FicWad

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or the characters of South Park. This is a non-profit fan made story.

Copyright Claim: Story and plot of “South Park: A Parallel of a Parallel” belongs to me and me alone.

Rated M: For language, minor violence and Male X Male.

Note: There may be spelling and grammar mistakes. I am currently looking for an editor.

Pairings: ( Cartman X Kyle ) ( Stan X Wendy ) ( Craig X Tweek ) ( Kenny X Everyone )

Chapter 1: Frog Advice


“You all suck! Screw you guys I’m going home!” Cartman stormed off South Parks High’s school premises leaving his friends in bewilderment behind him.

“That’s the third time he’s walked home today with a stick up his fat ass,” commented Kyle as he watched cartman’s red coat disappear in the distance.

“Ya, we didn’t even rip on him as much as we normally do!” said Stan. “I wonder what’s eating him?”

“M thmnm hm mmarmed hmm pmrmod,” muffled Kenny.

“Dude that’s sick,” laughed Stan.



Cartman stormed into his house slamming the door behind him. “Oh, sweetie you're home again!” Called his mother Ms. Cartman from the hall.

“Mom I want Cheesy Poofs!” Hollered Carman in a huff as he marched up to his room.

“Alright snookums.”

Carman slammed the door to his room behind him. “Stupid friend’s. Stupid Kyle.” The large teen quickly began to rummage through his things. “MOM! I want some KFC too!” He hollered through his door.

“Okay hunny,” came his moms sweet voice from down stairs.

After Carman went through a pile of old clothing, a stack of framed photographs of himself and a couple of old boxes he finally found what he was looking for. Cartman sighed and picked up an old shoebox that had been crumpled and brutally battered. Quietly he made his way over to his bed and sat down on the messy sheets. He then waited patiently for the sound of his mother opening the front door and leaving before opening the box. Inside was a few hunks of green fabric and white fluff.

Eric Cartman removed the contents of the box and set them on his pillow. Then in a soft, sad, voice he said, “Clyde Frog can I talk to you?”

There was a pause then a squeaky voice escaped Cartman's lips, “Sure Eric. You’re so cool. What could be wrong with such a cool guy?”

Another pause and Eric sighed. “Well Clyde Frog I'm turning 18 in a few days and... I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean Eric?” Questioned Clyde Frog.

“Well I like… I’m getting older and… I… I... I’ve been doing a lot of thinking….” Another deep sigh escaped the large boy. “Sometimes I like women like all the other guys. Except for Craig and Tweek they are so gay! But.. Sometimes… Sometimes… Now don’t laugh at me Clyde Frog! Sometimes, I find myself liking men the same way too…” This statement followed an awkward silence.

“Eric, you’re bisexual!” Said Clyde Frog. “I thought you already knew that?”

“Well I kinda did… but I’m turning 18 and I haven’t had a relationship yet.” Eric groaned. “Stan’s gone out with Wendy for several years now, Kyle even went out with a girl once for about seven hours and Kenny has a new girl every week.”

“Well Eric, what Kenny does with girls isn’t necessarily called dating.” Commented the frog.

“I know Clyde Frog but at least he’s getting some action! I don’t know… maybe it’s because… I’m… you know… big boned?”

Clyde Frog sighed. “Erik, you're not big boned and you’ve lost a lot of weight over the last few years, so your not fat either.”

“I know, but I’m still a little chubby and the jew still calls me fat!” Erik laid down on his messy bed to try to calm his temper. “Look! I have got to have a date before my birthday! I just have to! I want to be able to say that I went out with someone before I became a man! You understand don’t you Clyde Frog?”

“Yes I do Erik but who are you going to go out with?”

“I don’t know Clyde Frog. I don’t know.”



Kyle strolled into his jewish home and shrugged off his backpack and coat. “Mom I’m home.”

“Kyle,” Sheila Broflovski called. “Welcome home. Did you have a good day?”

“Yes mom,” said Kyle as he began to make his way up to his room. “Oh yeah.” He stopped halfway up the flight of stairs. “The fat boys having his birthday party this weekend at Casa Bonita.”

