Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Not Again!

Chapter 8

by Forty_Two 0 reviews

A slight misunderstanding leads to a midnight duel.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [!!!] [V] [?] - Published: 2015-06-22 - 1576 words


Chapter 8

"Uh-oh," Harry nodded down the table to where Neville Longbottom had just received an owl. "If that package holds a Remembrall, we're going to have an interesting flying lesson today."

"How many times have you been through this?" Mary Sue whispered.

"Too many," Harry shook his head. "Draco ends up challenging me to a duel."

"Who wins?"

"No one - Malfoy doesn't show."

"Boring!" the Girl-in-Black frowned. "Maybe we'll have to shake things up a little. Remember my warning about standing up for yourself, Harry. That applies to Malfoy as well as Dumbledore."

"It's from my Gran!" Neville announced from down the table. "She's sent me my Remembrall! I guess I forgot to pack it," he blushed.


"Up!" the first-years commanded in unison. Only a few of the brooms responded. Harry and Mary Sue both smiled at the broomsticks in their hands. It was several minutes before everyone had managed the feat.

"Alright! On my signal..." Madam Hooch readied her whistle. "Longbottom!!" she shouted as the boy shot up into the air.

As expected, Neville was escorted to the Hospital Wing and Malfoy took to the air. "You want this, Potter?" the blonde held up the Remembrall. "Come and get it!" he taunted.

"Incendio!" Harry pointed his Ollivander's wand at the blonde git's broom.

At that range the spell only caused the twigs to smoke a little, but that was enough to spook Malfoy. He flung the red ball in a high arc and dove for the safety of terra firma.

"Reducto!" Mary Sue held up her Ollivander's wand like a shotgun as she fired off the spell. As the Remembrall reached the top of its arc it exploded in a puff of red smoke.

"Nice shooting!" Harry grinned as the rest of the first-years stood there goggling at the Girl-in-Black.

"I've had lots of practice," she shrugged, pocketing her wand.

"You'll pay for this, Potter!" Draco strode up holding the still-smoldering broomstick.

"Gladly! Send me the bill!" Harry smirked.

"Not for this, you idiot!" Malfoy gestured with the broom. "For attacking a pureblood!"

"Oh! Send me a bill for that, then," Harry shrugged.

Mary Sue had moved several steps away from Harry, flanking the blonde git and his two ever-present minions. A few more casual steps put her directly behind the trio.

"I could challenge you to a wizard's duel for that stunt!" Draco threatened the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Really!? They let you call yourself a wizard? Your father must have bribed someone!" Harry shot back.

"A better wizard than you, Potter! I can kick your arse all the way to the castle and back! OW!!" Draco suddenly found himself lifted bodily by the force of Mary Sue's boot connecting with his backside.

"Like that?" she smiled sweetly as Malfoy picked himself up from the ground. "I'm a professional arse-kicking instructor, should anyone require lessons," she offered, spinning around Malfoy to stand beside Harry once more.

Draco whirled around to face her, only to find a mithril sword tip in his left nostril.

"I thought you weren't supposed to stick it up noses," Harry reminded his guardian.

"Old habits are hard to break," she shrugged.

Crabbe and Goyle finally reacted to the assault on their charge. They each took a step forward, cracking their knuckles menacingly.

The sword's tip raised half an inch, causing Draco's head to tilt back at an alarming angle.

"I can handle this," Draco squeaked out as he waved off his henchmen. He was unable to talk properly due to the stretching of his throat.

"Wizard's duel, Potter," Draco continued to rasp. "You and me, tonight at midnight in the trophy room."

"I accept on Mister Potter's behalf," Mary Sue smiled, removing her sword from the lad's nose. "And I'll serve as Harry's second."

Then the sword flicked once more.

"AAAAAH!!! My EAR!!" Draco shrieked, clapping his hand to the side of his head.

"You know, that's exactly what Legolas said!" Mary Sue laughed. "Episkey!" the Girl-in-Black stemmed the flow of blood before picking up Malfoy's ear from the ground with the point of her sword. "Petrificus!" she muttered and nodded in satisfaction as she examined the severed appendage.

"You have two choices, Draco my dear," Mary Sue turned her attention back to Malfoy. "You can run off to Madam Pomfrey and never see your ear again, or you can wear a Glamour until you show up in the trophy room at midnight and reclaim this." She paused to admire the ear on the point of her sword. "A word of warning: the healing charm I used to stop the bleeding will prevent Madam Pomfrey from growing you a new ear. Her only option now is to re-attach this one. My stabilizing charm ought to keep it fresh until tomorrow morning."


