FicWad

What have I gotten myself into? Nothing short of a lot of trouble, that's what.

What have I done? What was I thinking? Oh sure, just go ahead and blindly promise something without even knowing what it is that I'm promising, that's just great.

But... it was Mariku who asked it of me. So of course I would blindly agree to whatever he asks, because love blinds one's sensibilities. Right? I really would rather believe that than believe that I am an idiot entirely of my own accord, though the latter is quite possibly true.

Of course, while I am going positively crazy over this, Mariku seems perfectly content at the moment-and why shouldn't he be? After all, he has gotten me to promise to come out with it by the end of the day. It's not like he's got the weight of five years' worth of brooding crumbling down around him.

I'm not bitter at him, really I'm not. I'm just... frustrated. Why couldn't I have just asked what it was that he'd wanted me to promise rather than blindly agreeing beforehand? Why? Am I really so blindly infatuated with him?

...Do I really need an answer to that?

I sigh, but I doubt he notices it. It seems like everything is bound to come out today... I had intended to tell him eventually, but not today, not on the day of my arrival. I need time to sort all of this out in my head. Five years may seem like plenty of time, but it really isn't when all your senses become rearranged in less than twenty-four hours.

In some ways, it is difficult to believe that today has progressed the way in which it has so far, while in other ways, it is not so difficult to believe. I have no doubts by this point that Dorobou had at least informed Yuugi and the others that my reason for returning to Domino involved Mariku, or at the most, explained to them how my return concerned Mariku. If the latter is the case, I am going to make certain that the next several years of Dorobou's life are quite miserable-and yes, I am feeling rather vindictive.

As for the events following the gathering with the others, I had not expected Mariku to wish to accompany me back to the apartment. Nor had I expected to learn how my leaving before had hurt him... though perhaps I should have. Maybe I would have, had I not been so caught up in my own troubles, my troubles that ended up causing trouble for him.

I really have been so selfish. Perhaps this is some form of divine justice, that Mariku should be the one to open my eyes to the gravity of a decision I had made so lightly. Or maybe I'm just being delusional and it was bound to happen sooner or later, regardless of who brought me to the point of realization.

At this point, my thoughts are abruptly brought to a halt as I ever so gracefully walk into Mariku, who has stopped walking without warning in front of the Domino theater. I mumble a quiet apology, but he doesn't seem to be paying much attention, as his eyes are riveted to a poster. I peer around his shoulder to read the title of the advertised movie-/Ju-On: The Grudge./ I suppose they must have brought it back to the theaters for a while because of the recent release of the American version. (1)

I really hope that he doesn't want to see that, but given the way he is looking at that poster with absolute fascination, I have a feeling that he does.

"Let's see this, Bakura-kun!"

I must take a moment to stare at him as if he has grown a second and third head, which he may well do any moment now for all I know. Perhaps five years can be detrimental to one's memory, but I am positive that not even he could forget how completely terrified I am of horror films. After all, I very nearly had a heart attack when he tried to convince me to see Ringu with him several years ago. (2) Surely he wouldn't have forgotten that?

Though now I can't help but believe he must have forgotten, as he has not even waited for a response from me concerning his choice of film before taking hold of my wrist and entering the theater with me in tow. But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if this were a form of torture he has decided to put me through in some twisted act of vengeance.

Actually, that's a lie-I can't imagine Mariku willfully torturing anyone, not after the ordeal with his dark persona during Kaiba's Battle City.

It seems as though I may be lying to myself about a number of things lately.

I feel rather tempted to ask Mariku if he actually did forget that mess with trying to get me to see Ringu those years ago, but for some reason, I refrain from doing so. Maybe it's because I'm afraid he really did forget. Maybe I'm afraid to learn what else he might have forgotten over the course of the past few years. Maybe I'm afraid to learn that I might have forgotten some things...

But right now, I can hardly think of anything other than that I'm just afraid of having to sit through this film.

Once Mariku has chosen our seats, I return to openly staring at him-though this is mostly to avoid looking at the screen. "Mariku-kun..."

He doesn't look at me; his eyes are fixated on the still-dark screen as he speaks. "I didn't see this movie when it first came out. I'm glad it's being run again... and I'm glad I'm seeing it with you, Bakura-kun."

I try very hard to keep a blush from spreading across my face. Although, since we are in a dark theater, I'm not sure if there is really a point to this. Again I find myself taking an opportunity to avoid looking at the screen, but this time rather than stare at Mariku I look for the closest possible exit, should I need it-though it would probably be more appropriate to say when I need it.

Before I can find such an exit, the projector comes to life; the screen reflects a chilling light, and I can feel a trail of goose bumps race across my skin.