Kyle watched apprehensively as his mom gave him an aggravated expression. “Kyle, you know how I feel about Eric Cartman.”

“I know, but it’s his 18th birthday,” Kyle reasoned.

“All the more reason why I think you shouldn’t go,” replied his mother. “What if they serve alcohol their?”

“Mom it’s at a restaurant. I don’t think they will allow a minor to drank.”

“Well…” Sheila took a moment to consider. “Who else is going?”

“Stan, Kenny and a couple other guys from school.”

“Oh, alright.” Kyle’s overbearing mother gave in. “Just be careful bubbe. You’re almost done with high school and I don’t want you getting into any trouble before you graduate.”

“Don’t worry mom I won’t.” He assured her.

“Good. Good night bubbe.”

“Good night mom.”

Kyle threw his backpack in a corner after entering his room and quickly opened his laptop. “Hey Stan,” he called when a chat window popped up. “So what a we killing in Monster Hunter today?”

“It has to be something quick,” said Stan as he logged into his Steam account. “Wendy want’s to video chat before she goes to sleep.”

“Ack again! Why does this keep happening?” Asked Kyle aggravated. He then started the game and began to equip new armor. “I mean what do you even video chat about?”

“Well she likes to talk to me before she falls asleep,” said Stan.

“That is so weak dude!” Kyle rolled his eye’s.

Stan moved his character into an area where a Crimson dragon lied hidden inside. “Look, if you had a girl you’d be doing the same thing. Now let’s kick some monster ass befor I have to go!”

“Okay.” Kyle sighed.



The boy’s characters killed four dragons and three dinosaurs before Stan finally said, “Alright I have to go now Kyle.”

“What?” Kyle wined. “But we were on a roll!”

Stan logged out of his character and sighed. “I know but I promised Wendy--”

“I know, I know,” Kyle cut him off. “Jesus and it’s only nine. Are you going to Cartman’s birthday this Saturday?”

“Ya, I’ll be there. Good night Kyle.”

“Alright, good night Stan.” Kyle watched Stans icon on the screen turn form online to offline. He couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed and lonely. “Jesus, this just keeps getting worse.” He thought outloud. “Uh, there's nothing to do! I’m sick of Vine and Youtube.” Kyle sighed. “Who's on Facebook? Let’s see... Oh, grate only Cartman's on.” Kyle stared at his friend’s list debating if it was worth it to talk to Cartman and if he was really that desperate. “Ah, screw it.” He hit the video call button.

“Kyle what the fuck are you video calling me for?” Said Cartman’s deep voice through Kyle's computer speakers.

“He sound about as friendly as usual.” Thought Kyle. “His voice also keeps dropping I wonder if he’s been doing it on purpose to make himself sound cooler or if that really is just his natural voice.” Kyle only hesitated for a moment before replying. “Well, you're the only one on Facebook right now.”

“I don’t see how that’s a reason to call me?” Grumbled Cartman as he took a bite out of a Cheesy Poof.

“Well then why are you even on Facebook if you don’t want to chat with someone?” Questioned Kyle.

“I was looking at my friend's list to get ideas and I was going to update my status.” Cartman took another bite of his Cheesy Poofs.

“Ideas for what?” Kyle asked, suspicious of Cartman's intentions.

“Just… nevermind. What do you want?” Cartman demanded.

“I’m bored!!!” Kyle revealed. “Do you want to play Monster Hunter?”

“Pff no,” Cartman Scoffed. “How about Mortal Kombat?”

“Ugh I’m sick of Mortal Kombat,” lied Kyle. He was actually not to good at fighting games and didn’t want to play agents Catman who played Mortal Kombat almost every day.

“Well Jesus, what do you want then?” Catman nearly growled. He was in a terrible mood and chatting to his arch nemesis, Kyle probably wasn’t the best thing to do at the moment.

“…I don’t know. Do you want to… just talk?” Suggested Kyle.

Catman stopped munching his Cheesy Poof. “Just… talk?”

“Ya… um… what all are you planning for your birthday party?”

