Categories > TV > Red Dwarf > Mango Juice
Rimmer was back in his room, getting dressed for bed, dressing down to an undershirt and boxers. “Unfreezing!?” Arnold gasped, who had a leg into his bed. He looked around his bunk, hoping to see Dave, who was not in their room. Rimmer grabbed his pants and began to stumble and jump into them as the darkness of the dim room pulsed, darkening by heartbeats.
“What are you doing, you tit?” asked Holly as Rimmer scurried around the room in an erratic manner. “It’s not like she hasn’t seen your undergarments before.”
“Yeah, but Angus and Matt haven’t,” Arnold said. Rimmer moved his hands up and down on his body. “They don’t need to see all of this!” He twisted away from the thought of his sons seeing him undressed.
Holly billowed a frantic laugh into the room. “What’s your excuse for allowing her to see that?” asked Holly, his voice was winter-cold. Holly could be a real shit-heel at times. Bloody appalling.
The woman moved towards Dave, a smile across her freckled face. “Ah, well, this lad hae tae be Dave Lista!” the woman said in a thick Scottish accent. “Oh nae, naw need tae be afraid, laddies, I’m Mrs. Rimmer! Lorna Rimmer!”
Dave chuckled to himself. He smiled and rubbed his chin. “You’re Mrs. Rimmer? Mrs. Arnold Rimmer?”
“Aye and these wee laddies are the Rimmer boys!” smiled Lorna, bringing the boys in front of her instead of letting them hide behind her. They all shared the same moon bright eyes. One of them was the spitting image of Arnold and the other…not so much. “Angus is the one who takes after me side of the faimily! Little Matt here looks just like his faither!”
“Your what? His what?” asked Cat. Cat didn’t understand Scottish dilect and words like faimily and faither threw him for a loop. “Is something wrong with your speech? Does it have to do with you being frozen?”
Dave pulled Cat away from Lorna as Matt and Angus hid behind their mother once more. “She’s Scottish, you smeghead, it’s how they talk! Be respectful,” he hissed. “You’re bloody scaring her kids.”
The door behind Dave and Cat opened and in stepped Rimmer. “L…Lorna?” he breathed, not fully beliving his wife and two sons were unfrozen, unharmed and standing in the mining ship. “M..M…Matt? A…A…Angus?”
The two boys ran up to their father, chattering excitedly like toddlers do. She wiped a tear away from her eye. Lorna gave Rimmer a shriek of surprise. “Oh, Arnie!” Lorna cried, not trying to fight tears back anymore, what was the point? Her husband was standing right there and he would wipe the tears away. Lorna ran to him, wrapping her arms around herself. “Oh, Arnie! I’ve missed you! Promise me you’ll…Arnold?”
Rimmer turned around to face his wife, who had just hugged through him to the other side. “Lorna, my love, there’s something I have to tell you,” he said. “I’m dead.”
She fell to her knees as tears came from her eyes in huge drops. Angus and Matt ran over to her, to console their mother. “Deid? My Arnie is…deid?” Lorna sobbed. The interior of this corridor smelled of stale cooking grease and felt like it. She brought both boys into a hug. Exhaustion settled over Lorna like a huge weight.
Dave placed a hand on Lorna’s shoulder. “He’s not dead…dead,” he said. Dave felt sick to his stomach to have to tell a wife and mum this news. “He’s a hologram! That’s why you can see him and talk to him! It’s just that you can’t touch him anymore…and he can’t touch you.”
“You mean, he can never hug our sons?” sniffed Lorna, tears stining her eyes. Dave shook his head. “What about our dochters?”
Dave looked at Rimmer for some help. He leaned back on his heels. “She’s pregnant, Lister,” said Arnold. Rimmer turned to Lorna. “I promise my love, to be the best holographic father and husband!”
She wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her sweater. “You boys hear that? You are not tae run through daddy!” Lorna ordered.
Arnold nodded and turned to Dave and Cat. “She keeps these boys in line,” Rimmer said. A thin moon smile rested on his lips. “And no doubt she’ll do the same with the girls once they arrive.”
“Speaking of the queans, is there a doctor on the ship? Or are they going to be birthed on earth?” asked Lorna.
“How long until your due?” asked Cat.
“Eight months.”
“Yeah, they’re going to be born on Red Dwarf,” said Cat. “And there was a doctor but like everyone else on here, but me and Dave, he’s dead.”