"Neville!" the Girl-in-Black called across the common room after dinner that evening.

"Y-y-yes?" the pudgy boy hurried over. He'd missed the excitement during the flying lesson, having been detained in the infirmary, but he'd heard the retellings of the altercation.

"That package you received at breakfast? Do you still have the wrapping from it?" Mary Sue asked pleasantly.

Longbottom ran full speed up the stairs to his dorm and back down again, tripping only a little bit at the end. "Yes!" he held out the used packaging to Mary Sue as he stumbled toward her.

"Thank you," she smiled, sidestepping the hurtling missile and taking the wrapping paper from his hand as she stuck out her foot, sending Neville sprawling across the floor. "You need to work on your balance, Longbottom!" she called after him.

"What's that for?" Harry asked.

"To the library!" she grinned.


They didn't go to the library after all - they found an unused classroom and Mary Sue sealed the door.

"So what's it for?" Harry asked again.

"We're making a Howler!" his guardian smiled at him as she removed Malfoy's petrified ear from her pocket. "We'll stop by the trophy room in a few minutes and leave this ear, all nicely wrapped, for Draco to find. When he opens it at midnight? The Howler goes off and Filch comes running!"

"We're not going? At midnight?" Harry frowned.

"Why?" Mary Sue shrugged. "What's in it for us?"

"Honor?" Harry suggested.

"If I kill Draco, I might get expelled. If I don't kill Draco, everyone thinks I'm merely a poser. Where's my upside?"

"It's my duel! Maybe I want to fight him!" Harry said indignantly.

"Well, well, well!! Harry Potter is finally growing a pair!" the Girl-in-Black smiled in astonishment. "What's brought this on!?"

"Malfoy," Harry sheepishly admitted. "He's not all that much with an ear missing, and from now on, for me he'll always have an ear missing," he added with a guilty grin.

"Brilliant!" Mary Sue beamed at her ward, "but save your heroics for when they'll do some good. You don't want to be anywhere near the trophy room tonight at midnight."

"Why not? What else is going to happen?" Harry asked warily.

"Nothing - that I know of - but consider this: Malfoy would not have shown up if it weren't for this ear. He's all talk, but he's a coward at heart. Do you honestly think he'll arrive alone?"


"No! He'll probably bring half of Slytherin with him! And maybe even Snape. We do not want to face that."

"Okay," Harry grudgingly agreed, "but what about tomorrow morning when he tells the whole school that we were no-shows?"

"Then you can claim that your honor has been disparaged and challenge him to a public duel in the Great Hall. Dumbledore will probably not permit it, and then you're off the hook."

"But I won't get to duel Malfoy," Harry whined, er, protested.

"So what? In your mind's eye he's still missing an ear," Mary Sue reminded him.

"Right!" Harry grinned. "Let's get this Howler finished and plant it in the trophy room before curfew!"


Divination was not one of Mary Sue's strong subjects, apparently. More specifically, her clairvoyance skills were in dire need of a good brushing up.

Malfoy did not take an army with him to the trophy room - only Crabbe and Goyle, who were both sworn to secrecy and forbidden to tell anyone about what transpired there. It was good planning on Malfoy's part, because when he entered the Great Hall the following morning wearing a gauze bandage around his head and left ear, he didn't have any witnesses to contest his version of what occurred the previous night.

"Well, Potter!" Draco sauntered over past the Gryffindor table, "I see you've recovered from my curses!"

"What curses!?" Harry blinked in confusion.

"From our duel last night, of course. The one that you lost so pathetically!"

"Duel? What duel? We didn't duel last night!"

"Are you claiming that you forfeited?" Draco grinned as his ploy appeared to be working according to plan. "Are you stating that you were too cowardly to face me in a duel of honor?"

Harry's right hand came up just then, striking the left side of Malfoy's head. A blood-red ring appeared around the edge of the bandage and quickly spread throughout the gauze.

"Oops! Your ear's off again!" Harry pointed. "Probably should have that looked at!"

"AAAAAH!" Draco wailed as he fled from the Great Hall, presumably back in the direction of the Hospital Wing.

"How was that?" Harry turned to check with his legal guardian.

"Full marks, Potter!" she grinned back.

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