about why Gerard could have left, about what had happened between them. He simply announced that he was going for a swim and walked out the door, straight past the guest house and onto the beach. It was always quiet after a storm, everybody staying in until the sun had dried the sand, but Frank and Gerard always hit the beach then. It felt like it was their own private place for a while.

Frank didn’t swim. He wasn’t even wearing shorts. He just sat, staring out at the water, trying to forget everything that had happened. He’d believed Gerard when he said he still loved him, he’d believed every damn word he said. No, it couldn’t have been a lie. Gerard would never lie to him, he’d never lie to anyone. It sure felt like it though.

He’d sat there an hour, maybe two, when he heard Ray and Mikey approaching behind him. Mikey was still ranting about Gerard and Ray was telling him a swim would clear his head. Frank couldn’t face being around them, he didn’t want their questions of pitiful looks, so he just headed back to the house, ignoring Ray when he spoke.

Frank didn’t head to the main house. Instead he walked into the guest one and looked around, looking at the soda stain on the carpet and all the photos on the walls. It’d been years since he looked at those, each and every one of them an image of Gerard and himself. He laughed a little as he scanned over them, memory after memory flooding back, until he reached the last one. It was a picture of himself and Gerard up on the roof, Frank hadn’t even known his grandma had taken it. Apparently she’d looked out of the window and saw them both, snapping a picture at the moment their lips had first touched. His grandma had been so happy that summer, she said she’d known about himself and Gerard before they even knew.

Frank couldn’t hold it back anymore and collapsed on the floor, asking himself over and over why he didn’t stay. He didn’t have an answer, he just couldn’t understand. Slowly he made his way to the bed and lay down, eventually crying himself to sleep.


It was dark when he next woke, a gentle hand shaking him from his slumber. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, yawning and stretching as he turned to see which body the hand belonged to. Gerard sat smiling at him, still wearing the same hoodie and board shorts from the night before.

“Gerard? I thought you were-“Gerard leaned in and kissed frank, soft and deep, barely giving frank time to catch his breath.

“I had some stuff to do. I had to pack up my stuff and organise a few things. The rest of my shit should be here tomorrow.” Frank didn’t even try to stop the smile breaking over his face.

“You mean you’re staying? You’re going to stay with me?”

“I can paint and sell my art anywhere, Frankie, I just couldn’t lose you again.” Frank grinned and pulled Gerard into his arms, peppering his face with kisses as they both fell onto the, mattress laughing.

“I’m never letting you go again, Gerard. I love you, I’ll always love you, and I always did.” Gerard smiled and ran a hand into Frank’s hair.
“I love you too.” And as Gerard kissed Frank in the dimly lit room of the guest house, he knew his life in New York didn’t matter. At that moment, he was right where he was supposed to be. Right where he’d always be.