Lorna felt her breath catch in her throat. Lorna’s skin had become as white as wax. “Cat’s right for once,” said Rimmer. “There is no way to get back to earth in eight months and there is no doctor on this ship. I guess I’ll have to learn and birth the girls myself!”
“Great idea!” said Lister. “One thing, you’re a hologram!”
“What are you doing, you tit?” asked Holly as Rimmer scurried around the room in an erratic manner. “It’s not like she hasn’t seen your undergarments before.”
“Yeah, but Angus and Matt haven’t,” Arnold said. Rimmer moved his hands up and down on his body. “They don’t need to see all of this!” He twisted away from the thought of his sons seeing him undressed.
Holly billowed a frantic laugh into the room. “What’s your excuse for allowing her to see that?” asked Holly, his voice was winter-cold. Holly could be a real shit-heel at times. Bloody appalling.
The woman moved towards Dave, a smile across her freckled face. “Ah, well, this lad hae tae be Dave Lista!” the woman said in a thick Scottish accent. “Oh nae, naw need tae be afraid, laddies, I’m Mrs. Rimmer! Lorna Rimmer!”
Dave chuckled to himself. He smiled and rubbed his chin. “You’re Mrs. Rimmer? Mrs. Arnold Rimmer?”
“Aye and these wee laddies are the Rimmer boys!” smiled Lorna, bringing the boys in front of her instead of letting them hide behind her. They all shared the same moon bright eyes. One of them was the spitting image of Arnold and the other…not so much. “Angus is the one who takes after me side of the faimily! Little Matt here looks just like his faither!”
“Your what? His what?” asked Cat. Cat didn’t understand Scottish dilect and words like faimily and faither threw him for a loop. “Is something wrong with your speech? Does it have to do with you being frozen?”
Dave pulled Cat away from Lorna as Matt and Angus hid behind their mother once more. “She’s Scottish, you smeghead, it’s how they talk! Be respectful,” he hissed. “You’re bloody scaring her kids.”
The door behind Dave and Cat opened and in stepped Rimmer. “L…Lorna?” he breathed, not fully beliving his wife and two sons were unfrozen, unharmed and standing in the mining ship. “M..M…Matt? A…A…Angus?”
The two boys ran up to their father, chattering excitedly like toddlers do. She wiped a tear away from her eye. Lorna gave Rimmer a shriek of surprise. “Oh, Arnie!” Lorna cried, not trying to fight tears back anymore, what was the point? Her husband was standing right there and he would wipe the tears away. Lorna ran to him, wrapping her arms around herself. “Oh, Arnie! I’ve missed you! Promise me you’ll…Arnold?”
Rimmer turned around to face his wife, who had just hugged through him to the other side. “Lorna, my love, there’s something I have to tell you,” he said. “I’m dead.”
She fell to her knees as tears came from her eyes in huge drops. Angus and Matt ran over to her, to console their mother. “Deid? My Arnie is…deid?” Lorna sobbed. The interior of this corridor smelled of stale cooking grease and felt like it. She brought both boys into a hug. Exhaustion settled over Lorna like a huge weight.
Dave placed a hand on Lorna’s shoulder. “He’s not dead…dead,” he said. Dave felt sick to his stomach to have to tell a wife and mum this news. “He’s a hologram! That’s why you can see him and talk to him! It’s just that you can’t touch him anymore…and he can’t touch you.”
“You mean, he can never hug our sons?” sniffed Lorna, tears stining her eyes. Dave shook his head. “What about our dochters?”
Dave looked at Rimmer for some help. He leaned back on his heels. “She’s pregnant, Lister,” said Arnold. Rimmer turned to Lorna. “I promise my love, to be the best holographic father and husband!”
She wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her sweater. “You boys hear that? You are not tae run through daddy!” Lorna ordered.
Arnold nodded and turned to Dave and Cat. “She keeps these boys in line,” Rimmer said. A thin moon smile rested on his lips. “And no doubt she’ll do the same with the girls once they arrive.”
“Speaking of the queans, is there a doctor on the ship? Or are they going to be birthed on earth?” asked Lorna.
“How long until your due?” asked Cat.
“Eight months.”
“Yeah, they’re going to be born on Red Dwarf,” said Cat. “And there was a doctor but like everyone else on here, but me and Dave, he’s dead.”
Lorna felt her breath catch in her throat. Lorna’s skin had become as white as wax. “Cat’s right for once,” said Rimmer. “There is no way to get back to earth in eight months and there is no doctor on this ship. I guess I’ll have to learn and birth the girls myself!”
“Great idea!” said Lister. “One thing, you’re a hologram!”
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