FicWad

This story was inspired by 'Hard To Say' by The Used, so I gave the lyrics too. So, other than that, read, please review, and enjoy!

The Used
"Hard To Say"
The singer finished singing and she's walking out
The singer sheds a tear, her fear of falling out
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

My worries weigh the world, how I used to be
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

Worse than a fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before
Worse than a fear it's the knife
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, I'm not the same
It's hard to say (God, it's hard to say)
Since you've been gone,
I'm not the same

1

"I'm not lying to you! God I don't know what's gotten into you lately. It's like your paranoid or something Joel!" Lacie shouted. She paused. What? Say it! Say what ever you're gonna say! That I'm an asshole, a bastard! That I'm like my father, that you fucking hate me. Say what ever you plan to say to hurt me and get it over with so we can move on and get past this stupid ass fight! She looked down, and I knew she was holding back tears. She didn't want me to know, but I could tell. We'd been together to long for me not to.

"And...I-I don't thing this is going to work anymore" she said softly.

That cut. That cut into me like the dullest knife on the toughest skin. It surprised me. It scared me. It hurt me. Most of all, it infuriated me.

"Well maybe it won't!" I shouted. I knew I shouldn't have said that. That I should have apologized, hugged her and kissed her, but I couldn't help it. It's just what came out. "Maybe you should just leave right now and forget I ever existed. That's what you want to do right?" Stop! Stop yelling! Stop saying shit you're going to regret in the morning!

"That is not what I want to do," she said in her shaky, 'please don't do this to me' voice that I've grown to know so well in these past months. "I love you Joel, but I can't keep having you accuse me of doing things you know I didn't and can't do."

God we're too young for this. I was eighteen and she was only seventeen. We didn't need this soap opera drama bullshit. But she was right. I knew she couldn't cheat on me. I knew she wouldn't even think of it. But God, what was I supposed to think? She sees this Tyler guy more than me, who may I add; I've never even met.And yeah, I know some of it's because of this whole band thing, but I'm just trying to fulfill my dreams and I thought she understood that. At least she did when Benj and I started it. She was so happy and willing to do anything for us. Hell, she even got us our first gig in her cousin's basement. But now, it's like she thinks we're not gonna make it, like she's given up on us.

"Joel..." she started. She wanted a reply. Ok, now's the chance to apologize, to tell her she was right and you were wrong and that you love her too. Say it!

Nothing came out. It was as if my lips were stapled shut and my tongue was made of cement. Her tears finally emerged from her eyes and fell down her cheeks leaving the saddest trails I'd ever seen.

Why was I doing this too her? Why was I making her cry for the bizillionth time this month? Why was I putting her heart in a blender?

She took three steps, erasing the space between us, and kissed my cheek. I took an unsteady breath and looked up. My fear was confirmed when I saw her once bright blue eyes now seemed almost gray. I took her hands and leaned in to kiss her. She looked down right before our lips touched. I tried my best to keep my chin from quivering, though I'm not sure it worked to well. I bit my tongue, so hard to the point it was bleeding a little, hoping that it helped. She couldn't know I was weak. I had to be strong.

She pulled away, heading toward the door. I kept her hand. No. She can't leave. Not now, not ever. Please, God, don't let her leave. I tried to tighten my grip, but my hands felt numb. My whole body felt numb. She pulled her hand away and walked out my front door, taking one last look back at me before she shut it. I knew then she wasn't gonna come back. I let go of my tongue and bit my lip. Despite my efforts to keep them at bay, the dam broke and the tears came pouring out. My knees gave and I fell to the floor against the wall. I pulled my knees to my chest and covered my head with my arms, they way they teach you to do in school incase of a tornado. This was one hell of a tornado all right. I clawed at my head, pulling out strands of hair in doing so. I feel like a drug addict going though DTs.

"Oh God Joel" I heard Benji say. I looked up and he was rushing off the stairs and toward me.

He got to my side and took me in his arms and started rocking me back and forth. I turned into a blubbering ball of worthless human and cried into his chest.

"She's gone" I choked. "She's gone" That was all I could manage to repeat.

"She'll come back Joel, she has before"

"She's gone"