FicWad

. ~Sophie's POV~
I hissed as i burned my finger in my hurryto close the oven and answer the phone at the same time. I dont even know why 1 was rushing. I knew it was just my husband calling to say he was gonna be home in five minutes. That's what i get when i ask him to call when he leaves the studio. Ah well, i dont complain, I mean at least he calls.
"Hi." I answered the call sucking on my finger then running under the cold tap. It hurt like hell.
"Hey hun," Benji said. "Im gonna be home in like five...ten minutes, ok?"
"Yeah, supper's ready for you." i said busying myself with bandaging my finger, basting the chicken, and telling my seven year old daughter to finish her homework so she can eat. "Damn, i burt my finger and it hurts like a bitch."
"Im sorry." He said sympathetically. Cashdogg came running up to me, my two year old waddling behind himwith my five year old's baseball.
"No no Zeke, gimme that!" I confiscated the ball, pushing the boxer off of me and stuffing the ball in his mouth. "Go put this in Sim's room. Good boy Cash." I let the dog trot off and scooped the baby in my arms. "Ok,hun, I gotta go." i told my husband. "Zeke needs a new diaper and I gotta call Sim home. I love you."
"Ok, Bye."
I frowned and hung up the phone disappointedly. I really shouldnt be so insulted he didnt say it back, but it still hurt. I sighed and dialed my next door neighbors'.
"Hey Sadie, its Sophie. Is Sim there?"
"Yea, he's watching a movie with Mark. Want me to send him home?"
"Please." I said while changing the baby's diaper. I wished he'd just be toilet trained already, but no, he had to get hiss dad'd stubbornness. These diapers were killing me.
"Sure, he'll be over in a sec."
"Thanks Sade." I hung up and picked up Zeke. "Let's go." I sighed and went to go call Tayala. "Come on Tally." I poked my head into her room where she was sitting at her desk staring into space. Yeah, she gets that from her dad. ADD to the max. "Daddy's gonna be home soon. Its supper time."
"Is Daddy gonna eat with us tonight, or is he too tired again?" She looked up at me with hopeful eyes.
"I dunno sweetness." I said truthfully. I didnt know when we'd eat as a family again. The last time we did was so long ago I was suprised the seven year old could remember. There had been a time when Benji would come home, smother us all in kisses and hugs, and wed sit at the table eating and talking. But that was almost two years ago. Now it was just me and the kids at the dinner table. Benji would come home, kisses rare, almost inexsistent,and go up to our room flippping on the tv and waiting for sme or one of the kids to bring up his dinner. Hed stay there in bed watching crap tv for hours, leaving me to clean up and get the kids to bedby myself. Then hed somehow find my dead tired, zombie looking self attractive to the slightest bit, and seduce me. Seven years of marrige and this was where we were. Even my 35 years married parents never had that. And theyre like 50!
Sometimes i would lay awake at night and wonder if maybe he was getting tired of us, of me. For a split second, i would think he was maybe having an affair or something. But I knew he wasnt. We'd have fights about his not being around, not spending time with the kids. They were basically strangers now! Only yesterday Tayala asked if I could drive her to a friend's sleepover, but i couldnt cuz i was too busy, so i told her to ask Daddy. She stayed in that night. She didnt ask Benji to drive her, cuz "its weird". That's why I had decided this morning, after eveyone was gone,it was time to talk. Cuz, whether or not we wanted to belive it, we had a problem.
I went back downstairs with my kids to see my my other son waiting patiently at the table for supper. He was so much like Benji's brother Joel, it scared me. As I watched my kids eat their dinner, not feeling too hungry myself, a little nervous about the upcoming fight.
The frontopened and shut and Benji came in."Hi evryone." he said going straight to the fridge for a drink.
"Hi daddy." the kids mummbled through mouthfuls of mashed potatoes and chicken.
"Hey Benj" I said spooning potatoes into Zeke's mouth. "How was your day?"
He shrugged taking a drink of his soda. "Eh, i dunno. It was. What about you?"
I knew he hated when i truthfully told him about my day, it probably made him feel guilty , so I stuck with the usual "Good I guess."
He nodded and turned to go upstairs.
"Momma, does Daddy loves anymore?" Sim asked.
"Of course he does!"
"So how come he doesnt say it like all the other Daddies do?" Tayala asked.
I didnt answer. I was too scared that I'll burst into tears if I did, and I couldnt cry in front of my kids. "Just eat up."i told them standing up. I made a plate of food for Benji and balanced it in my hands with a fork and knife and carried it upstairs to the master bedroom. As usual, my husband was changde into shorts and a hoodie watching tv on the big bed.
"Thanks." he said taking the plate from me. "You coming up soon?"
"Not really." I sighed tiredly. "I gotta bathe the kids and put them to bed, then cleanup the kitchen and put away leftovers and shit." I told him stiffly, biting back the urge of spitting out "You could help though, you know!"
But I was met with: "Why do you always wear that old shit?" he motioned to my faded Hard Rock Cafe tshirt, sweatpant cutoffs and flip flops.
"Because Benji," I said slowly trying to mask the growing anger in my voice. "I have alot of syuff to doo during the day and getting dressed up would be stupid and pointless."