It really doesn't help my situation that, at this moment, Mariku shifts his arm onto the armrest next to mine and takes my hand in his own-an action at which I cannot help but flinch. "It won't be that bad," he whispers. I'm sure that he means for this to be reassuring, but I do not feel reassured in the slightest. In fact, I now feel even more nervous.

Is it any surprise that I find myself racing out of the theater within ten minutes of the beginning of the film?

"Bakura-kun!" Oh God, why is he following me? He should have just stayed and watched the rest of the movie. I would have been perfectly content to wait for him outside. Yet here he is, standing before me with a concerned expression. "I'm sorry... I should have known better than to expect you to sit through that."

"It's fine, Mariku-kun. Don't worry about it."

He shakes his head. "No, it's not fine. I shouldn't have assumed that you would have changed... It's not like I'd forgotten about your reaction to Ringu." Then why did you take me to see this, of all things? "I guess... I just expected you to be different from how you had been those years ago. I shouldn't have done that... I'm sorry."

But he's right-I am different. At least in some ways, though not all, as is apparent in my reaction to horror films. But I must be different, otherwise I wouldn't have returned to Domino. A different me from the person I am now left this place... though that other me was not so very different from who I am now. Still, there are some differences, some changes I've gone through, no matter how minute they are. It's typical for humans to change, as it's part of our nature to do so. "It's normal to expect change, Mariku-kun. You didn't do anything wrong."

As his eyes meet my own, I can tell that he isn't particularly convinced of this, so I attempt to change the subject. "Is there anywhere else you would like to go?"

A contemplative expression crosses his face for a fleeting moment before he smiles. "Actually, there is." He reaches out for my hand, and this time I manage not to flinch.

It's funny how it was so difficult for me just to return, yet it seems as though it is-no, not just seems, but really is-even more difficult to be in direct contact with him. Before, I could simply tell myself that I was being foolish, that there was no reason for me to worry so much when I did not even know if he would be here... but now that I am here, and he is here... things just manage to get so much more complicated.

It's silly. The reason for my return was based on some silly hope that he might possibly return my affections-and now that we are actually in one another's presence, my body wants nothing more than to run far away as quickly as possible. This is probably because I am being driven crazy by not knowing how to interpret every little thing he does. Like when he holds my hand. Such an innocent gesture than could possibly be taken as something more...

I really need to stop thinking so much about this.

I return from my moment of silent musing to find that he has led me to an ice cream place that we had been to a number of times in the past with Yuugi and the others.

"I hoped that maybe I could make it up to you by getting ice cream."

Make it up..? Oh, that's right-he is still convinced that he was the one at fault with the movie catastrophe, even though it was my fault more so than his. "You didn't have anything to make up to me..." His face falls slightly, so I continue nervously, "But ice cream is always an appreciated treat!"

He beams happily. "You can pick a table while I go order."

As we temporarily go separate ways, I mentally smack myself. I'm not quite sure why I am doing so at this point, but I am certain that I must deserve it for something or other. Or maybe I'm just going insane. That would explain a lot.

I sit at the nearest empty table and sink into a chair. I don't really think I'm going insane... I am definitely suffering an immense degree of mental stress, there is no doubt of that, but I am not losing my mind. At least, not entirely... I don't think I am. Am I?

But then again, who am I to judge any difference between sanity and insanity? To do so would, in itself, be insanity-wouldn't it?

I think I'm going to stop this train of thought right now before I end up with an enormous headache.

"What are you thinking about?" I blink up at Mariku as he slides into the seat across from me and places our orders on the table.

"Is it really so obvious that I have something on my mind?"

He offers a small smile. "You just seemed to be thinking on something so heavily; I was worried you might implode. If it's about that promise... don't worry about it for now. Just try to enjoy the present moment, Bakura-kun."

What is life, if nothing but present moment built on top of present moment? What he says makes sense, but it's so hard not to let my mind drift ahead to that inevitable time when I will have to tell him. "That's a difficult thing to ask of me, Mariku-kun."

I finally look down at the ice cream Mariku had placed in front of me, and I can't help but smile-chocolate marshmallow swirl. It's obvious he notices my expression as he says, "I guess some things really don't change over time."

"I'm surprised you remembered."

"Are you really that surprised?"

"...No, not really." The truth is, I'm glad he remembered. It means he couldn't really have forgotten all that much since those years ago... I admittedly was worried when I thought he had forgotten about my issues with horror films, and that worry hadn't truly been calmed when he said that he had expected a change.

Is it normal for one simple thing-one order of chocolate marshmallow swirl ice cream-to lift one's spirit so high?

But then again, I guess normal doesn't really matter as much as the simple things do.




Notes:

(1) Ju-On: The Grudge was released in 2002; the English version of The Grudge was released in 2004.

(2) Ringu was released in 1998.