Categories > Anime/Manga > Attack on Titan > When You Don't Know What You Want
One month to graduation.
The inescapability of her fate prompted her to make careless decisions. She watched Eren Jaeger, and he watched her. But never at the same time. Sometimes she wanted to hold his hand under the table and ask him what he knew. Other times she wanted to get him alone and spar, just spar, until he'd give up and leave her alone.
Then she wanted to take him by surprise, pin him to the ground and kiss him until she was dizzy, steal the breath from his lungs, lose herself in the very heart and soul of him. She wanted him to kiss her back, to bury his face in the crook of her neck, run fingers through her hair and callused hands across her skin, untouched. She yearned to demonstrate her aims, watch him unravel beneath her. To revel in the foolishness of human emotion and relay her breathless, traitorous message into his jaw: I'm not who you think I am. Don't throw your life away, because it isn't worth it.
She was patient. And one night, fate was kind to her.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
She got him alone. That was the easy part, because they'd been sparring for a while and he wouldn't suspect a thing. Not yet. The plan was innocent in its beginnings, it really was. The desire to prove Mina—and Reiner—wrong was, in part, what perverted it.
As she walked out into the clearing, she wondered if there was really much more she could teach him at this point. The rest of it wasn't much use to anyone. But their entire situation was pointless, and wasn't that was why she had brought him out here? To warn him, headstrong fool that he was, of the hopelessness of his mission?
It was a strange fight. She was thinking all the while, and he caught on to her distraction, let his guard down. His mistake. She took advantage of his momentary indecision and sent him sprawling. He had no time to recover as she pinned him down.
Eren flinched. Waiting for the finishing blow. It didn't come. Five seconds passed, then seven. Ten. Nothing happened.
She could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't expecting the closeness that followed, nor the hasty, somewhat graceless kiss she imparted upon his unsuspecting mouth.
"What was that?" he managed, as soon as she'd departed.
"Something I've been wanting to do for a while."
That had him speechless. Her own face felt hot, suddenly. He mumbled something thick that sounded like: "Whuh?"
Annie saved some face by rolling her pelvis into his stomach. He inhaled sharply through his nose, unsure, yet eager despite himself. Thus encouraged, she sank down and kissed him hotly, all tongue and teeth, fingers mussing his hair. He groaned in pleasure and surprise, ran his hands over the back of her head.
"Shh," she whispered against his lips. "Don't want to attract attention, do we?"
"Are you insane?" he hissed. "Shadis'll have our heads."
She sat up. "We'd better move someplace more inconspicuous, then."
Eren stared at her. She was satisfied to note the pink flush blooming across his nose.
"There." Annie indicated the tree line with a jerk of her head. "But we're going to have to be quiet." She got off him and he rose to his feet slowly, dusting himself off. She considered mentioning how it was a silly thing to do, but decided against it. "Did you have some other place in mind?" she asked.
"No." There was a pause, then, "Never took you to be the spontaneous sort."
It took everything in her dwindling supply of control not to smile as she led him through the trees in silence, stopped when they were a safe enough distance from the barracks.
They looked each other over in the pale moonlight. His scrutiny was tangible; it was impossible to ignore the blatant fascination in his gaze even as she turned, shed her jacket, her shirt, laid them atop a nearby rock. The summer air was pleasantly cool on her skin, and his breath hitched when she met his eyes again. Wordlessly, Annie took his hands in hers, placed them on her bare waist as if they were to partake in some kind of dance, and coaxed him back against one of the many trees. Cradled within the figure of the oak and its leafen canopy, Eren looked down to her uncertainly.
"So what d'you want me to do?" he asked.
"Use your hands," she instructed quietly. He wasn't the only one blushing at that. Eren swallowed dryly, eyes roaming over her.
"Oh," he said, faintly. "Course."
She felt his grip loosen on her, a little clammy, sliding up the outline of her figure like she was some delicate creature. He bent to rest his head upon hers as her fingers splayed across his back, and when he pressed a hand into her chest it was suddenly very hard to breathe. She bit her lip, leaning into the touch. He noticed the tremble in her body—how could he not—and kissed her gently, as if to reassure her.
"S'that what you...?" he trailed off. She could only nod, marveling at how tentative he was under her, and brought his other hand to her similarly. She realised how she'd never really thought about how noisy the forest was: the hum of the insects and the whisper of the trees and their quiet panting, all intermingling into a hushed cacophony that kept her on edge.
It wasn't enough for her, but she couldn't be patient, not now.
"You could always use your mouth." The words were out before she could think better of it and Eren stopped, taken aback.
"Is that a request?"
She kissed him so he'd shut up, but he grinned against her lips, hooked an arm around her back, descended awkwardly so that her lips just brushed his temple. She rubbed the back of his head, leaning into him. When he took it upon himself to invoke his tongue, she hissed her approval, pleasure spreading like fire, contenting herself with the feel of his mouth a little while longer before she called his attention. Eren drew back, and she clutched his shoulders.