He didnt say anything, but kept eating and watching tv. I forced myself not to slap him or cryand took a deep breath, making my way back downstairs. I bathed the kids and managed to get their stubborn asses to bed, then started on the kitchen. I cleared up and did the dishes mummbling stupidity to myself.
Finally, i locked up,switched off all the lightsin the house and trudged back upstairs to my room. I made my way into the bathroom without Benji blinking an eye at my presence. As I showered, the hot water comforting me in a way, the couch potato himself decided to join me. I felt him wrap his tatooed armsaround my waist and suck on my neck. I just pulled out of his grip and stepped out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel.
"Wha-?"
I ignoredhim and went to get into pajamas. i pulled on my pants and a tshirt and brushing my hair when Benji came out, showered and dressed.
"What the fuck is your problem?" he asked.
"Nothing." I shrugged indifferently.
"What nothing? Did you just... did you see what you did?"
Again I ignored him and got into bed.
"Sophie, whats wrong with you?"
"Im fucking tired Benji, ok? Ive been up since 6 am."
"So have I!"
"Yea, but i wasnt sitting on my ass all day playing guitar and hanging out with my friends." I shot back.
"Whatre you talking about? I sit on my ass all day? And what do you do, Mrs "Im a stay at home mom"?" he mocked rolling his eyes.
"Dont you dare!" I hissed. " You have no idea what the hell I do all day. So dont even try. I slave my ass oaway taking care of your house and kids, and for what? For shit, thats what! Cuz the only thanks ive gotten in monthshave been from Tayal, Sim and even Zeke." Benji was silent, so I continued. "Im a fucking houswife, Benji." I spat. "Me, Sophie Masika. Do you even know what i wanted to do with my life?"
"YOu wanted to be a music teacher or something." he said in a bored tone. I almost laughed out in disbelief.
"No Madden, i wanted to be a music therapist." I told him obnoxiously. "But i never even been to school for that. Hell, i didnt even finish college!"
"Who's fault is that?" he asked in defense.
"I dunno, who got me pregnant smartass?"
"Oh, so this is my fault? your life sucks because of me?"
I tried so hard not to cry ion front of him, but i couldnt help the tears from sliding down my face anyways from the cold tone of his voice. "Tally had a sleepover party at a friends house last night." I said throatily.
"And this is relevent how?"
"I couldnt take her cuz i had fifty thousand other things to do, so I told her to ask you."
"SHe didnt asked me any such thing." he shrugged.
"I know. She didnt want to bother you. She said itwas weird to be alone with you. So she stayed home ansd missed her best freind's party."
"Well, its her own fault." he said. "She shouldnt be so stubborn. Thats definately your genes." Wrong! Genius, its yours!
"You dont get it do you?" I said in disbelief. "How thick are you? Your daughter's weirded out about being alone with you cuz she's shier around you than anyone else we know. Your son asks me every night if you love him, and I have to lie and say of course, when I myself am not so sure. And your baby thinks your brother is his daddy. I dunno Benj, but if you ask me, id say theres something wrong with this picture, Dont you?"
"And you?" he whispered.
"Me? What about me? Im just the housekeeper slash fuck buddy. You dont love me anymore, youre bored and tired of me."
"Thats not true." He breathed.
"Realy? Then if you love me so much, why havent you noticed that Ive got an eating disorder, or that Ive been seeing a therapist lately, or that I havnt worn my rings in months? If you care so much, why havnt you proved it in two years?"
"I..." He was speechless.
"I spoke to a lawyer." I said quietly reaching onto my night table and taking a folder into my hands, and giving it to him nervously. He looked at me, then opened the folder looking down at it.
"No fucking way..."He breathed. "This....this is bullshit. Youre not serious, are you?"
"Dead serious."I whispered.
""But...I...I love you." he whimpered, looking like he was gonna cry. I clenched my fists, begging myself notto run into his arms and kiss him."I...youre my wife, the mother of my children. YOu cant leave me. If you leave, the kids go with you, and you guys are all i have. You cant be serious about this."
"I am." I said not looking at him.
"CAnt..cant we go to marrige counseling or something? Try and fix this?" His brown eyes pleaded with me.
"Benji, we cant fix something so destroyed. We cant live like this anymore. With the false hope that things'll be like they used to and we could be a loving family again. It hurts too much when it doesnt happen."
"But what if I change? I can change. I can make it right."
"No you cant."
"But what about you? You still love me. I know you do."
He was right of course, I still loved the bastard for some stupid reason. I guess cuz i kew that deep deep down he still loved me.
"I just... I thinkmaybe this wasnt right." I sighed in aggrivation. "We were young and in love and we made the mistake of acting on impulse. I was pregnant, so we got married."
"It cant be wrong though. I love you, youre my life. youre the only one who can possiblymake me whole. And Tayala and Sim and Zeke. I love them so much. Please can we try to work this out? PLease, Im begging you."
"I dunno, I have to think."I said almost dying from exhaustion. "Ive gotta sleep.Im fucking exhausted. I shouldnt have started this now." I crawled under the covers and shut off my lamp. I felt him get into bed next to me and wrap me up in his colorful arms like usual, but I wriggled out of his grip. He sighed and turned his back to me, cursing himself. I swear I heard a soft sob and it broke my heart. It took all I had in me not to turn around and collect him in my arms and kiss him up, promising him that we'd be gine and that I loved him. But sleep took me and I was away in dream land.