“Well as you know Kyle, we are going to Casa Bonita so it is going to be awesome!”

“That’s cool… um…” Kyle tried to think of a topic both he and Erik could talk about. However nothing came to mind.

“This is stupid.”

“Well do you have anything better to do?”

Carman pondered for a moment then said a definite, “Yes.”

“Jesus you’ve been in such a pissy mood lately. What the hell crawled up you ass today?”

“Nothing Kyle so just butt out of it!”

“Okay, okay. Gosh, I thought you would be excited for your 18th birthday like Stan was
when he turned 18.”

“Well I am not Stan and I am very excited for my 18th birthday!”

“Oh please!” Kyle rolled his eyes. “Cartman, when you're happy you like to rub it in everyone's face but lately you’ve been totally anti social and moody. That leads me to believe that you are not happy.”

“Ugh, you're always looking for something to fix aren't you?”

“Something to fix?” Kyle questioned.

“Look” Cartman cut in. “Fine you're right, I am not happy. Their I said it. Now are we going to play a videogame or are we going to sit here and argue all night?”

Kyle sighed and gave up trying to question him. “Fine just pick something.”

“Mortal Kombat it is then.” Carman smirked.

“Whoopee,” Said Kyle in a monotone voice.

“Alright I’m going to be Tremor.” Cartman picked a large, male, ninja character.

“Fine. Then i’ll be Cassie Cage.” Kyle picked a female who held two handguns.

---Reddy Fight---

“Alright Kyle take this! Earth Pound!” Cartman’s character punched the ground causing the entire arena to shake.”

Kyle made his character jump dodging the attack. “So why are you not happy?”

“Why are you still asking about this? Fire Ball!” Cartman’s character threw a ball of fire that smacked Kyle's character in the face.

“Hey! Glow Kick!” Kyle countered with an uppercut kick sending Cartman's character flying.

“Hey!” Cartman yelled and started to smash the buttons on his controller furiously.

“I’m just curious as to why? You don’t seem to have a reason,” said Kyle.

“I do have a reason. Back Breaker!” Cartman's character used his finishing move ending the match. “Ha! I Win!”

---Game Over---

“Ugh I lost! Well then what is it?” Kyle exasperated.

Cartman settled down after his victory and took a deep breath. “I-want-to-go-out-with-someone-before-I-turn-eighteen!” He blurted out.

It took Kyle a full minute to process exactly what he had just heard. “You… want to go out with someone?”

“YES.” Cartman nearly screamed through his head set.

“Oh… actually I want to go out with someone to.” Responded Kyle in a low voice.

“...YOU DO?” Carman exclaimed!

“Ya, but I feel like all the best girls in our school are taken,” sighed Kyle sadly.

“R-rght…” Cartman muttered. He had nearly forgotten he had’t revealed his sexulaltiy to his friends yet. “Actually,” Cartman thought, “I probably won’t ever reveal that to them.”

“Hey, do you want to help each other find dates?” Suggested Kyle snaping Cartman back to their conversation.

“Pff that sounds so gay.” Carman scowled.

“Well if we work together I bet we can find some chicks. Plus it will increase your odds of getting a date before your birthday.” Kyle explained. It had been almost nine years since he last went out with a girl. “If this goes well I might be able to upstage Stan and Cartman!” Thought Kyle. “Then Stan will know how it feels to be ignored because of a girl and I get a chance to rub my hot date in Cartman's face!” Kyle smirked.

“My birthday is in four days.” Cartman reminded him.

“So, we can do it!” Encouraged Kyle.

Carman thought over his options carefully. He could try to find a date without Kyle but none of his classmates had ever shown any signs of being interested in him, therefore it would be very difficult to find someone at such short notice. On the other hand he had always noticed that males find dates easier in pairs when approaching a large group of girls. That could give him a good chance of scoring. “Alright jew you're on!”



Kenny's Dialogue: “I think he started his period.”

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! I wrote out all the dialog for this chapter first before adding in any details and I just realised this chapter looks a lot more like a script then a story. Sorry. Let me know what you think about this chapter! I love constructive criticism!