Together they sank to the forest floor. Annie enclosed him once more against the tree and worked with the buttons of her pants. She felt the back of his hand brush her clothed thigh before she looked down and saw him doing the same thing. Understanding his objective to be in accordance with her own, she shoved her trousers down past her knees, stroking herself feverishly. Eren shivered visibly at the sight of her, and she took one of his hands in hers.
He sat up, attentive. Annie guided him as she wanted, bit back a moan of relief as he understood.
"Is that right?" he asked softly.
"Yes," she muttered, "yes, that's fi—!" She stopped talking when he stroked her a little more intently, hovering precariously over him, lips parted, eyes nearly shut. He kissed her jaw and she ground her hips agitatedly into his palm, trying to find a rhythm. But it was building too quickly and she couldn't think, so Annie grasped his hand to stop him. "Wait," she panted, "not—not yet."
"Enough for you?" he mumbled jokingly, and in spite of his ignorance, she did not miss the comprehension in his hooded gaze, nor the telltale twitch of him against her thigh. She groaned, pushed his hand from her and tried to get his trousers off. He helped her, and after a few seconds of fumbling they were ready.
When he made to remove his jacket she stopped him.
"What?"
"That's a tree behind you," she said simply. Eren glanced back at the tree, grunted vaguely, and maintained a relaxed grasp on her hips, guiding her to him. Annie kissed his forehead, let her head droop, panting, to observe his reaction. He was so sensitive he almost grimaced when she took him in hand, hissed sharply when she knelt down upon him. This was slow, in contrast to the rest of it, but she was grateful because all right, maybe she hadn't been as ready as she'd thought. Her name brewed somewhere from his throat, and he dragged her to him, breath harsh, hot against her collarbone; the whole of him burned with nearly as much intensity as she did, even through his clothing.
"I'd have to kill you if you told anyone about this," she remarked, and her voice was low, raspy. "But you know that, don't you?" Eren made a hoarse sound that might've been a laugh.
So it commenced.
When she came down from it all, he embraced her, face nestled in the crook of her shoulder. There was a beautiful, hideous manifestation of liberation as she let him stroke back her hair. She stared, unseeing, into the shadows, listening to the sound of his breath. She could tell him now. She could tell him everything, and he would listen. He would probably have listened regardless, but time was short and they were only human. The irony was what kept her silent, and guilt twisted in her stomach.
"Love you, Ann," Eren mumbled, sheepish with the certainty of it.
Coward that she was, Annie only hugged him.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Screaming out from the crests of waves
You're longing to be saved
"Coldplay - Crests of Waves":https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmIgnrAt_rA
The inescapability of her fate prompted her to make careless decisions. She watched Eren Jaeger, and he watched her. But never at the same time. Sometimes she wanted to hold his hand under the table and ask him what he knew. Other times she wanted to get him alone and spar, just spar, until he'd give up and leave her alone.
Then she wanted to take him by surprise, pin him to the ground and kiss him until she was dizzy, steal the breath from his lungs, lose herself in the very heart and soul of him. She wanted him to kiss her back, to bury his face in the crook of her neck, run fingers through her hair and callused hands across her skin, untouched. She yearned to demonstrate her aims, watch him unravel beneath her. To revel in the foolishness of human emotion and relay her breathless, traitorous message into his jaw: I'm not who you think I am. Don't throw your life away, because it isn't worth it.
She was patient. And one night, fate was kind to her.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
She got him alone. That was the easy part, because they'd been sparring for a while and he wouldn't suspect a thing. Not yet. The plan was innocent in its beginnings, it really was. The desire to prove Mina—and Reiner—wrong was, in part, what perverted it.
As she walked out into the clearing, she wondered if there was really much more she could teach him at this point. The rest of it wasn't much use to anyone. But their entire situation was pointless, and wasn't that was why she had brought him out here? To warn him, headstrong fool that he was, of the hopelessness of his mission?
It was a strange fight. She was thinking all the while, and he caught on to her distraction, let his guard down. His mistake. She took advantage of his momentary indecision and sent him sprawling. He had no time to recover as she pinned him down.
Eren flinched. Waiting for the finishing blow. It didn't come. Five seconds passed, then seven. Ten. Nothing happened.
She could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't expecting the closeness that followed, nor the hasty, somewhat graceless kiss she imparted upon his unsuspecting mouth.
"What was that?" he managed, as soon as she'd departed.
"Something I've been wanting to do for a while."
That had him speechless. Her own face felt hot, suddenly. He mumbled something thick that sounded like: "Whuh?"
Annie saved some face by rolling her pelvis into his stomach. He inhaled sharply through his nose, unsure, yet eager despite himself. Thus encouraged, she sank down and kissed him hotly, all tongue and teeth, fingers mussing his hair. He groaned in pleasure and surprise, ran his hands over the back of her head.
"Shh," she whispered against his lips. "Don't want to attract attention, do we?"
"Are you insane?" he hissed. "Shadis'll have our heads."
She sat up. "We'd better move someplace more inconspicuous, then."
Eren stared at her. She was satisfied to note the pink flush blooming across his nose.
"There." Annie indicated the tree line with a jerk of her head. "But we're going to have to be quiet." She got off him and he rose to his feet slowly, dusting himself off. She considered mentioning how it was a silly thing to do, but decided against it. "Did you have some other place in mind?" she asked.
"No." There was a pause, then, "Never took you to be the spontaneous sort."
It took everything in her dwindling supply of control not to smile as she led him through the trees in silence, stopped when they were a safe enough distance from the barracks.
They looked each other over in the pale moonlight. His scrutiny was tangible; it was impossible to ignore the blatant fascination in his gaze even as she turned, shed her jacket, her shirt, laid them atop a nearby rock. The summer air was pleasantly cool on her skin, and his breath hitched when she met his eyes again. Wordlessly, Annie took his hands in hers, placed them on her bare waist as if they were to partake in some kind of dance, and coaxed him back against one of the many trees. Cradled within the figure of the oak and its leafen canopy, Eren looked down to her uncertainly.
"So what d'you want me to do?" he asked.
"Use your hands," she instructed quietly. He wasn't the only one blushing at that. Eren swallowed dryly, eyes roaming over her.
"Oh," he said, faintly. "Course."
She felt his grip loosen on her, a little clammy, sliding up the outline of her figure like she was some delicate creature. He bent to rest his head upon hers as her fingers splayed across his back, and when he pressed a hand into her chest it was suddenly very hard to breathe. She bit her lip, leaning into the touch. He noticed the tremble in her body—how could he not—and kissed her gently, as if to reassure her.
"S'that what you...?" he trailed off. She could only nod, marveling at how tentative he was under her, and brought his other hand to her similarly. She realised how she'd never really thought about how noisy the forest was: the hum of the insects and the whisper of the trees and their quiet panting, all intermingling into a hushed cacophony that kept her on edge.
It wasn't enough for her, but she couldn't be patient, not now.
"You could always use your mouth." The words were out before she could think better of it and Eren stopped, taken aback.
"Is that a request?"
She kissed him so he'd shut up, but he grinned against her lips, hooked an arm around her back, descended awkwardly so that her lips just brushed his temple. She rubbed the back of his head, leaning into him. When he took it upon himself to invoke his tongue, she hissed her approval, pleasure spreading like fire, contenting herself with the feel of his mouth a little while longer before she called his attention. Eren drew back, and she clutched his shoulders.
Together they sank to the forest floor. Annie enclosed him once more against the tree and worked with the buttons of her pants. She felt the back of his hand brush her clothed thigh before she looked down and saw him doing the same thing. Understanding his objective to be in accordance with her own, she shoved her trousers down past her knees, stroking herself feverishly. Eren shivered visibly at the sight of her, and she took one of his hands in hers.
He sat up, attentive. Annie guided him as she wanted, bit back a moan of relief as he understood.
"Is that right?" he asked softly.
"Yes," she muttered, "yes, that's fi—!" She stopped talking when he stroked her a little more intently, hovering precariously over him, lips parted, eyes nearly shut. He kissed her jaw and she ground her hips agitatedly into his palm, trying to find a rhythm. But it was building too quickly and she couldn't think, so Annie grasped his hand to stop him. "Wait," she panted, "not—not yet."
"Enough for you?" he mumbled jokingly, and in spite of his ignorance, she did not miss the comprehension in his hooded gaze, nor the telltale twitch of him against her thigh. She groaned, pushed his hand from her and tried to get his trousers off. He helped her, and after a few seconds of fumbling they were ready.
When he made to remove his jacket she stopped him.
"What?"
"That's a tree behind you," she said simply. Eren glanced back at the tree, grunted vaguely, and maintained a relaxed grasp on her hips, guiding her to him. Annie kissed his forehead, let her head droop, panting, to observe his reaction. He was so sensitive he almost grimaced when she took him in hand, hissed sharply when she knelt down upon him. This was slow, in contrast to the rest of it, but she was grateful because all right, maybe she hadn't been as ready as she'd thought. Her name brewed somewhere from his throat, and he dragged her to him, breath harsh, hot against her collarbone; the whole of him burned with nearly as much intensity as she did, even through his clothing.
"I'd have to kill you if you told anyone about this," she remarked, and her voice was low, raspy. "But you know that, don't you?" Eren made a hoarse sound that might've been a laugh.
So it commenced.
When she came down from it all, he embraced her, face nestled in the crook of her shoulder. There was a beautiful, hideous manifestation of liberation as she let him stroke back her hair. She stared, unseeing, into the shadows, listening to the sound of his breath. She could tell him now. She could tell him everything, and he would listen. He would probably have listened regardless, but time was short and they were only human. The irony was what kept her silent, and guilt twisted in her stomach.
"Love you, Ann," Eren mumbled, sheepish with the certainty of it.
Coward that she was, Annie only hugged him.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Screaming out from the crests of waves
You're longing to be saved
"Coldplay - Crests of Waves":https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmIgnrAt_rA
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